One Headlight
by A Sideways Smile
Summary: Pony and Johnny weren't the only ones dealing with the repercussions of killing a Soc. What consequences must the entire gang face while the boys are on the run?
1. Mercy

**Author's Note:** We're finally back. _One Headlight _is our follow up to _Tender is the Night _and _Front Page Drive-In News_, and it coincides with the events in the book. Any advice/criticism is more than welcome! We have the majority of the story written already, so updates should - fingers crossed - be on a fairly regular basis.

**Oh, and the mandatory disclaimer:** We don't own _The Outsiders_ or the song 'Mercy' by Duffy.

**ETA: **Sorry guys, we messed up the date when we originally posted the story. Just goes to show how excited we were to post this first chapter. ;)

_

* * *

_

_I don't know what you do,_  
_But you do it well,_  
_I'm under your spell_

**September 17, 1966**

Ellie tried to count to ten. Closing her eyes, she started counting. If she made it to ten, he would be too far away to catch up. He was mad after that Soc threw the Coke in his face, and she wondered if he was acting the way he was to try and make her jealous. He did things like that, probably because he knew that it worked. She was on her feet by the count of seven, and so were Pony and Johnny. They were moving up a row to sit by the girls, but she just stood in front of her chair.

Pony turned around in his seat and nodded toward the empty seat by Johnny. She shook her head.

"I'm gonna go make sure he doesn't do something to get himself back in the cooler," she said.

Pony gave her an aggravated look and then turned back around. She did her best to ignore it and started after Dally.

"Hey, Ellie," she heard Johnny call.

He was smiling smugly. Cherry was staring at the movie screen, but Marcia was looking at her looking somewhat amused.

"What?" she asked.

"Told you it'd be less than a day," Johnny said.

Johnny was grinning like a proud fool despite what had just happened with Dally. She stuck her tongue out at him and tried to hide her embarrassment.

"That mean you won that bet?" Pony asked Johnny, a grin back on his face.

"I'm not _back_ with him. I'm just going to make sure he's okay," she said. "It ain't any of your business anyway."

She heard Pony and Johnny laughing as she walked away.

XXX

Fucking Johnny. Dally didn't know who that kid was hanging out with to get so mouthy. That kid was afraid of his own shadow after those Socs got a hold of him. Where did he get the balls to tell Dally to back off? He wasn't going to hurt the broad, just see how much he could embarrass her. She was a looker, but Dally sure as hell knew that she was probably more a tease than anything.

When Ellie caught up to him, he wasn't sure if he was surprised or not.

"Speaking of teases," he muttered.

She gave him that look like he knew she would.

"Where are you going?" she asked. She was out of breath.

"Why?" he asked.

He purposely started to walk faster. She kept up.

"Just wondering," she answered.

"I'm aimin' to get to Buck's before Shepard shows up. He'll be lookin' for me."

She nearly stopped walking when he said that, so he slowed down a bit to let her catch up to him.

"Why?" she asked.

Dally studied her for a minute and he tried to add up her reactions to what Steve had said. He hadn't said much, just that Shepard really blew it with her.

"I slashed his tires. Broke my fucking blade when I did it, too."

Dally had already been aiming to fuck around with old Tim when he blew the cooler, but slashing the tires on that fancy new Charger was too much fun. And apparently he deserved it, which was an added bonus.

"He just got that car. Probably stole it, but still." Her voice trailed off considerably.

He let it go. He was more interested in seeing why she was hanging around him. He didn't ask her to follow, and she didn't say a word when he mentioned he was heading to Buck's. He wasn't going back toward their neighborhood, and yet she was still tagging along.

Standing on the edge of the road he watched for cars heading their way. A pair of headlights were zooming up the road, and he stuck his thumb out.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hitchin' a ride. What's it look like?"

The car zoomed on by. "Prick," he muttered. "You know if Buck is throwin' a party tonight?"

She shrugged as she stared at her shoes. She was digging a ditch with her toes. He noticed she dressed more like she used to before she went and tried to impress Tim. Her hair was even pulled back in a ponytail rather than curled and down. In a way, he liked her better with a little bit of modesty. He smirked to himself. It made the whole thing more interesting between them.

"Maybe. I heard he won big in the rodeo last weekend. He might be blowin' that cash tonight," she said. "You gonna ride for him again? Might be good if he actually won that money honestly."

"Ain't got nothin' better to do."

Another car was coming up the road, and he stuck his thumb back out. This time the car pulled over. The passenger in the car rolled the window down and looked out. It was one of Buck's stable hands who sometimes rode in the rodeos.

"Hey, Ernest," Dally said, leaning on the door.

"Boy, whatcha doin' outta jail? Thought they were puttin' you away for good this time," Ernest said with a laugh. The guy was missing so many teeth, it wasn't even funny.

Dally glanced back at Ellie who raised an eyebrow. He laughed himself. "Not this time," he replied.

"Where you headed?"

"Up to Buck's. Give us a lift?" Dally asked.

Ernest looked back and leered at Ellie and then looked at Dally.

"I think we can manage that," he said.

Dally looked back at her and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Comin', dollface?" he asked, soft enough so only she could hear.

A little smile, a quick look back and she crawled in after him.

XXX

The two cowboys dropped them in the gravel lot at Buck's and kept going. They said they had to be at the stables, but Ellie couldn't figure out why they needed to go when it was dark. She didn't really care, though, as long as she was out of their car. The guy Dally had talked to kept looking back at her.

And now she was back at Buck's. There really weren't enough words to describe how much she didn't like the place, and even fewer to describe why she kept coming back.

Dally slapped the roof of the car, waving off the two cowboys as he joined her. He took her wrist in his hand and started pulling her toward the door. A car horn stopped them short, though.

Dally whipped around, letting go of her as the car pulled to a stop. Tim got out of the passenger side of Todd Howell's car, and Ellie looked down at her shoes, avoiding those dark eyes at all costs. In the last two months she'd stayed as far from him as she could. He must have been doing the same because they never once crossed paths, and their side of town wasn't all that big.

"I know you slashed my tires," Tim said.

The car door slammed and his boots crunched on the gravel. She looked up and caught his glance. His face was stony and hard to read as ever, but she could hear exactly what he was thinking when he saw her with Dally. _That was fast._

"What tires? I don't even have a blade," Dally said.

Ellie backed up and leaned against the rails of the porch steps as people started trickling out of the roadhouse. Patrons of Buck's just seemed to know when a fight was about to happen. No one announced it, but here they came anyway. It was a sight to be sure, and one she didn't really miss all that much. Dally and Tim squared their shoulders at one another, and there was a crowd to watch. She stayed as far back as she could, and it didn't take long before she couldn't see a thing. She could hear well enough, and she flinched involuntarily when she heard the sound of punches being thrown.

Finally, people started moving out of her way. Neither looked any worse for the wear, even though Dally was picking himself off the ground and dusting himself off. Tim was flexing his hand and shaking his arm like it hurt. He caught her gaze again, and she looked away quickly. For months she'd been telling herself she was fine, and for the most part she was, but occupying the same space as him suddenly made her very uncomfortable.

"Three months in and I can still whip you, Shepard," Dally taunted.

Ellie groaned to herself and stopped and waited. They were going to go at it again at this rate.

Tim shoved him and the whole thing started over. Dally had probably been waiting on fighting him since the day he went in. He was swinging vicious punches, but so was Tim. Dally knocked Tim back into Todd's car and kneed him in the groin.

They kept it up but the way she saw it, it ended in a draw. Neither one of them would have fallen first, and neither one would have stayed down.

"Fuck with my car one more time, and I swear I will run you over with it," Tim warned him.

"You can't do shit until you've got tires, Shepard," Dally said.

Tim flicked him off and rejoined Todd and the other guys from his gang. Ellie didn't realize she was breathing funny until she could finally take a deep breath again. She hoped like hell he was leaving.

"What a pussy," Dally mumbled.

He turned around and seemed to finally notice she was standing there. She set her hands on her hips and tried to act normal even though she was shaking on the inside.

"Thanks for showin' a girl a good time," she said, trying to sound sassy but coming off weak to her own ears.

He grinned and walked up to her. His hand slid around her waist and he leaned down like he was going to try and kiss her. Ellie pushed him away and stood back from him.

"Why do you run so hot and cold all the goddamn time?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes and started inside without him, hellbent on finding a phone.

"Hey, hey, hey now," he said, reaching out and grabbing for her again. He gave her arm a gentle tug and pulled her close to him. "What're you doin'?"

"Callin' for a ride," she told him. Even if she missed him while he was jailed, he still drove her up a wall sometimes.

His grip was soft as he ran his fingers slowly up her arm. He cupped her cheek and leaned down again to kiss her. She let him this time.

When he pulled away, he said, "This didn't take too long."

She punched him in the shoulder and started for the door again.

"What is it with all of you?" she huffed.

XXX

Inside it was nuts. Wall-to-wall people, all dancing and drinking and having a damn good time. If his ribs hadn't just got kicked in, he might have felt like joining in, but instead, he felt sick. Ellie didn't look like she even wanted to be there, which annoyed him because she tagged along herself.

He didn't fail to notice all of the people that watched him when he walked in, one of which was Sylvia. Groaning inwardly at the thought of having to put up with her, he took Ellie's hand again and started leading her toward the stairs. He barely had the energy to put up with her. He didn't have it in him to deal with Sylvia.

"What are you doing?" she asked. She almost sounded frantic.

"Goin' upstairs. What's it look like?" he asked.

"We just got here," she said, looking around. "Let's hang out or something."

She tugged on his hand trying to get him to move back, but he groaned and winced as she did so. Shepard was going to be lucky Dally didn't take a pipe to the windows next time.

"Hey Winston. What's Tulsa's finest thinkin' lettin' you out?"

Dally grinned and shook hands with one of Two-Bit's poker buddies.

"I don't know, man," he said. "I like to think they just can't handle me no more."

"They've probably got bets on the table on how long it'll take 'fore you're picked up again," he said.

Dally couldn't remember the guy's name to save his life, but he liked him okay. He liked him even more when he ordered two beers and handed him one.

"Enjoy it. See you at poker some night," he said.

"Yeah, I'll see if I can make it," Dally replied.

He nodded toward Ellie and winked at Dally.

"Have a good night," he said, walking away.

Ellie looked beyond embarrassed with as red as her face was turning. He nudged her a little and she looked up at him and said nothing. Leaning down close, he whispered in her ear, "You don't look like you're having a bit of fun. Let's just go up."

She was jumpy as hell and he was trying to be sweet enough to get her upstairs. That was half the battle.

"I don't feel like it right now," she said. "Besides, we just got here."

She had both of her hands clasped around one of his, and he was stroking her arm with his thumb in soft, slow circles. Anything it took to just get her up there. Behind him, he could feel Sylvia staring. He could almost hear her counting the minutes it was taking to get anywhere with Ellie. She was probably laughing, too.

The door to the bar opened again, and they both looked up. Tim and three or four of his gang walked in, Tim glared at him and Dally glared back.

"Okay," she said, quickly.

That caught him off guard. He looked at her, confused.

"What?"

"Let's go," she insisted.

He set his hand on her forehead.

"You feelin' alright?" he asked.

She batted his hand away and started for the stairs herself.

"I changed my mind, okay? Let's go," she said.

Something had just sparked her sudden interest. He looked up at Tim, who was looking in their direction. She was almost pushing him toward the steps, her back to Tim.

"Whatever you say, babe."

Her nails were digging into his hand as he pulled her through the crowd and toward the steps. Christ, something got to her, and he had a feeling it had everything to do with Tim walking through the door. He was going to let it go, though, at least for the time being. He had way more important things to deal with at this moment. And they were all below his belt.

_I don't know what this is,_  
_But you got me good,_  
_Just like you knew you would._


	2. Hard to Say

**Author's Note: **_The Outsiders_ belongs to SE Hinton and "All For You" belongs to Sister Hazel.

We also wanted to point out that we jumped the gun in the last chapter and messed up the dates. It should be all better now. Just didn't want anyone thinking we were going to start playing around with time or anything. :)

Oh, and PS: Thanks so much for the reviews! We appreciate them so so so so much, and we're going to try our best to reply to questions and things like that. We're so glad you guys enjoyed the first chapter.

* * *

_There's been times, I'm so confused,_  
_All my roads, they lead to you,_  
_I just can't turn and walk away._

**September 17, 1966**

She closed the door behind her and leaned up against it. Sucking in deep breaths she tried to forget about Tim downstairs. This was all so new and she felt like she had to worry about it all at once. She'd done everything she could to steer clear of Tim since everything that happened after Monty died, and in one night she'd run into him twice. And now she was alone with Dally.

Across the room Dally slid the window open and she was immediately wrapped in a chilly breeze. Even though his back was to her, she could see the smug smile on his face in her mind. He knew she would freeze half to death. He sat heavily on the bed, yanking his shirt off before he lay down and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He must have been reeling a bit from the fight to want to come upstairs so fast when a few people had already offered to buy him a drink. She watched him, puzzled that he wasn't trying to grope her at that moment.

"Come here," he said, still laying down.

There were butterflies in her stomach, but she stood frozen in place. He got out of jail a lot sooner than she expected, but things were still happening just the way she knew they would. She knew that the second he came back around that she'd end up with him again. She'd been following him around like a love sick puppy all night long. She knew that she should know better, too.

It must have been a long silence because he sat up and looked at her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, baffled.

Ellie shrugged and stood where she was. She knew what he was going to try if she went over to him and frankly, she wasn't ready to go that far with him right then. Stolen kisses were one thing, but it was a lot harder to give into him completely all over again. The hurt - and then some - was still there.

When she still didn't say anything, he added, "You're the one who followed me here. I was set on leavin' you at the movies with Pony and Johnny."

"I know," she defended, feeling embarrassed.

"So come here."

She still didn't move.

"I'll go call Darry to come pick your ass up and get Sylvia up here," he said.

She knew what he was doing, and it was working. Briefly, she remembered trying to beat the hell out of Sylvia over Dally. It wasn't exactly a good memory, but she wasn't about to let Dally just go back to her.

"You wouldn't," she said, not so sure she believed that.

"Then come here and you won't have to find out," he said with a smirk.

He was in a good mood for just getting his ribs bashed in. Maybe it was because he was fresh out of jail or maybe because he thought he was going to get lucky. She hesitated long enough to switch the lock on the door and then crossed the room to the bed. He was still sitting up and he set his hands on her waist when she was close enough.

"Come here," he said, pulling her down with him.

It was far too easy to just pick up where they left off, despite everything that had happened in between. She kissed him back just as deeply. His hands moved from her face and back down to her hips. She could feel him gathering her skirt up in his hands. He was getting too friendly and she sat up, pulling away from him and removing his hands from beneath her skirt.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, sweet talking her.

"Nothing," she said, trying to convince herself of just that.

She was straddling him and he sat up, wrapping his arms around her back and trying to pick up where she'd broken the kiss. She felt like she couldn't breathe, he was so close, but this wasn't that take your breath away kind of feeling. It was suffocating. She turned her head and tried pushing him away, but he wrapped his arms tighter around her. He wasn't responding to her shoving so she aimed right at his sore ribs. He stopped this time and fell backward on the bed gasping a little.

"Christ, what did Shepard do to you?" he asked. "Shit."

She stared at him for a moment as she relived that night in Monty's car with Tim. She shrugged it off just as fast and said, "Don't worry about him."

He laughed. "I fucking knew it was bullshit between you two. Who broke it off?"

She smiled in spite of herself, wondering how he managed to wait almost a whole day to ask her that.

"I did," she told him.

"Did he cry?" he asked, smirking.

She nudged him in the ribs again and sassed, "If it was bullshit, why would he cry?"

"'Cause Shepard's a pansy ass. I heard how fucked up he got after what's his face got himself killed."

"Monty," she informed him solemnly. "And you can't blame him for it."

She couldn't believe she was even having this conversation with him. She had limited her contact around Tim as much as she could over the last couple of months, and until earlier, she hadn't made eye contact with him since Monty's funeral. And here she was sticking up for him because Dally was making fun of him. It just didn't sit right with her.

Desperate to change the subject, she started to talk over his next line to bash Tim, saying, "So you really got out for good behavior?"

"I shit you not," he answered, lighting up a cigarette and resting a hand on her thigh. She let it stay there as long as he didn't get fresh with her.

"How does slashing Tim's tires fit into good behavior?" she asked.

"It's _Shepard_. It's my job to fuck his shit up," he explained, smugly. "I can't help it if he lets his shit sit around without watching it."

She smiled and shook her head. He was crazy to be sure.

"I'm glad you're back," she said, blushing as she did so. She was sure Dally liked nothing more than her almost openly admitting that she missed him. He had the smug grin to prove it.

"You're so full of it," he said. "All that time with Shepard and you were missin' me. I was right."

His words sank deeply into the pit of her stomach, and she climbed off of him and chose instead to attempt to snuggle in beside him. He, of course, didn't move over enough to let her fit, but with a little bit of pushing, he relented and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Let's not talk about Tim. Okay?"

It was silent just then. The jukebox fell between songs and Dally didn't say anything. She stared across the room, blurring her vision until she saw nothing but splotches of brown. Dally nudged her with his shoulder and she looked at him.

"Do I need to smash his windows in, too?"

She thought about smiling, playing to the joke that he wasn't saying. She didn't, though, because he looked as serious as she had seen him in a long time. He wasn't dumb and according to him, she was a bad liar.

"No, the tires were enough."

He nodded slowly. She was amazed when he closed his eyes and let the conversation fall to the wayside.

_It's hard to say what I see in you,  
Wonder if I'll always be with you._

* * *

**A/N: **Aw, Dal. Always the romantic. Anyway. The two of us will be out of town for the next week, but there should be an update next Tuesday. We still haven't decided on a specific schedule for posting ... once a week, twice a week? We'll probably make the schedule up as we go along.


	3. I Don't Think You Ever Understood

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Ousiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song "So Far Away" by Crossfade. **

* * *

_How many years can I pretend?  
Nothing goes the way it should._

**September 18, 1966 **

His hand stung. Ten thousand tiny pin pricks stung the palm of his hand, picking at the pads of his fingers and causing him to shake. How could he have hit Ponyboy? His baby brother. Mom always told him he had to watch out for him, to include him and make sure he didn't play too rough because he was littler than Darry was. Darry could hurt him and not even realize because Pony was so much littler than him.

"Oh God," he said, the words barely audible past his lips. "Good Christ, what did I do?"

He didn't recognize his own hand. There was the burn scar from the grill from the Fourth of July 1963 down a little ways toward his wrist from his pinky finger. He would have been wearing his class ring on the ring finger if he wasn't working all the time. He didn't want to lose it while roofing some Socs' house.

"Darry."

Soda was trying to get his attention, but his hand was screaming louder. _How could you hit your brother?_

"Dar. What do we do?"

There was a traceable amount of panic in Soda's voice. Enough that Darry finally looked at him and dropped his hand to his side. His other little brother stood back from him a ways and Darry wondered if he was afraid he'd get hit, too.

"Do we go after him?" Soda asked. He was already heading for the door when Darry stopped him.

"You need your shoes, kiddo."

Soda stopped and turned around. He looked at Darry and then glanced all around the room. He got down on his hands and knees and looked under the coffee table and the couch. Darry sat down in his chair as Soda fished one sneaker from beneath the couch. He sat on the floor and pulled it on.

"Where do you think he went?"

"I think we oughta let him cool off, Little Buddy," Darry said. "I don't imagine he's gonna want to have me up after him right now."

Soda's shoulders slumped, and he looked down at his hands still playing with his shoe strings.

"It's not your fault, Dar. He'll be okay."

But Darry didn't see how Pony would be okay. They fought, sure. Darry was stressed out and didn't know what exactly to do that was right by him, but he was trying and Pony was a teenager. That much he knew, and it sure didn't add up to cover what he didn't know. If his mom and dad were there, this wouldn't have happened. But Mom and Dad weren't there, and Darry quite suddenly had a new problem to deal with. It was all his fault.

XXX

Dally was sleeping like a stone. She reached up and stopped her fingers short of touching him. It was best not to wake the beast. She snuggled in a little closer to try and keep warm against the cold seeping in from the open window. She breathed him in and relaxed against the scent of Kools and cheap cologne. She had no idea where he found cologne after getting out of jail, but she imagined he might have actually gone home. He never took her there and never talked about going there, but she knew he still relied on his dad in some way. And that just happened to be an address and sure place to sleep when nothing else worked out.

It was late. She could tell because even though the music was still going on below them, there wasn't much noise coming from people. More slow songs were being played and she'd heard doors slamming up and down the hallway for the last hour or so. She wondered if Tim was still down there and then put it out of her mind.

Sleep was tugging at the back of her eyes, and she allowed herself to fall into it. Dally was sound asleep and thus she felt safe from his groping even though she was lying in bed next to him. He was a hood, but a hood she thought she trusted enough to listen to her. Turning over on her side, she grabbed his arm and pulled it over her. It was funny to her how she felt safe beside him when she knew she shouldn't. Her eyes fluttered shut and she sank into the abyss behind her eyes, barely asleep when someone knocked heavily on the door. She jumped sky high as Dally turned over in his sleep.

"Dally."

The voice was deep and mellow. He knocked again, and Dally stirred.

"Open up, Winston."

Dally's eyes opened slowly, and she locked hers onto his as he slowly focused on her face.

"Winston!"

"Ah fuck. I'm comin'," Dally said. Ellie sat up when he threw the blankets off and couldn't help but blush as he stood up with nothing but his Jockeys and pulled on his jeans. He stood up and ambled across the room and opened the door. Ellie saw Buck standing in the hallway.

"What?" Dally asked. "I'm fucking busy."

"Some kids want to see you."

That caught Ellie's attention. She got up to hear the rest of the conversation but Dally turned and pointed at her. "Stay here."

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Nothin'. I'll be right back."

He shut the door, leaving her alone. She was curious, but he didn't seem mad or anything. Sitting back on the bed, she waited for him to come back.

XXX

Soda didn't know what to do, so he did what had been doing before everything happened. He lay down on the couch and watched the front door. He wasn't tired at all, he was just plain worried. He did it well, worrying. He was also pretty good at hiding it. It was simple enough for him to drop out of school to work to help out Darry, sure. He worried about the bills behind Darry's back and worried about how he was ever going to do right enough for Sandy. He worried about his clothes and his hair and worried an awful lot about getting the hell out of Tulsa one day. But he worried most about his brothers.

Darry and Pony were the only family he had and he knew that worse than anyone it seemed. He ran himself ragged trying to ease the tension between the two of them, just so that one or the other could spend one night without a tiff. It was always easier to try and calm Pony down, but that, Soda suspected, was because Pony was younger, and he wasn't as worried about everything as Darry was.

Soda drew in a deep breath and held it. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the sound of his heart beating in his ears, but the sound of Darry pacing in his bedroom drowned his heart out. Darry worried so hard that he forgot what it was like to be a brother instead of a provider, and Soda worried about that.

He opened his eyes and the air was suddenly floating with red flashing lights. He sat bolt upright and looked out the window. The last time the fuzz parked outside their house was the worst day of his life. He prayed to God that this wasn't a repeat.

"Darry!" he yelled.

Soda didn't hear pacing anymore. His pulse was so loud in his ears, he thought that if he screamed he wouldn't be able to hear it himself. Turning around, he met his older brother's terrified stare.

_What I'm looking for are the answers  
__To why these questions never go away._

* * *

_A/N: We are back from LA and we'll hopefully be working on a more regular posting schedule. We'll be sure to keep everyone updated! Thank you for all of your support so far!_


	4. Keep You Trembling

Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_ and matchbox twenty owns 'Long Day.''

* * *

_It's been a long day always, ain't that right?_  
_And no, Lord, your hand won't stop it,_  
_Just keep you trembling._

**September 18, 1966**

Ellie was sitting on the bed, staring at the door. Dally hadn't been gone long, but she was still wondering what the hell was going on. Kids? What would any kid want with Dallas?

She got up and flicked the light on and grimaced. The rooms at Buck's left a lot to be desired, and this room in particular was just down right gross. She wondered when the last time the sheets had actually been changed. Considering that Dally had been in jail for the past month or so, she imagined someone else had used the room. She could only hope that Buck had employed someone to wash the sheets at least every once in awhile.

Pressing her ear against the door, she tried to hear if he was just down the hall, but she didn't hear anything above the voices of the people left downstairs. Pushing herself away, she lay back down on the bed, staring at the window and realized how cold she was. There were footsteps in the hallway, loud and decidedly sure footed, sounding distinctly like bare feet. She sat up as Dally came back into the room.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

He didn't answer her, he barely even acknowledge her. He shut the door and went to the dresser. He rummaged around but came up with nothing. He closed it and cursed.

"Dal, what's going on?"

He ran a hand through his hair.

"You got any money?"

She almost laughed but then saw that he was serious.

"No. What do you need it for?" she asked as she stood. Something had to be happening if he needed money.

"Nothing. Don't worry," he said.

"Don't worry?" she repeated.

He grabbed his bomber jacket and headed for the door again.

"Stay here," he said.

Her mouth opened in protest, but he slammed the door behind him as he walked out.

"Don't worry," she said to herself.

She got up and brushed the threadbare curtains back and looked outside. She strained to hear if anything could be heard outside, and then slammed the window shut. What the hell was going on so late?

It felt like hours were going by. She looked at the alarm clock on the dresser and huffed. It had maybe been five minutes since Dally barged in. Five minutes. She wasn't just going to sit around for another.

Slipping her shoes on, she crept into the empty hallway. She stood there a couple of minutes, hoping to catch some fragment of a conversation coming from one of the rooms, but there was nothing upstairs. She walked to the top of the stairs and down to the middle landing. Peeking around the corner, she saw Dally standing at the open door and two very familiar faces standing just outside on the doorstep.

She nearly jumped down the rest of the stairs when she realized who exactly Dally was talking to. It was Pony and Johnny. There was no way Ponyboy would ever come to Buck's; Darry would kill him.

She was heading their way and picked up the pace when she saw them turn and head out. Someone grabbed her though, keeping her from the door. Ellie wasn't happy to see Tim was the one who had a grip on her arm. Words wouldn't form and her entire body froze. Tim let go and stepped back, as though he realized he had crossed a line.

"Don't do anything," he said.

She wanted to say something, anything, but she wasn't quite over the shock of seeing her friends or that Tim was right there. Coherence went out the door with Pony and Johnny.

"I told you to stay upstairs."

Dally turned her around, his hand resting on the same place Tim had grabbed her. Ellie suddenly sprouted vocabulary.

"What were they doing here?" she asked.

"Who?"

"Pony and Johnny!"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit nothing. Is that what you needed money for?"

"I told you, it's nothing," Dally said. His grip tightened on her arm, and he started heading for the stairs. Ellie planted her feet.

"Does Darry know?" she asked. Dally pulled harder and Tim stepped out of the way.

Ellie tried to pry his fingers lose, but he had a death grip on her arm and he was starting to drag her along.

"What happened?" she yelled.

Dally spun around and glared at her.

"Nothing happened. It ain't none of your business."

"Then where are they going?"

He ignored her, tightened his grip and headed for the stairs. Ellie made herself dead weight, but it wasn't enough to stop him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he said as he picked her up, tossing her over his shoulder. Ellie was too stunned to protest verbally, so she took to kicking her legs all the way upstairs. Back in his room, Dally dumped her on the bed and hovered just over her.

"Stop talking. Don't say nothing," he said, icily.

She waited until he backed away and lit a cigarette before she sat up slowly. He was pacing and smoking, but he looked incredibly relaxed. She didn't have a clue what was going on, but she knew it wasn't good.

Standing up, she cautiously crossed the room and stood in his path. He almost walked right into her.

"What did I tell you?" he asked, pushing her out of his way.

"Just tell me what is going on!" she pleaded. "Pony's not allowed to be here so I know he didn't just show up in the middle of the night for fun. What did you need the money for?"

The door creaked a little. She looked up to see Tim walk into the room.

"You need anything?" Tim asked Dally.

There was something going on. Tim was offering his boys to help.

Dally stubbed his cigarette out on the dresser. All three of them jumped when the door banged against the wall and Buck joined the party.

"Dally, I want you out of here," Buck demanded.

"Go to hell, Buck," Dally suggested.

"You think the cops ain't gonna be all over this place by the morning? That ain't exactly good for business," Buck said.

"Cops?" Ellie said. She wasn't sure the word made it past her lips, but Tim looked at her. She held his gaze for a second, hoping to find the answer she wanted to hear. He nodded subtly.

"Yeah, cops," Buck said.

"Nothin' happened, so don't get your panties all twisted. Ain't gonna be no cops," Dally said.

"You're crazy. Once they find out those boys know you, Tulsa's finest ain't passing either one of you up. They killed someone, Dally. They'll be -"

All of the blood drained from Ellie's face and everything went a little fuzzy around the edges. She had to have heard that wrong.

"Killed someone?"

"Yeah, some Soc or whatever you kids call them. Christ," Buck said.

"Dallas! They killed someone? Where are they?"

"Look what you fucking did. Where did you even hear that?" Dally said, shoving Buck backwards. "Get out."

"I heard them tell you! You and Shepard get outta here right now. Don't come back until the fuzz are out of it," Buck said, leaving on his own. Dally slammed the door.

"They killed someone?"

Dally waved her off and was looking at Tim.

"Dally!"

"Ellie, shut up."

He said it so evenly, so calmly, that she listened. Her blood was pumping so hard, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. This could not be happening. She wondered which Soc. How? Why? She remembered the way Whitey Thompson crumpled when Tim shot him in the street. He had been so cool after that. What were Pony and Johnny like?

"Ain't no way in hell we ain't getting hauled in for this," Tim said.

"You going home tonight?" Dally asked.

"Guess so."

"Good. Take her with you," Dally said. "I gotta think and she's fucking loud."

With her back to Tim, she squared shoulders with Dally.

"I'm not going anywhere," she insisted. She really didn't want to stay, but she did not want to ride in a car with Tim. Alone.

"Well, you ain't staying here, Priss," Dally said, tossing her coat at her. Ellie threw it back at him.

"Does Darry know anything?" she asked.

"No, Darry doesn't know shit and you're not going to open your damn mouth," Dally said.

He picked the coat back up and tossed it at Tim.

"Go home 'cause you sure as hell don't want to be here when the fuzz show," Dally said.

She was getting desperate. She could feel Tim staring at her back and she felt utterly exposed. Dally didn't understand.

"I'm not going home," she insisted.

Dally looked over her head and said, "Get her out of here."

Ellie looked at Dally and waited until he met her eyes again. She mouthed to him, "Please."

Dally looked at her but didn't flinch. He didn't do anything but glare at her.

"Come on, Ellie. Todd's driving," he said, his eyes were locked on hers. His tone was sympathetic.

She looked back at Dally, but all of her nonverbals were lost on him. He was too preoccupied with what was going on to notice that she didn't want to go anywhere with Tim.

XXX

Tim stepped out into the hallway, and the door slammed behind him.

"Shit," he muttered.

He leaned against the opposite wall and just listened as Ellie pleaded with Dally. She was pleading to stay there. To not go with him. For information. She was desperate on two different levels and losing on both fronts. He didn't blame her. He couldn't.

The door whooshed open and Ellie spilled out into the hall. Dally stepped into the doorframe, looking pissed. Tim knew as well as he did that shit was gonna fly because of what those two kids did, and he also knew that they were going to be the first ones hauled in. And Tim understood all too well what was on the line for those kids, but also what Dally was feeling. He was protecting his own gang, something Tim understood well enough, if not better.

"If you make me go, I'm telling Darry and Soda. They're gonna be worried sick," she reasoned.

"Pony don't want Darry knowing. That's reason enough for you keep your mouth shut," Dally said.

"Because he's scared! Dally, we gotta tell 'em," she cried.

Dally looked at Tim, and Tim tried to look bored.

"Would you just get her outta here? I gotta think," Dally said.

"You sure don't do that too often," Tim said.

"Fuck you, Shepard," Dally said.

With that, he slammed the door shut and locked it. Ellie plowed up against it, beating on it as though he was going to open up for her. Tim waited for her to stop, holding her coat awkwardly.

After a minute, she backed away, out of breath. She looked at him, her eyes webbed with distrust. Tim handed her the coat.

"It's cold out," he said, trying to find neutral ground.

She reached and took the coat from him but said nothing.

"Dal slashed my tires, you know, so we gotta bum a ride offa Todd," he said.

"Fine."

As she was putting her coat on, Tim started heading for the staircase, training an ear to make sure she was following. Much to his relief, she was.

Downstairs, the party had died down dramatically from earlier. A few of his boys were huddled in the corner smoking and a few of them working on yet another drink. Tim left Ellie by the stairs and motioned for Todd. Todd was as good to a second as he could come up with. He wasn't Monty, but he didn't think he would ever find another quite like him. Todd was dependable, though. The only guy without a drink in hand.

"What's up?" Todd asked.

"I gotta bail. Cops are gonna show, no doubt about it. Dal and I don't need to get picked up together," Tim explained. He lit up a cigarette.

"Sounds good enough," Todd said. He nodded toward the steps. "What's up with her?"

Tim didn't turn around to look at her. He could imagine how nervous she looked. She would be shifting her weight from foot to foot, she would be wringing her fingers and she'd be looking anywhere than at him.

"She needs a ride home."

XXX

The walk across the gravel lot to Todd's car was one of the longest walks in Tim's life. He knew that Ellie didn't want to get into the car, and he was trying to figure out what he was going to do to get her into it if she refused. He couldn't very well force her into it.

Todd slid right in and Tim circled around to the front passenger seat. He watched her as she approached the car. She stopped a few feet short of getting in. Tim drew in a breath, trying to wait her out. She looked at him, her eyes dark and nervous.

"Come on," he said quietly.

She reached for the door handle and let herself in. Tim muttered a hallelujah and climbed in.

_I'm surprised that you'd believe  
In anything that comes from me._


	5. Through the Circle, Fast and Slow

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor the song "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.**

* * *

_Someone told me long ago,__  
There's a calm before the storm_

**September 18, 1966**

The long drive back to their neighborhood was quiet and uneventful, but more than a little uncomfortable. Todd had tried to start talking about what the plans would be, but Tim shut him up. Ellie could be a liability if she was hell-bent on telling everyone she saw the boys.

She had been absolutely silent as she sat rigid in the backseat alone. Tim hoped that the shock of what her friends had done was what was on her mind and wasn't thinking about what happened between them. He had kept his distance over the last month or so, and he wasn't too crazy about being in a car with her either.

He didn't worry about it too much, though, when Todd turned onto Pike Street, and they got the first glimpse of the flashing lights surrounding a little park.

"Shit. All that for one Soc?" Todd wondered aloud.

He slowed down and, in the backseat, Ellie sat up and stared out the window. Tim watched her instead of the scene. Her mouth was hanging open, and the red police lights reflected in her terrified eyes.

"Oh my God," she whispered.

"Don't draw attention, man. Go on," Tim said, ushering Todd on.

"Those kids have a lot of balls," Todd commented.

"Yeah," Tim agreed as he settled back in his seat. He glanced back at Ellie. "It's better for them if no one knows anything."

"I'll tell that to your mother when you're dead in an alley," Ellie said. He could hear the disgust in her voice.

"I wouldn't lie to ya, kid," he said, and left it at that. One thing he knew about her was that she would do whatever she wanted to do. If she wanted to tell the kid's brothers, she would do it, and he couldn't stop her.

XXX

Ambling up Sutton on uncertain feet, Two-Bit whistled a tune and kicked a can along the sidewalk. He had a pocket full of cash and a belly full of beer. It was a good night.

He crossed the street and made his way back toward his own neighborhood, intent on snacking on pancakes, if he could wrestle the pan from the cabinet without waking his mother, and heading to bed before the sun came up.

He started humming a song from 1962 when he crossed Pike and the little park came into view in the distance. He noticed the flashing lights and stopped where he was. He counted seven police cars and an ambulance. The ambulance didn't seem to be too much of a hurry.

A black car turned onto the street and slowed down to look the scene before it disappeared down another street, going deeper into the neighborhood.

"Hope nobody got killed," Two-Bit said to himself. He hitched his jacket a little tighter and detoured across dark lawns to get home.

XXX

Her hands were shaking, and Ellie couldn't make them stop. As she tried to wrap her mind around the evening, she started crying. She had no idea what had really happened, but she knew that everything was somehow very real. Pony and Johnny had really been at Buck's. They were really on the run. Reality was hard to accept, but reality was going to be hitting even harder a couple of blocks over.

Ellie picked up the phone and managed to dial the Curtis's number without too much trouble. She bit her lip as it rang on the other end. She tasted blood when the other line picked up.

"Hello?" It was Darry, and he sounded frantic.

She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it back shut. Where did she even begin? She didn't even know if Darry and Soda knew what had happened yet.

She slammed the phone back into the cradle without saying anything. The clock on the wall said it was going on four in the morning. She would wait until the paper came before she did anything.

XXX

There was a plumb happy smile on Steve's face as he tried to fall asleep. Soda and Sandy didn't look like they were having a good time at the game, but Steve sure did. Not to mention the party after.

He could still smell Evie's flowery soap all over him. A thought was tugging at the back of his mind, and it had everything to do with the money he'd been putting away all summer. He opened his eyes and stared at the jar in the dark and made a deal with God.

"You keep me from bein' drafted, and I'll marry her."

Nothing answered him, but Steve was content. She was different when she dated around, but the last year had been a ride with her. She was his and he was glad to have her.

_When it's over, so they say,  
It'll rain a sunny day._

* * *

_A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews!_


	6. Bent

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own "Bent" by matchbox twenty.**

* * *

_If I fall along the way,  
Pick me up and dust me off_

**Sunday, September 18, 1966**

Ellie sat on the floor in front of her bedroom window and watched as the pitch of night fizzled into dawn. Purples and blues filled the sky and the street lights shut off all at once and finally the paperboy came walking up the street with the morning edition. She waited until he had thrown the paper into the yard, and she bolted outside.

The grass was frozen over with crisp frost, but Ellie hardly felt it under her bare feet as she rushed toward the paper. She ripped the tie off and unfolded it. The headline on the front page glared back at her. _Teen murdered in park._

Ellie threw up.

XXX

The phone was ringing. Someone shuffled out of their bed and picked it up. Two-Bit shut his eyes again and was almost asleep when he heard the muffled gasp. There was a knock at his door.

"Two-Bit? Keith? Honey?"

Shit, he was in trouble or someone else was in trouble. His mother never pulled the trifecta out unless it was serious. He pulled himself out of bed and tossed the door open. His mother stood there looking worried.

"Did you see Ponyboy Curtis last night? Or Johnny Cade?" she asked.

He scrunched up his face, rubbing his throbbing forehead. He was working on one hell of a hangover.

"Yeah, walked home from the movie with 'em," he said. "Why?"

He didn't quite understand her concern.

"That was Darry on the phone. The police came to them last night questioning them about a murder. They think the boys were involved," she said.

Two-Bit stood there for a long minute, letting that bizarre information sink in. It wasn't exactly sinking, though. Everything was wrong with that scenario. And then he remembered the scene in the park when he was walking home.

"Oh shit," he said.

XXX

Steve woke up with a start. A bad dream, one he thankfully could not remember, fizzled away. He groaned when he noticed the morning light and tried to blot it out with his pillow, but it was too late. Sleep was gone, so he got up anyway.

In the kitchen, his dad was pouring a cup of coffee, the newspaper tucked under his arm.

"Mornin', Stephen," he said.

"Yeah," Steve agreed. He poured himself a cup and sat down at the table, too.

Mack Randle spread the paper out on the table and flipped immediately back to the sports section.

"That girl a few houses over was up early this morning," he said. "She's sick or something."

Steve looked at his dad quizzically.

"Ellie?"

"Yeah. I went out to get this, and she was standing on the lawn in her bare feet with their paper, throwin' up her breakfast," Mack said.

Steve looked at his dad, trying to decide whether or not he was hungover or just tired.

"What's in the paper?" Steve asked, pulling it toward him.

He flipped back to the front page and read the same headline Ellie had read, and then the phone rang.

XXX

Dally paced back and forth, wearing a track in the already worn out carpet. His mind was far from Tulsa, instead thinking back to what he had learned on the streets in New York. The number one was getting your story straight. Dally was sure he had a fool proof story, but the fuzz were going to have to beat it out of him.

"Texas," he said to himself. "Sure won't think to find them boys in Windrixville."

He lay down on the bed and waited in between fits of sleep.

XXX

He heard the sirens pull up outside. He pulled himself up and peeled back the curtain. Two of his favorites, Warner and Jamison wedged themselves out of the car and looked around the front of Buck's. They had their hands on their weapons.

"Couple of pussies," Dally muttered to himself. He lay back down, folded his hands behind his head and waited. They could take their merry time finding him, even if that did mean involving Buck and losing a place to crash for the next couple of weeks until Buck cooled off.

He heard the heavy footfalls of the two overweight cops coming alongside his room. A rap on the door.

"Winston." It was Buck. Dally lay there, feigning sleep. "Winston, open up."

When he didn't, the door swung back on its own. Buck sounded pissed to high heaven that Dally didn't take his advice and split before the cops came looking.

"Dal, get the hell up," Buck said, grabbing Dally's jacket off the chair and tossing it onto the bed. "Couple of badges wanna talk to you."

Dally made a big production of sitting up, stretching, yawning, looking around. Neither Buck nor the cops were buying it. Dally grinned.

"What brings you gentlemen here?" he asked, standing up.

Immediately the two officers had him on his knees, his arms twisted up behind his back.

"That sure is some way to say 'good morning.'" He struggled a little just to make their jobs more difficult.

"I know just as well as you do that you were involved in that boy's death the park this morning," Warner said, pulling the cuffs tighter than necessary.

"Now, that would be impressive considering I've been here all night long," Dally retorted. "Buck here can tell you that for a fact."

Buck held up his hands. "I know when you got here and I know you didn't leave. I can't say you weren't involved some other way, though."

"You prick," Dally hissed. He knew Buck didn't have much in the way of guts or balls, but he didn't expect to be sold out by him.

Buck shrugged. "I ain't in the business of babysitting you or your friends, and I ain't in the business of lying to cops."

"You're just in the business of selling liquor to underage kids?" Jamison asked.

Dally laughed, and Jamison shot him a nasty look that shut him up but quick.

Buck's eyes widened at the accusation. "I don't know what you mean, sir."

Jamison shook his head and nodded for Warner to take Dally out. "I'll worry about you later, Merril. When we don't have a boy dead and two others missing."

"You oughta know," Dally called over his shoulder, "that Buck Merril's never checked an ID in his life. I'd be willing to testify."

Buck narrowed his eyes at Dally and looked over at Jamison. "You know those two boys showed up here in the middle of the night, right?"

Dally groaned in spite of himself. "Fuck me."

XXX

Dally was sitting in the interrogation room, handcuffed to the most uncomfortable chair he had ever been sat in. He twisted his wrist a little to jiggle the handcuff and get some blood flowing back into his hand. He kept thinking about Buck telling those cops every goddamn detail he knew. He wasn't even aware that Buck knew Pony and Johnny's names because when he came to his room the night before, he only said a couple of kids wanted to talk to him. That bastard had one hell of a memory and knew when it would fuck Dally over the most.

Jamison and Warner walked into the room after letting Dally sweat it out for a little while. Not that Dally was sweating. He actually felt pretty comfortable, except for the handcuff.

"What do you think about uncuffing me now?" Dally asked. "I ain't goin' nowhere."

Warner leaned up against the table while Jamison took a seat. Warner scoffed at the request. Jamison looked at him like he was considering it, and then shook his head. "Nah. I don't think so."

"You know, I can't feel my fucking hand, right?" Dally asked, pulling at the handcuff again.

"Then stop messing with it."

Dally let his hand drop and scratched his head with the other. "You know I got plenty of witnesses to say I wasn't anywhere near the park last night, even though I sure as hell wouldn't mind killing me a Soc."

Jamison grinned at him. "You're pretty lucky you've got plenty of kids to back your story up because your mouth is doing one hell of a job implicating you."

Dally shrugged in defiance. "I ain't scared of what you bastards assume I could do. I've probably done what you think I can do. And a hell of a lot worse."

"Cut the shit, kid. I ain't interested in you trying to impress me 'cause there ain't nothing about killing kids that's impressive. Besides, we already know who did it. And I happen to know for a fact that you're friends with these boys." Jamison looked at his pad of paper. "John Cade and Ponyboy Curtis?"

He knew lying about knowing them wasn't going to get anybody anywhere, even though it may buy the boys a little time. But the sooner Dally got them on the wrong track, the sooner he would be sprung outta there. He had some planning he needed to do, plus the unfortunate visit to Darry's, and he sure as hell couldn't think for a goddamn second when he was handcuffed in a police station.

"Yeah, I know 'em. Probably a lot better than you do since neither one of 'em's got records," Dally said, looking as smug as he could.

"Ponyboy is a good kid, it would seem," Jamison agreed with a nod. "Cade isn't as bad as they come, but he's had his problems with truancy, among other minor things."

"'Isn't as bad as they come ...'" Dally muttered. "Christ, if you spent half as much time trying to keep the Socs in line as you spend trying to pin shit on us - on kids like Johnny Cade who ain't never even looked at nobody the wrong way - you'd have stopped this before anything even happened."

Jamison stared at him, taking that in. "I know some of the kids on your side of town have issues with kids like the one who was killed in the park last night, but that's no excuse."

"You say that 'cause it was one of your kids - one from your side of town - that got what was coming to him," Dally corrected.

Warner finally spoke up. "Bob Sheldon was an upstanding young man with a bright future that was cut short because one of you little shits had nothing better to do."

"Bullshit, he did," Dally said. "I bet he was just like every other asshole with money in his pocket. Just looking to pick a fight with some kids that didn't do nothing."

"But they did do somethin', didn't they?" Warner asked.

Dally shrugged. "Can't blame them if it was self-defense, can you? He got what was comin' to him. If it was the other way around, you'd be callin' your boy a hero, wouldn't you?"

"He would be in my eyes if he got a piece of filth like you off my streets," Warner snapped, leaning a little closer to Dally.

"Dave," Jamison said quietly, like he was trying to quell the situation before anything came of it. It was too late though.

Dally railed against the cuff, standing up to lunge at Warner. Lucky for him, he was still handcuffed to the chair. He still grabbed a hold of Warner's uniform, trying to pull him closer so he could get in a good swing. Warner had the upper hand though; he wasn't cuffed to a fucking chair. Dally tried not to look like he was seeing stars after Warner hit him. Boy, could that cop pack one hell of a punch.

Jamison stepped in between them, pushing Dally back into his seat and pushing Warner towards the door. "Out," he instructed. Warner reluctantly obeyed, eyeing Dally the whole time.

Dally just grinned at him. When the door shut, he finally winced. "Shit," he muttered. He could already tell he was going to have a shiner in just a matter of minutes.

_When my smile gets old and faded,  
Just wait around I'll smile again_


	7. Opening the Wound

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_ and Linkin Park owns "Breaking the Habit." Sadly, we own very, very little.**

* * *

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream,  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean._

**September 18, 1966**

Sleep didn't happen. Instead, Darry had gone from pacing the length of the hallway to just standing in front of the door and watching. There was a chance Ponyboy might show up on the doorstep. There was a chance he and Johnny were just hiding out until after the fuzz came. It made sense to him, but the longer he waited, the more he realized they weren't coming. The house wasn't safe anymore, thanks to him.

After calling just about everyone, Darry had come to find that no other houses were safe for them either. Two-Bit's mom hadn't seen them, and neither had Two-Bit. Steve hadn't known much at all until Darry had gotten a hold of him barely a half-hour ago. Ellie was crying when he called her. He was sorry she had to find out by reading the newspaper first. Dally was the only one he couldn't get in touch with, but he figured it would be soon enough that he came strolling through the door.

Morning was creeping into their neighborhood, and Darry started thinking about work. He couldn't really afford not to go, but he also knew that if he went, there was a hell of a good chance he'd fall off a roof the way he was distracted. He picked up the phone and called off for the first time.

"I'm glad you did," Soda said, coming in from the kitchen. "It's better that you don't."

"Yeah," he mumbled.

He sat down in his chair and stared forward, replaying the events of the night in his mind over again. If he just hadn't been so tired, if he just would have trusted that Pony was okay.

"Stop beating yourself up," Soda said. "It ain't your fault all this happened. If anything, it was the Socs beatin' up on them."

"I know," Darry said, appeasing his brother. It wasn't true, though. That kid would still be alive if Darry could have been rational. That thought led to another disturbing thought. He wondered what had happened to lead Pony and Johnny to kill a boy. He fought a shudder that traveled down his spine.

XXX

There was a hesitant knock on the door, stopping Darry's heart for brief second until he saw Steve and Ellie standing outside awkwardly. Soda was already out of his seat and rushing to the door. He slowed when he saw who it was.

"Y'all know not to knock," Soda said. "Just come on in."

Steve pulled the screen door open and let Ellie in first. She looked terrible, Darry noticed. She looked right at him and then quickly diverted her gaze as she sat on the arm of the couch near Soda.

"You heard anything yet?" Steve asked, standing sentry by the door.

"Nothing," Darry said. "Cops don't know anything."

They all heard Two-Bit's car pull up outside, the engine popping like gunfire before it shut up. He bounded up the steps and barreled inside.

"Hey, hear anything?" he asked, catching his breath.

"No," Steve answered.

"I did," Two-Bit said. "Well, kind of."

Darry leaned forward, restraining himself from running across the room to shake the information out of him.

"What?" he asked, hearing the desperation in his own voice.

"Well, all I know is that the fuzz hauled in Dally and Shepard this morning. They're being questioned about it all. Maybe Dally saw 'em last night or something," Two-Bit said.

Darry nodded and leaned back against the wall.

"You saw him last night, didn't you, El?" Two-Bit asked.

Darry looked at Ellie quizzically. She looked like she was sitting on pins and needles.

"Who?" she asked.

"Dally."

"Just at the movies," she said.

"Yeah, but when I got there, Pone said you went to catch up with him. Johnny was jokin' that we were right about how fast you'd end up back with him," Two-Bit said.

She shifted where she sat, one foot not touching the ground and swinging back and forth. She turned her gaze toward Darry.

"I never caught up with him," she said. "I went home."

"Oh," Two-Bit said.

Ellie told him on the phone that she had gone home early. She hadn't seen the boys since the movie and didn't know what had happened afterward. She never heard from them. Darry had crossed her off of the mental list in his mind after he'd talked to her on the phone. He figured the boys might turn to her to hide, but now he was fully assuming Dally might have helped them out.

An uncomfortable silence had fallen over the room, everyone lost in their own thoughts. Darry thought that his were the most uncomfortable. Ellie broke the silence.

"What happened?" she asked. "Why were they in the park so late?"

"Socs' fault," Two-Bit said. "They were pickin' a fight with us after the movie 'cause of those two girls."

"No, it's my fault," Darry said.

All of them were looking at him now. He felt like he'd put himself up on display as he stood on the other side of the room from all of them.

"Dar, it ain't your fault," Soda insisted.

"Why would it be your fault?" Ellie asked.

"It ain't his fault," Soda repeated emphatically.

But everyone was looking at him, waiting for an explanation. Ellie's eyes were trained on him.

"He came in late," he started. "I was mad and ... I hit him."

A pin could be heard dropping it got so quiet. Steve looked at the floor, Two-Bit at his hands, but Ellie was staring right at him, her eyes wide.

"You hit him?" she asked. "Darry ... "

Soda stood up and moved to the middle of the room. He waved his arms around his middle, motioning for them all to stop. Darry knew the damage was done; he could see it in Ellie's distrusting eyes.

"How could you hit him?" she asked.

Darry felt his hand start to burn.

"I didn't mean it." It was a weak response, and he knew it.

"No one ever means it," Ellie snapped.

"El," Steve piped up. "Leave it alone."

"That's what your dad always does," she pointed out. "He kicks you out and then tells you he never meant it."

"Shut up, Ellie," Soda butted in. "You don't know anything."

Like Johnny or Steve or Dally, Ellie would come over at night every now and then to get away from home. It was mostly for the yelling and fighting anymore, but Darry knew that a long time ago there had been violence that she had needed to get away from. He knew that he had suddenly made this house less safe for her as well.

He didn't try to make any more excuses, and she never said another word. She just got up and left.

"Good riddance," Soda said, taking his seat again on the couch.

"She's just scared, Soda," Two-Bit said. He looked at Darry. "She didn't mean none of it. It ain't your fault, Darry."

Darry wasn't so sure.

XXX

Ellie raced back to her house, fighting back frustrated tears. She couldn't believe what had happened, and she felt torn. She was angry with Darry for putting Pony in the situation he was in, but she hadn't meant to hurt Darry in the process. All he had ever been was good as gold to her, and she took it upon herself to humiliate him. No one had denied that he'd hit Pony, and though Ellie didn't want to believe it was true, she knew it was. She also knew that, for as much as Pony thought Darry hated him, he would believe that Darry hit him out of hate. Looking into his eyes, Ellie knew it was a mistake made in the heat of worry, but she couldn't help the shock of it. It hurt to see how something like that could happen to anyone.

And now the guilt of hurting him and of having seen the boys was crushing down on her. She dashed inside her house and straight for the phone. She thought about every person she knew and bit her lip. There was only one person who knew what was going on. Trying not to think too hard about it, she dialed Tim's number and waited.

"Hello?" It was Angel.

"Is Tim there?" Ellie asked.

"He got hauled in this mornin' 'cause of all that jazz with the dead Soc," she said.

"Oh," Ellie said. "Okay."

She hung up the phone, kicking herself for doing it in the first place.

"Ain't Tim the one you broke up with?"

Ellie spun around and saw that Abby had been sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. The newspaper was spread out in front of her.

"Yeah."

"Is it about this?" Abby asked, pointing to the headline. "Or about how you came home in the middle of the night last night? Again."

"It's nothing," Ellie said, looking her right in the eye.

Abby stared at her and then shook her head.

"Do not get mixed up in this, Ella Margaret. I swear your friends get into more trouble than they're worth," she said. Ellie bit the insides of her cheeks in frustration and retreated to her bedroom.

Alone with her thoughts, she tried to figure out a way to force information from Dally. She had to find him and talk to him before anyone else. Tim was the only one who could help her, and she hated that.

XXX

Dally all but waltzed out of the interrogation room, holding his head up high with his new black eye and freshly split lip. He smirked at the clerk that handed back all of his belongings over the desk in a manila folder. Not much there, just a ring, his medal, his Zippo and a few coins. He emptied all of it out into his palm and tossed the folder back to the clerk.

"See ya next time," he said, turning on his heel and walking outside. The sun was bright in the sky, but it wasn't nearly as warm as it looked.

"There's nothin' worse than being your pal sometimes," said a voice behind him.

Dally grinned as he turned. Tim was leaned against the building, smoking a cigarette. He had nearly an identical black eye and his jaw was bruising. "Who said we was pals? Can I bum a smoke off you?"

Tim shook his head in disgust but handed over a cigarette. "I wouldn't get hauled in here nearly as often as I do if I weren't friends with you."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. I just make your life more interesting."

"Well, those boys of yours sure do."

Dally froze for a moment but shook it off to light his cigarette.

"The Curtis boy's only, what? Thirteen?" Tim asked.

"Fourteen. Johnny's 16, though."

"That's still a kid when you haven't grown up like us," he said.

"Johnny's tough. Pony too. They can handle this," Dally defended.

"I didn't say they couldn't," Tim said. "Just said they were pretty young to have to."

An officer walked by them slowly before walking into the station.

"What do you say we blow this joint?" Dally suggested.

Tim led the way toward Strayer Avenue, back to their territory.

"I see they tried to beat a confession outta you," he observed. "Did they break you?"

Dally snorted in disgust. "Oh yeah, they had me in a ball on the floor, beggin' for mercy. Did you tell 'em anything?"

Tim shrugged. "Except that he was a fat sunovabitch with an ugly wife? That was about all I said, not that I could tell them anything to begin with. I don't know shit, remember?"

"And it's gonna stay that way," Dally replied.

Tim shrugged. "Good enough for me. I don't know anything, I can't be blamed for anything. You know this means all out warfare between them and us, right?"

"I've been waiting on it for a long time," he said. Absentmindedly, he added, "Ellie made it home okay last night?"

"What d'you fucking take me for?" Tim snapped.

"Christ, okay. I was just wondering. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I just made her leave with you and didn't make sure she was okay?" Dally smirked.

"Boyfriend, huh? That was fast."

Dally's smirk widened into a broad grin. Johnny and Pony were still in the forefront of his mind, but having one-upped Shepard was the kind of distraction he needed. "Looks like I won."

"Sure," Tim said, flicking his cigarette into the gutter. "You won."

"You gotten new tires on your ride, yet?" Dally watched for the scowl he knew was coming.

"My boys are working on it now," he replied.

"So you can't give me a lift back to Buck's?"

"I can give you a black eye to match the other and a couple more broken ribs to add on to the ones from last night," Tim responded.

Dally shrugged. "Nah, I think I'm good. I'll just walk."

XXX

Tim was pleasently surprised to see four new tires on his car when he made it home. Someone had worked fast and lifted four decent tires. He crouched over and inspected them when Angel screeched at him from the porch.

"What?"

"Some girl's on the phone. She keeps calling lookin' for you."

"Who is it?" Tim shouted back, annoyed. Angel couldn't take a message to save her life.

"How should I know?"

Tim headed inside and found Angel in the bathroom doing her make up.

"What the hell do you need all that for?" he asked.

"I'm going out," she said matter-of-factly.

"Like hell you are. You know what's going down?"

"So what? Some Soc is dead, big deal," she said as she applyed a healthy amount of blush to her cheeks. "I've got a date."

"Yeah? Make sure he comes to the door. Some of these guys you date ... " He shook his head as he picked up the phone laying on the table and answered it. He about shit himself when he found Ellie on the other line.

"Took you long enough," she said.

"What do you want?"

"Can you do me a favor? Please?"

The last thing he wanted was to be around her. It was really better for both of them if they kept their distance.

"I don't know," he said. "What is it?"

"I need a ride to Buck's. I need to talk to Dally and I know that's where he'll be ..."

She kept spouting off reasons, talking so fast that she started tripping over words. She sounded like she was trying to tell him before she chickened out.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said. "Call him."

"He won't talk to me like that, he'll just hang up," she said. "I can't ask anyone else because no one else knows what happened last night. I told them I wasn't there."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he told her he wouldn't. That it wasn't a good idea. That his tires were still flat.

"I'll walk."

He let out a heavy sigh and knew she would, too. He didn't say anything for a few long seconds, debating with himself. He couldn't believe she was asking him.

"No, you won't," he finally said.

"I will, too. The buses run part of the way there and I'll walk from there."

Not all that long ago, she had walked up Prospect Street at midnight just to warn Curly that Tim knew what kind of shit he was up to behind his back. She'd walk herself all the way to Buck's without a second's thought.

"Two blocks behind your house," he said. "Ten o'clock. A second later and you can kiss your free ride goodbye."

"I'll be there," she said.

He barely heard her as he slammed the phone onto the cradle and cursed out loud.

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose,  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused._


	8. Now I Long for Yesterday

**Disclaimer: As always, _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton and "Yesterday" belongs to the Beatles.**

PS: Consider this a bonus chapter, since it wasn't in our first draft of OH. We just recently decided to add in this extra POV, so we hope you like it! :)

* * *

_Yesterday a__ll my troubles seemed so far away, _  
_Now it looks as though they're here to stay._

**September 18, 1966**

**Windrixville**

Johnny opened his eyes and looked up at the vaulted ceiling. He was confused for a split second until everything from the night before came rushing back. He swallowed hard at the thought and rolled over. Pony was a few feet from him, snoring lightly.

Resting his head on his arm, Johnny ran a finger through the dust caked on the floor under him. He tried not to think about Bob and the blood and everything from the night before except for what Dally told him. He wanted them to get supplies before the story ended up in the paper. Heading out where there were people wasn't exactly what he wanted to do, but he also knew it couldn't be avoided. If they didn't get supplies they weren't going to last long. Johnny thought about waking Pony up to go with him, but he figured it probably wouldn't be a good idea to both head out when they didn't even know if someone was waiting for them. After a long while, he finally sat up and stretched. He was still beat from everything the night before, but he was more than happy to get off the stone floor.

He walked over to the window and looked up at the sky. The sun was pretty high, and he wondered if he had slept too late. Maybe the police had gotten word that they were hiding out there, and they were swarming the town. Maybe they were all just waiting for him to walk right into their trap. He looked back at Ponyboy. He had to go either way. They needed food. He rubbed at his face and finally decided he couldn't put it off anymore. Before he left, he grabbed his jacket off the floor and laid it over Pony. He looked around for something he could use to let him know where he had gone. He couldn't find anything and resorted to scribbling out a note in the dust on the floor next to Pony.

He walked outside and squinted in the sunlight. From the top of Jay Mountain, he could see just about everything there was to see in town which wasn't a whole lot. He didn't see any fuzz, but that didn't make his hands shake any less. He looked back inside at Pony.

"Sure hope this ain't the last time I see you," Johnny said to himself. With a deep breath and unsteady legs, he started into town.

XXX

It was a longer walk than he had anticipated, and he spent most of his time worrying. It was better than the alternative of thinking about why they were in the situation to begin with. Johnny wouldn't be able to hack it until God-knows-when if he was spending the entire time thinking about what he did. Instead, he worried. He had plenty of that to do.

He worried about what his parents were thinking. Were they worried about him? Or worse, maybe they weren't even surprised by the news. But worse yet, maybe they hadn't even noticed he was gone. Thinking about his parents made him think about Bob's parents, and the way he imagined them taking the news made him envy Bob.

He thought about Soda and Darry. They had to be sick with worry over Ponyboy. He wondered if Dally had told them what happened or if they had to hear it from the cops. He worried that they were angry with Johnny for getting him into that situation to begin with. He couldn't blame them if they were. He had gotten the kid involved in a murder. He couldn't blame the whole gang if they were mad at him.

He rubbed a hand along his neck. Everything came back to the dead kid in the park. He wondered when they found Bob. Had his friends gone to the police? Or maybe they were just too scared to do anything. He wondered what he would have done if the tables were turned, and then he decided he didn't want to go down that road. He tried to convince himself that Pony was alive because of what Johnny did. All he could see, though, was the blood on his switchblade.

He was getting closer to the heart of Windrixville which couldn't be much more than a dot on a map. Growing up in Tulsa was all he knew. Seeing the size of Windrixville made him see that maybe Johnny knew more than he gave himself credit for. There was a little hamburger joint to his right, and he thought about how good a Pepsi sounded. He shook his head and kept walking until he reached a store. It looked to be just about the only one in town, and he hesitated before he walked inside.

Near the entrance was a rickety old newspaper box. He could tell just from looking at it that the lock didn't work anymore, and he considered lifting one. He figured that would be the best way to attract attention, so he just looked through the window. Nothing on the front page said anything about two teenaged fugitives on the loose, and he took it on good faith that nothing else in the paper did either. He studied the paper carefully until he noticed the date. It was a week old. He almost relaxed.

He walked inside and saw what would have been Two-Bit's dream come true if he had been there with him. The store was pretty big for as small a town as Windrixville, and everything was there for the taking. Johnny smiled a little at the thought of Two-Bit ransacking the place.

"Hey there." Johnny jumped at the voice and scanned the aisles for the source of it. At the very back of the place was an old man sweeping up. "Need any help finding anything?"

"Uh, no. No, thanks," he said. He quickly headed down the first aisle and tried to think of everything they needed. He didn't have the slightest idea what kind of supplies they were going to need. He grabbed things as he went, put a few back, picked up different things, and put some of those down, too. There were too many things that they needed and too many choices.

Pony was one of his closest friends, but as Johnny gathered their supplies, he wished he were in Windrixville with someone else. If it were anybody else in the gang, they would be doing this and Johnny would still be back at the church. He wasn't used to being in charge, and he wasn't prepared for a situation like this. Pony was younger than him, and it was up to Johnny to watch out for him, to take care of him and get him back to his brothers in one piece. That was the least he could do after getting him into the mess in the first place, but he didn't know if he was cut out for that responsibility.

As he made his way through the shop, he kept thinking of things they needed to pass the time. A deck of cards, maybe even a book. There were a few paperbacks along the wall, but he had never heard of most of them with the exception of _Gone with the Wind_. He knew Pony liked the movie they saw, so he picked it up. It looked like it would take them a good year to read the damn thing, and Johnny said a small prayer that they wouldn't be stuck there for that long.

He wished he could call Dallas, just to see what the plan was. Dally would know exactly what to do. Johnny tried to think like he would. They would need to disguise themselves because their descriptions would definitely be in the paper. He looked down at his clothes. Jeans and a black shirt. That was ordinary enough. Pony didn't really stand out much himself. They would need to cut their hair though, as much as it pained Johnny to think about. No more hair grease either. He spotted bottles of peroxide a little ways down and picked one up. It would bleach their hair, which in his eyes seemed to be the perfect disguise. But he noticed how dark his skin was and knew how dark his hair and eyes were and wondered how obvious it would be if he bleached his hair. He decided he couldn't bleach his and was eternally thankful for that. Ponyboy was going to kill him without a doubt.

He finally made his way to the single register with his arms overloaded with groceries. He dropped them all down as the shopkeeper shuffles behind the counter, leaning his broom on the wall.

"New to town?" the old man asked.

Johnny tried not to panic, but he suddenly wished he had made Pony come with him. He was better at making things up on the spot. He could make up some elaborate story about how he was on some trip across the country, and the guy would believe him.

Then he wondered what Dally would say if he were there. Johnny was sure he would have told the clerk to mind his own damn business, and the guy would have.

Unsure of which direction he should take, Johnny simply nodded.

"I know just about everyone in town," he said, ringing up each item. "Just move here?"

"Just passing through," Johnny choked out. Beads of sweat prickled the back of his neck.

"A little young to be traveling all alone, ain't you, son?"

Johnny shrugged slowly, trying to buy time. "My dad … he's down the road a ways. Visiting friends. I'm meeting him in a little while."

The man looked at him for what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than a few seconds. He finally went back to the groceries and gave Johnny his total. He sure hoped Dally was going to bring them more money because the food and supplies left him with only a little more than a bit. The money wouldn't last another week.

"You wait right here for a second, will you?"

Johnny shifted uneasily from foot to foot as the man made his way from behind the counter to the back of the store. He didn't know what the hell the old guy was up to and he was about to grab the bags and make a run for it when he came back up with an old wooden crate.

"This'll make it a little easier to carry back," he explained as he set the bags inside.

"Thanks." He picked up the crate and then thought of something he had forgotten. "Do you sell cigarettes here?"

"I've got a machine outside, around the corner. For your dad?" When Johnny nodded, he continued, "You gotta put the change in just right or it'll jam."

XXX

After a quick fight with the machine, Johnny added packs of smokes to his crate. The clerk seemed annoyed that he needed to break a few dollars to get enough change for them, but he didn't say anything else about it.

Johnny struggled to pick the crate back up, and he nearly ran right into another old guy with a cane when he rounded the corner.

The guy surveyed him and smiled. "Quite a load you've got there, huh?"

Johnny nodded.

"You got a ride back home?"

Johnny couldn't blame Dally for the way he acted toward some people. Couldn't they just mind their own business sometimes?

"I'm just walking. It's not far."

The man pointed back to an old Chevy pickup, more rusted than it was red, with his cane.

"Wait out here for a minute if you want. I'm just picking up some feed for my ponies. I won't be long. I'll give you a lift."

He didn't give him a change to respond before he walked inside. As soon as the coast was clear, Johnny booked it out of there as fast as he could, keeping as far off the roads as possible in case the guy drove in the direction of Jay Mountain. The last thing he needed was some old farmer finding their hideout.

_I'm not half the man I used to be, _  
_There's a shadow hanging over me, _  
_Oh, yesterday came suddenly._


	9. Stormy Words

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own "Come Round Soon" by Sara Bareilles.**

**Good Fic Day Lives!**

**"This fic/chapter is being posted as part of "Good Fic Day," an effort to raise the quality of writing here. We hope to encourage more writers to improve the quality of their own fan fiction - spell check, grammar check, keep the gang in character, outline, plot and don't use Mary Sues. Good fan fiction requires effort, and we would like to encourage other writers to rise to the challenge of producing better fan fiction, not only for our readers, but for S.E. Hinton, who created the wonderful book we are trying to honour."**

* * *

_All your stormy words have barely broken,  
And you sound like thunder,  
Though you've barely spoken._

**September 18, 1966**

Ellie pulled her coat on and left the house through the back door. It was getting dark, but she didn't think that even the cover of darkness as enough to slip away unnoticed on her street. It certainly wasn't safe to walk alone anywhere, and Steve had threatened her under pain of death to not go ANYWHERE alone, she highly doubted he would find what she was doing any better.

Tim had agreed to pick her up two blocks behind her house and take her to Buck's to talk to Dally. She felt like she had made a deal with the devil, but when it came down to it, she knew Tim was one of the few people who would take her. He tried, though, to talk her out of going. In the end she had to lie to convince him. She really never would have walked clear to Buck's considering what was going on, but she knew he wouldn't take that chance.

She saw his shiny new black Charger parked at the end of the street and she made a dash for it. She tried not to think about anything as she climbed inside, but when the door closed she felt suddenly claustrophobic. It didn't help that it was dark and Tim was looking at her the way he was.

"You sure about this?" he asked.

Without looking at him, she nodded. He wasn't asking about whether or not she was sure she wanted to go all the way out to Buck's to talk to Dally when he probably wouldn't be in the mood to talk to her, he was asking if she was sure she wanted to be in the car with him. Truthfully, she did not, but guilt had a powerful way of making her step out of her own boundaries. She owed it to Darry and Soda to get what she could out of Dally.

Tim pulled away from the curb and started the long drive to Buck's. She did everything to keep her mind on the task at hand, knowing that everything would be okay but was still terrified that everything might not. She watched him from the corner of her eye. His dark eyes were focused on the road in front of him, the rest of his body as still as his focus. She hardly noticed how hard she was grasping the door handle.

After awhile, she asked him, "You said your tires were still flat."

She couldn't believe that Dally had done that only one night ago.

"They were."

"You didn't pay for 'em?" she asked.

Tim looked at her and shrugged.

"I might have if this shit wasn't going down. But things are going to go fucking crazy and I gotta have my ride," he said. "Worked out for you."

That statement made her uncomfortable, but she tried to let it pass. They would be at Buck's soon enough.

XXX

Tim pulled up outside and said, "Don't piss him off too bad. He's helpin' those boys and you oughta let him."

Ellie, with her hand on the door handle, replied, "It ain't helpin' them if they can't ever come back. It's making stuff worse. Darry and Soda don't know anything and they're worried sick."

She didn't wait for what he was going to say next, she headed inside.

There were only a few patrons standing around the bar, and a couple dancing slowly to a love song on the floor. She tried to cross the room and head for the stairs without fanfare, but she didn't make it. Buck stepped into her way.

"Kid, you need to turn around and walk yourself right on out," Buck said.

"I gotta talk to Dally," she insisted, stepping around him.

Buck stepped right back into her path.

"Ain't no underage kids allowed in here no more," he said. "Get out."

Ellie glared at him, thinking about what Dally would do to sway him, and he could be swayed. She just decided to go on with her mission, and scream bloody murder if he laid a hand on her.

"I'm goin' to talk to him, Buck," she said, stepping around him once more and bolting up the stairs before he could catch her.

She walked down the hallway and toward his usual room. The door was shut and she knocked tentatively.

"Dal?"

The door swung open and some half-dressed cowboy looked down at her.

"Hey, sugar. You lost?"

Ellie backed away and continued down the hall. She looked at two more doors and bit her lip, he'd taken her to the far one before and she took her chances. She knocked again. This time, Dally answered.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

XXX

Soda took the steps two at a time and looked down the long hallway. There was a door open at the very end and he could hear two raised and heated voices. Not just any voices, though, voices he knew. He walked down the hallway slowly, listening to the mounting tension and picking up fragments of the fight until he was just outside the door.

"You have to tell them! I'm not covering for you anymore. It ain't fair for Darry or Soda," he heard Ellie say angrily.

"Listen up, princess, you don't know shit. You got that? I'm helpin' by keepin' them out of trouble. What are you doing? Trying to fucking rat them out? Next thing I know you'll be callin' the fuzz," Dally snapped back.

Soda listened to them banter back and forth, inching closer so he could see inside. The sight of an old Army sweatshirt tossed on the floor caught his eye. He pushed the door open the rest of the way, both Ellie and Dally jumping when it slammed against the wall.

"Soda," Ellie said. He noted that her face turned white.

He walked between them and picked up the sweatshirt. He gripped it tightly and turned on Ellie.

"You have the damn nerve to blame Darry for something you don't know anything about and you fucking lied about being here? About seeing them?" Soda asked.

"Dally sent them somewhere," she started to explain." I'm tryin' to find out-"

"Shut up. Christ, Ellie," Soda snapped. "I expected him to know, but he never lied about it. He can't now at least."

He relished in the fact that her shoulders slumped forward. Her eyes were downcast.

He looked at Dally.

"I'm smart enough to know that you're not gonna budge and tell me where they are," Soda said. He pulled an envelope out of his back pocket and thrust it at Dally. "But I know you're going to check up on them at some point, so give this to Pony."

Dally stared at the envelope. Frustrated, Soda grabbed his hand and forced the letter into it.

"Take it to him," he ordered.

Dally took it and Soda turned to leave, ignoring Ellie.

"Texas, man," Dally said.

Soda turned around.

"They're in Texas."

Soda nodded and walked out, passing Tim in the hallway.

XXX

"You're such a liar," Ellie said, crossing her arms. She could feel how hard her heart was beating. Soda was really mad at her.

Tim stepped in and leaned on the doorframe.

"Did you fucking bring her here?" Dally asked.

"Either that or she would have tried to hitchhike or something. Things ain't exactly settled with the dead Soc and all," Tim said, coolly.

Dally turned his back on both of them, mumbling obscenities under his breath as he tucked the envelope Soda gave him into the pocket of his jeans jacket. Ellie wondered what it said.

"Look," Dally said, turning around. "What the fuck is your problem? You want them to get caught? To fucking go to jail over this shit?"

Ellie backed up a couple of paces as Dally came forward.

"No, but they can't stay hidden forever," she said.

Dally grabbed her shoulders, she winced as his fingertips dug in.

"Quit fuckin' around. You ain't helpin' them, you're making shit worse," Dally said.

Ellie stared into his eyes and an icy chill crept down her spine.

"Hey man, cut it out," Tim suggested, stepping closer to them. He pried Dally's hand off of her and Dally swung a punch. Tim retaliated, and they both went at it. Ellie backed up and watched, barely able to keep her feelings in check. Tim made low blow and socked Dally right in his aching ribs, and everything stopped.

"Are you fucking done, Winston? You wanna sit here and play mind games just cause you got control? She's just trying to help," Tim said, panting.

A rock formed in her stomach.

"Stop it!"

Tim's head snapped in her direction. She locked eyes with him and then looked at Dally. Dally struggled to his feet and shoved Tim backwards. Tim, she noticed, flinched forward, but restrained himself.

"How are you gonna help either one of them being so pig headed?" Ellie asked.

"I'm doing a hell of a lot more than you," Dally said.

"Let's go," Tim said.

Ellie looked at Tim this time, the rock tightening in her stomach. She didn't want to go with him. She'd managed to make herself forget how nervous she was when she felt so guilty, but that wasn't the case now. She wasn't getting back into the car with Tim.

Tim seemed to know what she was thinking. He nodded, curtly, and said, "Fine."

He left.

"What the fuck? Go with him," Dally said.

Ellie shook her head.

"Are you going to go see them?" she asked.

Dally glared at her and then went and shut the door. He sat down on the bed and lit a cigarette. She tentatively moved closer to him.

"Would you quit worrying about them?" he said. "I got it handled."

He was looking at her through the smoke he exhaled, studying her. She was studying him.

"Tim do that last night?"

She touched his face where the bruise had formed, and as she touched she noticed all of the other faint bruises.

"Cops."

"The cops did that?"

"Had to beat it outta me where the boys are," he said, smirking.

She rolled her eyes and turned away, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Where are they?"

"In Texas."

"Texas is a big state."

"Heading that way at least."

"Are they really okay?" she asked.

"Christ, they're fine," he answered.

"Tell Darry that," she said.

He let go of her arm and she crossed them over her middle.

"Stayin' here tonight?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"How do you think you're getting home then?" he asked. "Shepard's gone."

"I'll call Two-Bit or something," she said. "Steve would kill me if he knew I asked Tim-"

She stopped talking, hoping he didn't catch on to what she was saying. He took a long drag on his cigarette as he watched her.

When he exhaled he said, "I'll take you. I gotta talk to Shepard anyway."

"He just left," she said, confused.

"Tell me about it," Dally said, rubbing his ribs.

XXX

Dally pulled up in front of her house and put the car in park. He looked her over once and smirked in spite of himself. It felt like nothing from the last year had happened. She'd followed him like a lost puppy, not the other way around. Not that he would ever do stupid shit like that.

"Looks like a party in there," he said.

The lights were all off, but a blue glow was filling the living room window. TV was probably on.

"Yeah, a normal Sunday night," she said. She sounded upset and he tossed his arm over the seat, tickling her right shoulder.

She gave him a narrow glance, but didn't move.

"You coulda stayed the night," he said.

She rolled her eyes.

"This is not the time," she said. "Everything's a mess."

He drew his arm back and put his hand on the gearshift. She had her hand on the door handle, but she leaned in toward him first. Her lips were warm and soft against his, and gone quicker than he would have liked.

"Make sure they're okay," she said, getting out.

"They're fine," he said.

She slammed the door and ran inside.

XXX

As Ellie was rekindling her romance, Soda was struggling to keep his in-line.

"Look, things aren't good right now," Soda said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I really need to talk to you," Sandy said, he could hear the pleading in her voice.

"Can it wait a few days? We still haven't heard anything from Ponyboy and I need to help Darry out right now. We can go out when this all blows over," he said, trying to sound optimistic.

On the other end Sandy sighed and Soda winced. She'd been acting strange for weeks now, but nothing compared to how weird she'd been acting at the football game. It had only been a night ago, but it already felt like ages.

"Listen, sweetie, I'm sorry," he said, trying to smooth things over. "We can meet up after you get outta school sometime this week. Okay? We'll talk."

What they were talking about, he didn't know.

"Okay," she said. "Is Tuesday okay? I have to watch Ronnie tomorrow."

"Tuesday is okay right now. I'll see you then."

"Bye, Soda."

"Sandy?"

"Yeah?

"I love you."

She hesitated and then said, "I know you do," and then hung up.

Soda slammed the phone back into the cradle and went to take a shower.

XXX

Tim opened the door and scowled at Dally.

"What the fuck could you possibly want?" he asked.

"I got business, can you handle that?" Dally asked.

Tim stifled a groan and opened the door so Dally could step inside.

"Nice place, Shepard. Where's your mommy?"

Tim clenched his fist at his side and suppressed the urge to kill him.

"What business?"

"Shit's gonna start heating up," Dally said. "Full out warfare if we're lucky."

"Yeah, no shit. That kid they killed was one popular sonufabitch," Tim commented.

"I want a gun," Dally said. "Just to carry around, scare the balls off some Socs."

Tim stared at Dally. He was a fucking idiot.

"All you're going to end up doing is getting yourself shot," Tim said.

"Let me worry about that," Dally replied. "It's a better bluff than anything. You know that."

Tim sat down, thinking it over. There were several pros and cons to consider. He wondered what the chances were that Dally would end up shooting himself so that he would never have to deal with the fucker ever again.

"Come on, Shepard, you act like you're scared of all this or something. Shit, at least act like you're having a good time."

"Fuck you, Dally. You know I'm there for all of this shit, but I'm neck deep in other shit, too. I ain't exactly been waiting around for this to go down," Tim said, seething mad.

"Cool your heels, man," Dally said.

"Look, I'll get you the heater, but I ain't getting you bullets. The last thing we need is more dead Socs on this side of town," Tim said.

"It'd be fun, though," Dally said, grinning.

Tim had to admit that the thought of spoiled and dead Socs was a nice thought, but one he didn't really care to see come true. Not as long as every time he was going to get hauled in for questioning.

"You're fucking off your rocker," he said, following him to the door. "I'll have you a heater in a day or so."

Dally stepped out onto the porch and said, "Good enough."

"Yeah," Tim said, as he started to shut the door in his face.

"Hey, one more thing," Dally said.

Tim pulled the door back open and looked at Dally coolly.

"What'd you do to Ellie where freaks out every time you're around?"

The question caught him off-guard, but it was the shit-eating grin on Dally's face that made him wonder if he actually knew what had happened. He still didn't have anything he could say.

"Ain't none of your business," Tim said, knowing full well how weak that was. He shut the door before Dally had a chance to say anything back.

_You may be my final match,  
'Cause I chase everything when you play,  
Throw and I play catch,  
It never took much to keep me satisfied._


	10. Leave Me On the Otherside

**A/N: _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton while "Otherside" is by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.**

_

* * *

_

Once you know, you can never go back  
I've got to take it on the otherside.

**Monday, September 19, 1966**

Ellie didn't sleep a wink for the second night in a row. All she could think about was Soda seeing her there with Dally, seeing that she knew what happened with Pony and Johnny before anyone else. She didn't know where they were any more than Soda did, but he didn't see it like that. He couldn't see that with his little brother gone. Ellie understood that, but it still made her toss and turn all night long.

She was up long before the sun was, waiting once again for the paper to arrive. It was the only way she may find something out; Dally surely wasn't going to let anything slip. She scanned all of the pages for any mention of Bob Sheldon's death and instead of finding any useful information, found a long article commemorating his life and his achievements. She tossed the paper down on the table in disgust. Ellie knew Pony and Johnny like the back of her hand, but she also knew the Socs better than she liked. They were responsible for all of this and yet, they were the ones being called heroes. It made her sick to her stomach.

Abigail wobbled into the kitchen as Ellie was getting up. Ellie was looking at her ever-growing belly in her night gown when Abigail said, "Where're you goin' this early?"

"Over to Ponyboy's house." She grabbed her jacket off the hook by the door while her mother began a pot of coffee.

"Now, I told you not to get yourself involved in this," Abby scolded.

"They're my friends."

"You better not be missin' school because of this mess," Abigail hollered as Ellie shut the front door.

XXX

School was the last thing on her mind and everybody else's it seemed. She could see through the front window that the boys were all at the Curtises house except for Dally, but Ellie assumed he would be keeping his distance. She wished she could do the same, but her conscience was eating at her. She couldn't hide until they came home.

She hesitated on the front porch for a long time, wondering if she should just barge in or knock. She figured being a coward wouldn't get her anywhere, and there was nothing like diving in head first. She would drown or she was float; there was only one way to be sure. She opened the door and walked inside.

Steve was asleep on the couch, Two-Bit in the armchair and she felt like knocking both of them on the heads for staying over when they shouldn't have. Darry was sitting at the table, and Soda was nowhere to be found. It felt so empty with only four of them in the same room.

Darry looked up from his coffee, looking much more tired than usual. She supposed they all did, but Darry looked worse. He looked haunted.

"Hey," she said. It was such a pathetic greeting, but he smiled tiredly at her.

"Mornin'."

"Have they been here all night?" she asked, gesturing to Steve and Two-Bit.

Darry nodded. "Pretty much."

She crossed the room quickly before she lost her nerve. "Listen, Darry, I'm sorry about yesterday." He held up his hands to silence her, but she powered on, speaking so fast she tripped over her words. "I was out of line. I had no right to say any of those things, and I'm sorry I did. This is nobody's fault but the Socs, and I'm sure Pony and Johnny are safe." She took a deep breath before she said what she was really worried about saying. "I knew they had come to Dally. I saw them at Buck's. I knew they were in trouble, and I didn't do anything. Soda probably already told you all of this, but I should have been the one to speak up yesterday instead of just blaming you for something that wasn't your fault. I wish I knew where they were because I would tell you. I promise I would."

Darry studied her for a long while. She fidgeted awkwardly while he said nothing. She didn't know what she would do if Darry hated her, too.

He finally sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, Soda told me last night. He was pretty upset about it."

"I tried to get it out of Dally."

"He's not stupid. He knows you'd tell me where they are. I'm not stupid either. I know Dally's only trying to do right by them, but he's not. He's making this worse by hiding them out."

She nodded weakly. Tears well up in her eyes, and her voice cracked as she spoke. "They must be so scared."

Darry pulled out the chair next to him so she could sit down.

"I'm sure they are," Darry agreed. "As stupid as Dally's acting right now, he'll make sure they stay in one piece. I just wish I knew when he's planning on bringing them home. Or if he is at all."

Ellie stared hard at the table and sniffed back tears. She had been more worried about when they would be coming home, not if. The _if_ and _when_ terrified her.

"What's she doing here?"

She looked up to see Soda in the doorway, looking as tired as Darry did. She blinked back tears and avoided eye contact with him. She'd never seen him as mad as he was the night before. She could handle Dally yelling at her, and even Tim, but she couldn't stand for Soda to be mad at her.

"Sodapop, you ain't never been rude before," Darry said, turning his attention to the newspaper in front of him. "This ain't the time to start."

"I just came to apologize," Ellie said.

"Apology not accepted," Soda snapped, crossing his arms as if challenging her to try and apologize again.

"I messed up. But I promise, I don't know any more than you do. I promise, Soda."

"Oh, you promise?" he asked.

"Soda," Darry warned.

"No, Dar, if Ellie promises, she's gonna keep that promise. Ain't that right, El?"

She wasn't used to this side of Soda. She wanted him to grin and tell everybody it would be okay and make sure they all had a well-balanced breakfast of chocolate cake and Pepsi. She didn't want him angry with her.

"Of course," she said, only because she didn't know what else to say.

"Guess what? I don't believe you."

She stared after him as he stormed outside, unable to say anything else. She noticed Steve and Two-Bit stirring, from either Soda's yelling or his slamming of the front door, she couldn't tell. It didn't matter.

"He'll come around eventually, El," Darry assured her softly. "You know he will. He's just upset right now. When all of this gets sorted out, things'll go back to how they were."

She felt another urge to cry but held it in. "Yeah, but how long before that happens?" she asked.

Darry didn't answer her. Instead he looked into the living room. "Y'all oughta head on to school. You're gonna be late if you don't get a move on."

"I'm ready when you two are," Two-Bit said, standing up and stretching. She figured he woke up because of the slamming door. From the way Steve was looking at her, he heard the argument. She looked at her hands, feeling completely ashamed of herself.

XXX

She felt like she were entering World War III when they pulled into the parking lot of Will Rogers. The school was completely divided. Greasers on one side of the parking lot, Socs on the other. The place had always been divided to some extent, but this was deliberate. There was hatred behind this division, and she was scared.

Two-Bit pulled into a spot and looked at Ellie in the backseat. "You stay close to one of us. If you don't got a lot of greasers to walk with from class to class, you find us."

"You find Two-Bit," Steve corrected. "Leave me out of it."

Ellie struggled to keep her mouth from falling wide open as he got out of the car and slammed his door shut behind him.

"Stay put," Two-Bit demanded. He climbed out and left her in the car by herself as he caught up to Steve. The doors were shut, but she could hear them through the window.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Two-Bit asked, cutting Steve off as he tried to head for the school.

"Soda told me she was with Dally when the boys went for help. She knew they were in trouble and didn't let Soda and Darry know. She let them find out when the fuzz came to tell 'em," Steve replied. "That's some way to treat them after everything they've done for her."

"And that's some way to treat her right now. You send her in that school alone while this shit is going down, and she'll get eaten alive. We have to have each other's backs until this dies down or until we settle this with the Socs. You know, she was probably scared too, hearing Pony and Johnny killed some kid. You can't blame her for that."

"No, but if she was there with Dally, what else does she know? Dally sent them somewhere and Ellie was with him. She didn't tell Soda the truth in the first place. What if she knows where they are and she's just not sayin' because Dally told her not to? If Dal told her to jump off a fuckin' bridge, she'd ask which one."

Ellie bit her lip. She was so sick of feeling like she was going to cry every second of the day, and she was sick of her friends blaming her for something Dally was behind. She grabbed her books and got out of the car.

"You think Dally would honestly tell her something like that and not tell the rest of us?" Two-Bit asked. "What good would that do anybody?"

"I swear he didn't tell me where they went," Ellie said. They both turned to look at her, and she felt fire ignite in her veins. "You can shut your mouth, Steve, because that's the truth. I didn't even see them until they were halfway out the door and by then it was too late."

"Then why'd you lie about it?" Steve asked

"Guys-" Two-Bit said, his voice pleading, but he was cut off when two cars - one a clunker, the other bright red and shiny - almost hit each other trying to pull into the same parking space. Two boys exited each car, looking ready to duke it out right then and there.

"Stay with one of us today. Who knows what these assholes are capable of?" Steve said. He turned and headed inside.

She looked at Two-Bit who gave her a pained smile, and they followed Steve.

XXX

Ellie walked into homeroom slowly and uneasily. She felt like everyone was glaring at her, and even though that was probably only half true, she ducked her head and made a bee-line for her seat.

Lou, a boy her age that hung with Tim's gang walked over to her with a cocky strut. He leaned against her desk. "Hey."

"Hi," she muttered. She wasn't really in the mood to make conversation with anyone, but a greaser was better than a Soc.

"You're friends with Ponyboy Curtis, right? I see you guys talking sometimes."

"Yeah, what of it?"

He smiled. "Hey, I'm not tryin' to make trouble. I just wanted to see if you had any details about what happened Saturday night."

She looked at him in disgust. Details of the murder? "No. He ran off after it happened. Nobody knows anything about what happened."

He nodded and said in a voice loud enough the whole room could hear, "All right. Well, if you do hear from him, tell him he did a good job."

Lou walked back to his seat, and Ellie shuddered in her own. If she imagined everyone staring at her before, it definitely wasn't her imagination anymore. The eyes of the Socs around her were boring into her back. She sank further down into her seat and, leaning her head on her hand, hid behind her fingers. She all but fell out of her seat when the loud speaker beeped before Principal Greene made his morning announcements. The first few were general, every day announcements: practice times changing or being canceled, student council meeting, a bake sale for new cheerleader uniforms. Then it got bad.

She swallowed hard when Bob's name was mentioned.

XXX

"Over this past weekend, we lost a valuable member of the Will Rogers High family. Bob Sheldon was a talented football player, an excellent student and an asset to this community."

Steve hunched further over his desk, scribbling on the table top. He ignored the murmurs that rushed through the classroom at the mention of Bob's name. He didn't look up again until he heard a slow steady clap from his left. It was Todd Howell, one of Tim's buddies.

Mr. Brady looked up from his attendence sheet. "That's enough, Howell."

Todd kept on clapping. "Well done," he said to no one in particular. "It was a good job. Too bad it didn't happen to more of 'em."

Brady pointed to the door of the classroom. "Get out. Greene's office, now."

Todd pointed to the speaker on the wall. "Greene's busy."

Brady walked over to Todd's chair and physically pulled him out of the seat by his collar. Todd let him, looking like he didn't really care where he was. He was part of the Shepard gang; he'd make a scene no matter where he went and no matter who was there to see.

Todd passed by Steve's chair as Brady escorted him to the door. He patted him on the shoulder.

"You tell your buddies they did one hell of a job, Randle," Todd said.

The Socs around him were really reeling now. Steve had just wanted to come to school and keep his mouth shut, but there was a weird sense of pride growing in him.

"Will do," Steve replied without looking back at Todd.

There were so many Socs talking around him, he couldn't really understand what any of them were saying, but he guessed it had something to do with jumping the greasers every chance they got. He should have been a little more worried, but for some reason, it was amusing. He went back to scribbling on the desk and grinned.

"Randle, you too," Brady said, pointing at the door.

Steve shrugged, gathered his books and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair. "No problem."

XXX

Two-Bit was wandering aimlessly through the halls when the morning announcements began. He should have been in homeroom, but that was the most boring class of the day. It wasn't fun to goof off when everybody else was goofing off too.

He whistled as he walked, running his notebook down a row of lockers to drown out Greene's voice. At a gap in the bay of lockers, he heard Bob Sheldon's name.

"Well, damn," he said with a sigh. "Should've gone to class."

Greene was going on and on about what a wonderful human being Bob was. Two-Bit rolled his eyes and rounded the corner. He almost ran straight into Todd Howell.

"You skippin' class, too?" Two-Bit asked.

"Old Man Brady kicked me out. All I was tryin' to do was give your friends the credit they deserved."

Two-Bit grinned. "It's prett impressive, isn't it?"

"I didn't know your buddies were capable of somethin' like that."

"Well, they are," Steve said, walking up to them.

"Why'd we even come to school if we're all skipping out on class?" Two-Bit asked.

"Ellie's probably still in her class. I would've been, but I got kicked out thanks to Todd. Guilty by association, I guess."

"You're welcome. Can you believe this load of shit?" he asked, pointing to the ceiling where Greene's voice was still droning on.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Two-Bit replied. It was well-known how much Greene favored Socs, especially after the prank pulled the year before, feathering the Socs at the end of the school year. "Where's El's class? The English hallway?"

"Yeah," Steve replied. "You walking her to her next class?"

Two-Bit nodded. No need to separate if they didn't need to.

"Didn't you go to homeroom?" he asked.

"Hell no, I didn't," Two-Bit said. "If I woulda known they would've been making these announcements, I sure would have. I've got a lot of football players in there. I would've loved to have seen their reactions. Where are you headed?"

Steve shrugged. "Dunno yet. Probably just hang out until next period."

"I'm gonna go make myself nice and comfortable in the back hallway," Todd said with a wave. "That way I won't have to get to class and I can still keep an eye on the Socs. See ya guys."

Two-Bit hooked his thumb in Todd's direction once he was down the hall. "Weird guy."

"He's practically taken Monty's place in Tim's gang," Steve replied. "Of course he's fucking weird."

XXX

English class was Pony's favorite and was hardly Ellie's. She had considered it a blessing to have two classes with Pony for their sophomore year, especially because he'd been put up in honors classes she was primarily stuck behind in the regular classes. On the first day of school she counted her lucky stars that Will Rogers didn't have honors English classes until students were juniors and seniors.

Today, though, she wasn't so lucky. The problem on this day was that everyone seemed to know who was behind Bob Sheldon's murder, and the kids in her English class knew she was friends with one of them. Everyone would have one topic on their mind, and Ellie was very much without a friend to talk to. He was gone, hiding somewhere and wanted for murder, and everyone knew it. She stepped into Mr. Syme's class and kept her head low as she meandered her way to her seat. She tried to sit normally, but she was painfully aware of all of the yammering going on around her. Hushed whispers and wondering stares floated around her desk. She felt guilty about Bob's death just by sitting there.

The bell rang and Mr. Syme stood up and called order to the class. He held his roster in front of him and began to call roll. He stumbled slightly over Pony's name, made a note in his attendance book and went on to the next name. A few hushed whispers circled the room and stopped when they came to her. Ellie stared at his empty desk, once again finding that realization hit her hard. He really was gone. The empty seat proved his absence to her, his guilt to everyone else.

Mr. Syme talked for a while and then passed out a pop quiz over the material they were supposed to read over the weekend. Ellie blanked. She hadn't done a lick of homework all weekend; it wouldn't have mattered if she did, though. As kids started getting up and turning in their quizzes, a tall Soc dropped a folded piece of paper on her desk as he walked by. Ellie stared at it for a long time, and then crumpled it in her hand as she got up to hand in her blank quiz. She tossed the note in the trash and sat back down as whispers erupted again.

XXX

Biology wasn't Steve's strong suit. He did okay enough, but he made it through his days counting down the periods until after lunch when he could retreat to his mechanics class. He liked cars, not cells.

His teacher, who looked like a frog, was scrawling something on the board when he caught fragments of the conversation going on behind him.

"I can't believe all this."

"I know, poor Cherry. Can you even imagine?"

"No. My mom said she couldn't believe that two boys could have done it, but I can. I mean, they're greasers."

Steve whirled around in his seat and glared at the two gossiping hens. They were two sharp looking Socs, exactly what he expected. The ones who had big Socy boyfriends, but Steve didn't care.

"Look. Those greasers are my friends, and they woudn't kill a guy unless he was making trouble for them first. And figuring that Sheldon kid was some big Soc, he probably had it comin' if he was makin' trouble for my boys."

Satisfied with their stunned expressions, Steve turned back around and nearly fell out of his own seat. A big, varsity-jacket-wearing, Soc was standing right at his lab station. Steve glared at him with the contempt for the entire world. The Soc hit his open palm with his clenched fist.

"Bob was my buddy."

"That's your problem, not mine," Steve said flatly.

The Soc punched the table and their absent minded teacher finally seemed to notice the commotion.

"What is going on back there? Martin? Sit back down."

"See you later, grease."

"Counting on it," Steve said.

XXX

Ellie rushed out of Mr. Syme's classroom and into the busy hallway when the bellrang. If making it through one class would be so awful, Ellie dreaded the rest of the day. She waded into the stream of students and toward her next class. A whistle caught her attetion and she looked around. Two-Bit walked up to her.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Pony's seat's empty," she said, watching the backs of people in front of her. She shrugged. "It's not like I thought it'd be any different, but I hate this."

Two-Bit just sighed.

There was a bit of roadblock ahead where the hallway split. Kids were crowded around something.

"Stay here. I'll see what's up," he said.

Leaning against a bay of lockers Ellie watched him disappear into the crowd. She should have told him not to bother, it was pretty evident what was going on. Two-Bit shoved his way back through the crowd and rejoined her.

"Fight. Grease against Soc."

"No kidding."

Two-Bit tried to scout a way through the crowd and then the teachers finally came running, pushing the crowd apart to the culprits in the middle.

"Come on," Ellie said. "We'll be late as it is."

Two-Bit stepped in front of her and went to work parting the sea ahead of them. They were no sooner in the girth of the crowd when the shoving started again. People everywhere were on edge and the slightest thing was setting them off. As another pair started fighting in the crowd right by them, Two-Bit grabbed her arm and yanked her through the clearing on the other side.

"Remind me why we came again?" she asked. "This place is gonna be lucky to make it through the week without someone else gettin' killed."

"Can't say I don't agree with that," Two-Bit said.

_I push the trigger and I pull the thread,  
I've got to take it on the otherside._


	11. Can't Seem to Erase

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_ and matchbox twenty owns 'Could I Be You?'**

**PS: Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! We appreciate every single one of them! :)**

* * *

_And I'm standing in place  
With my head first  
__And I shake, I shake._

**September 19, 1966**

Another class ended and Ellie filed out of her classroom with everyone else. She met Two-Bit by Steve's class just a few doors down from her own. He greeted her with a half-hearted wave and together they leaned against the wall and waited on Steve. Across the hall, another fight was about to explode. Two boys were squaring shoulders, exchanging words. Almost as many kids were gathering around to watch as those who were scampering away from it.

"I'm glad it's lunchtime," Ellie said.

"Yeah. I think we could all do to get away from here for a little while."

Steve walked out and together they swam their way through the hall and toward the doors. That was until someone shoved Steve from behind.

"Hey, jerkwad."

Steve turned around and Ellie saw a big Soc standing just a few inches from Steve's face. Two-Bit pushed her back and stood to back up Steve. She groaned to herself and watched with nervous eyes.

"Something I can do for you, man?" Steve asked.

He didn't seem particularly on edge, Ellie noticed. He oozed cool and seemed completely collected. His arms were at his sides, and she watched as he cracked his knuckles. _He's just waiting on the Soc to act first, _she thought. Steve didn't have to wait long because the bigger boy swung, but Steve ducked away, his hands in fists, ready for his own shot. He never had the chance to fight back, though, as Coach Newsome and a brawny history teacher split the fight up. The Soc glared at Steve and pointed a thick finger in his face.

"Watch your back."

"Keep a move on, Martin," Newsome warned.

The Soc walked away reluctantly, but Steve still stood there, Two-Bit at his side. She couldn't stand it any longer, and she tugged on both of them to get moving again.

"What was that all about?" Ellie asked as they walked.

"Told him his buddy deserved what he got."

"Ouch," Two-Bit said.

"Shut up," Steve said. He started taking longer strides and was outside before them.

They walked the rest of the way to the car in silence and sat in continued silence until Ellie spoke up. "I can't do this much more today."

Two-Bit looked back at her in the rear-view mirror. "Little Ellie, asking to skip school?"

She just stared back at him, feeling exhausted.

"Kiddo, your wish is my command. You okay with that, Stevie?"

"I'm always okay with cutting school."

"That's what I like to hear!" Two-Bit pulled out of the parking lot. "How about we grab lunch first? I'll buy."

XXX

Ellie sat next to Two-Bit in a booth at the Dingo. Steve stewed across from her. He couldn't believe the way she was acting. Dally told her to jump, and she asked how high. He had barely gotten out of jail, and she was already nipping at his heels to get back with him. He didn't care much about who Ellie decided to go out with, but Dally? They'd already been through this once. How many times was he going to have to screw her up for her to get a clue?

"What're you thinkin' about so hard over there, Steve?" Two-Bit asked over his menu.

"I'm just tryin' to figure out what's so great about Dally to make Ellie do anything to get back with him?"

Ellie's head snapped up at the mention of Dally's name, and she glared at him. "Why do you care?

"Because I'm tired of having to clean up after your boyfriends. I just can't believe you're already back with him after what he pulled."

She slammed her menu down just as the waitress came to take their order.

"I think we need another minute, sweetheart," Two-Bit said with a goofy grin. The girl seemed relieved and backed away from the table.

"That is what you're worried about right now?" she said, leaning over the table. "About me and Dally? You need to get your priorities straight! Johnny and Pony are gone. _Gone_. Aren't you at all worried about them?"

"If you think I've been thinkin' about anything else for the last two days, you're crazier than I thought," he snapped.

Two-Bit held up his menu in between the two of them. "Guys, can we not do this right now? You two fighting about this isn't helping anything."

Both Ellie and Steve grabbed at the menu to get it out of their way. Steve won and wrenched it away from Ellie.

"I don't know why you're so mad at me," Ellie said. "I didn't do anything wrong. So what? I was with Dally when they came to see him. I didn't know they were there until it was too late."

"Maybe you should be a little more worried about your friends instead of following Dally around like a little lovesick puppy. It's disgusting the way you act around him, and now look where it got you. Maybe if you had stayed at the movies with them instead of traipsing back to Buck's with him, they wouldn't have gotten in trouble."

Ellie's face paled. She leaned back in the booth and looked out the window. He could tell by the look on her face that she was trying not to cry. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. Two-Bit was staring wide-eyed at him, but Steve turned his attention to the floor. He didn't mean to blame Ellie for what Pony and Johnny had gotten themselves into, but it had been on his mind ever since he found out she left them at the movies.

The waitress came back, but she didn't have the nerve to say anything.

"A Pepsi," Two-Bit said. There was a pause when Ellie and Steve didn't order anything, so Two-Bit added, "Make that three, I guess."

Steve looked up to see Ellie swiping a hand across her cheek quickly. Great, now he made her cry. He hated making girls cry, even Ellie.

"Listen, that's not what I meant," he said.

"No, you're right," she agreed, still looking at something out the window. "If I were with them, maybe they would have just gone home after the movie. Maybe they wouldn't have gone to the park."

Two-Bit had been shaking his head and finally spoke up. "No, you guys. We aren't doing this right now. We aren't blaming anybody. Steve, if you're gonna start blaming people, I'm as guilty as she is. I was the last one with them. They don't need anybody babysitting them, and if Ellie had gone, maybe all three of them would've gotten jumped."

"All I meant was -"

"Drop it," Two-Bit said emphatically, looking more serious than Steve had ever seen him before. "Thinking about all these possibilities ain't gonna undo what happened, and it ain't gonna bring Pony and Johnny home any faster. Dally's the only one that knows where they are. Fighting with each other is just makin' things worse."

Ellie was still looking outside, and Steve kept his mouth shut. He looked up at Two-Bit who was mouthing something to him. _Apologize_. Steve shook his head and Two-Bit gave him a sharp kick under the table.

Steve sighed. "I'm sorry I brought any of this up. It's nobody's fault but the Socs. Ellie." She finally looked at him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She nodded, looking more ready to cry than before. All three of them looked tense and uneasy. In fact, their whole side of town looked like that. It was just a matter of time until the lid blew off the whole place. Shit would really hit the fan when that happened.

XXX

Dally was drinking a beer at the bar, thinking things over when Two-Bit walked in. Dally didn't move from his stool. He just kept sipping from the bottle as Two-Bit lumbered over and plopped down beside him.

"What's up, man?"

"You really sent them to Texas?" Two-Bit asked.

Dally set the bottle down and motioned for Two-Bit to keep it quiet. Buck was eyeing him from the other end of the bar.

"Keep it down," Dally said.

Two-Bit looked around and then leaned in closer. He was looking at Dally seriously.

"Texas?" he asked again.

"Come here." Dally stood up and motioned for Two-Bit to follow him. He led him upstairs and behind closed doors.

"Gee, Dal. You ain't even gonna buy me a drink first?" Two-Bit wagged his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"Fuck you. Buck's on the warpath and he'll use whatever he can get," Dally said. "And I don't want everyone else thinking they know what's up."

Two-Bit sat on the bed, springs bouncing under his weight.

"So what is up?"

Dally lit up a cigarette and shook out the match.

"Texas, man," he said, leaning on the door.

"Where?"

"Are you deaf? I just told you."

"Texas is a goddamn big place, Dallas. Where are they?" Two-Bit demanded.

"Why do you need to know? I got it, okay? They're fine and I know where they are. Quit worrying about it."

Two-Bit sighed and looked down at the floor before he looked up again.

"Darry's worried sick and Soda ain't doin' much better. Don't you think they've been through enough, man? I wanna go after them."

Dally wasn't sure he had ever seen Two-Bit quite so serious. The guy lived to make a fool out of himself and anyone else caught in his path.

"What's the worst you've ever been picked up for?" Dally asked.

"Why?"

"I'm just askin'. What's the worst?"

He shrugged. "Nothin' too much worse than shopliftin' and destruction of property. Me and Soda got picked up for disturbing the peace that one time."

"They're gonna get picked up for a whole lot worse than that if you go pick them up and bring 'em back," Dally said. "You wanna see Johnny go to jail?"

There was a definite moment of silence, and Two-Bit looked defeated. Something Dally didn't think he had ever seen from him.

"So it was Johnny who did it," he said, thoughtfully. "I can't really imagine that."

"So the kid snapped. That fuckin' Soc deserved what he got."

Two-Bit stood up and squared his shoulders.

"They're gonna have to come back eventually, Dal. Neither one of them have the resources or the smarts to stay hidden forever and you know that. They need to come home."

"I got it handled, Two-Bit." There were only so many ways to tell him to mind his own business, and Dally was getting irritated.

"Yeah, until some Soc stabs you 'cause you jumped the wrong kid," Two-Bit said. "So tell somebody where they are."

"I am telling you where they are."

"You know what I mean, Dallas. What if the fuzz hauls you in on some bullshit charge, and those boys need you? What city are they in? Give me some kind of direction to head in just in case."

"You want a direction?" Dally pointed at the door. "Out the door, hang a right. Go down the stairs, out the door and then straight back to your house. Is that direction enough for you?"

Two-Bit scowled at him, but he seemed to get the picture.

"You better hope those boys are safe and sound and they get back here in one piece."

He moved toward the door and Dally backed away from it. Two-Bit knocked shoulders with him as he left. Dally slammed the door after him and punched the wall.

_These are the words that I chose,  
__Somehow the right thing to say  
__Won't come out._


	12. Let's Start a Riot

**A/N: S.E. Hinton is responsible for _The Outsiders_, and Three Days Grace is responsible for 'Riot.'**

_

* * *

_

If you feel so walked on, so painful, so pissed off,  
You're not the only one refusing to go down.

**Tuesday, September 20, 1966**

Dally hitched his jacket a little tighter, pulling the collar up around his neck when he heard the car drive by. He figured the Socs would be looking for fights any way they could get them. They sure would be in for a surprise if they thought to pick one with him.

He relaxed a little when he recognized Darry's truck. He pulled over to the curb next to the empty lot and climbed out of his truck.

"Hey, Darry," Dally said, walking up to him.

Dally hit the ground before he realized Darry's fist was heading for his face.

"Son of a bitch," Dally groaned, rolling onto his side. He picked himself up slowly.

"Where are they?" Darry demanded.

Dally had known him for years, and he had seen Darry angry about things, but he had never seen him this upset. He wondered if Steve saw stars when Darry cracked him one for calling him 'all brawn and no brain.'

"Who?" Dally asked.

He expected another shot to the face, but this time it was a punch to the gut. He coughed, trying to get wind back into his lungs.

"Oh, them," he said, his voice strangled in his throat.

"Dal, I'm not playing around," Darry warned. "I need to know where they are."

"Texas," he replied, still bent over, trying to catch his breath. "Didn't you hear that from Soda?"

"I know you aren't dumb enough to just tell anybody what you know."

"So you thought you'd just beat it out of me?" Dally asked, slowly standing up straight.

Darry crossed his arms and studied him. "Is it working?"

Dally's ribs were still sore from the fight with Tim, and taking one of Superman's punches to the same ones wasn't helping anything. Still, he said, "Texas. I'm telling you, man."

"You're an asshole, Dally."

"I was trying to help them. I think I did a damn good job of it, too."

"You sent those boys away to God knows where," Darry said, getting in Dally's face again. "The longer they go without turning themselves in, the worse it's gonna be when they get caught."

"They ain't gonna get caught," Dally said simply.

"So you just expect them to hide out for the rest of their lives?"

"I've got it figured out, all right?" Dally said. It was a blatant lie. He didn't know what was going to happen next, just like everybody else.

Darry was taking deep breaths, staring at Dally. Maybe he was trying to comprehend all of this. Maybe he was just trying to keep himself from decking Dally again.

Dally tried not to flinch when Darry came towards him again - he carried a heavy fucking punch - but Darry grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and slammed him against his truck.

"That's my little brother you're hiding. You got that?" Darry growled. Dally nodded weakly. He felt like a fucking pussy being shoved around like this, but he knew that was the price he had to pay for going behind Darry's back. "Saturday night better not have been the last time I see him. If I find out that you got Pony into even more trouble than he's already in, I'll fucking kill you, Dally. I swear to God I will."

Dally pried his hands off his collar and straightened his jacket. "Got it, Dar. They're safe, I can tell you that much. Plus, they're together. Johnny'll take care of him. You know it as well as I do."

Darry opened his mouth to say something, but he stopped.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Dally asked. Truth be told, he couldn't hear anything besides the blood pounding through his veins. Not many things scared him, but being face to face with a pissed off grizzly bear was enough to make almost anybody want to piss their pants.

"That."

Dally listened. He heard some commotion coming from maybe a couple blocks over. Then he heard an insane cackle of laughter.

"Two-Bit?" Dally thought out loud.

Darry nodded. They both took off running towards the sound of laughter. Darry was well ahead of Dally when he rounded the corner and stopped at the end of an alley. Dally skidded to a stop next to him to find Two-Bit with a two by four, holding off three Socs, laughing like a maniac all the while.

"Crazy bastard," Dally muttered under his breath.

Darry caught one of the Socs by surprise and slammed him into the side of the building next to them. He proceeded to beat the everloving shit out of him. Not to be outdone, Dally caught the one closest to him. He had a little more fight in him than the one Darry surprised, but Dally got in a good swing. The sharp crack the Soc's nose made when it broke made Dally grin. Two-Bit wasn't having much trouble keeping the third Soc at bay with the hunk of wood he was swinging around.

When the three cowards ran, Two-Bit laughed after them. "Run home to Mama, kids! Bunch of punks."

Darry flexed his hand, his knuckles bleeding. "You okay, Two-Bit?"

He swiped at his bleeding nose. "Oh yeah, no big deal. I don't think he broke it."

Dally looked down the alley where the Socs had run to. "I think I broke that kid's. Felt good, too."

Two-Bit nodded as he tossed down the block of wood. "Thanks for the help. I probably could've held 'em off for a little longer, but a two by four only does so much."

"This is getting out of control," Darry said.

"Don't I know it," he said. "What can we do about it, though?"

"You know what they used to do in New York?" Dally asked. "Set up war councils between the two gangs. Decide on a place and time, then fight it out. That'll at least keep them off our turf until then."

"Count me in," Two-Bit said.

Dally looked to Darry, but he shook his head.

"Count me out. If there's a rumble, fine. I'm not going to go looking for a fight."

"Even after what they did to Pony?" Dally knew he shouldn't be pushing his luck around Darry, but he didn't care. They needed this problem solved once and for all, and he would do it with or without him.

Darry gave him an even look. "Leave me out of it, and Soda too. If you decide on a time for the rumble, let me know. Otherwise, this is on you."

"I'll see if Steve's interested," Dally replied. "I know Shepard will be."

"You remember that girl from the movie?" Two-Bit asked. "Cherry?"

"She was the dead kid's girl."

"I wonder if I could find her, see if she could get a few Super Socs to agree to the meeting?"

"You think she would help you out after what happened?" Darry asked.

Two-Bit shrugged. "Worth a shot."

Darry didn't seem to buy it, and Dally wasn't all that convinced either.

"My truck's around the corner. Need a lift?"

Two-Bit shook his head. "Nah, I was enjoying my walk this afternoon before those clowns interrupted me. Thanks for the offer." He made it about halfway down the alley before he turned back and grabbed the two by four. "No need to test my luck, though, is there? See ya later, Darry. I'll meet up with you later, Dal."

Two-Bit stroll down the alley with the plank of wood leaned against his shoulder like a baseball bat, whistling a happy tune.

"Talk about a clown," Dally muttered.

"You need a ride somewhere?" Darry asked.

He threw him a sideways glance. "No thanks." He knew when it came down to it, Darry was his buddy, but at that moment, he was still waiting to get socked when he least expected it.

XXX

The chair tipped back, balancing on the back two legs and wobbling ever so slightly. His feet rested easily on the counter and he braided his fingers behind his head, careful not to mess up his coif. Steve didn't close his eyes, but instead focused on the stains on the ceiling. He was bored.

There was so much jazz going on at school it wasn't worth going just to be told to get out of class or to fight through fights that were breaking out in hallways, or worrying if Ellie was going to make it to her next class okay. He didn't mind not being in school - in fact he liked taking little vacations when he could - but the DX in the early afternoon was dead.

He set the chair back on all fours and looked out the big window. Not a single customer. Steve didn't know how Soda could stand this place during school hours. It was Dullsville.

Getting up, he headed over toward the garage and took in its emptiness. There was literally nothing to do but wait for someone to show up. Steve was almost regretting telling Soda he'd take over what hours he didn't want so he could stay home and wait to see if anything was going to happen with the boys.

He sighed again and went back to sitting.

Thirty-seven minutes later a car pulled up. Steve dashed outside and leaned against the driver's window.

"What'll it be?" he asked.

The man, a business type, answered, "Fill her up."

"Oil check with that?"

"Just some gas," he said.

Steve did what the man asked, collected his money and waved him off. He was heading back inside when a second car pulled up. In the reflection of the picture window, he saw that it was a Mustang. His fists clenched at his sides.

"Hey, grease," a boy yelled, stepping out of his car. It was his buddy, Martin, from science class.

Steve turned around only to see that he was slightly out numbered - three to one. The other two got out of the car and leaned against it. He fleetingly thought of the blade in his back pocket and then reconsidered when he thought about Johnny and Pony.

Martin walked toward him, the other two staying back. Steve slouched, hooked his thumbs in his pockets and coyly glanced around. He knew there was a crowbar hanging just inside the open garage door. A quick dash, and it was his.

"I got a bone to pick with you, buddy," Martin said.

"Maybe you oughta be pickin' your teeth with it. You look like you got something stuck in 'em," he suggested.

The Soc's grin faded to an angry sneer. His fists were clenched in tightly packed balls. Steve really wished he hadn't told Soda not to come in.

"You know you it's bad luck to talk shit about the dead," Martin said, stopping a full three feet from Steve.

"I figured it was bad luck that killed him," Steve said.

Martin swung and Steve was ready for it. He dodged it and managed to grab the kid's arm and bend it back a bit. It wasn't enough, though, Martin twisted his way free and barrelled into Steve's middle. They both went flying, hitting the glass at full force. It took Steve a minute to realize that it didn't shatter.

"That was my friend, you asshole," Martin yelled.

Steve rolled his shoulders and narrowly avoided a slug to the nose. Martin's fist bounced off of the plate glass, and he shrieked in pain.

By the time Steve made it to his feet and turned toward the garage, he found Dally standing there. He held a tire iron loosely in one hand and held out a crowbar for Steve with his other.

When he turned back, Martin was standing in front of his car with the other two goons.

He held the crowbar up and glared at the three.

"Were y'all there that night? You watch your friend beat up mine? You watch him die? Huh?"

Martin pointed at him, his knuckles bloody, his chest heaving. "We should have fucking killed that kid."

Steve didn't need another reason to react. He charged the boys, wielding the crowbar dangerously. He knew Dally was backing him up, but he didn't need any help. All three parted, running for their car at full speed. Steve caught Martin's legs with the crowbar and yanked back hard enough to bring him to the ground. He kicked him onto his back and held the bar inches from his face.

"Those kids are _my_ friends, asshole. Got it?"

Martin nodded, quickly, but Steve didn't miss the hate in his eyes. Dally walked up beside him, the tire iron rested on his shoulder.

"Now that your buddy's dead, who's in charge?"

"What?"

Steve didn't know what Dally was getting at, but he smirked at the sheer confusion and fear on the Soc's face.

"You tell whoever's in charge on your side to meet us at Sutton and First tonight at eight. You bring a few of your friends, I'll bring a few of mine. We have a war council to figure out how this shit is gonna be settled. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it."

Steve and Dally backed up half a step and Martin was off the ground as fast as he could. He ran back to his car, and he and his buddies were flying down the street within seconds. Steve stood near a gas pump, gripping the crowbar so tightly his whole arm hurt.

He glanced at Dally. "Thanks."

"You had it handled."

"Who's going to this meeting tonight?"

"You and me, buddy," Dally replied. "I think Shepard's coming, probably bringing one of his guys."

"We're gonna rumble over this?" When Dally nodded, Steve grinned. "I can't wait to bash some heads in."

XXX

Two-Bit parked near the empty building at the corner of Sutton and First. He got out and leaned against his car, waiting for the guys to come out. He would have liked to have gone to the war council, but it had taken him longer to find Cherry Valance than he expected. He was surprised she even agreed to talk to him, but she seemed cool enough.

He stood a little straighter when he heard some voices coming in his direction. He slouched again when he recognized Dally's laugh. He and Steve came around the corner and headed his way when they saw his car. Todd get in Shepard's car, but Tim just stood next to it like he was waiting on something.

"How'd it go?" Two-Bit asked.

Steve looked malicious, and Dallas looked downright giddy.

"Man, it's just like the good ol' days."

He remembered Dally telling them all about his time in New York and, while he didn't buy into half of it, he believed that he was right in his element with this war council.

"The rumble's set for Saturday night in the lot," Steve said. "Whoever wins stays off the other's turf, and there ain't supposed to be any action before then. Maybe we can walk around our own side of town without getting jumped. Did you ever find that girl?"

"You know, I think that _girl_ is going to come in handy."

Dally smirked. "What do you mean?

"I guess she really liked Pony and Johnny, and it seems like she wants to help. She didn't say as much, but I think she knows Bob got what was coming to him."

"Can you talk to her, see if they're really gonna play fair?" Steve asked. "It's skin on skin, but I don't trust them as far as I can throw them."

"Sure, I'll see what she can find out. Y'all want a ride home?"

"I'll take one," Steve said and looked back at Dally.

"You two go on. I wanna talk to Shepard about something."

"Suit yourself. I'll let you know about Cherry."

They got in the car, and Dally headed back to Tim's car. Two-Bit started the engine, but didn't go anywhere.

"You think Tim knows where the boys are hiding?"

Steve pulled a cigarette from behind his ear and lit it. "I doubt it. He doesn't go around sharing shit about his gang, so Dally wouldn't either. But if he does, he's even harder to read than Dal. "

Two-Bit sighed and pulled away from the curb. He hoped that after the rumble was settled, given that they won, the boys would be able to come home. He didn't know how, but all he did know was that they couldn't hide out forever.

XXX

Tim felt the heft of the gun in his waistband and studied Dally from across the street. He was waving off Steve and Two-Bit and heading his way. He walked like a cocky motherfucker across the street, strutting like he was in charge of it all.

"You got it?"

Puffing on his cigarette, Tim nodded but left the gun where it was.

"Don't make me take it from you."

Tim flicked his cigarette at Dally who didn't even flinch when it hit him in the chest. He stared him down and calculated the odds of another dead kid in the streets giving a rash kid like Dally a fucking gun.

"If you get caught with it and it gets back to me, I'll fucking kill you," Tim said.

He pulled the gun from his waistband and held it. Dally reached for it and Tim pulled it back, holding it away from him.

"What the fuck, Shepard?"

"No bullets," Tim said.

"Yeah, you already told me that. Now give it to me," Dally said. He was whining.

He waited, staring Dally down but knew that if he waited much longer that Dally would just fight him for it. Reluctantly Tim handed it over. Dally snatched it out of his hand and turned toward the light. Almost as though he'd handled one before, Dally started inspecting the handgun. He slid out the empty magazine and cocked it. He held it up and aimed it before dropping it at his side and securing it in his own waistband.

"I'm going regret giving that to you. I can already tell," Tim said, warily.

"Quit being such a pussy," Dally said. "It ain't loaded. Told you it's a good bluff."

"Better hope the fucking Socs ain't packing," Tim said, unable to withstand an evil smile. "I don't think there are many people who wouldn't take the opportunity to take a shot at you."

"Fuck you, man."

"I can dream, can't I?"

"I can't wait to rip the heads off of those pricks," Dally said.

If Tim wasn't mistaken, Dally actually looked happy. It was a scary type of happy, but Tim nodded in agreement. He did agree that it would be fun to finally knock around some Socs to settle the score, but as he got into his car he eyed the gun in Dally's waistband and hoped Dally didn't go searching for bullets. He didn't need that on his conscience, Socs or not.

"Don't kill anyone," Tim said, slamming the door.

Dally slapped the roof of the car and Tim zoomed off, leaving Dally alone on the dark street.

_You're not the only one, so get up,  
__Let's start a riot._


	13. Cut Throat Busted Sunsets

**A/N: _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton, and 'Empty' is courtesy of Ray LaMontagne.**

* * *

__

There's a lot of things that can kill a man,  
There's a lot of ways to die.

**Tuesday, September 20, 1966**

Soda pulled the truck up in front of Sandy's house. She didn't live in a much better area than he did, but sometimes he felt like she was edging on middle class and he was just poor white trash. That was how her parents seemed to think of him, anyway.

He had just climbed out of the truck when she came walking out of her house. He smiled, feeling happier than he had in the last four days when he saw her walking towards him. His smile faded slightly when she didn't greet him with her typical smile. She kept her head down, her blonde ponytail bouncing with each step.

"Hi, Sandy," he said, opening the passenger side door for her.

"Hi," she said softly. He leaned in to kiss her, but settled for her cheek when she didn't seem to notice.

He circled the truck and climbed in behind the steering wheel. "Where to?" he asked over the roar of the engine.

She shrugged. "Do you think we can go somewhere quiet? Somewhere we can talk?"

"That sounds perfect." That was exactly what he wanted to do. He hadn't had a chance to talk to anybody, really, since Pony had been gone.

He took her hand and held it as he drove down the Ribbon. Her tiny hand was limp in his for one moment, and then holding on for dear life the next. He headed up to the Peak, an empty patch off the interstate where trees had been cut down for an industrial building that had never been built. It was where most of the kids their age parked on weekend nights. It wasn't very busy for a Tuesday, so Soda pulled as far away from the other cars as he could. The night was quiet, a cool breeze floating in throught the open windows. If there weren't so many things going through his head, it may have been a romantic date.

"Have you heard from Ponyboy?" Sandy asked, still holding his hand.

Soda was surprised when he felt a sudden lump in his throat. "No. We haven't heard from him or Johnny. I think Dallas knows where he is, but he's not telling us. Not the truth, anyway."

"I'm sorry, Soda," she said, her voice breaking when she said his name.

He pulled her close and hugged her tightly. "It'll be okay," he said, burying his face in her soft hair. If he could stay there for the rest of his life, everything would eventually be okay. Her body shook under him, and he held her tighter. "Honey, it'll all be okay, I promise."

She shook her head and pushed him back a little ways. He sat back in surprise, and she buried her face in her hands.

"Sandy?" he asked. Something was up, and it didn't have anything to do with Pony and Johnny. "What's the matter?"

She dug through her purse, finally pulling out a handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes, but she didn't say anything.

Soda ran a nervous hand through his hair. He thought he would feel better spending the evening with Sandy, but here he was, feeling even worse.

"What's going on?" he asked when she finally seemed to calm down enough to talk.

"Soda, I wanted to tell you this last week, but I chickened out. And then all of this happened with the dead Soc and your brother, but I can't wait any longer." She was twisting the hankie in her hands nervously.

"Tell me what?"

She took a few shaky breaths, and it felt like hours before she finally said anything else.

"My parents are sending me to live with my grandmother in Florida." She began crying again.

Soda felt his stomach drop in the same way it did when the police showed up to tell him his parents were dead. The same way it did when the police showed up, looking for Ponyboy. Another person was going to be gone. He struggled to get air into his lungs.

"Why?" he finally managed to get out. "Is it something I did?"

"No," she said in an unsteady voice. "Soda, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why?"

"I ... I'm so sorry." For the first time all night, she looked him in the eye. He had to give her credit for that. "Soda, I'm going to have a baby."

This time it felt like a punch to gut. The wind gushed right out of him, and he had to consciously think about breathing again.

He stared at her, feeling like he wasn't really sitting there. She wasn't really next to him, none of this was actually happening.

"But ..." He looked away from her, out into the darkness surrounding them. He couldn't believe this was happening. "Sandy, we were only together that once."

"I know," she said, another sob escaping her lips.

Soda felt like he couldn't see straight. He felt like he was drunk and the world was spinning in circles around him. His hands were shaking, and he set them on the steering wheel to steady them.

"Then we'll get married."

"What?" Sandy asked. "Soda, that's not why I told you this."

Soda shook his head. "It's the right thing to do." He reached for her hand again and held it in both of his. "Sandy, I love you, and I wanna do right by you. This is right."

She took a sharp breath, like she was trying to hold back tears. "No."

"What?" He dropped her hand.

"No. I can't marry you."

"Why not?" He reached across the seat to brush the hair away from her face, but she pulled away from him. "Sandy, do you have any idea how much I love you? I know I don't have a great job or a whole hell of a lot waiting for me, but I've got you, and now we're going to have a baby, and that's enough for me."

"It isn't yours."

"What isn't?" He felt like an idiot. He wasn't following.

"The baby. It isn't yours."

Soda stared at her but couldn't see much. There wasn't much light at the Peak, which was the basis of its appeal. He reached for her once again. Running his hand across her cheek, still damp from tears, she leaned into his touch.

"Marry me anyway." He didn't know he was thinking it until he said it.

"Oh, Soda," she cried. She practically threw herself across the seat into his arms. He wrapped her up tightly in a hug, positive that was her answer.

"I love you so much, sweetheart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I love you, too, Soda," she said. She rested her head on his shoulder, her nose barely touching his neck. "That's why I have to leave."

He froze. She seemed to notice his arms tense around her because she sat back slowly.

"I can't stay here with you."

"I don't ..." He shook his head slowly, trying to clear out all the thoughts that were running through his mind. "I don't understand. We love each other. We should be together."

She scooted back into her seat and held her purse tightly in her lap. "Please take me home, Soda."

He didn't say anything for several minutes. He didn't even move. Finally, he started the truck and headed back to her house.

He stopped in front of her house and put the truck in park. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. He wanted to ask her who it was, and why it wasn't him, but he couldn't do that either. Somehow he knew it would hurt that much more to know who.

She reached for his hand and he let her hold it tightly with both of hers. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You're the sweetest, Soda, and I know you would take good care of me. It just isn't fair to you."

He said nothing, and she leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. She rested her cheek on his shoulder and they sat like that for a while. Soda stared straight ahead, trying to figure out how he lost his little brother and his girl in a matter of days.

"I really do love you, Soda," she whispered.

He cleared his throat. "When do you leave?"

"Thursday."

He looked at her in surprise. "This Thursday?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just didn't know how to. Please don't be angry with me."

"Sandy?"

They both looked back at her house, where her father was standing on the front porch.

"I have to go," she said.

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her face. Who knew when he would get to see her again? He took her face in both his hands and kissed her like he had never kissed another girl in his entire life. Like he would never kiss another girl as long as he lived.

"Sandra Elizabeth!"

She pulled away from Soda, her small hand on his cheek, wiping away tears he didn't know he was crying. She looked like she was going to say something, but instead she just kissed him again before she climbed out of the car.

He watched her walk up the sidewalk to her house, her father staring over her head at Soda. He glared back, disbelief filling him. How could they just send their daughter away? How could they keep her away from him when he loved her so much?

He didn't know what he was doing until he was running up the walkway.

"Soda, go home," Sandy begged, grabbing his arm. He ignored her and walked up to her father.

"Mr. Collins, I want to marry your daughter," he said. There wasn't any use beating around the bush.

"Get off my property," he snapped.

Soda shook his head. "I can't leave until you hear me out. I love Sandy more than anything, and I'm marrying her."

Mr. Collins grabbed Sandy's arm and pulled her away from Soda. "Get in the house," he told her. Soda reluctantly let go of her hand. She gave him a desperate look.

"Sir, I love her. You can't send her away from me," Soda said. He was ready to get on his knees and start begging if he had to.

"Son, get off my property before I call the police and have you arrested. I won't let you ruin my daughter's life any more than it already is."

"I'm trying to fix this," Soda snapped.

"A sixteen year old marrying my daughter won't fix anything. Go home and leave her alone. I don't want to see you anywhere near her again."

Sandy gave him a pleading look, and Mr. Collins slammed their front door in his face. Soda felt like a rug had been pulled out from under him and he stumbled back to his truck, his knees unsteady. Sinking into the driver's seat, he stared at the steering wheel, seeing nothing. He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down, but it only made it worse. He felt tears ripping at his chest until he couldn't keep them in anymore.

He rested his head on the steering wheel and cried.

XXX

Soda drove around town for awhile, not really sure where he was going or what he was doing. He didn't know which way was up anymore. With Pony gone, Soda felt like he didn't have anyone to lean on except for Sandy; all the guys were dealing with the mess Pony and Johnny had gotten themselves into just as much as he was. And now he didn't have Sandy either.

He didn't realize he was back home until the truck stopped. It wasn't right to stay out and make Darry worry about more than he already was.

Soda headed inside, opening the door as quietly as possible. He knew Darry would still hear, but he hoped he knew it was just Soda. Every time they heard the door open, both of them jumped up, hoping it was Pony. It never was, and it may never be, but it didn't stop that reflex.

Darry had the television on, but he wasn't watching it. He looked back at Soda when he walked in.

"Hey, Darry. Sorry I'm late."

"You okay, kid?" he asked.

Soda nodded. It was a lot easier to lie to Darry when he didn't open his mouth. It didn't matter though.

"What happened tonight? You look a little wrecked."

Soda tossed the keys to the truck on the coffee table. "I feel pretty wrecked, too." He sat down on the couch beside Darry. "Sandy's leaving."

"Where's she going?"

"Florida. She's going to have a baby, and her family is sending her away." He felt disconnected. It felt like a story he heard from someone else, about someone else.

"Soda ..." Darry began.

"Don't lecture me, Darry," Soda snapped. "I ain't in the mood. She said it wasn't even mine."

He let that statement sink in. Not even mine.

Soda kicked the coffee table hard enough, he turned it on its side.

"Soda," Darry said again.

He ignored his brother and stood up, looking for something else to over turn. He settled for the table next to Darry's armchair. The phone went flying, landing with a rattle on the dining room floor.

"She cheated on me," Soda said, but it came out as a question. He overturned Darry's armchair. "She cheated on me." It was a statement that time.

He was looking for something to throw, but all of a sudden, Darry had him by the shoulders.

"Soda, cut it out," Darry demanded. "You destroying this place isn't going to change anything."

"How could she cheat on me?" Soda asked. He couldn't believe it. Sandy wouldn't do something like that. But she had.

"I'm sorry, Pepsi-Cola," Darry said, but Soda pushed him back and headed down the hall.

He slammed his door shut and fell on the bed. He looked over at the side Pony slept on and felt the tears welling up in his eyes all over again. Steve may have been his best friend, and Darry may be his older brother, but there were some things he just couldn't talk to them about. Even if Pony didn't understand girls, he would listen to him.

Soda buried his head into his pillow and wished for morning.

XXX

Soda rang up a customer's order and gave him back his change. He was typically the best worker when it came to customer service. Today, though, he didn't say a word to anybody. When he got up that morning, Darry was getting ready for work too. He didn't say anything when he walked out into the living room and saw Darry had picked up the mess he made the night before. They drove to work in silence, and that was all right by Soda.

He glanced up when the bell above the door rang. It was Steve.

"What're you doing here?" he asked.

"Decided to blow off school and pick up a few hours here. That Oldsmobile out back needs more work anyway." He hesitated for a moment before he said, "Evie told me you went out with Sandy last night."

"Mind your own damn business."

Steve held up his hands. "We got the Socs at our throats, we don't need to be at each others."

Soda didn't say anything and just watched Steve head for the back.

"I'm real sorry, Soda," Steve said when he got to the door heading out to the garage. "It ain't right."

"Did everybody know before I did?" Soda asked. He wasn't all that surprised to hear that Evie knew; she was Sandy's best friend and all. Still, it hurt.

"I didn't know anything until Evie called me last night, saying Sandy was upset. From the way Evie says it, Sandy's as upset as you are to see her go."

Soda just nodded. He didn't want to believe that. She cheated on him and that was that. Good riddance.

_Will I always feel this way?  
So empty, so estranged._

* * *

**We just wanted to give you guys a heads-up that posting may be a little sporadic in the next couple of weeks. We will both be out of town working on a film (check out our profile for more info ... it invovles Glenn Withrow, aka Tim Shepard!). Thanks, guys! :)**


	14. You Live, You Learn

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own "You Learn" by Alanis Morissette.**

* * *

**Wednesday, September 21, 1966**

_Throw it down, hold it up,  
You wait and see when the smoke clears._

The lot was a pretty happening place. Dally and Steve seemed annoyed that she was there, but Ellie didn't care. She knew there was going to be a rumble and just because she wasn't going to have anything to do with it didn't mean she was going to miss what was going on in the meantime. She wanted to know.

Her boys and Tim's boys stood around a gutted car and chatted. Tim ignored her for the most part, and she returned the favor. She leaned against the hood between Darry and Dally, whose hand kept grazing her side.

"Man, I tell you," Two-Bit said. "Those clowns thought they coulda jumped me good."

"They're gonna keep comin' to our side," Todd Howell said, "and we'll just keep beatin' 'em fair and square."

"Were they fighting dirty?" Ellie asked.

"Sure, but I can fight as dirty as they can," Two-Bit said. "They like to gang up on one guy and see how much damage they can do. They think they can do it, too. We're greasers, who's gonna care?"

Ellie smiled inspite of what he said. She couldn't help it. Two-Bit had a way of making things funny just with the tone of his voice. Everything he said was true, and he tried to find the light side of it.

"It's pretty easy to find it funny, Two-Bit, when you come off on the winning side," Darry said.

"Well, yeah," Two-Bit said.

"Yeah," Darry replied. He slapped the top of the car and waved his goodbye. He walked home alone. Ellie watched him go, those broad shoulders slumped as he walked.

"Well said, Two-Bit," Steve said, sarcastically.

They all noticed when a little red car pulled up on the curb. Ellie watch as every single boy seemed to ogle the pretty red head who got out of the car and walked tentatively their way. She stepped through the grass, her skirt a few inches longer than Ellie's own. Her arms were straight at her sides, seemingly ready to hold her skirt in place should a gust of wind come creeping in from nowhere. Ellie stared at the car her daddy bought for her and the sharp clothes that probably cost more than what Ellie herself had spent on clothes in the last two years. She looked at this girl and saw everything she wasn't, and she hated her for it.

"Hey, Cherry!" Two-Bit called across the lot with a grin and a wave.

"That the dead kid's girl?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, that's her," Two-Bit said.

"Let's jump her."

Ellie's head snapped up and she looked at Mark Snyder, one of Tim's boys. A couple of others started joining in the same chorus. She looked up at Dally, his eyes were dark and full of lust.

"Jesus Christ," Steve muttered.

Two-Bit gave Mark a rough punch to the shoulder that set him back a few inches. "We ain't about to jump a girl," Two-Bit said forcefully. He looked back at Ellie, as if expecting her to stand up for Cherry, like she was going to speak out on behalf of the Socy girl. "Help me out here, kid."

"I don't know her," she said.

Two-Bit looked confused and angry with her all at the same time. He turned away from her.

"Hey, Cherry," he greeted her warmly. "Fancy ride."

She laughed. It was fake and nervous. She ignored everyone else and looked right at Two-Bit.

"It's not much," she said.

"I could make somethin' off of it," Mark said.

Cherry blushed and looked down for a few seconds.

"What's up?" Two-Bit asked.

"Look, Two-Bit, I feel real bad about what happened. I feel like it's all my fault," she said.

"I'll say, sweetheart," Dally cut in.

Cherry's face turned red, but Ellie had a feeling it wasn't because she was embarrassed. She saw the way her teeth clenched through her cheeks, the way her eyes narrowed at Dally. She was angry, indignant even. Ellie knew it was a lot easier to blame things on yourself when others were telling you it wasn't your fault.

"Have you heard anything from Ponyboy or Johnny?" she asked, focusing again solely on Two-Bit.

"They ran away," Steve said. "All cause your boyfriend jumped them."

"I know," she said quietly. "I should have stopped him. I knew he was angry about what happened."

Her voice cracked and Ellie rolled her eyes. Tim's boys snickered.

"Did your boyfriend always worry about 14-year-olds pickin' you up?" Tim asked.

Cherry looked at him, her mouth hanging slightly open.

"Yeah, it ain't that, right? It's just 'cause they're greasers," Tim said. It was almost as bitter as she had ever heard him. He did such a good job of acting like nothing bothered him, she had just assumed that nothing ever did.

"Look, I didn't want any of this to happen, and I'm sorry it did. Really sorry."

"You should be," Steve said. "Those were kids your friends jumped, and now nobody knows where they are."

"I know." Her voice had just the right amount of sugary sweetness to it, and it was giving Ellie a toothache just listening to her. No wonder she had that fancy little car. She could talk anybody into anything she wanted. "I just came because I wanted to let you know that I want to keep you informed on what's going on with them."

"Anything we oughta know?" Two-Bit asked.

"They're planning to fight, but I guess you already know that," she said.

"Yeah, Saturday night. What else you got, dollface?" Dally asked. Ellie didn't like the way he was edging away from her.

"Think you could find out if they're really planning on fighting fair?" Two-Bit asked, ignoring Dally. "There were rules set at the council last night, skin on skin. That means no weapons, but we don't trust 'em."

"I'll find out. I can talk to Randy."

Dally stepped in between Two-Bit and Cherry, looking her up and down. Ellie pushed herself back from the car and watched.

"How 'bout you and I take that flashy little Stingray and go to the Dingo for a Coke," he suggested.

Ellie was vaguely aware of the snickers going on around her. She was too busy glaring at Dally and looking at everything Cherry had that she didn't.

"You can go to hell, Dallas Winston," she said, her tone cool.

"Ah, come on, baby. We had so much fun the other night. You still gotta show me if your a natural red head," he said.

Even Two-Bit couldn't quite contain his laughter. Cherry looked at her as if she was honestly going to say something to make them stop. Ellie did her best to make herself look tough and amused at once, even though she could feel the sting of what he said.

Two-Bit collected himself and wrapped an arm around Cherry's shoulders and started to lead her back toward her car.

"Excuse my buddy," he said, loudly. "He's had no upbringing to speak of."

Dally looked proud of himself until he turned back around and caught sight of the way Ellie was looking at him. She crossed arms over her chest and glared at him.

"What's your problem?" he asked her.

"You," she said.

"Ooooh. Watch it, Winston. You're going to have two broads on your back," Todd said.

"Shut up," Ellie said.

Todd chuckled and nudged Tim's shoulder. "These broads, man. I tell you."

Tim didn't seem to care either way.

"Jealous?" Dally asked. She hated the way he smirking at her.

"Oh, please," Steve muttered.

Two-Bit stepped back up to the car and leaned on it.

"Classy, Dal."

"Shit, man. I had to," Dally said, smugly.

"And what's up with you?"

Ellie realized he was directing the question at her.

"What?" she asked.

"How come you didn't speak up for her? These goons wanted to jump her and you just sat there," Two-Bit said.

"So because I got jumped once, I gotta stick up for her? I don't like her," Ellie said.

"You don't know her," Two-Bit said.

"You guys can have your stupid rumble," she said, turning around and heading in the same direction Darry had left.

Behind her someone whistled, and the Dally laughed loudest of them all.

XXX

Darry watched her walk up the front steps from his chair. She threw the screendoor open and headed straight for the couch. She picked up one of the throw pillows and pressed it agaist her face, letting out a muffled scream. He watched with muted fascination, thanking his lucky stars he was never cursed with having a sister.

Her arms dropped, falling limp at her sides and the pillow tumbled away.

"A little dramatic, you think?" he asked.

"I hate him," she said.

Darry sighed and tried not to laugh.

"If you really hated him, you wouldn't give him the time of day," he said.

She hung her head a little. "I know. That's why I hate him."

"What happened?" He really didn't care. In fact the less he knew about Ellie's love life, the happier he was.

"That girl, Cherry, showed up. That Soc's girlfriend, you know?"

"And?" he asked.

"And Dally's just a jerk."

There was commotion outside, and Darry looked up to see Steve and Two-Bit heading inside.

Two-Bit didn't acknowledge him but instead turned on Ellie. He was in rare form. "What happened with you back there? How could you just stand there when they were wanting to jump her?"

"Why is everyone on my case about everything?" she asked.

Darry looked at Two-Bit, who was taking in a breath and seemingly calming himself down.

"I don't like her, Two-Bit, and I ain't standing up for her. Steve and Soda keep blamin' me for everything, but it's really all her fault."

Darry looked back at Two-Bit now, waiting for his rebuttal.

"That ain't what I mean. I just thought you woulda stood up for her, being a girl and all," he said.

"So just 'cause I'm a girl I have to stand up for her? It was my job to make sure no one jumped on her? What would I have done if y'all decided to anyway? I couldn't've helped her none, even if I wanted to." Her tone was sharpening and she stood up. "Maybe if you guys treated girls right, I wouldn't have had to step in at all."

She all but ran outside and in the direction of home. If Ellie provided anything, it was enough drama to keep the gossip rings moving again and again. Sometimes it got old, but even though Darry knew a lot of it could be avoided, it hit her pretty hard sometimes.

"Way to go, man," Steve said.

"I didn't mean it like that and all. I just couldn't believe she didn't say anything. That ain't like her," Two-Bit said.

"Yeah, but she's right," Steve said.

Steve sat in the space Ellie had vacated and sighed. Darry watched him for a few seconds before Steve caught him staring.

"Where's Soda?" Steve asked.

Soda was yet another problem concerning the dramatics. After he came home from his date with Sandy, he was more upset than Darry had ever seen him. He hadn't gotten much information from him except that she was pregnant and leaving him. Darry knew he should be more concerned for his brother, but he couldn't help being relieved at hearing that Sandy was leaving. Soda would have married her in a heartbeat and having a wife and a kid was the last thing he needed. Darry couldn't even wrap his head around having that for himself, much less his little brother.

"He's out," Darry said.

"I'm gonna catch up with Ellie," Two-Bit said. "I wanna make sure she's okay."

"Let me," Steve said. "I'm sure she knows you ain't mad at her, but you know how she gets."

"Man, I oughta do it. I feel bad," Two-Bit said.

Steve stood up and put a hand on Two-Bit's shoulder.

"Don't. It ain't you, it's Dally," Steve said.

XXX

Steve found her alone in the lot after having checked by her 's boys had cleared out after Cherry left, and Dally had headed off on his own. She knew better than to walk around town alone, but he was glad none of them were there to hassle her. She was leaning up against a bench seat from a car, staring up at the sky.

"You're gonna hurt your eyes staring at the sun like that," he said.

Without looking up, she said, "It's cloudy."

"I guess so," he said, sitting down beside her. He looked up the clouds, too. They were gloomy as all get out.

They didn't say anything for awhile until Steve said, "You should have gone home. I thought you knew better than to be walkin' around by your lonesome."

"Steve, please," she said quietly.

"Fine. Two-Bit wanted to come talk to you, but I know you ain't mad at him," Steve said.

"Yes, I am," she said.

"No, you're not. You're mad at Dally 'cause he was payin' more attention to the Soc than to you," he said. She didn't say anything, and he grinned to himself smugly. "He's just tryin' to get a rise outta her."

"That's what he does to me," she snapped, but she looked hurt about it. "And I _am_ mad at Two-Bit."

"Why?"

She finally looked at him and he remembered the night he found her after she walked out on Tim and his car. He knew why she was upset with Two-Bit, but Two-Bit didn't know why she would be.

"Why would they want to jump her anyway? It's stupid and they all know it," she said.

"It's just talk, El. No one was going to do anything to her but embarrass her," Steve said.

"So how come he just expects me to stand up for her when they shouldn't have been talking trash to begin with?" she asked.

"Because you're always telling people what to do," Steve said, cracking a grin when she glared at him.

She punched him in the shoulder and laid her head back again.

"I wish all this wasn't happening," she said.

"It'll be okay. We can have this rumble and stomp 'em good. Things will get better," he said.

She turned her head and looked at him with wide, distrusting eyes.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" she asked.

Steve was caught off-guard by her question and sat up.

"Why wouldn't I believe that? You know what the stakes are, what the rules are gonna be. If we stomp the Socs, they ain't gonna be jumpin' kids on this side of town anymore," he said.

"Yeah, but for how long?" she asked.

Steve took that into consideration and suddenly wasn't as confident as he had been.

"I'll just bash a few of their heads in anyway. It'll be a good time, too," he said.

XXX

Soda was really just planning on going for a walk around their neighborhood, but he ended up heading toward Steve's place. He was almost there when he noticed Ellie sitting outside, under her bedroom window. When he got a little closer, he saw she was smoking.

"What're you doin'?" he called, as he walked up to her.

She jumped when he spoke. "You scared me, Soda. I didn't expect anybody to be out."

"Sorry," he offered. He pointed to the spot next to her. "You mind?"

She shook her head and held up her pack of cigarettes. "Want one?"

He nodded and slid one out of the pack. He wondered if she knew about Sandy. Nothing around town ever seemed to stay quiet for long, so he hoped that if she knew, she would keep it to herself. Just the thought of her made him sick to his stomach.

"I figure what Mom doesn't know won't hurt her," Ellie said, indicating her cigarette. "I'm sure she knows, but we'll both pretend she doesn't. I don't know if she cares, but I'll pretend she does."

"The way Steve tells it, school's a war zone," Soda said.

Ellie sighed. "It's awful. I haven't gone since Monday. Everybody wants to blame everybody else. And they all wanna fight over every little thing."

"You stayin' out of trouble?"

Ellie shrugged. "Not much trouble I can get into between your house and mine. That's about the only place I've been going lately."

"Seen Dally lately?" he asked casually.

"Just today in the lot. I don't know where he's been," she said.

"I'm sorry about everything I said the other day," Soda said. "Everything's just been so ... it's just been awful with Pony and Johnny gone and not a thing we can do about it. I don't know what me and Darry are going to do if they don't come home soon."

"Don't apologize. You had every reason to be mad at me. I was out of line."

"Well, then I was out of line, too," he replied.

She smiled at him. "Thanks for the company tonight. I sure wish things would get back to the way they were before all of this happened."

"That how I felt after Mom and Dad died. It will eventually. It just takes time." He hoped it would just take time for Pony to come home, not for them to get used to him being gone.

"What's with the pow-wow over here?"

Soda looked up to see Steve walking towards them, pulling his jacket on.

"I was heading over to your place, and I saw a damsel in distress, so I figured I'd stop and see if I could help her," Soda replied.

"Distress?" Ellie asked. "I'm no more distressed than I usually am."

Soda raised his eyebrows. "Like I said, a damsel in distress."

Ellie responded with a sharp elbow to his ribs, and he laughed.

Steve took a seat in front of them. "Any word on the boys?"

He shook his head. "I wish."

The three of them sat in the dark, smoking, each thinking quietly to themselves. It wasn't exactly an easy silence, but Soda was glad to have some company.

_You cry, you learn,  
You lose, you learn,  
You bleed, you learn._

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the slow updates, but we are still on set and not having a whole lot of time to look this stuff over and post it. Hope you enjoyed!_


	15. Got a Notion to Say

**A/N: _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton. "Notion" belongs to Kings of Leon.**

**Finally home and hopefully this will be back on schedule after a week or so. Sorry for the delay between posts! :)**

* * *

_Got an answer in your story today,  
It gave me a sign that didn't feel right._

**Friday, September 23, 1966**

It had taken some convincing, but that was all it ever really took Buck. He always bent if you pushed him far enough. Dally liked to think that Buck was just afraid of what he could do to him, but he knew that Buck was that much of a pushover when he got annoyed. He'd rather give someone what they want instead of dealing with the problem. Dally just knew how long to keep it going.

"Dal, I don't wanna fucking hear it," Buck said, clipboard in hand. He was trying to do inventory which was another plus for Dally. Buck couldn't do shit if he kept getting distracted.

"I need the car to go bail out my buddies," Dally lied. All he wanted to do was make sure they were still fucking alive. "And once that situation gets settled, this place'll be booming again."

Buck didn't look at Dally, but he wasn't marking anything down on his papers either. He was interested in this bullshit Dally was slinging.

"Once this whole thing gets figured out, the cops'll stop buzzing around here all the time and you can start serving everybody again instead of this bullshit ID business."

Buck studied him long and hard for a minute and finally pulled the keys to his T-Bird out of his pocket.

"I swear to God, Dally, you hurt this car the least little bit, you're the next kid to die around here. I guarantee it," he threatened.

Dally nodded as he snatched the keys out of his hand. "Yeah, yeah, got it. Thanks."

"I want it back by tonight!"

Dally was already heading out the door, his duffle slung over his shoulder. He made his way to the convertible and popped the trunk. He tossed his bag in, then slid into the driver's seat. He pulled a pair of sunglasses out of his jacket pocket and slipped the revolver from his waistband. He stuck it in the center glove compartment, then started the car and gunned the engine. He could practically hear Buck having a coniption fit as he slung gravel hard enough it hit the roadhouse.

He zoomed down the streets, not really sure why he was heading in this particular direction. He needed to get up to Windrixville, but he wasn't exactly on a timetable. Pony and Johnny probably thought he had forgotten all about them over the last five days. They would never know how much sleep he had lost in those days, trying to figure a way out of the jam they had gotten themselves into.

XXX

The blanket was frilly. And pink. Ellie held open with both hands and simply stared at it, and then to her very pregnant mother.

"But what if it's a boy?" she asked.

Abigail didn't seem to hear her as she dug another blanket out of the shopping bag. Followed by a set of tiny baby booties. She was humming a lullaby and had a whimsical smile on her face.

"Mom?"

"What, El?" she asked, laying the new treasures on the kitchen table.

"Ain't Jimmy convinced you're havin' a boy?" Ellie asked. "He's already bought it a football and blue stuff."

Her mother glared at her, but Ellie knew the heat wasn't intended for her.

"His momma sent that over," she said, disgusted. "She doesn't know anything."

Ellie refolded the pink blanket and set it on the table with the rest. She stared at her mother's belly and tried to imagine what it was going to be like to have a baby brother or sister. She hadn't paid much thought to it lately, but she knew the reailty was getting ready to hit within the next couple of months.

"How come you don't want a boy?" Ellie asked.

"'Cause I want a baby girl," she answered, transfixed in the pink mess on the table.

"You have a girl, though," Ellie said, under her breath.

"Huh?" Abigail asked.

"Never mind," Ellie said.

She brushed it off. Abigail hadn't done much of the raising when it came to Ellie's early childhood. It had been her grandmother that had done most of it.

"Come help me with her room," Abigail asked, gathering the blankets in her arms.

There were other things Ellie would have rather been doing. School was one of them, and that wasn't exactly a happy place to be at the moment. Abigail hadn't quite noticed Ellie was ditching.

"I don't know," Ellie said.

A hand set on her hip and this time her hot gaze was directed right at Ellie.

"Since you haven't been going to school or working none this week, you're going to help me," Abigail said.

So much for not noticing, Ellie thought.

The back bedroom was only a fraction smaller than Ellie's own room, but with all of the stuff crammed into it, it looked like an oversized closet. It had been her grandmother's room before she died, and since then, they had been using it for storage. Now it was going to be the baby's room.

"This is going to take forever," Ellie said, complaining.

"You have something better to do?" Abigail asked.

There was waiting around at the Curtises, waiting to hear if there was news about the boys. There was finding someone to drive her to Buck's so she could bother Dally.

"Too late. You ain't got a good excuse," Abigail said. "Start cleaning. Jimmy's supposed to be bringing home a crib."

"Didn't I have one you could use?" Ellie asked. "It might be in here somewhere."

"Not anymore," Abigail said nonchalantly.

XXX

Two hours later Ellie had managed some sort of organization in the room. Everything from Christmas decorations to old magazines were organized in boxes to take out to the shed, and a lot for the trash. She wiped sweat from her brow and started to haul boxes into the hallway.

Dragging a heavy box toward the back door, Ellie stopped short when she noticed Abigail sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Gee, thanks for helping," Ellie said.

Abigail said nothing, and Ellie threw the backdoor open. She was annoyed that she was more or less forced into working, but in the back of her mind she was thankful for the distraction. For a while she'd forgotten everything that was going on. She'd forgotten that two of her friends were missing.

Jimmy came home while Ellie was drinking a glass of water. Abigail nearly leapt off the couch with the agility of a woman who did not seem to be seven months pregnant. She ran right to him, and he looked to be more annoyed than anything. Ellie wondered if some other girl's perfume was all over him.

"Where you been?" Abigail asked. She sounded giddy. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's in the truck," he said, pushing her off of him.

"So go get it. I wanna finish the baby's room tonight," she said. "Me an' El got it all cleaned up."

Ellie scoffed and Jimmy looked up at her. She was sure it was the first time he'd noticed she was nearly in the same room with them. He just looked at her and then back at Abigail who was still standing in his way.

"Hop to it," Abigail said.

"Cool it, Abby. I'll get to it," he said, stepping around her into the kitchen.

"They find those boys yet?" he asked, getting in her way to grab a beer.

"No," Ellie said.

"They're just making it worse for themselvses," he said, condescendingly.

"I always thought that Ponyboy was a good kid," Abby said, sitting down at the table.

Ellie slammed the icebox closed.

"You don't even know what happened," she snapped.

"Papers sure say enough," Jimmy said.

It was hard to contain the frustrated tears brimming in her eyes.

"Pony is a good kid. So is Johnny," she said, leaving the room.

XXX

Down the hall Jimmy was putting together a crib as Abigail watched. Soon they would fight over what color the crib sheets would be before they realized they didn't have a mattress. There would be a huge fight all because he forgot to get one. And then Jimmy would yell that she should still have all of the baby stuff from Ellie so he wouldn't have to spend his money on new stuff.

Laying on her bed, Ellie closed her eyes against it all. Instead, she thought about the murder and what must have happened to lead to it. She didn't believe the bullshit in the paper. Not a word of it. She thought about where they might be and what it was like. She imagined what they were doing to pass the hours. She thought about how scared they must be.

She thought about everything that might happen when they came back and tried not to think about what it would be like if they never came back.

A car horn blared outside, and Ellie rolled over and brushed her curtains back. Dally was sitting in Buck's car, the top down. She dashed out of her room and outside.

XXX

Ellie spilled out of her front door with such speed that Dally wondered if she'd known he was coming over. She seemed to catch herself halfway across the lawn, and she slowed down to a normal pace.

"What?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I can't just stop by and see my girl?"

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "So I'm your girl now?"

"Ain't you always been?" he asked.

She clenched her jaw. But damn if she didn't look cute doing it. "What was all that in the lot the other day? With Cherry Valance."

He leaned his head back on the head rest. "C'mon, El, that was just to get a rise outta her, nothing else."

"Sure," she said sarcastically but without much vigor.

He reached over the passenger side door and grabbed her arm, pulling her a little closer to the door. "Don't worry about Cherry. She's nothin'. You think I want the chick that dates some Soc that jumps my friends?"

That seemed to thaw her out a bit. She dropped the attitude anyway.

"Where have you been the last couple of days?" she asked, leaning on the door. He let go of her arm and slid his hand down to hers.

"You know. Busy," he said, as noncommittal as possible.

"Busy with what?" she asked. "First Pony and Johnny are gone, then you disappear on us too. Sandy dumped Soda and it just feels like the whole world's falling apart."

"Whoa, she dumped Soda? Didn't see that coming," he said, not really concerned.

"I don't know, it's a whole big mess." She stared off down the street and shrugged. She finally looked back at him. "Tell me Johnny and Pony are fine."

He nodded. "They are. They're safe."

She held onto his hand tightly. "You promise?"

"Yeah, Dollface. They're fine. You don't think I'd send 'em off to the butcher, do you?" he asked with a grin.

It worked; she kind of smiled back. "No, I guess not."

"Listen, kid, I gotta go," he said, dropping her hand.

"Where're you going?" she asked, her voice raising slightly.

"I just have some things to take care of," he replied.

"You don't come around for days at a time, and when you do, it's for five minutes?" she demanded.

"It's not a big deal," he said.

"Yeah it is," she said. "It's a very big deal."

He climbed onto the passenger seat as gracefully as he could, which wasn't very, and grabbed her arms. "It's not," he said, pulling her closer. He caught her off guard, holding her that close to him, and she didn't say anything. "You busy tonight?"

She seemed confused and then finally shook her head. "No. What would I be doing? The whole town is at war with each other."

"Good," he said, ignoring the last part of her comment. "Don't make any plans. We have some catching up to do." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her long and good.

When he let go of her, she still looked confused. "Where are you going, Dally?"

He climbed back into the driver's seat and turned the car back on. "Tonight. We have plans. Okay?"

She nodded and he put the car in drive. When he looked back in the rear-view mirror, she looked pitiful standing there, watching him leave. He looked straight ahead and didn't look back again until he turned the corner and drove out of her neighborhood.

XXX

Dally drove off, turning the corner with the tires squealing as he went. She still felt the grip he had on her arms, and his lips on hers. It was exactly what she knew she wanted, but she wasn't really thinking too much about it. Dally was going to wherever he had stashed the boys, and she didn't do a whole lot to stop him. And now she didn't know what to do.

Standing on her front lawn for a few seconds, she looked down the street and wondered if Steve was home from work yet. She wondered if she should tell him. She debated and then went back inside.

Abigail was standing just inside the door. Ellie jumped, not expecting her at all.

"Was that Dallas?" she asked.

Ellie brushed by her, not answering.

"Ella, that boy is trouble," she said, talking to Ellie's back.

Ellie slammed her bedroom door and paced.

XXX

Once he was outside of the Tulsa city limits, Dally really tested the spedometer of Buck's ride. He grinned to himself as he plowed down the country roads, letting loose and actually having a good time as he planned out of the finer points of his hideout plan for the boys.

The wind blew through his hair and he had the radio up as high as he could stand. It was a good day so far, and his grin broadened as he imagined how it would end.

He was damned because that little broad had him wrapped around her finger. He was just lucky she didn't know it. He knew, though, that he had his own power over her. He didn't have to do a thing to get her interested again after he got out of jail. She followed him all on her own. And now he was determined to finish what they had started the night everything went to hell.

Dally watched the signs and barrelled on toward Windrixville. A trip he was committing to memory, as he expected to make a lot of trips up this way for awhile. Pony and Johnny would need that much, at least until things blew over.

XXX

There was a hesitant knock on his front door. He waited a second, towel in hand, to see if whoever it was would knock again. A few seconds later they did.

"Just a sec," he shouted. He threw the towel to the floor and raked a comb through his wet locks. The hair oil would have to wait.

When Steve opened the door, he found Ellie standing on his front porch.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked.

She wrinkled her nose at him and said, "Why aren't you dressed?"

Steve grimaced at her.

"I'm half-dressed. What do you want?" he asked.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Steve thought about it for a second, wondering what drama she was bringing over, and then stepped aside and let her in. He walked back toward the bathroom to do his hair and she followed him. She stood in the doorway and looked at him in the mirror.

"You gonna talk or what?" he asked.

"Dally came by a little bit ago," she said.

A groan welled up in his chest, but he kept it down. He didn't get it and he really didn't get why she was talking to him about Dallas.

"You really going to start this with him again?" he asked, slathering his hair in oil. He picked up his comb and started working. "I mean, he already screwed you over. Why bother with it again?"

In the mirror he watched her reaction. Her arms were crossed over her middle, she leaned against the door frame. She had a determined expression on her face.

"And all that shit with Tim. You need to just back off the hoods for awhile," he said.

She immediately looked at the floor and Steve cursed himself. _Way to be Mr. Sensitive_, he thought.

He set the comb down and turned to her but she had her hand up stopping him.

"That's not what I'm here for," she said. "Dally came by and then left. He didn't say where he was going, but I really think he was going to check on Pony and Johnny."

Steve let the words sink in and then he reacted.

"You sure he didn't say where?" he asked.

"I just said that," she said, getting short with him.

"Did you tell Soda and Darry?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I didn't know if I should even tell you."

He brushed by her and headed for his room. He rumaged around his drawers and found a clean undershirt and carefully slipped it over his head.

"What was I supposed to do?" she asked. "He wouldn't tell Darry, there was no way he was going to tell me."

"I know, but damn, Ellie," he said, picking up his old jeans vest. "Darry's gonna go crazy when he finds out."

"Don't tell him," Ellie said. "Maybe I can get it out of him tonight."

That caught him off-guard.

"Tonight?" he asked.

"Jeez, Steve. Forget I told you anything," she said, storming out of his room.

He rolled his eyes and dashed after her. He caught her before she made it out and blocked her exit.

"You really think he was headed to wherever they are?" he asked.

"He had Buck's car," she said. "And said that he had something to do but wouldn't say what."

Steve thought about it and sighed.

"Guess we can't do nothin' until he comes back," he said.

"Are you going to tell Soda?" she asked.

He wasn't sure if he was going to or not. Soda was a wreck as it was. He wasn't sure telling him Dally had gone off to see the boys was going to help anything. Dally wouldn't crack no matter how much Darry and Soda threw at him once he got back.

"I'll wait until after I talk to Dal," he said. "Or you."

She nodded, seemingly satisfied.

XXX

Dally remembered Jay Mountain from when he was a really little kid. His uncle Lane's property wasn't too far from it, and he and his cousin once broke into the little church just to see if it was one of the ones that had wine. Turned out that it didn't. They had been caught and paddled for their trouble.

As he pulled the car up the gravel lot, the church came into view. The windows boarded up and looking like God had left it forsaken years ago. It was true enough.

After he parked, he wondered why neither one of them came outside. The sound of an approaching car might scare the hell out of them, but once they saw it was him, he figured they'd be greeting him by now.

And for a split second Dally feared that they hadn't even made it this far. All week long, he had made plans to get to Windrixville to see them, and he hadn't even considered the possibility that they hadn't even made it there. He let out the whistle they would have recognized and heard nothing back. He walked quickly to one of the boarded up windows and peered through the cracks. He didn't see them. Circling around the building, he peered in every single window until he was closer to the front of the little church and he saw them fast asleep on the rotting pews.

A whooshing sigh of relief whistled from between his lips, and he felt his heart rate begin to regulate.

_I just wanted to know if I could go home,  
Been rambling day after day  
And everyone says I don't know._


	16. Ain't Nobody Played the Fool Like I

_Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own Red at Night by the Gaslight Anthem_

* * *

_Things got bad, things got worse,  
Half like blessing, half like curse._

**September 23, 1966**

Easing the car to a stop, Dally watched open mouthed at the smoke billowing from the church. For some reason it was happening, and for another there were a bunch of little kids standing outside it and screaming. Snapping out of his surpise, Dally started to turn around and beat it out of there when Ponyboy hopped out of the T-Bird. Dally reached to try and pull him back in, but Pony was halfway across the field in a flash.

"The fuck is he doing?"

Dally looked at Johnny as he opened the car door. It seemed to him that it was all happening in slow motion. There was no way this was happening.

"What are you doing?"

Dally grabbed his collar but didn't hold on tight enough as Johnny raced after Pony.

"You're gonna get him?" Dally called after him, absolutely astounded at what he was seeing. It wasn't until he watched them disappear into the smoking building did he get pissed. They were going to get themselves killed and over what? Snot nosed kids.

Struggling over the door, Dally ran across the field and nearly bowled over a couple of kids who ran right into his way. He shoved a little boy and went to the spot where Pony and Johnny went inside. Smoke and heat poured out of the windowframe and he yelled their names. Coming up empty he backed off and ran around the little church, looking through slats for a glimpse of them. His eyes were burning and his lungs scorched, but he ignored it.

Rounding the corner he came up to another boarded up window and saw tiny fingers poking through. Sticking his own fingers through as much as he could he ripped board after board from the frame, splinters slicing through the skin on his fingers. The smoke billowed out and he stared in, nearly jumping out of his own skin when Pony popped through all of the black.

"Get the fuck outta there!"

Pony didn't say anything, he just held up a kid, shoving him through the window. Dally took the little brat and pulled him out, dropping him on the ground and not even caring if he landed okay. Pony handed off another kid and another. Dally wanted to scream at the both of them to leave the brats and get out.

Another kid came through and Dally heard a crack. His eyes darted around and he focused on the ceiling as he yanked another kid out of the window. _The roof. _

_"_Oh shit," he said, feeling more panicked than he had ever felt.

He dropped the kid and yelled at Pony to get his ass out of there. Dally managed to get a grip on his arm and he yanked him out of the window with everything he had. As Dally pulled, Pony was struggling to go back in. He was thinking that he might have to break Pony's arm to get him out, and came close to doing so when he noticed that the kid's arm was on fire. Dally pulled him out, arms wrapped around him and he threw him to the ground and put out the fire on his sleeve. When he stood back up he stopped. Pony's eyes were closed, his face pale. He couldn't tell if he was breathing. But a shrill scream, one that made his blood run icy in his veins, made him turn on a dime and look back at the smokey window. Dead or not, Pony was on cool ground and Johnny was inside dying by the sound of it.

"I'm comin', Johnny!"

In one easy motion he was through the window. He stood in one spot, the smoke heavy and astonishingly thick. He couldn't see anything but black and dark hues of orange, there was nothing to go by except his feet and whatever happened to lay before them. He turned quickly and wasn't even sure he could find the window he'd just come through. The heat seared his skin, his eyes. His lungs filled up and he felt like he was choking.

"Where are you? Johnny?"

All that answered him was the roar of the fire and the cracking of wood somewhere above him. He tried to get his bearings and remembered that Pony kept moving back to Dally's left. He stepped carefully and only three steps from where he landed he felt something soft with his foot. An unfamiliar feeling welled up in his stomach.

"Johnny?" he shouted over the roar, but nothing answered back.

Leaning down he felt the still lump. The lower he got the thinner the smoke got, the world a suddenly brighter place. Johnny was lying on his stomach, black eyes closed, and his clothes smouldering. Without hesitation Dally turned him over, hooked his arms under Johnny and lifted the kid back into the rolling smoke. Turning to head out he suddenly lost all sense of direction and he stood frozen in place. With his elbow he tried to touch the wall but it wasn't as close as he thought and he leaned too far and nearly toppled over with Johnny's weight. Above him he could hear the roof breaking apart and in his mind he could see it sagging and then collapsing on top of them. He had no idea what to do.

"Hurry up! Where are you?"

He had no idea who was yelling but he shouted at whoever it was as best he could with smoke filled lungs to keep shouting. With careful steps he walked toward the voice, nearly losing it completely when somewhere behind him, or to the right of him he really had no idea, collapsed with a deafening sound. The roof was really going. He heard the shouting again and took one more step when a hand grabbed on to his jacket and yanked him up against the window frame. The smoke so heavy the light that could penetrate looked more like night than mid-afternoon. There was a fat man standing there and Dally was putting Johnny into his arms. The weight suddenly lifted and Dally tried to lift himself out, but his arm gave out on him when he tried. He was vagely aware that his arm was on fire. It hurt, but his lungs burned more.

"Boy, hold on!"

The fat man came back, grabbed Dally and yanked him out. Hunched over on the grass he coughed hard enough to draw tears to his eyes and he heard the church collapsing in behind him. He didn't need to look, and he didn't want to look. Vomiting he then rolled over and laid on his back, still desperately trying to fill his lungs. The blue sky was tinged with wispy black clouds. He could hear sirens but they sounded far away. Kids were crying and there was a frantic woman somewhere close. The fat man crouched beside him, but Dally could hardly see him through the black that was clouding his vision.

XXX

Darry and Soda ate their dinner the same way they had for the first part of the week; in silence, both sneaking glances at Ponyboy's empty seat.

"You wanna talk about Sandy?" Darry asked, just like he had asked the days prior to this.

Soda shook his head and tossed his napkin on the table. "No," he said, collecting their dishes and taking them over to the sink.

Darry didn't say anything. There really wasn't much for him to say. If Soda didn't want to talk, then he wasn't going to talk. Darry hoped all it would take was Pony coming home to get Soda out of this rut. They were both stuck there, but Soda was taking a lot longer climbing out than he was.

Walking into the living room Darry grabbed the newspaper. In the last couple of days, he avoided the front page of the paper at all costs. He didn't care much for anything the reporters had to say in regards to Bob's death. He flipped immediately to the sports section, reading about scores he didn't care about. He looked up when the door opened, Ellie and Steve walking in.

"Hey guys," Darry said over the paper. Steve flopped down on the couch and Ellie sank down next to him. She looked upset. "What's wrong?"

She shrugged. Steve gave her a nudge in the arm. "Tell him what you told me."

"What?" he asked, putting down the paper.

She shrugged again. "I saw Dally earlier. He borrowed Buck Merrill's car and he stopped by my house."

"So?" Soda asked, walking into the living room as he wiped his hands on a dish towel.

"He said we would go out somewhere tonight, but he never showed up," she said.

"Big deal," Soda said. "It's Dally."

Darry had to agree. "He's not always the most reliable person."

Steve nodded. "That's what I told her."

"It's just ... I haven't seen him in a couple days, then he comes by in Buck's car to talk for five minutes. Then he's gone again," she said, sinking back into the couch. "He's up to something."

"He's probably been up to something the last couple of days," Darry said. "None of us have seen him either. Why's this different?"

"I don't know," she replied. "There's just something weird about all this. He made a big deal about us going out tonight, and he's not here. Where is he?"

He studied her face as though it would give some clue as to what Dally was doing. It made sense to him that Dally would go to the boys, he did go through all the trouble of hiding them, he was going to have to check up on them. Ellie's eyes were troubled and maybe even a little scared, but Darry believed she was being truthful. Dally wasn't telling her anything.

Folding the paper in his lap, he wanted to tell her that there wasn't anything they could do until Dally got back, but the phone rang. He felt his neck crack as he looked at it. The ringing was so loud, and he noticed that no one moved for it. Darry's hand hovered over the phone, a million thoughts running through his mind, most of them frightening. Every time the phone rang it was the same. He was terrified to answer it because knowing an awful truth was worse than the waiting, or so he told himself. Their family just didn't seem to have the stars in their favor for anything good to be on the other end.

"Darry?"

Soda was staring at him, his eyes wide.

Darry knew he had to answer the phone. Good news or bad news, it was either information or it was just another person calling to check up on him. Taking a breath, Darry answered.

"Hello?"

XXX

Eyes closed, Darry stood stoic in the elevator. He felt it move upwards, felt it stop with a shudder and heard the doors slide open with a mechanical shriek. Soda shuffled out, his worn out shoes dragging on the dingy linoleum, his feet too tired to pick themselves up all the way. Eyes still closed, Darry was frozen with the movie playing in his mind. He saw Ponyboy glare at him and turn his back to him. And in the same film, Darry saw himself walk away because it was all he could do.

But this was reality, and Darry opened his weary eyes and stepped out into the hallway and stopped. There, caught up in an embrace that was missing so many people, were his brothers. His heart raced in his chest and nearly stopped with the shock of actually seeing his brother. It had only been seven days, or had it even been that long? The number didn't matter, either way it was a lifetime of worry.

He could have watched the two of them, alive and seemingly well, embracing forever. Darry hardly noticed the bleached hair, the soot on his face, the noticeable thinness on Ponyboy's lean frame. All he could see that he was alive.

"Ponyboy?"

He hardly noticed the name slip from his lips until Pony looked up at him, his green eyes wet with tears. Pony stared at him and didn't move. The seconds between the time he called his name and when Pony finally rushed up to him were some of the longest in his life. Clutching at his little brother, Darry swore that he would never let go. Tears leaked out and he loosened his grip on Pony to pull Soda against him as well. Life was as it should be in that minute, and he never wanted to leave.

_It's these blessings so hard to see sometimes,  
Got a little clearer about dusk last night,  
Ain't nobody got a blessing like mine._

* * *

A/N: We're back! Hopefully we'll be better at updating now!


	17. Life Ain't Easy

****

****

**A/N: _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton. "We're Forgiven" belongs to The Calling.**

****

********

_

* * *

_

__

I see them sleeping on the streets,  
Their bloodstained hands and dirty feet,  
And I can't ignore them.

****

****

**Friday, September 23, 1966**

Finding something to pass the time was not that easy. Ellie had gone from pacing to sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table staring at him. Two-Bit wasn't helping matters either by playing with his switchblade. Steve knew if Darry didn't call soon with news, he was going to have to drive the three of them to the hospital himself just to keep them all from going crazy.

"What's taking so long?" Ellie asked.

It was the third time in an hour she had asked that, and for the first time, Steve ignored her. How was he supposed to know anything? He wasn't there.

"Let's do something," he suggested.

From where he was sprawled on the floor, Two-Bit got to his feet and picked up a deck of cards from the top of the old piano and came back into the living room. He tossed the deck onto the coffee table and Steve went to work shuffling the cards.

He barely had the first card dealt when Ellie asked, in the most pitiful voice he had ever heard, "You think they're okay?"

"They gotta be," Two-Bit said, taking his cards.

Steve didn't look at her, and he wasn't about to answer her either. He was just as worried as she had to be, but he wasn't going to worry too much until there was something to worry about. Besides, she was doing enough for all three of them.

For the next hour they played poker, betting with peanuts and with minutes. In all his life he had never known Two-Bit to be so quiet, and it bugged him. Right then, he needed Two-Bit to be himself to make the time pass. He could be the one to tell them it was all okay. Steve hated the role he was being forced into by the others. He didn't want to tell them it would be okay when he wasn't so sure himself.

On the next hand, Ellie pushed all of her peanuts into the middle of the table.

"All in," she said.

"You're bluffin'," Two-Bit said.

She gave him a shrug.

"I'll call your bluff," Two-Bit said.

He pushed all of his peanuts into the pot.

Steve studied his cards and weighed the chances of a pair of jacks and an ace high against the mountain of peanuts.

"I'll call it," Steve said, pushing all of his in as well.

"Let's see 'em," Two-Bit said.

All three of them dropped their cards face up and Steve glanced at the opposing hands. Two-Bit had a pair of nines and a king high. Ellie had a whole lot of nothing.

"Nice bluff, kid," Two-Bit said.

"What was the point of that?" Steve asked, sitting back on the couch.

"Sick of pretending that we're not all thinking about what's going on at the hospital," she said, laying back on the floor and rubbing her eyes.

He glared down at her even though she wasn't looking. He was annoyed to no end that she was acting like this. They were all desperate for information, and she was acting like a stupid kid.

"I want them to call," she whined.

Steve made a motion as if he was wringing Ellie's neck, and Two-Bit's eyebrow shot up in silent agreement.

No one said anything for a while, they just all lounged in their respective bubbles and soaked in the silence. Steve contemplated walking outside to get a fresh breath of air because the tension in the room was sucking up all the oxygen. He stayed where he was, not wanting to disturb the others.

When the phone finally did ring, it startled all three of them. Ellie sat up and stared at Steve with wide eyes. Leave it to her to be waiting and waiting on the damn phone to ring, and then be afraid to answer it when it finally did.

Two-Bit wasn't any help himself. He just started at the telephone like it was going to answer itself.

Steve sighed and crossed the room.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Steve. It's Darry."

By this time, Ellie was standing beside him and Two-Bit was sitting in Darry's chair, listening intently. He mouthed to them that it was Darry.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked. He suddenly realized that he was truly afraid of the answer.

"Pony's doing fine. We're going to leave here in a little while. We've had to talk to cops and everyone," Darry said.

That was good news, but there was still Johnny and Dally. The question was on the tip of his tongue when Darry answered it for him.

"Dal's okay. There was a fire, and he burned his arm pretty good. He'll be in the hospital for a few days."

A fire? He wondered what the hell the kids had gotten themselves into. "And Johnny?"

He heard Darry suck in a breath. He started to say something three different ways before he got it out.

"The doctors say he broke his back. He's burned up bad and they just don't know. They won't let us see him."

Steve swallowed hard at that news. He couldn't imagine Johnny that hurt.

"We'll be home in a little bit," he said.

Getting the hint, Steve hung up and turned to face Ellie and Two-Bit.

"What's the news?" Two-Bit asked.

"Pony's okay. There was a fire, but he's okay and they'll be home in a little while." Looking at Ellie, he continued, "Dally's okay. Darry said he got his arm burned up and he'll be in the hospital a few days, but he'll be fine."

Her face went white and then slowly regained color.

"What - what about Johnny?"

Steve didn't know how to tell them, and realized that Darry had probably felt the same way only seconds ago when he had told Steve.

"Steve, just tell us," Two-Bit said.

Licking his lips, Steve said, "He's real bad off. He broke his back and he got burned."

"Oh my God," Ellie muttered, her hand flying to her mouth.

Two-Bit's face went hard, his jaw set in a firm line. He cursed and sat back down.

For the longest time, they once again fell into silence until Steve couldn't handle it anymore.

"Let's go," he said. "They'll be home soon and we don't need to be here when they do."

He expected lip from Ellie, but she was already pulling on her jacket and leading the way out the door.

Outside, Two-Bit waved them off without saying a word and Steve walked on toward home with Ellie.

"How can he be that bad?"

Steve looked at her but didn't answer. He was struggling with Johnny's condition himself.

He was happy to see her house up ahead. It wasn't that he was in a rush to be rid of her, he just wanted to be alone.

He stopped her before she went inside. "I'll stop by and walk over with you in the morning. I have to work, and I think Soda and Darry do, too."

"Okay."

"El," he said. "It'll be okay."

She didn't smile, but she seemed to relax just a little.

"See you in the morning," she said.

Waving, he waited until she shut the door and then headed toward his own house. When he got there, he didn't want to go inside, so he sat out on the front stoop and smoked awhile, hoping things really weren't as bad as they seemed. Pony was okay, but he knew that saga wasn't over. There was a lot those boys were going to have to go through. But knowing he was safe seemed like enough. Dallas was okay, but when wasn't Dally okay? It was Johnny that wasn't. Johnny who never got a break from anything was the one with the broken back. It wasn't fair.

As Steve stubbed out his smoke on the step, he looked up at the sky and stared at the stars. Feeling like a little kid, he honestly wished on one that for just this once, things would be okay.

XXX

Just like everyday for the past week, Ellie was up before the sun. She couldn't help that she couldn't sleep. Today, though, there was more anticipation than fear. She wanted to see for herself that Ponyboy was home and safe.

She went through a normal morning routine, from breakfast to a shower and getting herself ready, but it was still early. She went out to grab the morning paper and carried it inside before she unrolled it. She didn't know what to expect, but she knew there would be something.

Pony, Dally and Johnny stared back up at her. Heavy words about being heroes and critical injuries binded her insides. Ellie bit her lip. It was like something out of a movie. This wasn't something that happened in real life. Not to people like them. Not in Tulsa.

There was quick knock on the door and Ellie got up, leaving the paper wide open. Steve was on her doorstep, waiting.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, lemme grab my coat."

She took her coat from the hook and left with him.

"Did you see the paper?"

He slid his hands out of his jeans pockets and pulled his copy from his waist band.

"Yeah. It's weird to see 'em on the front page," he said.

"Last week, they were wanted for murder and now they're heroes?"

"Well, heroes yeah, but they're still in trouble," he said. "Pony's gonna be in trouble with the cops 'cause of running away and Johnny might be tried for manslaughter," he said, grimly.

Ellie had read that, but she couldn't stomach it. Could they put you in jail for defending yourself?

She kept her thoughts to herself when Two-Bit came running up the sidewalk, motioning for them. She and Steve stopped.

"Hey guys," Two-Bit greeted. He looked to be in a good mood.

"Hey, man," Steve said. "Where's your car?"

"Dead. Gotta get the brakes fixed."

"You been over there yet?" Ellie asked.

"On my way now."

"Let's go then," she said, eager.

XXX

Two-Bit's arm flew in front of her, stopping her before she could pull the screen door open. She could see someone in the kitchen. She did a double take when the strange blond head turned a bit and she saw that it was Pony's face. Relief washed over her in waves.

"Anyone home?" Two-Bit called.

"In here," came Pony's voice.

Two-Bit grinned at her and motioned for Steve to go one way and he would go the other. He opened the door and the two rushed in before she could.

"Don't slam the door," Pony called back.

The door slammed before Ellie could grab it. She rolled her eyes and darted inside just as Two-Bit caught Ponyboy in a bear hug, swinging him around the kitchen. One egg he was holding went flying. It smashed against the clock on the wall.

"Hey, Ponyboy!" he said, ecstactic.

Steve slapped Pony across the back and Ellie cringed as Pony winced. Steve gave him a playful shove and the other egg cracked in his hand.

"Now look what you did. There went our breakfast. Can't you two wait until I set the eggs down before you go shovin' me around the country?" Pony said.

Ellie grinned. He sounded annoyed, but she could see the bit of amusement on his face. He was happy to be home. He finally noticed she was standing there and smiled at her.

"Hey," she said, quietly. She handed him a rag to wipe off his hand. She thought he looked funny with blond hair, and Two-Bit must have, too. He started walking in circles around Pony, gawking at his hair.

"Man, dig baldy here," he started up.

Ellie, in an attempt to stifle her laughter, walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She was so happy he was home.

She heard Steve start in, saying, "How's it feel to be a hero, big shot?"

"How do I like what?" Pony asked.

Ellie listened and realized that Pony didn't know what was in the paper yet. There was a lot of stuff in there she didn't know if he could handle. It was quiet for a few seconds and then he walked into her line of sight, reading Steve's paper.

"What I like is the 'turn' bit. Y'all were heroes from the beginning," Two-Bit said.

He looked up at her when Two-Bit said that. He didn't feel like a hero by the way doubt clouded in his eyes. He looked down at the paper again, reading.

"You mean they're talking about putting me and Soda in a boys home?" he asked, whirling around back toward Two-Bit and Steve.

Steve was combing his hair, looking anything but concerned. "Somethin' like that, he said.

Maybe last night Pony had figured all the hard stuff was over. He was home, Johnny was home, things would be okay. But Ellie watched as the reality of what the newspaper was saying hit him hard. She couldn't say anything to take the truth away, so she kept her mouth shut. All of that reality was going to hurt everyone.

"No," he stated. "No, they ain't gonna put us in a boys' home."

"Don't worry about that," Steve said. Ellie hated his cockiness. What was he planning on doing if it came to that? "They don't do things like that to heroes. Where're Soda and Superman?"

As if on cue, Darry showed up behind Steve and lifted him off the floor and dropped him back down. He hit the floor hard and he scowled. Soda walked in, clad in only a towel around his waist. He went into the kitchen and circled back around, plopping down on the opposite side of the couch, drinking chocolate milk from the carton.

Soda nodded, watching the TV that Ellie hadn't noticed had come on. Steve was sitting on the arm of the couch eating a slice of chocolate cake with his hands.

"Hate to tell you, buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something," Steve said.

Ellie looked at Soda and then quickly diverted her eyes. He was much too comfortable on the couch in his towel.

"Soda! Clothes, please!" she pleaded, embarrassed.

Soda laughed and stood up. He handed her the milk as he walked away, asking Darry about his clothes.

Crumbs were landing on her, and she shoved Steve away.

"Use a plate," she suggested.

Steve shoved the last bit of cake into his mouth and followed Soda down the hallway. Darry caught her eye the second the pair started causing a ruckus down the hall. He rolled his eyes and winked at her before walking back into the kitchen. She listened absently as Pony asked him about what the paper was saying about the juvenile court.

And then he dropped a bombshell.

"I had one of those dreams last night. The one I can't ever remember."

Two-Bit came in and sat down beside her as the whole house grew silent for several long seconds. She remembered how scared Pony had been about the dreams he'd been having after their parent's funerals. She also knew how much it scared Darry and Soda.

"Was it very bad?" Two-Bit asked.

"No," Pony said. He was lying, and she could tell.

But no one else got the chance to say anything as Steve and Soda made their entrance. They had plans after the rumble. Big party plans.

"You going to take Sandy to the party?" Pony asked.

It was an innocent question, but the room fell dead silent. Soda's head hung and Steve's eyes blazed a little.

He doesn't know, she wanted to say. He couldn't have known. But Steve drew the picture for Ponyboy anyway, in no uncertain terms. And it was uncomfortable for everyone.

"We'd better get on to work, Pepsi-Cola," Darry said, ending the uncomfortable silence.

Ellie was a little relieved to have Steve gone. He didn't exactly have much tact when it came to certain things, especially Ponyboy. She leaned back on the couch as Pony cleaned up the breakfast dishes and Two-Bit hassled him. As bad off as Johnny might be, the fact that the boys were back made everything feel a little closer to normal.

_If we hold all our breath,  
If we kneel right down and just repent,  
You can't tell me we're forgiven._


	18. Restless Tonight

A/N: _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton, and "One Thing" belongs to Finger Eleven.

_

* * *

_

Between both these times,  
I drew a really thin line.  
It's nothing I planned  
And not that I can.

**Saturday, September 24****th****, 1966**

Dally groaned when the door to his room opened. "I told you to leave me alone," he said, his good arm slung across his eyes.

"That's one hell of a greeting."

Dally moved his arm and saw Tim Shepard standing in the doorway. "Hey, man. I thought it was one of those fucking nurses. All they do is come in here and poke at me and prod at me and tell me I can't fucking smoke. I'm sick of it."

Tim just shrugged as he let the door slam shut behind him. "It's their job. If you don't like it, then you shouldn't have ended up in the hospital, huh? I bet you didn't think about that when you went rushing into that building like some big hero."

"What are you talking about?"

A copy of the Tulsa Daily landed on his chest, and Tim had a stupid smirk on his face. "I wasn't all that surprised to see your ugly mug on the front page of the paper, but I was surprised it didn't say 'Wanted: Dead or Alive" underneath it. Now, those other two boys? I can see them goin' into a burning building, but you? I didn't know you had a soft spot for kids."

Dally skimmed the front page before he tossed it back to Tim. "Fuck you. I don't."

"Then why'd you run in there?" he asked, enjoying the whole situation much more than Dally was.

"My friends were in there and the fucking roof was crashing in," he retorted. He figured Tim could understand that much. "As much as I hate your lousy guts, I'd probably help you out too. Maybe. I'd think about it, anyway."

Tim nodded. "That's real nice of you to consider it. I'll try not to do anything so stupid that I'll have to depend on you saving my life, though."

"Why'd you really come here?"

"Thought I'd tell you what a great fight you'll miss tonight."

"You think I don't know that?" he snapped.

Tim gestured to the newspaper. "I thought you being a hero and all may've gone to your head. Might start thinking you don't need to fight."

"Fuck that," Dally said. "It's killing me that I'm stuck in this hellhole for the next two days."

"We're gonna be pretty shorthanded, you know," Tim said. "You're out, so's Curly. Your boy, Johnny, he's down for the count."

Dally closed his eyes at the thought of that. "You stop by and see him?"

Tim nodded. "Just glanced in. Kid's in real bad shape. I ain't never seen anything like that." He seemed to think about it for a moment. "He's a good kid, too. It's a shame."

Dally didn't say anything. There wasn't anything he could say.

"I gotta get back to my side of town," Tim said. "Make sure my boys know which way's up for the rumble. Besides, hospitals creep me the fuck out. All these sick people, dying people." He shook his head. "Can't fuckin' stand it. So don't take it personal if I don't come visit you."

Dally grinned. "I'm hopin' I won't be here much longer. I figure if I give the nurses hell, maybe they'll let me out as soon as they can."

"You need anything?"

Dally shook his head, but then he remembered something. "Actually, yeah. I need a big favor. You know where Windrixville is? A little town a ways north of here, near Pawhuska."

"Never heard of it until I read the paper this morning. I know about where Pawhuska is." Tim got a suspicious look in his eye. "Why?"

"Buck's car is still up there. I need you to go get it, bring it back."

"Are you kidding me?"

"C'mon man, I told you I'd save you if you were in a burning building."

"No, you didn't, asshole. You said you'd think about it. You prick."

"I'll owe you if you do this for me," he said. "I mean, it's either you go get the car for me today or you take me up there when I get outta here. Well, if Buck doesn't blow a gasket before then because his car's missing."

Tim glared at him and finally groaned. "You're an asshole. Where are the keys?"

Dally grinned and pointed at the pile of his belongings the nurses had left on the little dresser by the door. Tim dug around and found the keys, shaking his head the whole time.

"I hope you know this'll take all fucking day long."

"It'll take half the day at the most," Dally said. "If you follow the I-11 north past Pawhuska, it's the first little town you come to. It ain't big, so Jay Mountain'll be easy to find, what with the burned up church sitting on top of it. The T-Bird's out back."

"You owe me huge, Winston," Tim said.

"I know," Dally replied. "Thanks man."

Tim let the door slam extra hard when he left, just so Dally knew how much he didn't appreciate running errands for other people. All Dally could think about was the gun in the glove compartment. He'd need that gun if something happened to Johnny.

XXX

She plunged her hands into the hot, soapy water and scrubbed the dishes in the sink. She handed Pony a plate to dry. They were both quiet over the sounds of the TV in the living room, Two-Bit's laughter wafting in every so often. He had been telling them jokes and making himself laugh until there was talk of cleaning to do, and then he found something else to occupy his time.

"You okay?" she asked.

He shrugged, and she turned her focus back to the dishes at hand.

"They wouldn't let us see Johnny last night," he finally said. "The paper says he's bad off and all, but it's Johnny. He'll be okay."

She handed him a glass and said, "I hope so."

His shoulders slumped a little, and she knew he wanted her to say something more than that. But she didn't know what to say. Not about Johnny and not about Dally. She was scared, too.

"I'm glad you're home," she said. "It's been hell this week."

"Yeah," he said, setting the glass down as Two-Bit came sauntering into the kitchen.

"You guys wanna head over? I'm sure Johnny could use the company," Two-Bit said.

"Sure," Ellie said, draining the water.

Pony dried his hands on his jeans and stood there, quiet fear in his eyes. Darry was right, he really didn't look very good. She wondered if he felt okay.

XXX

Ellie stood awkwardly at the side of the room as Two-Bit handed over his prized possession. She had been looking forward to seeing Dally, but after seeing Johnny looking so bad, she wasn't much in the mood to see anybody. Dally was in an awful mood, too, and talk of Johnny's condition only made things worse.

Dally took the switchblade and held it with a death grip. "We gotta win that fight tonight. We gotta get even with the Socs. For Johnny."

The determination in his voice was frightening, even more so because Ellie had never heard Dally so passionate about anything. She swallowed hard and looked at Ponyboy and Two-Bit. Two-Bit nodded at both of them, indicating the door. Ellie didn't have any problem being the first one out of the room. Dally scared her plenty of times, but this was beyond scared. She was terrified.

They walked in silence to the elevator. When Two-Bit hit the button, Ellie backed up a bit which surprised her. She didn't want to hang around a hospital, but there was something that made her feel like she needed to.

"I think I'll hang around here today," she said.

"You sure?" Pony asked.

She nodded. "I don't know what else I'll do. You guys are going to the rumble, and I'll just be stuck waiting."

Two-Bit gestured down the hallway to Dally's room. "You going back to see him?"

She shook her head. "I know better than that. Maybe later when he calms down. I want to go see Johnny again, maybe sit with him for a while."

Pony seemed to like that idea the best. "If he's awake, read him a little from _Gone with the Wind_. He would really like that."

"Okay," she said as the elevator arrived.

Two-Bit stepped in and held the door for Pony. "You heading down now, Ellie?"

"I think I'm going to sit up here for awhile," she said. She was scared to go find Johnny in even worse shape than he was when they left him.

Two-Bit nodded. "Take care. If you do see Dally later, make sure he don't do nothin' stupid. I probably shouldn't have given him that knife."

She shrugged. "I'll do my best. Be careful tonight."

He grinned and waved as the doors closed. "See ya, kid."

Ellie walked over to the waiting room and sat uneasily in a plastic chair. She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands, trying to get a grip on herself.

When she finally felt calm enough to walk back to Johnny's room, she found a blonde-headed nurse outside of his room. She was one of the younger ones that worked there and just by looking at her, Ellie could tell she was much nicer than any of the other nurses they had dealt with earlier.

"Can I go in and see him?" she asked as the nurse marked a few things in Johnny's chart.

The nurse looked up from the chart and gave her a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, honey, the doctors are planning on moving him to a different room. If you wait awhile, they'll get him all situated and you can find out at the nurses' station where you can see him." She went back to her paperwork, and Ellie wondered what she was recording.

She began to walk away, but she turned back. "Will you please take good care of him?" she asked, trying not to let the lump of tears in her throat creep up to her eyes. "His parents ... they aren't ..."

The nurse smiled kindly at her and nodded. "I know. I had to deal with his mother earlier. He's lucky he has friends like you."

"We're pretty much all he has," Ellie said, her voice catching. There was a small glass window in the door to his room but she couldn't see much besides the foot of his bed. "I'm sure he's scared and he's all alone ... I'm just worried about him."

"How about you have a seat in the waiting room and as soon as we get him moved, I'll let you know myself when you can see him?"

Ellie smiled weakly. "That would mean a lot. Thank you, Nurse ..."

"It's Allison. And you're welcome. I'll take good care of him until then."

XXX

Steve sat in his car, looking at the hospital from the sanctuary of the parking lot. He still had on his DX shirt, grease still staining his hands. He knew if he didn't get up the guts to go inside now, he'd never do it.

He made his way through the parking lot and walked in the main entrance. The smell of the hospital hit him like a wall, and for a short moment, he thought he was going to be sick. He thought of all those visits he made with his old man when his ma was so bad off, the cancer eating her alive. Then Mack was too busy working and boozing, and Steve made those trips alone. Those were the worst. He remembered sitting by her bedside every day after school for weeks on end until she died. He would wake up in the middle of the night, not because of dreams or nightmares, but because the smell of the hospital had invaded his sleep. He was sure it was in his pores for months after the funeral. He thought he had finally forgotten what it smelled like - it had been years, after all. But the smell in the hospital lobby reminded him quickly.

He slowly walked up to the information desk and the old lady behind the counter scowled at him. He remembered that too. Nobody was ever very nice at the hospital.

"Yes?"

"Uh, a couple of my friends are here," he said.

"Names?" she snapped.

"Dallas Winston and Johnny Cade," he answered.

"Third floor for Winston, 337, and Cade is on the fourth, 423."

He walked toward the elevators. Inside, he stared at the numbers, trying to decide who he was going to see first.

When the doors slid open, he breathed a huge sigh of relief seeing Ellie sitting in a corner of the waiting room alone. She was playing with the sleeve of her coat, oblivious to everything around her.

"Hey," he said quietly.

She jumped nonetheless and looked up at him. She didn't smile.

"You here alone?" he asked, sitting down beside her.

She nodded and sat back in the chair, leaning her head against the wall. She stared up at the ceiling.

"How's Johnny?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. "They're moving him now."

There was a hopeless tone to her voice, and Steve's stomach plummeted. He didn't know how to deal with it, so he changed the subject.

"What about Dally?" he asked.

"Well, Johnny's not doing so good, and Dally knows that," she said. "I'm not going back in there for awhile."

Steve nodded and looked at her. He wondered if they all looked as glum as she did.

"When's the rumble?" she asked.

"Later, after dark," he said.

He couldn't wait. He could feel his bones aching with excitement.

"Dally's mad he's missing it," she said. "But his arm is burned up pretty good. I don't know how he could fight with it."

"We could use him, too," Steve said.

"Yeah," was all she said.

They sat for awhile, silent but stronger together. She seemed to relax a little with him being there, but he could still feel worry coming off of her in waves. He noticed her perk up a little as a blonde nurse buzzed around the nursing station and back down a hallway, time and again. The next time she came back, she walked toward the waiting area instead of down the hallway.

"Ellie?" she asked.

Steve sat a little straighter and studied the woman carefully. Leave it to Ellie to make friends with the nurses at a hospital.

"He's moved into another room, and he's askin' for you," she said. "I'll take you there."

Ellie nodded and looked at Steve.

"Coming?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

He got up and followed them down the hallway. The nurse stopped just outside the door and nodded solemnly.

"Just buzz if you need anything," she said, walking away.

"Who was that?" he asked Ellie before they went in.

"Her name's Allison," she said. "She's one of the nice ones."

She opened the door and Steve stopped dead in the doorway as he took in Johnny laying in the bed, as pale as the bed sheets. Ellie stood at the bedside, saying his name so quietly Steve didn't think Johnny would ever hear it. But his eyes opened slowly and he smiled a little when he saw her.

"Steve's here," she said.

She looked at him and Steve stepped further into the room. He stopped just beside Ellie and tried to keep the shock off of his face.

"Hey, Johnnycakes."

"Hey," he said, his voice broken and raspy.

"How you holdin' up?"

Johnny's eyes closed again and Steve could hardly stand to look at him like this. He focused on Ellie's hands resting on the bed, fingertips centimeters from Johnny's charred arm.

"It ain't so bad," Johnny finally replied.

"That's good," Steve said, at a loss for any other words.

Johnny's raspy breath filled the stale hospital air and Steve didn't know what to say, what to do. Ellie finally looked up at him. He looked at her helplessly, and she seemed to get it.

"Hey, Johnny, Steve's gotta go see Dally before the rumble," she said.

"Yeah, I guess I should to rub it in about the fight," he said. "We'll all come up and see you tomorrow, Johnnycakes. Want anything?"

He opened his eyes to narrow slits and said, "No, man."

"Okay, kid. Feel better," he said. He turned and followed Ellie out of the room.

She leaned against the wall in the hallway, staring blankly at the floor. Steve shut the door behind him.

"Thanks. I just don't know what to say to him," he said, feeling stupid.

"I can't stand this," she said. "It's not fair that it's Johnny, and it would be bad if it was Pony or Dally."

"I didn't expect -" He stopped himself from finishing his thought. Instead he said, "Let's go home. You hungry?"

She shook her head.

"Okay, let's go then," he said.

She shook her head again. "I'm staying."

"You've been here all day, though," he said.

"Yeah, but y'all are just going to the rumble and I'll just be sitting at home, feeling useless." She motioned toward the door. "I can at least sit with them."

He looked at the door and thought about Johnny, bedridden and burned. It was a good idea.

"Okay," he said. He didn't feel real good about leaving her there alone, but he did it anyway. Anything to get out of there and away from the smell.

_Even though I know,  
I don't want to know  
Yeah, I guess I know,  
I just hate how it sounds._


	19. Want Your Bad Romance

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga.**

* * *

_I want your drama,  
The touch of your hand_

**Saturday, September 24th, 1966**

After Steve left, Ellie sat for awhile in the waiting room. Alone, the minutes dragged on and seemed never ending. She looked up when she noticed a nurse walking toward her. She felt almost relieved to see Allison there.

"I thought you could use something to drink," Allison said, sitting beside Ellie. She had a cup of coffee in her hand and offered her a small carton of milk. "Sorry, there isn't much variety in a hospital cafeteria."

"This is fine. Thank you," Ellie said, opening the top of the carton to take a sip.

"So who was that boy that stopped by just a little while ago?" she asked.

"That was Steve. He wanted to see Johnny but I guess it's kind of hard to see Johnny looking like he is."

Allison nodded. "It's hard seeing people hurt, especially when he seems like such a nice boy. I heard about the kids he saved. He's really a hero."

Ellie smiled. "I don't know if I've ever seen him proud of himself, but I think he is today."

"He should be." Allison took a sip of her coffee and sat quietly for a moment. "So is that Steve your boyfriend or somethin'? He's kind of cute."

Ellie smiled. She could tell Allison was just trying to take her mind off her friends, and Ellie was grateful for that.

"No way," she said. "He's just a good friend. We grew up practically next door from each other. Another boy that came in with Johnny, Dallas Winston, I guess you could call him my boyfriend."

Allison practically choked on her coffee. "That wild child on the third floor? You've got to be kidding me. Word gets around, and today all the words are about him."

Ellie smiled in spite of herself. "He's kind of a handful when he doesn't get his way."

"Tell me about it. I've heard he's giving those girls on three hell seven ways to Sunday. I hope he's not like that all the time."

She thought about it for a moment. "Not all the time. I guess he's just like that most of the time."

"You must have more patience than me. I don't think I could handle it."

"I guess you just know how to handle him. That, or when to get out of his way." Ellie smiled to herself. It was funny listening to other people talk about Dally that didn't really know him. Sure, he was scary a lot of time, but sometimes he was sweet, well, in the way Dally could be sweet, and that made up for it all.

"Well, I had better get back on my rounds," Allison said, standing up. "Do you need anything else?"

Shaking her head, Ellie said, "I'm fine. I think I'll be on the third floor to see Dally for a while."

"Then I'll try to check in on Johnny when I get a chance," Allison said. "As long as you promise to try to keep Dallas Winston under control so the nurses don't lose their minds."

Ellie smiled. "That's a deal."

XXX

Ellie stood in the doorway and watched Dally yell at a nurse. He was calling her every name in the book. The more vulgar he got, the more she starting blushing for the nurse. There were phrases coming out of his mouth she had never heard before, and that surprised her.

"Just fucking get out and don't come back until you bring me back my cigarettes or a bottle of whiskey. Christ."

The nurse tossed a folded hospital gown at the table beside his bed and scuttled by Ellie, completely ignoring her.

"Goddamn hoodlum. I swear, I'm too old for this."

The door slammed hard behind her.

Dally finally noticed her standing there. "Do you have any cigarettes on you?"

She shook her head, a smile on her lips.

"What's so goddamn funny?" he snapped.

She walked toward him. He was still in a mood from earlier, but for as much as he was yelling, he didn't seem like he was all that dangerous.

"Even if I had any cigarettes, I wouldn't give them to you," she said, walking over to the bed slowly.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "For some reason, that don't surprise me."

"I think you need to be nicer to the nurses."

"What the hell for? All they fucking do is poke me with needles and won't let me out of this damn place."

She leaned against the bed. "You attract more flies with honey than vinegar."

He smirked at her. "Vinegar worked for you, didn't it?"

She shrugged. "What do I know?"

"You still mad at me? For sending them off, I mean. I told you they were safe. Well, they were anyway, until those fucking kids and that fire and ... They were safe though."

Ellie nodded. "I know." She didn't tell him what she had been thinking all afternoon. That if he hadn't sent them away, then Johnny wouldn't be hurt. Another voice in her head told her that they would still be in trouble though, probably even more. She didn't know which was worse.

"So that's a no? You're not mad at me?" he asked, his fingers tapping the back of her hand.

She thought about it, staring at his hand on hers. There was still soot and char, maybe dirt, under his fingernails.

"Maybe a little mad." She looked up at him and noticed he was grinning. "What?"

"I like it when you're mad at me."

She tried to hide the smirk on her face but it didn't work very well. Instead, she changed the subject. She reached over and gently touched his left hand. She was too nervous to touch the bandages.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

He shook his head, still staring at her.

"Liar," she whispered. He smiled again.

She looked back at the bed. He reached up and tilted her face back to him. Her breath caught in her throat when he kissed her, long and sweet. His hand was rough on her cheek, but she didn't care. With his other hand he latched on to her arm, pulling her into him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. It had been a long time since they had been together. She had to agree with Dally; sometimes she liked being mad at him only because he expected it, and she simply couldn't help it. And then there were the moments like these. The ones that reminded her why she followed him to Buck's that night.

Running her fingers through his fine blond hair she hugged him close. She missed him. She missed being with him. She missed everything. She tried to focus all of her energy and attention on him instead of everything going on around them. It helped when he wrapped his arms firmly around her, his hands exploring her back. He pulled her closer until she was practically kneeling on the bed. She pulled away from him long enough to look back at the closed door.

"Don't worry about them," he said, his lips trailing down to her neck. "I scared all the nurses away."

She still hesitated, but his lips on her neck felt so good it hurt. With as much grace as she could in a skirt, which wasn't much, she climbed onto the uncomfortable hospital bed and straddled his middle. Wrapping her arms around his neck again, she kissed him hard, with more passion than she thought she'd felt in all her life. His hands fell away from her back and found her hips, and then he took handfuls of her skirt. Cold hospital air on her thighs sent shivers down her spine. His skin was hot where it touched hers, and she ran her hands across his bare shoulders.

Dally ran his hands up her sides until they came to the collar of her button-down shirt. As she kissed him, he fumbled with the top buttons, his left hand not working as nimbly as it usually did. Ellie knew from experience that Dallas Winston did not have any trouble with buttons. Knowing he had his work cut out for him since she was fully clothed and he wasn't, she helped him with the first couple of buttons. She was mostly worried he would get frustrated and just rip the buttons off. She didn't know how she could begin explaining that one if she had to.

He had her shirt completely undone in a few seconds after she got it started for him. Slowly he slid his arms around her middle, running his nails slightly over her bare skin. It tickled and she broke the kiss with a breathy laugh.

"I told you we had some catching up to do," he said in her ear.

His arms were like fire on her cold back. His lips moved from hers down to her jawline and along her neck. When they reached her collarbone, she was surprised they stopped. She looked down at him and saw him looking past her, a wry grin on his face.

Looking back she saw the same nurse from before standing in the doorway, a scowl on her face.

Ellie yipped in surprise and tried to climb off the bed as quickly as she could. Her shoe caught in the blankets and she almost spilled onto the floor, but Dally caught her arm with his good one. He was still grinning as she tugged her shirt closed.

The nurse was glaring at Ellie. "You should be kicked out for that kind of behavior since that is most explicitly not allowed," she said, her gaze trailing back to Dally.

"Hey, now," Dally said in her defense, "at least I haven't been asking for my cigarettes back, right?"

She snarled her nose in disgust before she turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

Ellie had her back to Dally and the door as she tried to button up her shirt. She could literally feel the heat radiating from her face.

"That was pretty exciting," Dally said when the door shut.

"That was pretty embarrassing," she corrected. "Oh my God. I can't believe I let you talk me into it."

He laughed and she turned around to glare at him. Holding his hands up in surrender he said, "I don't remember having to twist your arm to get you in bed with me. Today or any other day, as a matter of fact."

She scowled at him.

"What? You're mad at me again?" he asked.

She grabbed the hospital gown that was on the tray table next to her and threw it at Dally, only because it was the nearest thing to her. He caught it easily and kept smirking at her.

"You sure know how to ruin a good thing, don't you?" she asked, straightening her shirt and skirt.

"What did I do? You should be mad at the dragon lady that just interrupted us." Dally patted the bed next to him. "C'mon, dollface."

"You can't be serious," she said.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" he asked. He smiled at her. "I mean, staying in the hospital wouldn't be half bad if we could just pick up where we left off."

"She's gonna go to the nurses' station and tell all of 'em what she just walked into," Ellie said. "Then they're all gonna come knockin' at the door."

Dally shrugged. "Barricade the door." He pointed at a chair in the corner of the room. "That'll do the trick."

"You're crazy," she said. Somehow - and she didn't know how - he always managed to amuse her when she was angry with him.

Hesitantly she walked a little nearer to him, not wanting to leave despite never being more mortified in her entire life. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer. She yelped when he pulled her onto the bed and giggled when he nuzzled her neck. She smacked his good arm.

"You're awful," she said, sitting up facing him.

He nodded. "They say that's my middle name."

"No, Trouble's your middle name. And it's gonna be mine too if I'm still here when that nurse comes back."

She leaned into him, her hands on his chest. In that quiet few seconds she remembered why he was in that bed and she felt bad that she wasn't sitting with Johnny. "I'll stop by later."

"You promise?" he murmured, his lips barely touching hers.

She kissed him. That seemed to be answer enough for him. When shepulled away from him, he held onto her wrist gently.

"I'm holding you to that promise, you know," he said. She pulled her wrist out of his hand after one final kiss and walked to the door.

"Don't worry. I won't forget," she said.

She tried not to grin like a fool as she walked down the hallway. She slowed a little when she neared the nurses' station. Just as she thought, they all looked up at her and glared at her through narrowed eyes.

Her cheeks flushed a little, but she couldn't help a little smile. Dally wasn't embarrassed, and for once she decided to play along. Staring right at older nurse that had busted in on them, she gave her a little wave and continued down the hall. She could hear them murmuring after her, but she didn't care. She hit the button for the elevator and ran her fingers over her lips. They were still tingling from Dally.

_You're a criminal as long as you're mine,  
I want your love._


	20. Your Tin Man Heart

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and The Gaslight Anthem owns "I Coulda Been a Contender."**

_I'm broke and I'm hungry, hard up and I'm lonely,  
I've been dancing on this killing floor for years.  
Of few things I am certain, the captain of my burden,  
I'm sorry, doll, you can never stop the rain._

**Saturday, September 24th, 1966**

Ellie had serious case of apprehension about heading back to Dally's room. First she would have to pass by the nurses' station, and she wondered if they would even let her back in the room after what had happened. Secondly, she was scared of what would happen if they did let her back in. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to stop herself.

But as she let herself into the room with only disapproving glances from the nurses, she realized that what she was expecting wasn't going to happen. Dally was out of bed and dressed in his jeans. He reached for his jeans jacket and put it on over his bare chest. The left sleeve was blackened and shredded.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Going to the rumble," he said. He looked at her like she was stupid.

"No, you're not," she insisted. "You're supposed to be resting. Your arm -"

"My arm? It's my fucking arm," he said. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"But Dal -" she started. The door flew open and the nurse who had caught them was standing in the doorway.

"And what do you think you're doing?" she asked.

"Makin' all your dreams come true, sweetheart," he said. "I'm bustin' out of here."

"Like hell you are. You're not discharged yet, so get back into the bed," she said with a scowl.

Dally reached into his back pocket and Ellie cringed. He had Two-Bit's knife. She heard the sound of it before she ever saw it, and she knew the nurse didn't know what was about to hit her.

He pulled it around his front and stared the nurse down.

"Dally," Ellie said. She felt sick to her stomach.

"I'm not fucking staying," he said, not taking his eyes off the nurse.

Her eyes were wide, her skin suddenly as pale as her uniform. She backed into the hallway and Ellie heard her shoes clicking on the floor as she ran away.

"How are you going to fight?" Ellie asked.

He didn't answer her and moved toward the door. He opened it and peered out. Letting it go, he closed the blade and stuffed it back in his pocket.

"I'm not missing my chance to beat these Socs," he said. "Johnny can't do it himself. I'm going to fucking kill them if I can."

His voice was weak when he said Johnny's name. She couldn't argue with that. Johnny was holed up in a hospital bed on the next floor. He might be like that for the rest of his life.

"It's skin on skin," she said, her voice nearly trapped in her throat. "You aren't killing anybody."

"Come here," he said.

She stepped closer, but he reached out and pulled her up against him to close the distance. His good arm wrapped around her middle and he leaned back against the door. Leaning in, he kissed her in a way that made her knees go weak. When he pulled away, he said, "For luck."

"You don't need any luck," she mumbled.

Always the king of the smooth exit, he didn't say another word and slipped out into the hallway, leaving her behind.

She waited a few seconds and stepped back out into the hallway. She headed back toward the nurses' station with the intention of walking on by until she noticed the security detail standing with the nurse Dally scared away.

"That's her," she said, pointing at Ellie.

Ellie stopped in the hallway, her pulse suddenly racing as the two guards looked at her. They both looked at the nurse like she was crazy, though.

"Look, the guy is gone. It's probably for the best," one of them said. He motioned toward Ellie. "She's harmless."

The nurse huffed, and Ellie just walked away.

XXX

Dally ran down the hall and ducked into the stairwell. He hoped like hell Tim had been a pal and gone to Windrixville to get Buck's car. He'd never make it to the rumble if he had to hoof it.

He spilled out one of the side exits and hit the pavement running. When he saw the T-Bird, he decided he'd have to thank Tim after all.

The driver's door was unlocked, and he got in and flipped the sunvisor down, spilling the keys into his lap. He scooped them up and started the car.

He needed to get to the lot. He needed to help them beat the Socs. He needed to do it and get back to the hospital. He needed to tell Johnny that everything would be okay because they beat the Socs fair and square.

Dally didn't have to hear that Johnny was dying; he already knew it. He had to hurry.

XXX

It was a long hallway to get back to Johnny's room. She didn't mind sitting with him, but she hated to see him the way he was. It was uncomfortable because she didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know what to say that would make everything okay.

She stood in front of the door for a few seconds, catching her breath. The door swung open suddenly, and Ellie jumped.

"Oh, Ellie, I'm sorry," Allison said.

"It's okay," Ellie replied, stepping back to let Allison through.

She shut the door, though, and motioned for Ellie to step aside so they could talk.

"Is everything okay?" Ellie asked, a lump already forming in her throat.

Allison's blue eyes looked straight into Ellie's. They were big and sad.

"The doctor came in while you were gone. They called his parents -"

"Why'd they do that? He doesn't want them here!"

Allison's hands rested on Ellie's shoulders.

"Sweetie, he's dying," she said.

Ellie closed her eyes. It was the truth, one the paper said would probably happen, but it was so sudden. He had just gotten back. Not everyone had even come to visit him yet.

"If you go in there, don't cry," she said. "He's actually okay."

Ellie opened her eyes slowly.

"There's a letter he had me write for him. It's in the book. He wants to make sure that Ponyboy gets it," she said.

Ellie's head was spinning. Was he going to die so soon that Pony wasn't even going to make it back so he could talk to him?

"You okay to go in?" Allison asked her.

"I think so," Ellie said.

"Okay, sweetie," she replied stepping aside so Ellie could go in.

The door shut slowly behind her and Ellie took him in once again. Johnny, whose skin was always so dark even in the winter, was as pale as the bed sheets. Johnny whose bangs always hid his eyes, were cut short and jagged. Johnny, who made a joke about her getting back together with Dally as soon as he was out of the cooler, was dying right in front of her eyes.

She walked up to his bed and sat down in the chair that had been pulled up to it. His dark eyes fluttered open to mere slits.

"Hey," she whispered.

"The nurse said you went and saw Dally," he said, weakly. "Said y'all caused trouble."

She blushed and laughed in spite of her grief.

"Yeah, well," she said. "He brings it out in me. In everybody around him, really."

"You're good for him," he said. "He likes you."

She looked at his burned hands and felt tears stinging in her eyes. She didn't want him to see her cry.

"He listens to you," he said, his voice faint.

"He don't listen to anyone but himself," she rebutted.

"Sure, he does," he said, giving her a weak smile.

She thought of the night at the drive-in with Cherry Valance. "He listens to you."

"He loves you," he said.

She didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything. She loved Dally, or so she thought, but she didn't think Dally could actually love anything but himself and maybe fighting. But he sure did like kissing her.

"Hey, remember that time we were in grade school and we had that race and you beat all the older kids?" It sounded pathetic to her own ears, but she was desperate to change the subject.

It had been one of his best days. She remembered it clearly. It was before she knew the Curtises, before Two-Bit and Dally. She only knew of Steve because he lived down the street. Johnny was her first friend. They'd known each other since the first grade.

"That was cool," he said. "They didn't know what hit them."

He tried to take a deep breath but came out as a gasp instead.

"You okay?" she asked.

It took him a minute to catch his breath and answer her.

"Uh huh. Can you read the book?" he asked.

She nodded, even though his eyes were closed. She picked up _Gone With The Wind_ and opened it. The folded letter Allison told her about fell into her lap. Picking it up, she stared at it. Her fingertips played with the open edges, desperately wanting to read what was on the inside. It wasn't for her, though, it was for Pony, and she needed to butt out for once. Carefully she stuffed it into the middle of the thick book.

"Do you remember where you left off?" she asked.

He shook his head a little, and Ellie let the book fall open to a page somewhere in the middle and started reading.

XXX

The night wind swept across the playing field, which was as level as it was going to get between them and the Socs. The air was brisk and he could smell an autumn storm blowing in. Darry cracked his neck, chorusing with the cracking knuckles of all of the boys standing behind him. He tried not to think too hard as to why it was him that was singled out to start all of this. Compared to all of the boys behind him, he was the least like them and he knew that.

"Darrel," Paul said. "I'll take you."

Darry looked at each and every patch of Paul's letterman jacket. He had all the same patches, just never the jacket. It wasn't as hard standing across from him as he thought it would have been. They had once played for the same team, but they had always been worlds apart no matter how well Darry could mingle with them. Under the surface, it was always strained. If he never played football, he never would have been that close to them. It was all of these boys, these rich kids, the ones with everything, that made it so his kid brother couldn't walk around his own neighborhood without someone by his side. He didn't care what connections they may have had in high school that made them friends. He hated Paul's guts.

He kept his arms crossed across his chest, knowing how big it made him look. Paul wasn't so big anymore and Darry smiled a little, knowing that he could take Paul without breaking too much of a sweat. Standing slightly behind him was Michael, Paul's kid brother and another reason Darry hated them. He wanted a piece of each Holden that was present.

Lowering his arms, Darry balled his fists and flexed his muscles, itching to start. Paul matched his movements, sizing him up and just waiting on it.

"Y'all know a rumble ain't a rumble without me!"

Surprised to hear Dally's voice, Darry took his eyes off of Paul and paid for it with a sharp punch to the jaw. As Darry struggled to overcome the surprise hit, he saw Dally standing over Michael, pummeling the kid into the mud. He should have known Dally would have gone right for him. Darry shook off the first hit and got Paul back with a good one that nearly broke his nose.

The rumble was on.

_There's a dirty wind blowing, there's a storm front coming in,  
There's an SOS on the seas tonight.  
Steady now, steady now, soldier hold fast now,  
It's heads or tails and heart attacks and broken dreams tonight._


	21. We Were Kids

_Disclaimer: We do not own The Ousiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song, "The '59 Sound" by The Gaslight Anthem. You should check them out, though. Thank us later._

* * *

_When we float out into the ether, into the Everlasting Arms,  
I hope we don't hear Marley's chains we forged in life._

**Sunday, September 25, 1966**

Ellie stood in the corner with a hand over her mouth to quiet her sobs. Even though she had spent all evening with him, she wasn't prepared for this. Nothing could have prepared any of them for this.

She had been sitting with Johnny, practically watching him fade away right in front of her eyes, when Dally came bursting into the room. Pony lagged behind, and they both looked beat to hell. She didn't know what she was expecting them to look like after a rumble, but it still scared her.

She moved out of their way, but neither of them seemed to see her. Dally was focused solely on Johnny, and Pony didn't look like he could focus on much at all.

Listening to Dally tell Johnny about beating the Socs made her eyes sting with tears. He sounded so proud of what they had done, but none of that mattered to Johnny. The weakness in his voice made her go weak and shaky. Why couldn't Dally keep it together?

"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold ..."

And that was just it. Just like that their friend was gone

Ellie held her breath, hoping she would see his chest rise and fall again. Maybe he had only passed out from the pain. He had had a long day. Dally leaned closer and pushed Johnny's dark hair out of his closed eyes. She was trying too hard to make sense of it, to understand what death meant. How someone her own age could just die. It didn't matter. Dally was talking, but Ellie couldn't focus long enough to hear what he was saying. It wouldn't bring Johnny back or fix anything that had happened.

She jumped when Dally turned around and slammed a fist into the wall. He was muttering to himself but she was too far to hear what he was saying. She was startled into action when he took off down the hall.

"Pony?" she asked, his name hardly making it through her lips. He was still just standing over Johnny, staring down at him with tears in his eyes. She was torn between staying with Ponyboy and finding Dally. The thought of Dally doing something crazy won out, and with a final look at Johnny, she ran out into the hall. As Dally rounded the corner, and she ran after him as fast as she could.

He was almost to the stairwell when she caught up to him and grabbed his arm.

"Dallas! Where are you going?" she asked.

"Get away from me," he snarled.

She took a deep breath and held tight to his arm, and put herself between him and the stairwell. "What are you gonna do?" He just glared at her. "Stay here!"

"Why?" he snapped. "Johnny's dead. A lot of good I can do."

She looked him dead in his eyes. They were as icy blue as always, but they had a mean gleam to them now. "I need you here."

In that moment she remembered Tim the night after Monty died. How he had been so drunk and she had been so worried about what he would do on his own. It hadn't turned out so well for her, and swallowing past that thought, she was determined to keep Dally from leaving. He wasn't drunk, but he was upset in a way she never thought he could be.

"I'm gonna tell you one more time," he said. "Get away from me."

"Dally," she pleaded. "I'm begging you to stay here. Please don't leave."

"You're a fucking stupid kid," he growled. He reached to his waistband, and her breath caught in her throat when she realized he was pointing a gun right at her.

"Dally," she repeated. It came out as a strangled whisper. Blood pounded in her ears, and she felt sick to her stomach. There was no way to comprehend exactly what was going on right then. She had never had a gun pointed at her, and she couldn't figure out what Dally was doing with a gun.

"Get away from me," he said, emphasizing each word. This was beyond a mood he was in; and she realized just how bad this could get. But it would be even worse if she didn't let him go.

She couldn't hold back her tears anymore. "Dally," she whimpered, her voice breaking as she let go of his arm.

He pushed past her, shoving her to the side. She caught herself against the wall as he ran into the stairwell. She took a few deep breaths and looked down at herself, trying to make sure she was still in one piece. When she found that she was, she leaned against the wall and slid down into a heap on the floor. She rested her face in her hands and cried.

XXX

Dally kept moving. He bounded down the steps, hearing her sobbing growing fainter as he moved further down. He swung the door to the main floor open and he heard her scream his name. He kept on going. He had no idea what he was going to do, he just knew he had to get the fuck away from that damn hospital. They were terrible places. They couldn't save a 16-year-old kid who deserved it.

He walked with purpose down the hallway. The gun gripped in his right hand swung with each step. People parted in the hallway, not saying a word to him, just moving out of his way.

There was a back exit, one Dally clearly read was for emergency staff only, but he lived to break rules. He walked through the doors, and a man stepped into his path.

"You can't be here," he said.

Dally glowered at him and raised the gun. A sadistic smile crept across his lips.

"I can go anywhere I want," he told the man matter-of-factly.

He pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, its chambers hollow. The man jumped and Dally laughed in his face. He pulled the trigger again, this time meaning it, wishing like hell Tim had gotten him bullets, too. The man ran and Dally continued on.

He had to circle around the hospital to get back to his parking spot. He was heading down the row when a pair of feet were running up behind him.

"Dallas," came Ellie's desperate cry. "Dally, please wait."

Dally didn't stop moving for a second. Her feet were pounding the pavement, though, and he felt her hands on his sore arm. He turned around fast and with his good arm, pushed her into the trunk of a car in the lot. She squirmed beneath his grip, crying and Dally hated her just then.

"Leave me alone."

"Please don't do anything. Go to the Curtises. Come back to my house. Anything."

"They didn't do anything to help him," he told her. Ellie had been with him all day. She should have known that they didn't even try to help him. "They fucking let him die. Johnny, man."

"He was hurt, Dally," she said.

He let go of her and turned away, heading back for the car. What the fuck did she know anyway? She let Socs beat up on her. She might be messing around with him today, but she'd be back with Tim Shepard as soon as she could. All broads did was go behind your back. Everything in the world was against him. Everything. He had to look out for number one because no one else was going to do that for him.

"I"ll go with you," she called after him. It was nails on goddamn chalkboard. He kept walking, and she kept following. He waited until she grabbed him again before he turned around and shoved her into the pavement. From the ground she looked up at him with tear stained cheeks. Pathetically, her lips trembled and she let out a whimper. Dally wanted her to go away. He didn't want her anywhere near him.

Nearly flying, he ran the rest of the way to Buck's car. The keys were still hanging in the ignition. He gunned the engine and tore out of the parking space. He peeled out of the parking lot without looking back.

XXX

Numbness swept over her. Dallas was gone and she stood in the hospital parking lot alone and fighting off rabid emotions that threatened to tear her to pieces right there. She knew Dallas well enough to know that he was self-destructive. She knew what he was capable of, and she knew he was without reason to stop whatever it was he might do. She stood frozen to the spot he pushed her in the parking lot, racking her brain for places he might go. Things he might do.

"Are you all right?"

Ellie saw a man and woman standing on the other side of the row, staring at her. They were crossing the street toward her, but Ellie backed away.

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"Where is your coat, dear? You'll catch a cold," the woman said.

The goosebumps on Ellie's arms went unnoticed. She stared at the woman like she was crazy. With everything that was wrong in their world, she was worried about Ellie catching a cold? What was wrong with her?

"It's late," the man said. "Do you need a ride home?"

He was shrugging his coat off and Ellie had stood there long enough. Without another word, she took off running in the direction Dally had driven off, but without an idea of where she was heading. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes, sobs heaved in her chest as she realized the odds were not in her favor. In a car, Dally could go anywhere and beat her there by a hundred miles.

XXX

"Johnny's dead."

The words hung heavily in the air, and no one said a word. Steve looked down at the floor, not knowing what to say or do.

"Dally ran out. He couldn't handle it. He's gonna blow."

Steve looked at Pony, trying to make sense of everything he was saying. Johnny was dead, Dally couldn't handle it. It didn't quite make sense to him.

"So even Dally's got a breaking point," Two-Bit said.

Pony was leaning against a wall, still bloody from the rumble. Darry moved to him and was trying to get him to sit down, and Steve watched as if he were in a dream. This wasn't real. It couldn't possibly be real.

"Where's Ellie?" Steve blurted, suddenly realizing she wasn't there. He'd left her at the hospital before the rumble.

Nobody seemed to hear him. Johnny was dead, Dally was crazy ... where the hell was Ellie?

"Pony, where is she?" he asked, forcefully.

Pony looked at him, his eyes locked right on his. "She ran out after Dal. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" he asked.

"Cool it, Steve," Darry said. "She'll be okay."

Steve fell back on the couch and watched as Darry and Soda tended to Pony, who seemed to be in a trance beyond all of them. Two-Bit sat down beside him with a heavy plop.

"What the hell happened?" he asked.

Steve looked at his friend and shook his head, the image of Johnny in that hospital bed burned into his mind.

"The whole damn world fell apart."

XXX

Darry ached from head to toe, but he thought most of the ache was coming straight from his chest. The news that Johnny was dead caught him completely unaware. He just didn't really believe that Johnny was that bad off. He was only 16, he couldn't just die. But the truth of the matter was dead set in Ponyboy's eyes. The kid looked so sad, and he was suddenly so distant that he didn't even blink when Darry dabbed at his cuts from the rumble.

He walked back into the living room and found the others looking at him as if they were waiting on him to tell them what to do. Instead, he ran his hand through his hair, exasperated and unable to tell them that he didn't know any better than they did. He was about to sit down when Ellie came barreling through the door. She tripped coming in and Darry caught her by the arm before she fell. Righting her he could feel how hard she was shaking. She looked absolutely terrified and he took her other arm to try and steady her. Her skin was cold to the touch, every little hair on her arms standing on end.

"Ellie?"

She was struggling to catch her breath, each one making her shake harder than the one before.

"Have you seen Dally?" she asked, panic in her voice.

"You okay, El?"

Steve and Two-Bit were standing shoulder to shoulder next to them. Pony and Soda were standing in the hallway. He looked back at Ellie, her eyes wide and trained on him.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know," he told her.

The phone started to ring and kept ringing.

"He's going to do something stupid," she whimpered. "He has a gun."

"It's okay. We'll find him."

"Dally?" Steve said. Darry turned, and he could feel Ellie's muscles tense up under his hands. Steve looked at him, the telephone in his hand. "He wants to talk to you."

Darry let go of Ellie and took the receiver.

"Dal, where are you?"

He listened as Dally told him something about a gun and a convenience store and then asked him for one thing. Darry closed his eyes against the request, not about to turn him away, but not really sure he could hide him for any length of time.

"We'll meet you there," he said, hanging up the phone. He turned looked at the guys all standing and waiting and then at Ellie whose hand was already propping the screen door open.

"That was Dally," he said. "The cops are after him and we gotta hide him. Gotta meet him at the lot." No sooner had he said the word, and Ellie was already gone.

"Let's go," Steve said. They all ran outside.

_Young boys, young girls,  
Ain't supposed to die on a Saturday night._


	22. Somehow Steered You Wrong

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and Three Doors Down owns "The Road I'm On."**

**PS: We're posting a little earlier than originally planned because it's already Sunday in New Zealand. :)**

_

* * *

_

He said, "Life's so hard to move in sometimes  
When it feels like I'm towin' the line,  
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way."

Dally hung up the pay phone. He didn't know why he called Darry, he just did. Dally knew he was in a lot of trouble, and the last thing he needed to do was drag Darry into it. Darry was just the type of guy who would help him, at least for a little while. The problem was that Dally knew he didn't deserve it.

He held tight to the sack of cash he had gotten from that little convenience store as he ran toward the lot to meet the guys. He thought about Windrixville. If Johnny and Pony could last up there for nearly a week, he could too. Not that he had much of a place to hide in now that the church was burned to the ground. He wasn't sure he had gotten more than fifty bucks from that place he held up. Even if he ran right out of town, it sure wasn't going to last him for as long as he needed to hide out. But he also remembered his uncle. Lane still lived somewhere in Windrixville, and maybe, just maybe, he could rely on the old man for a few more bucks.

He skidded to a halt at the corner of the lot. Sirens were closing in on him, and he suddenly had no idea what he was going to do. In one hand, he had a sack of cash. Cash that he could use to hide out if he could get away, but he was starting to realize there was no way out. Flashing lights started bouncing off of his surroundings, and he knew he wouldn't make it much further. He could keep running and let Darry hide him until he could think of something else, or he could just face it all and go to jail.

When he thought about jail, he thought about Johnny. Jail had never scared him to the point he let it show, but what good would it be for him to go without someone looking up to him? Without Johnny, his long list of offences was nothing but a list. It didn't make him any tougher or much of anything else. He didn't want to see Johnny go to jail and now Dally didn't think he could hack the time, and time was what he was going to get. It wouldn't be a night in the drunk tank or a few months for destruction of property. It was going to be years for armed robbery, even if the damn gun was as empty as he felt. He had spent his whole life being in trouble but never like this. Usually he would just let the cops take him in and laugh it off. This was different. Johnny was dead. Things couldn't end that easily.

The gun in his hand felt exceptionally heavy for the first time since he'd had it in his possession. He looked at it, considering the possibilities. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if Tim had given him bullets to go along with it, but he would have to work with what he had.

The sirens were getting closer, and he looked up when he spotted the red and blue lights reflecting off the streets, still wet from the rain. They were coming from the opposite side of the lot, and he tightened his grip on the gun. He tossed away the money he had stolen and ran across the wet grass to meet them. He knew what he wanted, and there wasn't anybody to tell him he couldn't have it. By the time he was halfway across the empty lot, the first car was joined by two more. Dally swallowed hard and smiled. He was going to have an audience.

The fuzz were climbing out of their cars, but he wasn't listening to the things they were shouting. He wasn't listening to anything anymore; he didn't want to hear it. They were all yelling, and when they recognized what he was holding, he could see panic on their faces. He smirked at the sight of it and raised his left arm, pointing the heater at one of the cops and yelled as loud as his tear-choked throat would allow. He knew every cop in Tulsa, but he couldn't place any of these guys. Everything had gone hazy past the point of the gun, and the whole world was silent except for the blood pounding in his ears.

"It's not loaded!"

Ponyboy. Pony knew the gun wasn't loaded, and he cursed the kid for screaming it so loud. It wouldn't do any good, though. The cops wouldn't take some kid's word over a gun being pointed at them. It didn't matter if it wasn't loaded.

The gunshots rattled him out of that hazy stupor and when the bullets hit him, he could see everything clearly. He could feel every inch of his body begin to ache from the rumble and burn from the bullets. He swayed on his feet but he couldn't hold himself up for long. When he fell, he saw every blade of grass around him, he could feel the rain-soaked ground seep through his jacket. He could hear the commotion as the cops ran toward him. He could hear people yelling behind him, and it only took a moment to realize those voices belonged to Steve, Darry and Ellie, in that order, all getting louder and louder and then fainter and fainter. As the pain from the bullet wounds began to spread into his arms and legs, things started to go dark and very cold.

XXX

Darry pumped his legs harder than he ever thought he had in his life. He saw the cop cars closing in on the lone shadowy figure up ahead. What he saw in front of him was glaringly obvious, but his mind told him it couldn't be happening like that. Dally wasn't that crazy.

Ice filled his veins when Dally yelled, "You'll never take me alive!"

And then it was all clear to him exactly what Dally was planning to do. Behind him his friends and brothers started yelling things that Darry couldn't quite make out as he watched Dally raise his arm and the cops take aim. Ellie was several paces ahead of him, and he forgot about Dally and concentrated on getting to her before she tried to get to him.

The first gun shot rang out and Darry was right on Ellie's heels. The second shot rang out and Dally spun around and hit the ground, and Darry caught her arm and then her other, pulling her against him as they skidded to a stop with the gang right behind him. She struggled against him with strength he never imagined from her and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She screamed and cried, yelling for him to let her go.

"You don't want to see him like that," he said, doing anything he could to make it easier. The cries were the most heartbreaking sounds he had ever heard, and he struggled to keep his composure, but anger welled up in his chest. They killed a kid.

They had lost another friend.

_I know you feel hopeless now, and I know you feel alone,  
That's the same road, that same road that I'm on._

* * *

**Please don't kill us. :)**


	23. Close Your Eyes

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own "Dance With the Devil" by Breaking Benjamin.**

* * *

_Easy to find what's wrong,  
Harder to find what's right._

**September 25, 1966 **

A tingling numbness swept over her. Everything was strangely silent as she watched him fall under the streetlights. Gunshots were the only things she heard, and they were echoing in her ears as in a deafening chorus. He was dead, that's all there was to it. Dally was dead, and she knew without a doubt that it was exactly what he wanted.

"You don't want to see him like that," Darry said.

Her knees went limp, but Darry supported her. Nothing made sense. Johnny and Dally were dead. Dead and gone, just like that. Dally was right in front of her, but she couldn't make sense of it all. Dally wasn't that vulnerable. In just a few seconds, he could bounce back up and fight the cops off, cursing like a sailor. He would tell her she was such a girl for crying over him. But she stared and nothing happened. Dally didn't spring back to life, and she felt like she could die, too.

"The kid! Look at the kid!" Two-Bit cried out.

Before Ellie could even comprehend who he was yelling about, Darry let go of her and she stumbled forward, landing hard on her knees as he dashed over toward Two-Bit. There was a second when her heart stopped beating all over again, her chest suddenly feeling hollow and sore. Ponyboy was lying on the ground. Soda and Darry were frantically trying to wake him up. Steve stood, head bowed toward the ground, hands gripping his hair.

"Oh, God," she said to no one. "Pony …"

Ellie sat there, unable to force herself up to help anyone. She heard Two-Bit and Darry yelling for someone to call an ambulance. The cops were all buzzing around Dally's body, moving awfully fast for a dead kid. Sirens for an ambulance came screaming down the street, red lights flashing sickly against the fog that had settled in. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Darry waving the ambulance over, but it stopped amid the police cars. Two medics got out and raced over to the crowd of officers as one cop broke from the group and ran toward their smaller one.

Mesmerized, Ellie got to her feet, focusing completely on where Dally had fallen. The hustle and bustle. The medics. She started moving, starting out with slow, hesitant steps until she was running full speed across the grass. Her breath caught in her throat as she elbowed her way past two cops who never saw her coming. They started yelling at her, but she never heard them. She saw Dally lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, the two medics working frantically, and she knew he was alive.

"Dally!" she cried, falling back to her knees.

She grabbed at him, needing to touch him to just to be sure. His eyes didn't open, he didn't acknowledge that she was there. There was so much blood, and it was hot on her hands.

"Get outta here," a medic yelled at her.

"Is he okay?" she asked frantically.

The medic didn't answer her, he just kept working. Someone grabbed her arms, yanking her back to her feet.

"Come on, kid."

It was a cop yanking her away, and Ellie lost it. She turned and began hitting him, screaming at him at the top of her lungs.

"You shot him!" She fought wildly as he tried to restrain her. "It wasn't even loaded!"

The cop latched onto her arm and yanked her further away from the chaos surrounding Dally. Ellie continued her rampage because it was all she could do.

"I got her," she heard Two-Bit say. The cop let go of her and walked away, Two-Bit enveloped her in a hug, and she cried against his chest.

"It wasn't loaded," she said, over and over again.

She turned her head and watched as they loaded Dally onto a stretcher and wheeled him toward the waiting ambulance. It sped away as another pulled up to their friends, and a couple of cops stood around Ponyboy.

They walked back over and she stood solemnly between Two-Bit and Steve as the ambulance roared off with the Curtis brothers inside. Inside she was screaming, but on the outside she felt like she might collapse, too. Johnny, Dally and Pony all in one night.

_Don't you dare look at him the eye,  
As we dance with the devil tonight._

* * *

A/N: SomeBlueDecember and Taylorjeanjn, we enjoyed your theories!


	24. Our Beauty Surely Gone

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. Rob Thomas owns "Now Comest the Night."**

_

* * *

_

Now comes the night, feel it fading away,

_And the soul underneath, is it all that remains?_

**Sunday, September 25, 1966**

Ellie followed Steve and Two-Bit down the hospital corridor. She crossed her arms, suddenly feeling the sting of cold on her arms from being out all evening without her jacket. She couldn't think of the last place she had it. She didn't really care, except now that she felt the warmth from the inside of the hospital, she couldn't stop shaking.

Steve barreled straight for the information desk. "A friend of ours was just admitted. Ponyboy Curtis."

The receptionist didn't look at all concerned. "Are you family?"

"No. Where is he?" he snapped.

Two-Bit grabbed Steve's arm to get him to quiet down. Ellie noticed people were looking. She stared back at them, feeling like all of this was a just a dream. She didn't feel like she was really there.

"… give out information like that," the woman was saying. "Only to relatives. And visiting hours are long over."

Steve slammed a fist down on the desk and started to say something, but Two-Bit stopped him.

"Thanks, ma'am." He turned around to Ellie and pulled Steve along with him. "We'll find him ourselves."

Ellie struggled to keep up behind them. They were both taking the stairs two at a time while she clung to the handrail, trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It was about as impossible as running through water.

She followed them blindly around the second and third floors. She wanted to find Pony, but more than that, she wanted news about Dallas. They continued up the stairwell to the fourth and found Darry pacing a hole in the floor in the hallway.

"How is he?" Two-Bit asked.

"They won't tell us anything," Soda said, sitting on the floor under a window into one of the patient rooms.

"Where's Dally?"

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. From the way everyone was looking at her, she wished she could take it back.

"The ambulances got here at the same time," Darry said. "It sounded like they were taking him to surgery."

Ellie nodded slowly. Surgery. That at least meant there was a chance for him.

She pointed to the closed door they were standing in front of. "Is Pony in there?"

"The doctors are in there with him now," Soda said. He pointed to the window above his head.

Ellie walked over with Steve and Two-Bit. The blinds hung down from the inside and had been closed partially, but she could still see more than she wanted to. Pony on the gurney, being poked and prodded by nurses and doctors alike. He didn't look like he was awake. He looked a lot like Johnny did before he died.

"He don't look too bad," Two-Bit said. Ellie looked up at him, and he looked just as frightened as she was.

"He'll be okay," Steve said. He left her side and sat down beside Soda. He clapped him on the shoulder and repeated, "He's gonna be okay."

Soda didn't look convinced, but he didn't argue either.

"You've got blood all over you, kid," Two-Bit said.

It took her a moment to realize he was talking to her. She looked down at her hands and saw blood on her palms and rusty stains smeared across her clothes. Dally's blood. She was still shivering, but the sight of the blood made her hands shake even more.

"C'mon," Two-Bit said quietly. He led her down the hallway and hit the button for the elevator.

"What about Pony?" she asked.

He looked over her head back at their friends, and she followed his gaze.

"I don't think they'll miss us."

She nodded. Darry was staring into the window, as though he could do something to help. Soda and Steve appeared to be in their own world.

The elevator arrived with a ding.

"You know," she said as Two-Bit pushed the first floor button, "you're one to talk about blood. You're gonna bleed to death if you don't have somebody look at you."

"I know." He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of the elevator. With the gash on his cheek and the dried blood streaking his face, he looked awful.

"Go have somebody take a look at you," she said as they stepped out into the main lobby.

"What are you gonna do?"

She shrugged.

"You're gonna go find Dally, ain't you?"

She sighed and felt tears rising in her chest.

"I have to know that he's okay."

He shook his head. "He did it on purpose, El. I don't wanna make you mad or nothing, I just want you to remember that. He wanted it to happen."

She swallowed and the tears made their way up to her eyes, stinging as she blinked. "I know," she said, her voice cracking. She looked at the scuffed tile beneath her feet. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know, kiddo," he said.

He walked into the waiting room and sat in the corner, away from the few other people that were around. She sat down beside him. He looked at her so seriously that it made her hurt all over.

"What I'm tryin' to say is that you need to accept the fact that Dally ain't comin' back after this," he said.

She frowned at him, trying to blink away the tears.

"There's no guarantee he'll be okay. And even if he is, there ain't no way he's walking out of here a free man."

She looked at her hands, still stained with his blood. She had been so concerned about him getting through the night that she hadn't considered the repercussions of what he had done.

"I know that tellin' you not to go looking for him ain't gonna do a lick of good," he said. He nudged her leg with his to get her to look up at him. "Is it?"

"Probably not," she admitted.

"Then just don't go looking too hard for him, okay?"

She nodded.

"I'm gonna go find somebody to stitch me up," he said, standing up. "I sure wish you'd just stay here. I can go looking with you when I get back."

"Maybe," she said. She felt like she was going to shake right out of her seat, her shivering had gotten so bad.

He shrugged out of his jacket with a little bit of trouble. "I know it's got blood on it," he said, handing it to her, "but you hold on to this. It'll be collateral. You better stick around until I get back."

She took the jacket and didn't have the heart to tell him she wasn't even cold, even though she felt chilled right to the bone. She still pulled the jacket over her as he left, leaning her head back against the wall. She didn't know what she was going to do. Even if she found Dally, she didn't know if that would make her feel any better at all.

XXX

XXX

News of what had happened traveled like shockwaves across their neighborhood. Tim heard everything Todd was standing there telling him, but he was thinking that maybe he had a concussion. Dally was dead?

"What the fuck?" Tim asked, standing up a little too quickly. The blood rushed to his head and he felt the room spin for a few seconds. "He's dead?"

Tim didn't know what to think. What he couldn't understand is how or why Dallas Winston could be dead.

"What happened?"

Todd began rattling off a story, one Tim could tell was pieced together from a long line of he-said, she-said. But when Todd rambled off the part about Dally and the gun he'd given him, Tim went cold.

"I don't know what to think, man. He pointed the gun at the cops and everything. They shot him down," Todd said.

"Fuck," Tim muttered, sitting back down.

XXX

People were swarming the hallway. Cops and nurses and doctors walked up and down and back around making Ellie's head spin as she watched from up against a far wall. There had been no word on Dallas, and it had literally been hours. She could see the dark sky starting to lighten through the windows down the hall.

Ellie had been back and forth between nurses and had it on pretty good authority that whenever Dally was out of surgery, if he survived, he would end up on the second floor. It was where the ICU was, and the nurses seemed to think he'd go there. If he survived. She hated that _if_. It had been _if_ with Johnny, and now he was gone. The thought of that and Johnny alone made her feel hollow on the inside. Grimly, she wondered where they had taken him.

Finally the hustle seemed to let up and from around the corner two orderlies pushed a stretcher down toward her, a cop accompanied it. She darted into the main hall she looked at the person in the bed.

"Stop," she managed to strangle out.

The two orderlies stopped pushing for a second and she stared at him. His face was swollen and so pale that his hair seemed darker than his face. She reached out to touch him, but the orderlies started pushing him away from her. She followed after but an old nurse stopped her at the threshold of the ICU.

"Visiting hours aren't for another four hours," she said.

Tears stung her eyes as the doors swung closed, and she lost sight of him.

"But he just got of surgery," she reasoned.

"So he'll be out for awhile. You sixteen?" she asked.

Ellie looked at the woman. "What?" she asked.

"If you are not sixteen you may not visit a patient in the ICU. You can't either if you're not family," she said.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked at the woman helplessly. Her strict demeanor fizzled a bit, and she said, "You okay, honey?"

Ellie couldn't work up the words to answer her. She nodded slightly and walked away. She headed toward the elevators, but a knot had grown so tightly in her throat she couldn't restrain her tears any longer. She saw the door marked "Stairs" and bolted for it. She stood on the landing and listened for the door to close behind her before she noticed Steve sitting against the wall. His eyes were puffy and red, and he looked as awful as she felt.

They stared at each other, reading each other's minds. Her chest started heaving, and she choked back heavy sobs as everything that had happened started to spiral back onto her shoulders from the grief in Steve's eyes. She forced deep breaths and sat down beside him. Staring forward, she tried to focus on her breathing, trying to even it out with Steve's. She couldn't, though, and when Steve wrapped a strong arm around her shoulder, she crumpled apart in his arms. He pulled her against him, and she cried into his shoulder. She cried harder when she felt him start shaking. He buried his face in her hair, and it wasn't long before she felt his warm tears stinging her scalp.

Ellie tried to stop crying just so he would stop. She composed herself and he loosened his grip on her. They both leaned back against the wall, wiping at their eyes. Steve was wiping so hard, so furiously.

"Fuck," he muttered.

The door swung open from the floor above them and heavy footsteps started down the stairs. Steve dropped his hands to his sides, and they both watched to see who was going to pass. Two-Bit appeared on the landing and he stopped for a second, looking them over. He had bandages on his hand and cheek, and he looked a little better than before.

Ellie wanted him to say something - anything - that would lighten her spirits just a little, just for a second. He only stood there looking as grim as Steve did and as awful as she felt. He sighed and walked slowly down the steps and positioned himself on her other side.

"Y'all hear anything about Dally?" he finally asked.

"No," Steve said.

"He's out of surgery," Ellie said, staring at her worn out shoes without really seeing them. "He's in the ICU and you have to be sixteen or family to visit him."

Two-Bit patted her arm and rested it there.

"He's so pale."

"What happened to him?" Steve said.

The night replayed in her mind, but she didn't have an answer.

"It's just like Pony said," Two-Bit replied. "He just blew up."

Tears spilled down her cheeks again. Gunshots still echoed in her ears.

Two-Bit started talking quickly, changing the subject quickly. He said, "Darry said the docs think Pony'll be okay. He's got a concussion and he's sick with a fever and whatnot, but they're takin' care of him. The doctors were talking to them when I left. I thought they might wanna be alone." He paused long enough to take a breath, and then kept rambling. "Man, I never should have let that kid fight. Pony didn't feel good before the rumble, and I shoulda told Darry right off he was sick. It's my fault."

Ellie rested her head on Two-Bit's shoulder and squeezed his arm in return.

"That ain't your fault," she said in earnest. "It just ain't."

"We should go," Steve said. "We ain't doin' any good here."

He stood up and straightened out his clothes. He stuck his hand out and helped Ellie to her feet. Two-Bit stood up last as Steve started down the steps.

"Maybe I oughta stay," Ellie said, hanging back. She swallowed hard and thought about Dally alone in the ICU and the brothers upstairs. It felt wrong to just leave. There wasn't anything she could do to help them, but leaving the hospital made her feel even more helpless.

Steve stopped on the steps and turned to look at her.

"What are you going to do here? You've been here all day," he said. "You need to get outta here. We all do. And you've got blood all over you."

It took all the will power she had left not to look down at her clothes.

Two-Bit threaded his arm across her shoulders and gently pulled her toward the steps. Steve started back down and they followed just a few feet behind.

Two-Bit leaned over and said in her ear, "It'll be awhile 'fore he wakes up. I'll make sure you're in there when he does. Family or not."

XXX

The sun was starting to come up when Tim got the nerve and enough information to warrant heading to the hospital. He didn't know what to believe. He'd heard that Dally was dead and he'd heard that he was alive.

Walking toward him he saw Ellie and Steve getting into a car. He ran, closing the distance before they left. He had a sinking feeling.

"Hold up!"

Steve saw him first and the hate on his face was unmistakable.

"Fuck off, Shepard."

Tim stopped on the other side of the car from where Ellie stood. She wasn't looking at him and he was looking at the blood on her clothes.

"What the hell happened?" Tim asked.

No one said anything immediately and Tim looked at both of them, his gaze falling on Ellie longest. She finally looked at him. Her eyes were rimmed in red and bloodshot.

"What do you care?" Steve asked.

Hate bubbled to the surface and Tim had to suppress it. He didn't really think there was a problem with him wondering what the hell had happened. He just wanted to know whether or not the dumb fucker was alive or not. Both of them being mute over it all was driving him to desperation, and being desperate in any matter having to do with Dallas Winston was where he drew the line.

"Christ, I just want to know what the hell happened," Tim said. "He alive?"

Steve just glared at him, so Tim turned back to Ellie.

"El?"

"Yes," she said. "Barely."

"Get in, El," Steve said.

Tim dared to move a little closer to her, ignoring Steve altogether.

"What happened?"

Her words were sharp, venomous. Tim looked at her again, fixed on the blood and the pained look on her face. She stared right back.

"He pointed a gun at the cops and they shot him."

At a loss, Tim scratched his forehead. He knew Dally to be rash, but he never imagined him to be delusional.

"Why'd he do it?"

Her lips were pursed so tightly together they were as white as her skin. Tears had welled up in her eyes and she said in a strangled voice, "Because of Johnny."

"I heard about the kid," Tim said.

Steve scoffed, and Tim restrained the urge to glare at him. Ellie let a few tears loose and she brushed them away in a hurry.

Dally lost it over a kid? Despite hers and Steve's apparent grief, Tim couldn't help the way he was thinking. Dally was goddamn lunatic.

"What a goddamn stupid thing to do," Tim said.

Ellie's eyes lit up and narrowed on him.

"Shut your mouth," she said, the shake in her voice apparent. "Don't you dare talk about him."

Steve was in between them in a hurry, even though Tim hadn't made any type of move, nor had he even opened his mouth.

"Fuck off, Shepard."

Tim was feeling especially combative. He would especially like to knock Steve on his ass right then, but he caught sight of Mathews walking toward them. Despite the sorry shape he looked to be in, Tim backed off.

"Everything okay?" Two-Bit asked.

"Everything's fine," Ellie piped up. "Let's just go."

She got into the car without another word. Steve continued to hold his ground despite the fact that Tim had backed off.

"Come on, Steve," Two-Bit said, pushing him slightly. "Let's get outta here."

Steve shrugged him off, but backed off as well.

"Don't say shit like that about my buddy," Steve said.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Randle, he's my buddy, too," Tim told him. "Rumor's going around that he's dead. Thought I'd do him a favor and let everyone know they ain't that lucky."

Steve looked like he was going to pounce, but it was Two-Bit that spoke up, his eyes blazing, but he kept his voice low.

"Goddamn you. You weren't right there watching it happen, and if you fucking say that where she can hear that, I'll see to that we're all lucky enough to not have you 'round no more."

Neither one of them said anything else, they just got into the car and Tim swallowed his pride. The car backed out of the parking spot and he caught Ellie's eyes again. Despite the blood on her clothes and the haunted look in her eyes, he hadn't pieced it together that they had probably all been right there watching.

Dally was a bigger piece of shit than he realized.

_So just slide over here, leave your fear in the fray, _  
_Let us hold to each other until the end of our days._

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews guys. We really appreciate all of them. :)**


	25. It's Breaking You Down

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders, and The Fray owns "Heaven Forbid."**

* * *

_Take a breath, just take a seat_  
_You're falling apart and tearing at the seams_

**Monday, September 26, 1966**

Evie's slender arms wrapped around his middle, and he felt her warm breath on his neck.

"I didn't think you'd be here today," she said.

He turned around and faced her, shutting his locker in the process. She looked so worried, and he didn't want her to be.

"Why not?" he asked, taking her books from her. She looked down and then fit her hand into his.

"It's just kind of soon."

"What else am I going to do?"

There was a tight swelling in his chest, and he did his best to get around it by wrapping his arm around her shoulder and walking her to class.

"Do you know when Johnny's funeral is?" she asked.

The swell tightened and it took him a long time to answer her. He did his best to not picture Johnny lying dead in a box, but the thought haunted him. It was still too hard to accept the face that he was dead.

"Tomorrow," he finally said.

"Want to ride together?"

"I'd like that."

At her classroom door, she kissed him on the cheek and went inside. He stood there for a few lingering seconds and walked to his own homeroom. The fallout from the week before was nearly silent. Instead of Todd Howell applauding in the back of the room, some Soc in a letterman's jacket started clapping obnoxiously in Steve's direction. Under his desk, he balled his fists, his anger seething from images of Johnny lying in that hospital bed to knowing that Ellie was right in saying that things wouldn't really change because of a rumble.

There wouldn't be an announcement about how wonderful a kid Johnny was, and how he was such a hero for saving those kids. There wouldn't be anything at all. The Soc finally stopped his clapping when he got zero reaction out of Steve and when no one else seemed interested in joining in.

XXX

On a Monday morning, he was supposed to be in school, but Two-Bit didn't feel like going. He didn't even feel like goofing off. With the way he was feeling, he wasn't sure he was ever going back to school again. It was as if all the fun of everything was sucked away over the weekend.

He walked along the sidewalks of the neighborhood, not going anywhere in particular, but he found himself in the same place he'd watched Dally try to die in a hail of gunfire like some fucking hero in a goddamn western. In his mind, he replayed the whole scene, only it happened so much faster than it felt that night. In his mind, there hadn't been a way Dally hadn't died.

Walking up the little hill, he slipped under the police tape that had been left up and found the spot Dally had fallen. Blood stained the grass a sickly red. It looked like it was still a little wet, and he felt sick.

"Fuck, Dallas," he said outloud.

He turned on his heel, about to leave but stopped dead when he saw something poking out of a tuft of grass. Slowly, he crouched down and picked up his knife, his pride and joy, his show piece. The blade shot out fast as lightening and Two-Bit studied his reflection in the metal. Standing up, he did a few tricks he'd taught himself over the years and then attacked a tree with the blade, hitting it hard enough to break it.

He walked away with the black handle still in his hand, tearing down the police tape as he left.

XXX

Steve had come and gone. She watched from her bedroom window as he drove away and headed for school. Ellie hadn't bothered going to the door, and no one else in the house woke up when he knocked.

All night long, she hadn't slept more than a couple hours at a time before she was startled out of her sleep by dreams of Dally. She'd been sick once and now she couldn't fall back asleep. She needed to do something to keep her mind occupied, and she settled on one thing.

Getting dressed and gathering an armful of cleaning supplies, she headed over to the Curtises and set up shop. She turned on the oven and evaluated the fridge and the cabinets before she began fixing a casserole.

After she had worked up a sweat, she gave herself a break. She stepped outside and lit a cigarette, hoping it would calm the shaking in her core that hadn't subsided since she saw Dally fall like he did. At her feet were newspapers for the last two days. She picked one up and unrolled it, the Sunday morning headline screaming at her. She couldn't bring herself to read the article, and she tossed it away. The Monday morning edition had a new headline and the stories about Dally, Johnny and Bob Sheldon had been pushed to the third page. Ellie let go of the paper and lit up a second cigarette. She watched the paper flutter across the yard with the crisp breeze and almost cried at how fast those boys became unimportant.

Once she was back inside, she looked around the tiny house and evaluated what she had to do next. Cops and people from the court would be by, without a doubt. Ellie knew what those people looked for. They looked in every nook and cranny to see if Darry was providing a safe, clean home for his brothers. With everything else going on, the cleaning would never happen, and the house was a wreck.

Tying a red kerchief in her hair, she started large and worked to the small, usually unnoticed cleaning - the walls and the baseboards - all the things her grandmother insisted were equally as important as the vacuuming.

Starting on the kitchen floor, she attacked the scuff marks and dried egg from only two days before. She scrubbed and scrubbed, not realizing she had cleaned herself into a corner until it was too late. With wet floor all around her, Ellie sat back on her heels, hugged her knees and broke down.

XXX

All he wanted at that moment was a cup of very strong coffee, and he left Soda with Pony for a few moments as he walked back to the waiting room and stood in front of the coffee dispenser. He dropped in a few coins and waited as the machine filled up a tiny cup with coffee. When it finished filling, he pulled it out and took a careful sip but still managed to burn his tongue.

"Excuse me."

He turned around and found a pretty blonde nurse standing behind him. She was holding a book in her hands.

"You're Ponyboy's brother, right?" She asked.

Darry nodded and felt suddenly alarmed. He tossed the cup of coffee in the trash. "Is he okay?"

He started off, but she laid a hand on his arm and looked at him apologetically.

"Oh, everything's fine. I'm sorry to startle you." She quickly offered him the book. He took it and studied the cover before looking back at her. "It's just that he needs to get that. His friend, Johnny, wanted him to have it."

Darry ran his thumb across the pages and bit his lip thinking about Johnny and his little brother. He couldn't imagine everything that had happened at the little church between them. "I appreciate it."

"I saw his name on the rounds list, and I've seen some of the boys that had come to visit Johnny. I just wanted to make sure he got it. Johnny really wanted him to have it," she said.

She smiled, and Darry was instantly struck by her.

"My name's Allison," she said, extending her hand. Darry shook it.

"Darry," he said.

"It's nice to meet you, Darry. If you need anything, you can let me know."

Darry nodded his thanks and headed back to Pony's room. Once he got back, Soda got up to find his own trouble and Darry sat alone with Pony and the book on his lap. He flipped through the pages again, a folded note falling out into his lap. He studied it for a long time and finally unfolded it enough to read the first line. In handwriting he didn't recognize, he read the first few words over and over again and then stuck it back in the book and put it into his jacket pocket.

"I'll let you find it, little buddy," he said.

He was about to nod off when there was a small knock on the door. He looked up to see Allison standing in the doorway. She had a cup of coffee in her hand.

"The nurses have their own coffee pot," she said. He noticed she blushed a little as she handed it to him. "Most of us would never make it if we had to drink the weak stuff that machine gives out. I hope black's okay."

"That's just fine," he replied, coffee suddenly the last thing on his mind.

She nodded, a small smile on her face and said, "Okay, then. Rounds are starting soon. Someone will be in to check him out soon."

He watched her go and sat back and sipped his coffee as his little brother slept.

XXX

As Darry came back, Soda slipped out. It was hell just sitting there waiting on Pony to wake up, and he needed to get out for just a little bit. Aimlessly, he walked up and down the different hospital corridors and was headed nowhere in particular when he found himself facing the hall toward the ICU. He watched from up against the wall as distraught family members walked back and forth and nurses scurried about. It was awfully quiet in spite of the number of people milling about, and that bothered him. He knew Dally was just through the doors somewhere, but he didn't want to see him. Seeing him get shot was enough. He'd visit with him once he had healed.

Hopping on an elevator, he rode it up and down until someone got off on a floor he hadn't visited. Stepping off, he turned left as the woman who got off turned right. This floor was brighter and people were smiling. He walked on until the wall turned into a pane of glass and he looked in at the newborn nursery. There was an instant tug on his heart as he stopped and leaned his forehead against the glass. His eyes jumped from one little bundle to the next. Closing his eyes against the tears forming in them, he couldn't get Sandy out of his mind anymore than he could erase one of his brothers.

Wiping his eyes, he turned away from the babies and headed back for the elevator and took it back up to his floor. Heading back for the room, he stopped in the hallway, struck by the sight of a fair-haired girl standing with her back to him and talking to Darry in Pony's room. For the briefest of seconds he wondered if Sandy had come back, but then he noticed he nurses' uniform. He didn't know why he expected things to start pulling themselves back together again so quickly.

With a sigh, he ran a hand through his hair and headed back down the hall. He didn't know where he was going, but all he wanted to do was get lost in one of the corridors and stay there until things fixed themselves.

_Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow_  
_You'll be alright_


	26. Lost You

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders, Susie Hinton does. We also do not own the song "Here is Gone" by the Goo Goo Dolls.**

* * *

_And we wake up in the breakdown  
__With the things we never thought we could be_

**Monday, September 26, 1966**

She wanted to leave, but her mom had other ideas. Instead of being uninterested in everything Ellie did, Abigail and her huge belly were blocking her exit.

"I found bloody clothes in the hamper. I want to know what went on the other night!"

Ellie slipped on her jacket and freed the hair trapped by the collar. She didn't look at her. Only at her hands that were dry and raw from cooking and cleaning and scrubbed so hard to get the blood off.

"I don't want to talk about it," Ellie said.

"I don't like that I have to read about it in the paper instead of hearing it from you. Were you there?"

This time she looked up at her. There were so few times anymore she showed interest like this, she actually looked concern. She was making it really hard for Ellie to contain herself and when a few stray tears spilled over, Abigail wiped them away with her thumb.

"Are you going to see him?"

"I'm going to try," Ellie said.

Abigail nodded, squeezed Ellie's shoulder and moved aside. Ellie left quickly.

Down the street she could see that Steve wasn't home so she hoofed it to the bustop and rode alone all the way to the hospital.

XXX

She slowly pushed open the door to Pony's hospital room to find Soda and Darry sitting on either side of the bed. Darry was asleep, but Soda was flipping through a magazine.

"Hey," she said softly.

Soda perked up immediately. "Hey, come on in."

She closed the door quietly behind her but only took a couple steps into the room. Pony was asleep, but it looked fitful.

"Where's Steve?" she asked, only because she didn't know what else to ask.

"He's at school. He ain't crazy about hospitals."

"How's Pony?" she asked. She tried to look at him but stared at the hospital sheets instead.

"Out of it. He's acting real strange. The doctors ain't too worried, but he's been asking for Mom and Dad and I don't think that's a good thing."

"He'll be okay," she said.

He nodded. "I just wish he'd get better quicker. I don't know how much longer Darry can handle this. Hell, I don't know how much longer I can handle this." He was quiet for a moment before he stood up. "Here, sit down."

She shook her head a little more vehemently than she intended to. "I'm okay here."

"Ellie, he ain't gonna bite. Please sit with him for a while."

Soda moved and all but pushed her into his vacated seat. She took a deep breath before she reached for Pony's hand. His fingers were ice cold while she was clammy all over.

Pony seemed to rouse at her touch, and she almost dropped his hand. He opened his eyes, but it was as though he wasn't seeing anything. He was mumbling things she couldn't understand until he said Johnny's name. It made her heart sink.

"He's asked for Johnny a few times," Soda said, noticing her expression. "I heard his funeral's gonna be tomorrow."

"Yeah?" she asked, not really listening to him. She kept her eyes on Pony, willing him to snap out of whatever he had fallen into.

"I sure wish he'd be better by then. He oughta be at the funeral and he ain't gonna be if he's still like this."

After a few minutes of incoherent words, Pony seemed to calm down as she squeezed his hand tightly in hers. She sat like that for what felt like an eternity, but according to the clock above the door had only been fifteen minutes. Soda leaned against the wall, stretching every now and then when he wasn't yawning the rest of the time. Darry was still snoring quietly on the other side of the hospital bed.

There was a light knock on the door, and Two-Bit poked his head in the room.

"How's it goin'?"

Soda repeated what he told Ellie when she arrived. Two-Bit looked about as down as she had ever seen him. It was his eyes. They didn't dance the mischievious way she was used to. He walked over beside her and patted Pony's leg affectionately.

"You okay?"

It took her a moment to realize he was talking to her.

"Yeah," she said, not knowing if that was a lie or not.

"You don't look it."

"You don't look so hot yourself," she said.

He shrugged. "Guess not."

Looking back at Pony's hand in hers, she felt like seeing Two-Bit so depressed was just about as bad as seeing Pony in such a bad state. If the doctors weren't too worried about Pony, she didn't think she should be either. He had been through so much already, he could recover from this. She had never seen Two-Bit so down in the dumps, though. He always knew how to cheer everyone else up, but she didn't have the slightest idea as to how she could help him.

There was another knock on the door, and Ellie felt like she was going to be sick if they crammed anyone else into the small room.

She was relieved to see the nurse's cap.

The lady smiled. "I just need to get his vitals for the doctor."

Ellie stood up and Two-Bit followed her towards the door. Soda caught her arm.

"Are you leaving?"

"We're gonna get some fresh air," Two-Bit cut in. "I'll bring her back."

When they walked out into the hallway, Ellie felt like she could finally breathe again. She felt terrible that she couldn't stay longer with Ponyboy, but she didn't think she could handle another second in that room.

"Thanks," she said as they walked down the hallway.

He was quiet until they walked onto the elevator.

"Do you still wanna see Dallas?" he asked abruptly.

She looked up at him. "Do you know where he is?"

"I can take you up there to see him if you still want. I don't blame you if you don't, though."

"Where is he?"

He frowned. "So you wanna go see him?"

She nodded.

They climbed off on the floor and rounded a corner. He looked around, walking with purpose, and she struggled to keep up with his long strides.

He was heading straight for a set of swinging doors, but he paused when he looked through the small window.

"Shit, wait a second," he hissed, grabbing her arm. He leaned against the wall, pulling her next to him. He kept his eyes on the door beside them, and he relaxed when a cop walked through it.

They watched as the cop continued down the hall and when Two-Bit was happy with where he was headed, he pulled her alongside him through the doors and down the hall.

"I told you I'd get you in there," he said, pointing to a door.

There wasn't a name on the panel beside the door, and she looked back at him.

"Really?" she asked. "He's in there?"

He nodded. "Yeah, now get in there before the cop gets back from wherever he went. He's not supposed to have any visitors because he's under arrest.I'll stand watch. I'll knock when I see him comin'. And that means haul ass outta that room, no excuses. Understand?"

"Yeah."

"Now hurry up." He pushed the door open for her, keeping his eyes trained on the other end of the hallway.

She walked in slowly, blood pounding in her ears. She knew she needed to hurry up if she didn't want to get caught, but she was scared.

It was dark, but not completely. A small light over the bed buzzed and she wondered why it was even on. It would shine right into his eyes when he woke up. Once she caught a glimpse of Dally, she knew it was more than she was prepared to see.

She released the breath she didn't know she had been holding as she stood next to the bed. His blond hair fell in clumps over his forehead. He still had bruises on his face – remnants of the rumble – making his white skin look ghostly. His left arm was still bandaged from the burns, and his right arm was cuffed to the side of the bed.

He was sleeping deeply from the medicine they had him on, she assumed, but he looked awful. He looked dead. She felt a rolling wave of nausea as she looked at him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened them and refocused her gaze on his hand that was chained to the bed. She reached for his fingers and found them cold and rough.

There was a sharp rap on the door, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She let go of his hand but noticed his fingers moved. When she looked back at his face and saw his eyelids fluttering.

"Dally," she whispered.

There was another knock on the door with more urgency behind it than the first.

Panic filled her chest. There he was, right under her fingertips, and she couldn't stay.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered.

She ran out of the room, not even stopping for Two-Bit to catch up. She ran down the stairwell and out of the hospital.

Dally looked half dead and Pony seemed like a different person entirely. If that was how everyone looked when they were in the hospital, she didn't want any part of it.

The nausea subsided the further she got from the hospital. She wasn't going back if she could help it.

XXX

She was walking with her head down, hair in her face and arms crossed about her middle as if she were cold. Tim didn't want to stop, but she was really far from home on foot, so he did. Ellie kept walking, and from what he could tell, she hadn't noticed that there was anything around her.

Keeping the car in a low gear, he drove along the curb to keep pace with her. He leaned across the seat, one eye on the road, and rolled down the window.

"Hey, Ellie!"

Her head snapped up and she saw him. For a second he thought her eyes might roll into the back of her head when she realized it was him.

"Need a ride?"

"With_ you_?"

_Fair enough_, he thought. He kept the car going slow and eventually pulled over and got out.

"Hold up a minute," he said. It seriously surprised him that she stopped.

When she looked up at him he could tell she'd been crying.

"Where you comin' from?" he asked, knowing where it had to have been.

"The hospital," she said.

"You see Dally?"

At the mention of his name her eyes went dead. She stared right through him and said nothing.

He knew he would regret asking, but without Steve minding her business, he might actually get an answer out of her about what happened.

"Why'd he do it?"

"Please don't ask me that," she said.

Oh, but he wanted to. He looked back at his car and the cars zooming by and motioned toward it.

"Let me give you a ride. It's a long walk," he said.

"Are you crazy? You think I'm getting in that car with you ever again ?"

"It was good enough when you needed a ride to Buck's to talk to Dally," he said, getting defensive. Wasn't she ever going to realize he didn't mean for it to happen in the first place?

She backed off a couple of steps, her face red and set like a stone.

"I'm just fine walking."

"I know you don't wanna talk about it, but I'd really like to know what happened the other night," he said, trying his damnedest to find some middle ground. "I'm sick of hearing all these rumors about what went down in the lot."

"You're asking the wrong person." She kept walking, looking down at the ground as she went.

"I thought you were there when it happened."

"That don't mean I know why he did it."

"Why did the cops shoot him?" He knew it had to do with the gun, but there weren't any bullets unless Dally had gotten them himself.

"I don't know. He had a gun, but from the way Ponyboy made it sound, it wasn't loaded."

"So the kid's okay?"

She spun on her heel. "No, he's not okay."

Tim frowned. "But you just said –"

Something sparked in her and she took a step towards him, ready to pick a fight. "He isn't okay and neither is anybody else. Why don't you get that through your thick skull?"

He swallowed back the words he wanted to spit at her and held up his hands. Her chest was heaving from the deep breaths she was taking. He thought he could maybe get in a few words edgewise while she was calming herself down, but before he could, she spun on her heel and marched on.

"When's Johnny's funeral?" he called after her.

"Tomorrow."

"Are you going to be there?"

She didn't respond, and he wasn't sure what to make of it.

_I can feel you falling_  
_And I wanted to be all you need_  
_Somehow here is gone_


	27. Catch My Breath

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. Lifehouse owns "Sky is Falling."**

**

* * *

**

_The sky is falling and no one knows,_  
_We shouldn't be hard to believe_  
_Shouldn't be this difficult to believe._

**Tuesday, September 26, 1966**

Darry walked up the small hill to the cemetery. He could see people gathered in the far back section of the graveyard, and it brought back the terrible memories of burying his parents. There was money from the insurance company to help him pay for their burials, but there wasn't enough to give them anything fancy. He and his brothers had been back plenty of times to visit their graves, but it was hard knowing they didn't even have the money for a headstone. Darry tried to save a little of his paycheck every week in the hopes of eventually buying one, but with everything else they needed, he didn't think he'd ever have enough.

He saw Ellie standing with Two-Bit, Steve and their girlfriends near the gravesite and headed their way. Even though his parents' graves only had small markers, similar to all the others in that particular section of the cemetery, he recognized theirs immediately. Johnny's was a few yards away, and that gave him some sort of comfort. His parents had always watched out for him when they were alive, and now they could watched after him again. Even with that bit of comfort, it was hard to imagine a boy in that box. Even harder to picture that boy as Johnny.

"Hey, Darry," Two-Bit greeted, Kathy by his side. He didn't know her well, but he thought it was nice of her to come to the funeral.

He nodded his hello and looked at the other people around the grave. Other than his friends and Johnny's parents, he didn't recognize anyone.

"Where's Soda?" Steve asked. Evie was beside him, looking like she had already been crying.

"He's staying with Pony. They just discharged him this morning. Soda didn't want him to be alone if he woke up." Darry suddenly felt like that was a good idea on Soda's part. Evie was a nice girl and she and Steve had been going strong for quite some time now, but he thought she was too much of a reminder of Sandy. They had been good friends ever since Sandy moved to town and the last thing Soda needed to think about was her.

"Is the kid doing any better?" Two-Bit asked.

Darry shrugged. "He's okay." But he wasn't. He didn't think so, anyway. Pony hadn't been coherent since Saturday night. Darry wished he would have been better by Johnny's funeral, but he didn't know if being there would help him. It certainly couldn't have hurt.

Ellie was leaning against the tree they were standing under but hadn't acknowledged their conversation.

"Hey, Ellie," he said. She seemed to snap out of her thoughts when she heard her name. "You oughta come by and see Pony. He'd like that."

She nodded, but from the look on her face, she wasn't about to commit to anything. Two-Bit told him about getting her in to see Dallas, and he assumed that was why she hadn't been back. He could only imagine how terrible Dally looked, and he couldn't really blame her for staying away.

"Would you look at them?" Two-Bit muttered. He nodded at Johnny's parents standing by their son's coffin. "Acting like they care after the way they treated him when he was here. I'd like to give them a piece of my mind, right in front of all these people."

Darry put a hand on Two-Bit's shoulder. He knew just how he felt. He remembered back when he was in junior high and Pony brought Johnny over one day after school. Johnny had bruises all over his arms and was careful about how he sat. His dad wanted to walk right over there and give Mr. Cade someone his own size to pick on. Darry overheard his mom talk him down, though, saying he would only make it worse for Johnny when he went home. It had been hard when Johnny got older and his dad only beat him worse, but Darry tried to keep the same stance his mom had. He didn't know if he was right, but he figured offering Johnny a place to sleep was the best way the gang could keep him safe.

"It just ain't fair, you know?" Two-Bit said. He wasn't really talking to anybody in particular. Maybe he was trying to tell Johnny. "It ain't fair that he's better off dead than he is here with his parents."

"I know it," Darry said.

A thought had festered in the back of his mind since the night Pony came home. He was so glad that Pony was alive. So glad that this hadn't happened to his little brother after everything else he had been through. It was a thought he was uncomfortable with, one he could never say out loud, especially because he hated that anything happened to Johnny. He wondered if it made him an awful person.

Darry was relieved to see the preacher take order of the quiet crowd, helping Darry to silence his raging mind for a short while. At the very least, it changed the subject.

He read a few passages from the Bible and said a few words. It was nice and all but not enough to hold Darry's attention for long enough. He just thought of the words the preacher had said at his mom and dad's funeral. They were kind words, but they didn't do much to ease the pain. Looking at his friends, he could tell the words weren't doing much.

He looked around at the people at the ceremony. He was surprised to see Tim Shepard standing on the very outskirts of the gathering. Tim gave him a small nod which Darry returned. As far as he knew, Johnny didn't know him all that well. When it came right down to it, Tim and his gang helped them fight for Johnny, so there was some sort of understanding there. Tim's gaze shifted a little and Darry followed it and caught Ellie in his glance. She was standing a little away from the others, hands clasped in front of her. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn't caught up to her that night.

"Oh, Christ," Two-Bit muttered. "What's the old hag doing now?"

"Two-Bit!" Kathy hissed.

Darry looked up to see Thelma Cade taking an unsteady step forward. She looked genuinely distraught, but he wasn't at all convinced.

"I'd just like to thank all of you for comin' out here today," she said. She reached for her husband who hesitantly stepped up beside her. "Me and Jay just don't know what to do without John here."

Two-Bit scoffed loudly, but nobody seemed to notice except Darry and Kathy from the way she elbowed him in the ribs.

"I always wished we could've provided better for him, and I hate it that we have to bury him like this, but we ain't got the money for a fancy funeral or nothing like that." She started to break down, and Darry felt cynical for thinking she was doing it solely to keep up appearances. She hadn't convinced him otherwise, though. "He was such a good boy, and we loved him somethin' awful."

"Awful's right," Two-Bit muttered under his breath.

A man in the crowd stepped forward. "Ma'am? I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to offer my condolences. You see, my name's Bill Yates, and I had a little girl in that fire back in Windrixville. She would've died in that fire, too, if it weren't for those boys."

He hadn't mentioned Pony by name, but Darry felt a swell of pride in his chest for what his little brother did.

Bill gestured to the others around him. "Matter of fact, we all had little ones that were in the fire, and we want to do something for your son. I know it ain't much and it sure won't bring him back, but we would like to get him a headstone. He needs something here to remind people what a hero he was."

Thelma all but broke down at the offer. Darry sighed. She was awful good at keeping up appearances.

He could feel the anger radiating from Two-Bit and Steve next to him, as the service came to an end. Johnny's parents stayed graveside as the caretakers slowly lowered the coffin into the ground. Darry walked away, hoping his friends would follow. They eventually did.

"Why do they get to stay and we're the ones that gotta leave?" Two-Bit demanded. "We're more family than they ever were."

Darry nodded. "I know. Just let them think they were good parents. For today, at least."

"How come?" Steve asked.

"Those people are gonna buy him a headstone," Evie said. "That's real nice of them."

Ellie nodded, her eyes red from tears. "Let those people think they were good parents. Johnny deserves that much."

"I guess, but I hate 'em," Two-Bit said.

Darry nodded. They all hated them.

XXX

Darry walked into the house quietly, loosening his tie. He half-hoped to find both Soda and Pony sitting on the couch watching television, but the set wasn't on. The whole house was silent, just like the last time he had gotten home after a funeral. It gave him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He walked down the hallway and found Soda asleep in the arm chair, legs kicked over the arm rest. They had dragged it in when they got Pony home, all but busting down the door to get it to fit over the threshold. He knocked lightly on the doorframe.

"Hey, Sodapop," he whispered. Soda woke up immediately. In all his life, he had never been a light sleeper, but Darry supposed after everything they had been through in the last week, there wouldn't be any sound sleeping for a while. "Relax, little buddy, just wanted to let you know I was home. Why don't you go sleep in my bed for a while?"

Soda stretched. "How was the funeral?"

"It was a funeral," he said with a shrug. Soda nodded as he rolled out of the chair. "There were a lot of people there, though. It was nice enough. I wish you could've been there."

He stood up straight and stretched again. "He ain't even moved since we got him home. I'm gonna get a shower if you wanna stay here with him."

"Go ahead," Darry said. "I'm gonna change outta this suit and fix some lunch. We'll hear him if he wakes up."

Darry changed into jeans and t-shirt, hanging up his suit and tucking it away in the back of his closet. He hoped he didn't need to wear it again any time soon.

After he fixed a sandwich and ate it in a few bites. Still hungry he opened the ice box and saw a whole casserole and blessed Ellie for being around. He turned on the stove and popped it in.

Noticing the shower had stopped running some time ago, Darry knocked on the bathroom door. He pushed it open and found Soda struggling to keep his eyes open as he shaved. Darry watched him for a moment.

"Would you just go to bed?" he finally said.

"I'm fine," Soda mumbled, blinking a couple of times before taking another stroke with the razor.

"You're gonna fall asleep and slit your throat if you keep it up."

Soda rinsed off the razor and splashed some water on his face.

"Come on," Darry said.

"I told you I was fine," Soda replied.

Darry took him by the arm and pulled him down the hall behind him.

"And I told you to get some sleep."

"What if he wakes up?"

"Then I'll come wake you up. Quit worrying, Soda. He's not gonna go anywhere."

He sighed, but Darry could tell he was close to giving in.

"All right," he finally agreed, walking into Darry's room. "But you wake me up as soon – "

"Yeah, yeah. Get some sleep," Darry muttered. He gave Soda a shove into the room and pulled the door closed behind him.

He headed back to Pony's room and sat in his armchair. He sighed, suddenly feeling how tired he was down to his very core. He reached down and brushed the hair back from Pony's forehead. He couldn't get over that blond hair. It just reminded him of how much his little brother had probably been through that Darry couldn't even begin to fathom.

He wondered what his parents would say if they were still there. He imagined they would have been angry at Pony for staying out late that night, but they would have been more upset at Darry's actions. He had let them down, both his parents and his brothers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

He leaned his head back in the chair and wished Pony would wake up.

_I've got you and I've got nothing left  
__Don't leave me all alone down here  
__With myself and all of my fear._


	28. The Rain Kept Pourin'

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. Creedence Clearwater Revival owns "Who'll Stop the Rain."**

**

* * *

**

_Long as I can remember, the rain been comin' down  
Clouds of mystery pourin' confusion on the ground._

Tuesday, October 4, 1966

Dr. Marin smiled as he sat down in the chair beside his bed. Pony offered a half-smile. The guy was nice enough, but Pony didn't really like when he came to check on him.

"How are you today, Ponyboy?" he asked, setting his briefcase on the floor by his feet. He pulled a small notebook out of his jacket pocket and leaned back.

"Okay, I guess," he said.

"What's that?"

Pony looked down in his lap at the pages he had scrawled across. "Just some drawings."

"Mind if I see them?"

Shrugging, he handed them over. They weren't much of anything, just horses. It was his favorite thing to draw and probably what he was best at drawing.

"Those are pretty good. You like horses?"

"Yeah, I like 'em all right. My brother used to have one."

The doctor nodded to the stack of school books on the bedside table. "Your brothers have been making sure you keep up with schoolwork?"

"Darry tries," he replied with a smirk. It was hard to focus on math and history and even English. He felt jittery being cooped up in bed for so long.

"Are you anxious about the trial coming up on Wednesday?" he asked, his pen tapping on his notebook. He always had the pen and paper, but Pony couldn't remember ever seeing him write anything. He liked that about Dr. Marin. He was prepared, but he was relaxed. "I know it's a big deal."

Honestly, Pony had tried to push it out of his mind, but it kept finding its way back in. Like when Darry would yell at him to stop smoking in bed. When Soda would bring in funny-shaped green pancakes. What if the judge didn't see how good those things were for him? What if the judge decided he should be in a home where he couldn't smoke at all and where he had to eat regular food? It created a lump in his throat that made it hard to breathe.

"No, I'm not worried," Pony lied. He looked the doctor in the eye. "Darry's a good guardian. The judge'll see that."

The doc nodded.

"What kind of doctor are you?" Pony asked suddenly. It had been bothering him for a couple days now.

He shrugged. "Just a doctor. I make sure people are healthy."

Pony nodded, but he wasn't sure he understood. If he was a doctor, why wasn't he poking and prodding him? Listening to his heartbeat and using his mallet to check his reflexes? He would rather have that than all of this talking business.

"I've been coming to see you for a few days now," Dr. Marin said, "and we haven't had a chance to talk about the night you and your friend Johnny were jumped. I have a feeling the judge will want to ask you about that. Would you like to talk about it now?"

Trying to keep his face blank, he shrugged. There were a lot of emotions wrapped up in that night, and it was hard to think about it without letting them show.

"Do you think it was Darry's fault you and Johnny ended up in the park that night?"

"No," he said immediately. Where did Dr. Marin get these ideas? Pony liked him well enough, but sometimes he was just plain weird. "I had a curfew. It was my fault."

"Were you scared of those boys that jumped you?"

"To be honest, scared don't even begin to explain how I felt, Doc," Pony said with a sheepish smile. It wasn't something he would admit to most of the guys, but he didn't think the doctor would go blabbing it around.

"I would imagine it was a frightening thing that happened. Were you afraid for your life?"

Pony considered that. "I guess you could say that. If it weren't for that switch I always carry, I think we both woulda been goners."

Dr. Marin had been nodding as Pony spoke, but he suddenly stopped and cocked his head slightly. "Both of you?"

"Shoot, yeah," he said. He looked past the doc and thought about that night. The Socs, drunk and angry. Him and Johnny, just looking for a place to hang out until Pony could work up the nerve to go home again. "They tried to drown us both. I know it's against the law and everything, but I had that blade on me just in case. And they were asking for it. They were going to kill Johnny."

He thought about the weight of switch in his hand, Bob's sweater in his grasp, the warmth of his blood on the cold metal of the blade. He shuttered.

"I had to," he explained.

The doc nodded slowly. "Self-defense."

"I didn't know what else to do."

"What about your other friend that was with you during the fire in Windrixville? I think his name is Dallas."

Pony sighed. "Dally always got what he wanted."

"And what did he want the night Johnny d – the night your friends and the other boys fought?"

"He wanted to die."

Marin scratched down a couple words on his pad of paper. It was the first time Pony had seen him take notes during their talks, and there was a twinge in the pit of his stomach that made him wonder if he said the wrong thing.

"Thanks for talking with me, Pony," he said, tucking his notepad back in his jacket pocket.

"That's all?"

"For today," he said with a nod. He picked up his briefcase and stood. Before he turned and walked out the door, he put a hand on Pony's shoulder. "You've been through an awful lot. Take it easy on the homework for now and just rest. Doctor's orders."

Pony smirked. "You mind telling Darry that?"

Dr. Marin grinned. "I'll let him know."

He closed the door behind him, and Pony scrambled out of bed. He trampled over all the junk that littered the floor and opened the door a little ways.

"How is he, Doc?"

It was Darry.

"He talked to me about Johnny and Dallas."

There was a pause, and there was that twinge in his gut again. Pony held his breath so he could hear what they were saying.

"He still thinks Johnny's alive, and Dallas is dead."

There was more silence and Pony strained his ears, listening harder.

"He needs time to process everything that's happened," Dr. Marin said quietly. "How close was he with the two boys?"

"Close with Johnny," Darry said. "Not as close with Dally."

Pony could imagine Dr. Marin nodding silently at the information.

"Do you think that's why he thinks Johnny's still alive?"

"It's a possibility. He could be making a trade off in his mind. Maybe to him, he's trading Dallas' death to keep Johnny alive."

"How can we convince him that Johnny's gone?"

"It's not something for you to convince him of. It's something he has to come to terms with. My best advice is to give him time. If he wants to talk about everything that's happened, let him. If not, don't force it. The best comparison I can give you is that of a sleepwalker. Have you ever tried to wake up a sleepwalker?"

Darry must have shook his head because the doctor continued. As far as Pony knew, he only had nightmares.

"They look just fine, but they're in a daze where they aren't really seeing what's in front of them. It can be hard to get them out of that daze and sometimes when you try, you end up frightening them. What you have to do is guide that person back to bed and let them snap out of it themselves."

Pony quietly closed the door to their conversation. He didn't want to hear anymore. He sank down on the bed and thought of a line from an old movie he had seen with his dad. What was it again? You don't yell at a sleepwalker. He may fall and break his neck.

He balled up the drawings Dr. Marin had been looking at and threw them at the door. He didn't know what he was talking about.

Pony tuned off the lamp beside his bed and crawled under the blankets, burying his head under the pillow.

XXX

Ellie knocked on Pony's door.

"Come in," he yelled from the other side.

She opened the door to find him sitting in the middle of the bed, flipping through a book.

He grinned at her and pulled his hand out from behind the book. He had a cigarette between his fingers.

"I thought it was Darry," he explained. "He's gonna kill me if he sees me smoking in here."

His room had always been a wreck, but in the past week since he had been awake and confined to his room, it was a disaster. Ellie kicked books, clothes and trash out of the way so she could walk in.

"How are you doing?" she asked, sitting on the bed next to him. It was nice to see him looking like himself again, but she felt anxious there. Darry had explained to all of them that he refused to believe that Johnny was dead. The doctor had been there nearly every day as part of an examination the courts had ordered, but according to Darry, Pony was under the impression they were just check-ups.

He shrugged. "I'm bored. I hate bein' cooped up in here."

"Trust me, there's not much going on anywhere else," she said. She pointed to the book on his lap. "What's that?"

"One of Soda's yearbooks. Look at this." He held out the book for her and pointed to a picture. The name below it jumped out at her.

"Bob." She looked up at Pony who was studying the picture carefully.

"Yeah. He looks different. I wonder what color eyes he had."

That caught her off-guard. "What?"

He held up the book again for her to see. "You can't tell what color his eyes are in this picture. Do you know?"

She shook her head. "No. I only really saw him the night …"

She didn't have the heart to explain which night, but he knew.

"He was only eighteen when he died, you know," he said.

She swallowed hard and wanted to remind him that Johnny was only sixteen and hadn't done a thing to deserve what happened to him, but she kept her mouth closed.

"Have you been keeping up with your homework?" she asked.

"Yeah, a couple guys from track have been bringing by some of my work. One of them's in our English class. He said you haven't been there for a while."

She shook her head.

"How come?"

"Just don't feel like it, I guess."

"Man, I'd love to go back to school. I just want to get out of here and do something," he said, finishing his cigarette. He picked a shoe up off the floor and stubbed it out on the sole before he tossed it onto the bedside table.

"No wonder Darry doesn't want you to smoke in bed," she said, standing up and crossing over to the table. She picked up the butt and set it on the corner of the table, away from all of the books and homework papers. "You're gonna burn the whole house down if you keep this up."

"You sound just like Darry," he said with a smirk.

"Well, you have to admit that he has a point."

Pony shrugged. "Maybe."

There was a knock on the door and Ellie looked up to see Darry.

"Ponyboy."

"Yeah?" he asked, still looking at the yearbook.

Darry looked at Ellie, something strange in his eyes. "There's a guy here to see you. Says he knows you. His name's Randy."

"Yeah, I know him," Pony said.

"You want to see him?"

"Yeah. Sure, why not?"

Ellie was surprised to see Randy in the doorway. She had seen him around school with all the other Socs, but mostly she remembered him from that night at the drive-in. Pony had talked to him the day of the rumble and seemed to think he was an okay guy, but she didn't trust him.

She excused herself from the room and carefully squeezed past Randy at the doorway.

She followed Darry into the kitched. "What's he doing here?"

"Who is he?" Darry asked. "He seems like he's on the wrong side of town."

"He is," she snapped. "He was friends with Bob. He was there that night."

Soda and Steve seemed to hear them from the living room and walked into the kitchen.

"I've seen him around school, but he doesn't really strike me as the Socy type," Steve said. "I didn't see him at the rumble."

"Yeah, well, he is a Soc. He was with those girls that Pony and Johnny were talking to when I left the movies. He was there when they jumped them. He had to be."

Darry seemed to understand her concern, but he didn't look worried. "Steve's right, he wasn't at the rumble. And Pony didn't seem to mind that he came here."

She shook her head and walked into the living room. She didn't want to say it out loud, but Pony wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind.

After a moment, she noticed Darry head back to Pony's room. She heard him tell Randy he ought to leave. Darry was saying something to Randy as they walked down the hall, but she couldn't hear it. Steve and Soda were studying him carefully as Darry walked him to the door, and it didn't go unnoticed by Randy.

"Is he gonna be okay?" he was asking Darry when they got to the door.

"Yeah, he'll be fine. He's just having a hard time accepting what happened."

Randy nodded. "I'm awful sorry about everything that happened. I'm going to be at the trial tomorrow and so are a couple of the other guys that were there. I hope we can get everything straightened out so you guys will be okay."

"Thanks," Darry said gruffly, affectively ending the conversation as he shut the door.

He headed back to Pony's room, and Ellie looked out the front room. Randy was still standing on the porch, but he slowly turned and headed to his car. She wondered what his angle was. First he talked to Pony before the rumble and then he came to see him at his house. She couldn't imagine he was shopping around for a new buddy in Pony to replace the one he lost in Bob.

_Good men through the ages, tryin' to find the sun,  
And I wonder, still I wonder who'll stop the rain._

* * *

**Sorry for the delay in posting! We hope you're still enjoying the story. :)**


	29. Lucky

**We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, and we do not own "Stay Lucky" by The Gaslight Anthem.**

* * *

_But it feels like you just might explode inside_  
_You've been pacing around and waiting_  
_For some moment that might never arrive at all_

**Wednesday, October 5, 1966**

The ingredients for homemade chocolate cake had completely escaped her. She stood in Mrs. Mathews kitchen looking at a counterful of ingredients and just didn't know what to start with. She had made chocolate cake at least 100 times.

Mrs. Mathews rested a hand on her shoulder and the other on her hip.

"Now, honey, that cake isn't going to put itself together," she said.

Ellie looked at her and then at the mess Lucy was working with on the table. An overwhelming feeling of helplessness swept over her. It was all a waste of time.

"Why are we doing all this?" she asked. "What if the court takes Pony away? We can't have a big celebration dinner then."

"Because everything will be fine. I'm telling you," Mrs. Mathews said.

"You don't know that," Ellie said, measuring the flour.

"You have to have some faith," she said, returning to Lucy at the table as they got the chicken ready for the oven.

Blindly, Ellie started mixing the ingredients. She could hear Two-Bit and Steve in the living room arm wrestling or something, and she suddenly wasn't in the mood to cook anymore. There was some sort of normalcy going on in the other room and she wanted to be a part of it. Mrs. Mathews must have noticed because she took the mixing bowl from her and sent her away.

"Done cooking?" Two-Bit asked, his voice strained as he and Steve battled it out.

Steve's face was red and as strained as Two-Bit's face as he pushed his arm into the coffee table. Two-Bit seemed to give up at the last second, but Steve didn't look too proud of winning the arm wrestle. Shaking out his arm, Steve reached for the deck of cards and started shuffling.

Ellie sat down across from Steve at the coffee table. He downed the rest of his bottle of Pepsi and dealt the cards. Ellie took her hand and studied it, ignoring the nervous flips of her stomach. It didn't take her more than one hand of poker to start worrying out loud.

"What if it doesn't go good?" she asked.

Steve was shuffling the cards and stared at her. "I don't know."

"It'll be fine," Two-Bit said.

"You don't know that. What happens if it isn't? Do they just take Pony right then and there?" she asked.

Steve tossed the cards to the middle of the table and sighed. She knew she was pushing buttons, but she couldn't help it. Thinking of losing Pony after everything that just happened was killing her on the inside.

"There ain't nothin' we can do, kid," Two-Bit said. "We just have to go with it, but there ain't a reason we can't stay positive, you know?"

She knew what he meant, but it was hard. The three of them fell silent and in came Lucy with Monopoly. She set it in the middle of the table and then waited for a response. It suprised her when Steve pulled the lid off the box and started setting up the game.

"Can I be the shoe?" Lucy asked, sitting down across from Two-Bit.

"Sure thing," Steve said, digging through the box.

"She's always the shoe," Two-Bit whined. "Luce, you can be the iron."

Two-Bit tried to snatch the shoe out of Steve's hand, but Steve was faster. He passed it to Lucy, and she grinned.

"Thanks, Steve."

Two-Bit gave him a dirty look and set his iron on the board. "I hate this game."

With everything settled, they started playing as dinner cooked in the kitchen. Despite the fun of the game, Ellie could tell what was on Two-Bit and Steve's mind. The game was an easy enough distraction until the phone rang with news.

Two-Bit rolled doubles and landed on the "Go to Jail" space.

"Damn," he said, walking the little iron to the jail space. "Just like Dallas."

"What?" Ellie said.

Two-Bit's grin faded, and he quickly apologized. "I was just kidding."

"Did you ever make it back in to see him?" Steve asked.

"No," she said. She hadn't gone back to the hospital since she saw him in the ICU.

"I'll bet he's out of the ICU by now," Two-Bit said.

"What's going to happen to him?" Lucy asked.

Two-Bit's little sister looked nothing like him, and it was strange considering how much of a character Two-Bit was. She was wrapping her red hair around her finger and staring wide eyed at Two-Bit. He looked at Ellie before he answered her.

"Probably go to jail," he said.

"Do you know where they would have moved him if he's not in the ICU?" Ellie asked.

"Probably in the room with all the cops outside," Steve said.

She scowled at him, but he just shrugged.

"I'll find out," Two-Bit said.

"What? How?" Ellie asked, but he was already on his feet and heading for the kitchen. Ellie and Steve followed him. "What are you doing, Two-Bit?"

He dialed the operator and instructed her to connect him with the hospital. He held a hand over the receiver. "Watch this."

It seemed to take forever for anyone to pick up the phone but when someone did, Two-Bit puffed out his chest a little and answered in a gruff voice. "Yes, this is Sergeant Devine. I need to check in on a patient that is also a prisoner ... Dallas Winston ... I understand that he has been moved out of the ICU ... I know that was several days ago, but I'm asking you for information now!"

Ellie had to cup her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. She glanced at Steve who seemed to have the same problem. Mrs. Mathews had a smile on her face as she washed the dishes in the sink. Lucy was biting her lip.

"Who are you talking to? You're talking to me ... What do you mean 'I' walked in ... " He ran his finger along his throat like the game was over and grinned like a fool. "Sergent Devine just walked in? ... I didn't say I was Sergent Devine, I said I was Deputy Levine ... You tell him not to call me, I'll call him." He slammed the receiver back on the hook and about fell over laughing. Ellie and Steve joined in.

"I wish I could bottle that quick thinking and use it for good," Mrs. Mathews said. "Did you at least find out where he is?"

Two-Bit straightened up and looked at Ellie. "Fourth floor in a step down room," he said.

Ellie hugged Two-Bit, and he hugged her back.

"Are you going to go?" he asked.

"I think I will. I don't know if it'll be as easy this time to sneak in, though."

Two-Bit stood straighter. "That's what I'm here for! Deputy Levine, reporting for duty."

The phone rang, and everyone froze. Two-Bit was closest to it but he just stared at it. Ellie felt her hands go clammy, and her heart started to beat out of control in her chest. She looked back at Steve who was staring intently at the phone. On the fifth ring he said, "To hell with it," and reached past them to answer it.

She watched his face, waiting for a reaction. The whole time, she felt like she was standing on the edge of something, unsure which way she was going to fall. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of the worst, but the worst seemed to be how things were going.

"So that's it?" Steve said.

"What?" Two-Bit asked. "Come on!"

Steve looked at them and smiled, giving them the thumbs up. Even as Two-Bit picked her up and swung her around the kitchen, it didn't hit her. Steve hung up the phone and let out a holler.

"It really went okay?" Ellie asked. "Really?"

"Really. Darry said that the judge asked Pony a bunch of questions and that the Socs there all said that it wasn't his fault. That Pony was a good kid and all that. They get to stay together," he said.

"Well, then," Mrs. Mathews said, stepping in and setting warm hands on hers and Steve's shoulders. "Let's pack up this food and get it over there to welcome them home."

XXX

They had barely managed to get the food on the table and ready to eat when they all heard the truck pull up outside. Ellie waited anxiously for them to walk in and when they did, they were all smiling. Darry looked happier than she could ever remember seeing him.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"This is a celebration dinner," Mrs. Mathews said.

"How'd you know for sure?" Pony asked.

Mrs. Mathews smiled and patted Darry on the shoulder. "Because you're all good boys. I've always known that."

Soda and Steve were already horsing around and Pony looked like he was going to dive into the food whether anyone else was ready or not. Ellie nudged him in the ribs.

"I don't know what I woulda done without you," she said, and she hugged him. He didn't say anything back, he just held her for a few seconds and stepped back and looked at the food.

"Let's eat!" Pony said. "Darry's got me half starved just eatin' soup all the time."

It was cause for a laugh, and they all started digging in, the clink of plates and the din of excitement overwhelming. It felt good to just be happy for a little bit.

XXX

Darry walked Mrs. Mathews and Lucy out to their car, wanting to thank them personally for all of their support.

"This was too much," he said, his hands shoved in his pockets.

"It was just dinner," she said. "It's the least I can do."

"It really meant a lot. I know I haven't been doing so great with all of this - "

"As far as I am concerned, you're doing a damn better job than the state could do by putting either of those boys in a home. Don't be so hard on yourself, Darry. You'll miss all of the good times if you're worrying so much."

That made him smile a little, and she hugged him. "You just hang in there. I don't know when it gets easier, but you're doing fine."

He opened the car door for Lucy and waved them off as they drove home. Turning back to the house, the noise from their impromtu party spilling out into the night air, he saw Ellie sitting on the porch steps.

"Hey, kid," he said, standing at the bottom.

"She kind of reminds me of your mom sometimes," she said.

He smiled as he joined her on the top step.

"How come you're out here?" he asked.

"Just needed some air," she said. "What was the trial like?"

He sighed. It wasn't what he exected any more than he realized it wasn't what Pony expected either.

"I've never sweated so much in my life," he said. "But at the same time, it felt like the judge was always on our side."

She was looking at him intently. "Did they ask him about Johnny?"

"No. They talked about him, but nothing to Pony."

"Does he," she paused. "Does he still think that ... ?"

"He won't accept it," he said. "He seems to think that Dally's gone, though."

She sighed heavily and rubbed at her eyes.

"I'm glad we didn't lose him," she said. "I don't know what I'd do if there was another hole."

He rested his hand on her shoulder before he stood back up, wanting to rejoin the little party on the inside.

"Come on," he instructed. He held a hand out to help her up, letting her know he wasn't taking no for an answer.

She still looked upset, but she finally stood up and followed him back inside.

_When you were young_  
_And everybody used to call you lucky_


	30. Heart is Broken

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders, Susie Hinton does. And we do not own the song, "Please Don't Leave Me," by Pink.**

* * *

_I can be so mean when I wanna be,  
I am capable of really anything,  
I can cut you into pieces,  
When my heart is broken._

**Thursday, October 6, 1966**

The hospital was a terribly busy place and somewhere Ellie was certain she never wanted to see the inside of again after all of this was over. She had already asked several nurses if she could go in and see him, and she had been shot down each time. His room was the closest to the nurses' station, and there was a cop that came by every so often to check in on him.

Ellie had given up for a while and wandered around, trying to decide what to do. She was halfway out the front door when she changed her mind. Turning on her heel, she walked quickly back inside. She skipped the elevator and took the steps, trying to gather her thoughts and think of what she was going to say to him if he was awake and if she even managed to sneak in there. Did she dive in and ask him what he was thinking that night, or did act like nothing had happened? Stepping out onto the main floor, she rubbed her face in frustration. He wouldn't respond well to either, and she knew that.

Standing against the wall, she watched the door of his room for a long time. She wanted to make sure the patrolman had already made his rounds so that she could have a few extra minutes with him if he was awake. Nurses walked up and down the hall but ignored his room. Doctors did the same. After a while, she finally saw the cop round a corner and come straight down the hall to Dally's room. He was the only one who went in, and he came out fairly quickly.

Waiting until he was gone again, Ellie watched the nurses at the station and made her move when they all seemed to be busy. She walked to the door and slipped in without any of them noticing.

Inside, the noise from the hallway died down considerably. All she could hear was screaming silence. She didn't even feel like she was in the same place. She turned away from the closed door and looked across the room. Only one bed was occupied, but who wanted to room with a felon? The only light was shining in through the half-closed blinds. Ellie was suddenly afraid to take a step.

She could hear his soft breathing, but she wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Taking a couple of steps closer, she strained to see his face. She took a few more steps and stood at the foot of the bed.

"Dally?" she called softly.

Nothing.

Walking around to the side of the bed, she caught sight of his hand cuffed to the rails. Her breath caught in her throat for a second and she looked up at his face. Dally's eyes were wide open and glaring at her. It scared her more than she would be able to admit.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I came to see you."

She set her hands on the rails and focused on his hand. No words were coming to her; she was so overwhelmed right then. She was just so happy he was alive.

"Why … why'd you do it?" she asked, watching the night replay in her mind.

Tears were forming in her eyes, but she forced herself to blink them back. She looked at him and found him still staring hard at her.

"Why you think I did? Seems pretty fucking simple if you ask me."

"Everything's gonna be okay." She didn't know if that was true, but she believed it couldn't get much worse than it had been.

"Go away." He leaned back on his pillow and looked out the window.

"Please, tell me you're going to be okay," she pleaded.

"Get the fuck out, Ellie," he snapped. She knew he was in a dangerous mood, but she had been frantic and she felt like he owed her enough to let her know he wasn't going to do anything else stupid.

She reached and slipped her hand around his cuffed one, and he bolted upright, but he doubled over and gasped. The cold steel around his wrist started digging into her own and as she tried to let go to help him, his hand started squeezing hers tighter and tighter until she had to bite her lip or else she would cry out.

Slowly, Dally righted himself and for the first time she saw the still raw, but healing, bullet wounds on his bare torso and she couldn't stop the tears from welling up. They were such small holes, but all she could see was how much pain they were causing him. If it were possible, the pain made him shades paler than he already was.

"Oh my God," she said.

She wanted to reach out, wanted to touch him, but he still had the vise grip on her hand and he suddenly squeezed tighter, and twisted her hand as much as he could being tethered to the bed.

"Get out," he said.

The door opened, but she couldn't take her eyes off him. He let go and she pulled her arm away, still feeling the his violent touch.

"What are you doing in here? You can't be in here," the nurse said.

Heel clicks crossed the room behind her and a hand fell on her shoulder. Ellie was jolted out of her trance, and she looked at the woman.

"What do you think you're doing, young lady?"

Ellie looked between the nurse and Dallas. She wasn't quite sure anymore.

"The doctor's coming in to take a look at you," the nurse told Dally.

"Just get the hell out."

"Fine with me," the nurse said. "Let's go."

The woman forcefully guided Ellie toward the open door, but Ellie drug her feet. She made it this far, after all, and she wanted to talk to him. She looked back at him, forcing the woman's hand off of her, but as she opened her mouth, Dally started shouting at her.

"Get the fuck out!"

She resisted another few seconds, but as his lunch tray came flying at the wall beside them, Ellie ran out of the room without assistance.

XXX

Two-Bit found her sitting out behind the shed and smoking like a chimney. She didn't acknowledge him standing there, so he cleared his throat. She looked up at him with her eyes rimmed in red. She'd been crying.

"Why so glum, kid?" he asked, sitting on a short stack of tires.

She shook her head and stubbed the cigarette out on the ground. She wiped at her eyes and looked at him pathetically.

"I saw Dally," she said.

"Yeah? How's he doing?"

She grimaced. "Oh, he's a prince."

He didn't miss the sarcasm and decided not to press it. He could imagine well enough that Dally wasn't much in the mood to see anybody. The poor guy didn't even want to be alive, much less deal with the aftermath of what he'd done. Two-Bit somewhat regretted finding out where he had moved to.

"Wanna go get something to eat?" he asked, hoping to brighten her spirits as well as his own. They used to do fun things, and he was just trying to find a bit of normalcy again. She shook her head and stood up.

"I just want to go home," she said. "I don't feel good."

Two-Bit looked at the cigarette butts littered around where she was sitting and didn't have to wonder why.

"Suit yourself, kid," he said, walking away before she did.

This was a new world and one he didn't very much like. Even with things settling down for Darry and Pony, nothing was going to change what had already happened. He wondered if normal would ever set back in and what would happen if it didn't.

XXX

Cold wasn't something he knew very well. He liked sleeping with the window open when it was in the dead of winter, but the cold that had crept into his bones was awful. It was a deep, lingering chill he couldn't shake no matter what he did.

In addition to being freezing, Dally was restless, but he couldn't toss and turn in the hospital bed because of the handcuff and because it hurt like a bitch to move any which way. He had to lay flat on his back and stare at the ceiling, but it was getting his mind working. All he wanted was to be gone. To be out of Tulsa and - if he could help it - to just not be anymore.

Turning slowly and slightly to his side, he stared down at his hand and the cold steel around his wrist. A pair of handcuffs had never stood in his way before, but this time was different. He could hardly fucking move. Everything was suddenly so hard. He thought about Ellie sneaking in there to see him. He still didn't understand why. Was she planning on breaking him out? Or maybe she wanted to come in and tell him how everything was going to be just fine. Days ago, when everything was so easy, all he had really wanted was her, and suddenly the thought of her made his stomach lurch. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take anyone being that close to him. Johnny was gone, what the hell else could happen?

He had scared her. It was what he wanted and exactly what she needed. He hoped it was enough to keep her away for her own good and for his sanity.

_Can't you tell this all just a contest,  
The one that wins will be the one who hits the hardest?  
But baby I don't mean it,  
I mean it, I promise._

* * *

_A/n: Thank you for the reviews, they are always much appreciated! We hope everyone is enjoying so far!_


	31. Over My Head

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. Lifehouse owns "Somewhere In Between."**

_

* * *

_

_'Cause I cannot stand still,  
I can't be this unsturdy,  
This cannot be happening._

**Monday, October 10, 1966**

Dally opened his eyes when the nurse walked out of the room. He looked up at the clock; just like the night before, Nurse Daniels was right on time. He took the bobby pin he had snatched from one of the other nurse's heads when she got too close. She had looked at him like he was an animal. He just grinned at her as he palmed the hair pin, and she had hurried out of the room without even knowing what he had gotten from her. That was the night he had first jimmied the lock on the cuff that kept him chained to the bed. Tonight, he walked to the door and looked through the small window.

The halls were almost empty at that time of night and the only officer on duty was a fat rookie that made his rounds every half hour. He watched as the cop rounded the corner and slowly made his way down the hall. Dally carefully climbed back in bed, mindful of the gnawing pain in his side if he turned the wrong way, threw the covers over him and put his hand in the open cuff. He closed his eyes to a slit, grimacing against the pain, and counted to 100, hoping like hell tonight was the night. The door opened, a thin sliver of light cast into the room and then shut again. It was his final check before shift changed, and it usually wasn't until the nurses began passing their meds that the next cop would check in on him.

Opening his eyes, he quietly climbed back out of bed. He glanced back out in the hall to make sure the cop was gone before he opened up the small cabinet by the door. His jeans were still there, where he had found them the night before. He figured the fuzz had kept them so he would have something to wear when they hauled him off to jail. He started to pull them on but realized it might look a little suspicious if he was wearing jeans under his hospital gown. Deciding he didn't have much time, he tucked the jeans under his arm and opened the door.

The only people in the hall were a couple nurses at the station, busy with paperwork. He ducked his head down and walked the opposite way.

XXX

He finally let go of the breath he had been holding when he got outside and a block away from the hospital. He didn't hear any sirens rushing after him, and he figured if all went according to plan, nobody would know he was gone until the nurse came in for his morning meds.

Quickly, he ducked into an ally when a car started down the street. It didn't matter if it was a cop or a nobody, Dally didn't want to be spotted. When he was safe behind a dumpster, he pulled on his jeans. They were bloody and a little loose on him, but they were better than wearing that goddamn gown for another minute. He tossed it into the dumpster, pain radiating in his shoulder as he lifted the lid and heading straight for his side when threw the paper gown inside.

He placed a hand on the bandage on his side and limped in the direction of his house.

XXX

The little clapboard house, two blocks from the railroad tracks, was dark, just liked he'd hoped. It didn't mean he was going in through the front door, though, so Dally crept around the back. In the dark, he navigated a yard that hadn't seen a lawnmower since June and was so littered with bottles and cigarette butts that even Dally felt disgusted. The place was a dump, but it was home.

Dally opened the back door slowly, cringing when the hinges groaned in protest.

The door swung back, and he caught it before it could slam shut. Closing it softly, Dally peered into the darkness of the kitchen and found it only a little neater than the backyard and blissfully empty. He stood still for a few seconds and still heard nothing.

He walked quickly down the hallway and snuck into his room. He slid off his jeans and threw them on the floor in a ball before he exchanged them for a cleaner pair. As he struggled to pull a shirt over his head, someone cleared their throat behind him. Yanking it down over his aching wounds, he turned and faced his old man.

"What the fuck are you doin' here?" he asked, his voice raspy with sleep and booze.

"Just needed a couple things," Dally snapped. He grabbed a bag from under the bed. He kept it packed with a change of clothes just in case. He hadn't been sure he would ever need it, but as soon as Johnny and Pony came to him, he knew it was a good idea.

"I find it hard to believe the cops let you go, just like that," Charlie replied, following him down the hall.

Dally headed to the front door. "Yeah, well, that's 'cause they didn't."

He would have liked to have tried to stay the night, but now his only goal was to get out as fast as he could. He made a grab for a jacket hanging on a hook by the door, but Charlie snatched it out of his hand.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I need a jacket," he said.

"That's mine," Charlie said, matching his son's glare.

Dally smirked and stood up a little straighter, although that didn't make up for the height difference between him and his father, or the fact that standing up straight hurt.

"You can't spare me a jacket?" he asked. Charlie shook his head slowly. "You didn't even bother to come see me in the hospital."

Charlie shrugged. "I didn't put you there."

Dally gritted his teeth and grabbed the jacket away from his dad. "Don't worry. I'm fine. And thanks for the jacket."

"I wasn't too worried," he said.

Dally opened the front door and looked back.

"Nah," Charlie went on, "I wasn't worried at all. You're too mean to die."

"That's the one thing I got from you," he said and spit on the top step before he slung his bag over his shoulder and headed down the street.

XXX

Dally hitched Charlie's jacket tighter. It wasn't much of anything against the bite of the October morning, but somehow it felt good taking something from his dad.

He walked and walked, the sun beginning to rise slowly. He could go to Tim or Darry for help, but Darry didn't need the hassle and Tim would just tell him it was his own damn fault. Dally sighed. There wasn't anyone left that he trusted enough. His mind started working, trying to come up with a plan that would actually get him somewhere, but the only thing he could come up with was the same damn thing he had told Pony and Johnny only a few weeks ago. All he had to do was get out of town, but he needed money to do that.

XXX

Just like home, the back door was unlocked. Slipping in unnoticed was easy since it was so early in the morning. The only ones left awake at Buck's that early were the ones who were too drunk to leave.

Down a little ways from the door was the storeroom, and Dally stood in front of the door and stared at the padlock.

"Fuck," he muttered.

He looked around and saw absolutely nothing that could help him out. Feeling his pockets, he searched for the hairpin he'd used to break out of the hospital and remembered that he changed his pants.

Cursing again, he walked out toward the main floor. There was no one around and Dally ducked under the bar and dug around for something he could jimmy the lock open with. He came up with a screwdriver and walked back to the door.

Jamming it in, Dally managed to get the lock off after working on it for awhile. When it came free, he tossed both the lock and the screwdriver to the floor and walked into the storeroom.

He flicked on a light and looked around. Dally might have been the only one who knew that Buck didn't take his money to any bank, not all of it anyway. Instead he kept most of his rodeo money hidden away in a bottle in the storeroom. Dally just had to figure out which one.

Bottles and kegs lined the room and Dally picked up everything he could, and was coming up empty. Exasperated, he grabbed a bottle of bourbon and opened it. Sitting heavily on a stack of boxes, he drank and looked around. He rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes for a second, when he opened them he saw something shining up on the top shelf.

"Nice try, Buck," he said.

Setting the bourbon aside, Dally stood on a keg and reached up on shelf. He pulled a green champagne bottle down. Looking at it, he could tell that it didn't have a drop of champagne in it, but it was far from empty.

Hopping down, and quickly realizing that was a big mistake, he dropped the bottle on the floor watched it shatter. A roll of green bills lay among the shards.

"You have got to be out of your ever-lovin' mind."

Dally looked up, the wad of cash in one hand.

"Give it back," Buck said.

Buck's big frame filled the doorway, and Dally knew he didn't have a prayer against him in the condition he was in.

"Come on, man," Dally said, trying to sound like his usual self. Buck could be bullied into anything.

"You think I'm giving you a cent? Get the hell outta here, kid."

His big, meaty hand extended palm up and Dally stuffed the money in his pocket.

"You little shit," Buck said.

He came at him, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and pushing him into the wall. Dally tried to catch his breath, to not wince so that Buck couldn't see that of all fucking people, he could whip him. Buck either didn't care that he was in serious pain, or just wanted to take advantage, because he slammed him again and dug the bills out of Dally's pocket. He stepped back, his boots crunching broken glass.

It took everything Dally had to keep standing.

"Guess you don't owe me for makin' you all that cash," Dally said, hating Buck more than he already did.

"I paid you your cut, and you've been in and out of jail so goddamn much you ain't made me a cent in months," Buck said.

Dally was afraid that he was going to have to resort to begging. It was getting late and the cops were going to start looking for him before too much longer if they weren't already.

"Just fifty bucks man, come on."

"Where are you going to get on fifty bucks? Sure won't be long enough to not face the music. Face it, kid, you're screwed."

He pocketed the cash.

Dally stuffed his hands in his pockets, completely lost for ideas. He looked to the floor and saw the neck of the bottle just a few inches from his foot.

"Get the hell outta my place 'fore the cops show. You've got me more problems with the fuzz than I fucking need."

Buck turned around, headed out into the hall and Dally scooped up the neck and rushed him. He spun him around, pushed him into the wall and held the broken bottle against Buck's neck.

"Give me that fucking money or I'll cut you. And don't you go thinking that I won't," Dally threatened through clenched teeth. "Nothing would make me happier."

"You goddamn kid," Buck muttered, but he held still, his eyes so wide Dally could see white all the way around his irises.

He was moving too slow, so Dally grabbed the money out of Buck's pocket and took off running.

XXX

Dally huddled in the corner of the rattling train, trying to ward off the cold and the pain, but a train car wasn't the smoothest ride there was. He closed his eyes, wishing he could sleep before he got to wherever he was going. He still wasn't sure. He figured he'd head to Windrixville and decide from there. He needed some plan of action, but he couldn't think to save his life. He was too tired. Too hungry. Too everything.

XXX

In only her first two class periods, Ellie had already received the looks from her teachers and enough make-up work to keep her busy for weeks. It was sad that she realized Pony was more caught up with the work he'd missed than she was. Bogged down with books and schoolwork, she trudged to her English class, hoping to beat Pony there so that he would at least have one person who wouldn't whisper about him. She spotted him before she got there, though, and ran to catch up with him.

"Hey," she said, falling into step beside him. She frowned when she noticed his arms were empty of his books. "Where's your stuff?"

He looked down at his hands absently and seemed to just realize there was nothing in them. He looked back at her and shrugged. "Musta left them in my last class."

"Maybe Mr. Syme will give you a pass or something," she said.

All he did was shrug and keep on walking to class. Bewildered at his lack of concern, she followed him right on inside. She quickly found her seat and waited for the round of whispers to begin at him being back. There were a few, but there were more stares than anything. Just before the bell rang, Mr. Syme called Pony up to his desk. They chatted for a few minutes after the bell and Pony sat back down, slumping in his chair and staring blankly forward. He stayed that way all through class. Pony, who used to be so enthusiastic about English, just sat there like a bump on a log. He never looked over at her once and never muttered a word.

When the bell finally rang, he got up and left without waiting on her. Before she could run after him, Mr. Syme stopped her.

"We missed you, too," he said. He handed her a stack of papers and a paperback novel. "This is your make-up work. I expect it back by the end of the week."

Ellie took the stack and stared at it with disgust. She set it on the pile she had already accumulated and ran out into the hallway after Pony. Looking around, she searched for him in the direction of his next class, but she didn't see him.

She'd lost him completely.

XXX

Two-Bit sat on the hood of Steve's car, enjoying the sunny day but not feeling entirely sunny himself. He'd tried to make a few jokes, but his usual crowd wasn't biting back, and he didn't feel like making anymore. Chomping down a second Hershey bar, he watched Steve and Evie be all lovey-dovey while Ellie sipped on a Dr. Pepper and Pony sat across from her doodling on a notebook. They weren't talking, and he didn't really assume it was Ellie being tight-lipped.

"Hey, El," he said, stealing her attention. He waved her over and she got up, taking a lingering glance at Pony before sitting beside him on the hood.

"What?"

It came off coarse, but he knew she didn't mean it like that. It was just the mood she was in.

"You feelin' better from the other day?"

"I'm okay," she said. She was picking at her fingernails. Fingernails that he had never seen bitten but were chewed clear down to the quick.

"How's Pone doing?" he asked, wanting to switch the subject.

She looked up at Pony and then at him. "I don't know. When I met up with him to go to English, he'd left all his books and things in his other class."

That surprised him. Darry always accused the kid of not using his head, but Two-Bit had never known Pony to be that type of careless. The kid was good at school. He excelled when most kids in his situation didn't.

"Shit. Do you know if he's still talking about Johnny being alive?"

"I don't know," she said. "Now he just doesn't talk about anything, and I'm afraid to bring it up."

"I don't blame you."

"We're gonna be late if we don't leave soon," she said.

"Do you care?"

He was surprised when she told him she didn't.

"We could bail," he said."Steve'll go back and he can take Pony with him."

"I might go try and see Dal again," she said, quietly.

It took him by surprise, even when he knew it shouldn't. She'd seen him twice already, both times ending with her in tears.

"Maybe that ain't such a good idea," he said. "Just let him be. For now at least."

"I have to see him," she said. "He needs somebody."

"El, he doesn't want anybody," Two-Bit said.

He couldn't lie to himself that he was let down she didn't want to hang out, but he knew he shouldn't be mad like he was. Instead, he just nodded and tried to swallow it down. He wanted normalcy as much as any of them, but he felt like he was the only one trying to make it happen.

She didn't say anything when she got back in the car and came out with her purse. Looking up at him, she asked, "Can I get my books and stuff from you later?"

"I might have to charge you a cargo fee or something. That's a lot of junk back there," he said, hoping she'd crack just a little smile. She managed to, and he was satisfied. "I'm sure I'll be hanging around."

"Thanks, Two-Bit," she said, walking off toward the bus stop. Steve and Pony didn't seem to have noticed her departure.

XXX

The door to Dally's room was wide open when she knew they had been keeping it shut. There wasn't a chart hanging from the hook on the wall, and even from as far away as she was standing, Ellie could tell the room was empty.

She crept across the hall and stood in the threshold and stared at the empty bed for a long time. She finally walked over to the nurses' station and cleared her throat. A crotchety old woman looked over her glasses at her.

"Yes?"

She motioned toward Dally's room and, over the lump forming in her throat, she asked, "Did they take him away?"

She looked at the room and back at Ellie. "He broke out last night. Don't know where he went."

Ellie was staring at the counter and the nurse smacked her pencil, startling Ellie out of her trance. She was glaring at her.

"Have you seen him? You're so fond of him to begin with."

It was Ellie's turn to be indignant and she glared back. "No, I don't know where he went."

"Sure, honey," she said, going back to her paperwork.

Ellie walked to the waiting room and sat down, trying to clear her thoughts. Dally would have known that if he walked out of the hospital that the cops were going to be coming after him. She knew well enough that once he was healed enough to be moved, they would move him to the infirmary at the prison. She tried to think of all the places Dally would go, and only a few came to mind. Buck's was at the top of that list, but she didn't think he'd stay there long.

The mean nurse was standing in the hallway speaking to someone out of Ellie's sight and motioning in her general direction. She caught fragments of the conversation, several words seemingly being about her. When one of Tulsa's finest stepped into her view, Ellie bolted from her chair and started running down the steps. She wasn't going to help the fuzz find Dally any faster than they were probably going to in his condition.

She opened the door to the main floor without much caution and ran right into an officer. Immediately she tried to fight him off, but he clamped on firm hand down on her arm and was speaking to her in honeyed tones.

"Hold on, sweetheart. I just wanna talk to you," he said.

Ellie recognized him and reading his name badge, she groaned a little inwardly. McCoy.

"Remember me?" he asked, letting go of her arm.

"Yeah," Ellie said. He was the cop that tried to get information out of her after she was jumped. He would have to be stupid not to know that she had lied back then, and she was more than prepared to lie now.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

She tried to be indignant and cool, but he didn't seem fazed by it. Instead, he ushered her over to a small waiting area by the front doors. He waited for her to sit and then he sat beside her.

"The nurses upstairs say you've paid a few visits to Dallas since he's been in," he said. "You're pretty good friends with him?"

"He threw his lunch at me the last time I came in," she offered coolly.

That seemed to throw him off a little. He cleared his throat and looked at her sympathetically.

"You probably know that he escaped custody last night. He slipped out sometime between four and five in the morning," he said.

She just stared at him, trying to hide that she was desperate for information, probably more desperate than the whole police force was.

"Have you seen him?"

"Why would I come here if I knew where he was?" she snapped.

He seemed to realize there wasn't much logic behind that. "Can you think of anywhere he might go?"

"Why? So you can go arrest him and cart him off to jail?" Her voice had gone shaky.

"Ellie, he's in trouble," McCoy said.

"You shot him! He had an unloaded gun, and you almost killed him," she cried.

"What was a kid doing with a gun?"

"What were you doing shooting up that kid?"

He sighed and looked down for a few seconds.

"I understand that there were some extenuating circumstances, but he still has to face what he did," McCoy said.

"I don't know where he went. I can't help you."

McCoy nodded and stood up. "If you hear from him …?"

She glared at him and kept her mouth shut.

"That's what I figured," he said. He walked a couple of steps away and then turned back. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

All she gave him was a shrug.

"That's what I thought," he said. "Don't let me catch you like this again."

He finally left and Ellie glared at his back because it was all she could do.

She moped the whole way home, knowing there wasn't any use looking around for him. If Dally wanted to be gone, he was gone.

XXX

There was once upon a time that hanging around with Pony alone was a good enough time. The kid had this knack of making boring things interesting if you listened to him long enough. Plus, Two-Bit liked to see how long it would take to get him to do stuff he knew he shouldn't. On this particular day, Pony just sat on the couch, watching TV. He didn't say much and hardly acknowledged anything Two-Bit said to him.

"Going to work on that before Darry gets home?" Two-Bit asked, staring at the mountain of textbooks and notebooks on the coffee table.

Pony kicked his feet up and rested them on top of his math book, nodding.

"Yeah?"

Another nod, and then Ellie walked in.

"Hey," Two-Bit said, glad to have someone else to talk to.

She sat down in Darry's chair. She looked exhausted.

"You okay?"

"Dally's gone."

Two-Bit sat up straighter. "They took him in?"

She shook her head vehemently. "No. He broke out. He's gone."

Beside him, Pony was still stretched out on the couch, watching TV, but he said, "Of course, he's gone."

Ellie's face turned bright red, and he didn't miss the way her hand clenched. Two-Bit didn't know what Pony meant by that, but judging from Ellie's reaction it wasn't anything so nice. She flew to her feet, but Two-Bit put his hand out to calm her down. She stood there, breathing heavily and looking more and more with every passing second that she was going to start crying, maybe because there was truth to what Pony said.

"Of course," she said quietly as she sat back down heavily. "Of course he's gone."

_'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat,  
And everything will be back to the way that it was,  
I wish it was just that easy._


	32. We'll Figure All This Out

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and Rob Thomas is responsible for "Someday."**

* * *

_You can go,  
__You can start all over again_

**Saturday, October 22, 1966**

The smell of antiseptic and stale air made her nose burn, and she was given one more reason to hate hospitals more than she already did. Sitting in the waiting room with Jimmy and waiting untold hours until her mom finally gave birth was yet another. Jimmy drummed his fingers mercilessly on the arm rest, and she did what she could to ignore it.

"How long's it take?" he asked, looking at his watch. "Damned if I didn't think we'd get here soon enough with all that pain she was in, and now we have to wait?"

Ellie shrugged and didn't say anything else. Her mind occupied with everything not having to do with the birth of her baby brother or sister.

"Think it'll be a boy?" he asked, leaning forward and looking across at her.

"Mom thinks it's a girl," she said.

"Yeah, but what does she know?" he asked, leaning back and smiling. She never remembered Jimmy actually looking happy, but he appeared practically euphoric. "I don't really care none. Just let it be healthy."

That wasn't something she expected to hear and she couldn't help herself from asking, "Really?"

"Sure, just give me a kid with ten fingers and ten toes and tell me it's mine," he said. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to teach a boy how to throw a football and all that, but a little girl sweet as sugar ain't a bad trade off."

She didn't believe what she was hearing. Jimmy had been around nearly three years, and this was the most sincere she'd ever heard him. Where was this guy most of the time?

"You ain't running around on her anymore, are you?" Ellie asked, not forgetting the lady he'd brought back home once. "You're can't do that to her."

Jimmy leveled a finger at her. "You mind yourself. You hear me?"

They stared each other down, interrupted by the sound of someone walking in. A nurse, absolutely beaming, stood in the room.

"Mr. Merchant?"

Ellie watched as Jimmy's eyes lit up.

"Your wife delivered a baby boy. Congratulations."

Jimmy stood up and swiped a hand through his hair, a genuine smile on his face. He looked at Ellie and actually hugged her, pulling on her arm as the nurse was leading them back toward the patient rooms.

"You hear that?" he asked, letting go of her. "A boy. That's just great."

The nurse led them back to a room where her mother was laying on a bed, propped up with pillows and a little bundle of blanket resting on her chest. She looked so tired and Ellie paused in the doorway as Jimmy hurried across to her and picked up the bundle. For a moment. the picture was so beautiful, so complete a family even without her in it. The tired but contented smile on her mother's face as Jimmy looked proudly at the son she had given him. It seemed almost blasphemous for her to walk in on it and interrupt.

"Come see him, Ellie," Abigail said, ushering her in.

Slowly, Ellie walked across the floor and stood beside Jimmy who was lowering the tiny baby so she could see. His skin was pink and his eyes were closed. He didn't look like much, but he smelled better than that whole hospital.

"His name's Daniel," Abigail said. "Danny."

XXX

Darry walked into the hospital with trepidation even though he had to no reason to fear it this time around. Ellie had called and asked to be picked up if he could, and he wasn't really much in the frame of mind to strand her there. It was after dark and the last thing we wanted on his conscious was her trying to walk home alone at night.

Just inside, he looked around, hoping she would have just come downstairs to meet him. All he saw was a little old couple sitting in the lobby and a woman at the front desk.

"Excuse me," he said, awkwardly. "Where is the birthing floor?"

The woman told him, and he headed for the elevators. He jogged toward one as the doors slid closed and stuck out a hand to catch the door.

"Sorry," a girl said. "I didn't see you coming."

Darry meant to tell her it was fine but was struck by her familiarity. It was the blonde who brought him the book for Pony and the good coffee.

She seemed to recognize him and smiled. "Hello again."

"Hi." He reached out and hit the number for his floor, feeling a little awkward to be sharing an elevator with the nurse whose name he couldn't quite remember.

"Everything okay? No one's back are they?" she asked.

"Oh, no. I was just heading upstairs … the uh, uh, birthing floor." His tongue was not working, and he didn't remember ever having so much trouble talking to girls in high school.

"The birthing floor?" she asked, her pretty brown eyes lit up a little as she looked at him strangely. "Going to be a father?"

"What? No, no," he said with a laugh, realizing how that sounded. "Nothing like that. My friend's mom had a baby, and she just wanted a ride home."

"Oh, that's nice," she said. "How's your brother holding up?"

"Okay, considering everything."

"I'd imagine," she agreed. "I'm sure he'll be okay with time. Seems like he's got a good support system."

She blushed when she said that and shifted her weight. She was sweet.

The elevator stopped with a chime, signaling its arrival to his floor, and she nodded to it. He made it halfway through the door and turned around.

"Hey, I was uh, wondering if I could take you dinner some time," he said. Those deep brown eyes got a little bigger. "To thank you for the coffee."

"For the coffee?" she asked. She seemed confused, but then she smiled.

"Would that be okay?" he asked.

A little nod, a bounce of her ponytail and the sweetest smile he swore he'd ever seen.

"I think that'd be okay," she said. She reached into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper and pen. She wrote something on it and handed it to him. "Just give me a call."

Darry took it and stepped off the elevator, still holding the doors open. Staring at the slip of paper, her name popped in his head.

"Allison, right?"

"That's right," she said. "Darry."

There was a playful tone in her voice, and it gave him butteflies, as dumb as that seemed to him. She gave him a little wave, and he reluctantly let go of the sliding door.

"I'll call you," he said before the door closed completely.

someone cleared their throat behind him. He turned around and saw Ellie.

"Have you been here so much lately that you're making dates with nurses?" she asked, a huge grin on her face.

He looked down at the note in his hand and shrugged at Ellie.

"Guess so," he said.

"She's really nice," Ellie said, heading for the door with him.

"You know her?" he asked.

"I was here almost all day the day of the rumble and she was real nice to me. She was one of Johnny's nurses."

He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "I haven't been on a date since high school."

Ellie patted his shoulder. "No worries. You're a natural. And she's really sweet."

He hit the button for another elevator, and they rode it back to the lobby.

"So?" he asked, remembering the reason he was there in the first place.

"So what?" she asked.

"Brother or sister?"

"Brother," she said. "His name's Danny, and Jimmy's over the moon."

He clapped her on the shoulder and said, "Welcome to the world of little brothers. Let me know if you need anything."

She laughed. "Welcome to the world of dating. If you need help, I'm probably the last person you should come to."

He tried not to laugh too hard, not sure if she was trying to be funny or not. Looking at her, he could tell she was in the best mood he had seen from her in months. He grinned and clapped her on the shoulder.

"I'll keep that in mind."

_'Cause sometimes we don't notice,  
__Just how good it can get._


	33. So Heavy, So Misunderstood

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders,_ and matchbox twenty owns "Soul."****

* * *

**

_You've been so composed but we all know _  
_There's always something tearing you apart_

**Friday, November 4th****, 1966**

The baby cried at five in the morning, and Ellie struggled to ignore him until her mom got up. This was the third time that night he'd been up. After almost five minutes, she heard shuffling from across the hall and then the desperate shushing sounds her mother was making.

Even after Danny calmed down, Ellie couldn't fall back asleep. She peeked out of her window and saw the newspaper on the front lawn. She crept down the hall and watched for a few seconds as Abigail warmed a bottle as she yawned and rocked Danny back and forth.

"I'm gonna grab the newspaper," Ellie said. Abigail hardly acknowledged her.

Outside, it was cold and the grass was frosted over. The neighborhood was quiet and dark. She carried the newspaper back inside and tried to fight off the chills of the impending winter. The cold made her wonder where Dally was and if he was warm or not. She worried about that a lot.

"You're up early," Abigail said. Ellie set the paper on the table and sat across from her as she fed Danny.

"Couldn't sleep," Ellie replied, unrolling the paper.

She read over every little story in the paper just for a glimpse of his name or a description, just like she did every morning. She was desperate for the smallest bit of information she could find about Dally, but she always came up empty. The first couple days after he escaped, his name was all over the front page. As the days and weeks passed, his name was buried deeper and deeper in the paper. She hoped that was a good sign. She hoped that meant they would forget about him. It had been over three weeks since he broke out. They were bound to give up at some point.

"Are you going to school?" Abigail asked through a heavy yawn.

Looking up from the paper, Ellie shrugged.

"Think you can stay home and take care of him today? I gotta sleep," she said.

"Yeah, okay," Ellie said, happy for an excuse not to go to school. She looked over the paper again as Abigail stood up and forced Danny into her arms. Ellie couldn't even manage to say anything else before she heard the bedroom door slam down the hallway.

Looking down at the little boy in her arms, she panicked for a brief second when he started whimpering again. Taking the bottle, she resumed feeding him and wondered if this was what it was like when she was a baby.

XXX

Sitting in the principal's office was nothing new to Two-Bit Mathews. He sat in the chair opposite Greene's desk and looked for the prized football Ellie slathered in syrup at the end of the previous school year. It made him chuckle to himself to find that he had taken it home. In fact, most of the football memorabilia was gone and Two-Bit liked to think it was all because of the little prank they had pulled. The only thing Greene hadn't removed from his office was the paddle with the holes drilled in it. It still hung on the wall behind his desk. To Two-Bit's knowledge, Greene had never actually used it. It was all show.

"Mathews, do you know why you're here?"

Greene sat down behind his desk, a thick file open in front of him. Two-Bit stared at the man's head and wondered if that hair was really a toupee.

"Not really. I can't remember getting in trouble in the last few days."

"How old will you be on your next birthday?" Greene asked.

Two-Bit sighed. He knew where this was heading. "Nineteen."

"Yes. And at nineteen, just assuming that things will go as I think they will, you'll still be a junior," he said. "Is that correct, or are you planning on passing this school year? You've already missed nearly a full month of the school year already."

"Yeah, so?" Two-Bit asked, rebellion setting in.

"Look, Keith," Greene said. Two-Bit wanted to take that paddle and show Greene a thing or two about being such a prick. "If you're going to get serious with your studies, I don't mind letting you finish for your diploma. So let this be a warning. I'll give you two months to get yourself on track or I'm going to ask you to leave."

For a moment, Two-Bit thought about fighting him on it. Telling him that he couldn't just kick someone out for not being interested in school, but he wasn't sure he actually cared that much.

"Do we have an understanding?"

Standing up, Two-Bit nodded. He paused at the door. "And don't call me Keith."

XXX

They were all three sitting on the couch hanging out when they heard the odd slapping sound coming up the front steps. Soda sat forward, looking from Steve to Ellie only to find the same confused looks on both of their faces.

"What is that?" Ellie asked.

The front door opened, and Pony walked in, home from school and without anything in his hands.

"Hey, Pony," Soda said. "Did you hear that outside?"

Ellie nudged him. "I think it was him. Look at his feet."

"Hear what?" Pony asked.

He headed for the kitchen and Soda saw what was making the sound. Pony was only wearing socks, and they were soaked from the rain that had moved through earlier.

"Hey, Ponyboy" Steve called across the room. "Where are your shoes, genius?"

Pony's face twisted up in a weird way. "On my feet."

Soda glanced at their friends and back at Pony, shaking his head. "No, they're not."

He looked down for a long time and then back at Soda. It wasn't as though Pony never did dumb little things like this, but it usually didn't take him the whole walk home from school to figure it out either.

"Do you know where you left them?"

"Probably in the locker room," he said. "I don't know."

Soda scratched his head and calculated the risk in telling Darry about having to buy Pony a new pair of shoes at this point. Another blow up was in the works, Soda knew it. He followed Pony into the kitchen.

"Lordy, kid, I know you've heard it a thousand times, but you gotta use your head," Soda said.

Pony's eyes blazed a little, the most reaction Soda had seen from him in a long time.

"You gotta walk back to school and get your shoes before Darry gets home."

"It's fine," he said. "I'll just get them tomorrow morning."

"And tell Darry what when you're walking out of here in socked feet?"

"Who cares what I tell Darry? He probably won't even notice."

Soda sighed. "You know as well as I do that it'll be the first thing Darry notices. Get back to school and get them."

Pony scowled at him but stalked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

"He okay?" Ellie asked.

"I don't know. I think he lost his shoes," Soda said.

"I think he lost his mind," Steve said. Ellie punched him in the shoulder, and he gave a quiet apology.

"How do you walk all the way home without noticing?" she asked.

"'Cause he ain't using his head," Soda said. "He better get back here before Darry's home because I ain't gonna be the one to tell him that."

XXX

Studying the phone number and the hurried, but beautiful way she had written her name, Darry was having a hard time working up the nerve to call Allison. He had to admit that it wasn't all nerves with going on a date after a few years, it was more a worry that maybe it wasn't something he should be doing. In the living room, both of his brothers were lounging on the couch and watching TV with blank stares. Pony was slipping in every aspect and Darry was running himself ragged to keep the kid from falling into some pit of despair.

Soda was a different story. Soda who couldn't get over Sandy and Darry who had a thing for a pretty blonde. Darry wondered what would be the first thought in Soda's mind when he met Allison. How could he start bringing someone around that would only stand as a reminder to something he had lost? He knew it was a silly thought; after all, he couldn't hide Soda from every blonde in town just because she might have some sort of resemblance to Sandy.

Crumpling up the piece of paper, Darry got up to throw it away, but he paused as he was about to drop it in the trash can.

_You don't even know what's gonna happen when you call her_, he reasoned with himself. There wasn't any guarantee things would even go far enough with her to bring her around to meet his brothers.

He walked into the living room and reached for the phone when Soda stood up.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder at an oblivious Ponyboy. He walked into the kitchen and Darry followed him.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm really worried about Pony. He's still acting strange."

Darry looked in the other room at his little brother. "I know. I don't know what to do to snap him out of it."

"He walked all the way home this afternoon without his shoes."

Darry frowned at Soda. That was pretty far out there, even for Ponyboy.

"I sent him back to school to get them, but he couldn't find them."

He sighed, but Soda caught his arm before he could go talk to Pony.

"Don't yell at him," he said. "I already tried to, but he wouldn't even listen to me. He just went in our room and slammed the door in my face."

"Well, maybe he'll listen to me."

"You know that's only gonna start a big fight, and that ain't why I'm telling you. I think I've got an old pair of shoes in the closet that he can wear for the time being. He'll just have to save up his money to buy a new pair."

"How come you told me, then?"

Soda shrugged. "I'm worried about him."

"I am, too. We just have to wait him out, though. Thanks for telling me."

Soda nodded and walked back into the living room. He ignored the television and just watched Pony instead.

Darry sat in the kitchen for a long time, watching both of them. When he finally got up, he realized he was still holding onto Allison's number. He sighed and tucked it back into his wallet. He would call her some other time.

XXX

Steve kissed Evie's neck, and her fingernails dug into the back of his.

"I gotta go inside," she murmured, and he reluctantly pulled away from her. "I'm gonna be late for curfew."

"Can we talk for a minute?" he asked.

She glanced at her front door and back at him. She finally nodded and pulled him over to the porch swing. It creaked loudly and he looked back at the door, wondering if her old man was going to come outside and run him off.

"You haven't wanted to talk all night," she said with a smile. She pulled out her compact and looked in the mirror, fixing her lipstick in the dim porch light.

"I had other things on my mind," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer.

She giggled but continued looking in the mirror. Her hair was a mess and running her fingers through it wasn't making much of difference.

"Do you wanna get married?" he blurted. It had been on his mind for a while, but it came to the forefront after things settled down with Johnny's funeral and Dally being gone. Things were so far from how they should be, he didn't want to lose anything else.

There was no mistaking the way her whole body tensed up beside him, the way she froze when he blurted the question. She slowly shut the compact and looked up at him.

"What makes you ask that?"

He shrugged and pulled his arm back, resting both hands on his knees.

"Shoot, I don't know. We've been together a long time, and I can't think of any reason we shouldn't. Unless you don't want to. I guess that'd be a pretty good reason not to get married," he said with a smirk. He immediately frowned at the thought of that.

"We're awful young to be thinkin' about getting married, Steve," she said.

"I don't mean we have to right now or nothing," he said. He stood up and the swing swayed back and forth until she put her feet down and stopped it. "I mean after we graduate."

"What's got you thinking about all this right now?" she asked softly.

He looked her dead in the eye. When her feathers were ruffled she could be a real spit fire, which was mostly what everyone else saw. There was something underneath all that, though. Something sweet, and he loved that as much as he loved her spunk.

"'Cause I love you," he replied. "That's all."

"Oh," she said, leaning back on the swing. "That's all?"

She had a smile tugging on her lips as she looked him up and down.

"And that's supposed to make me go weak in the knees?" She clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "That was a hell of a way to propose."

He knew she was only teasing, but he still scowled at her. She had a way of making a guy feel pretty small. He liked that about her until she turned it on him.

"You know, it was just an idea. I ain't asking you to sign your name in blood or nothing."

He turned around and leaned on the porch rail, looking out on the dark street. He heard the swing creak, and she walked up beside him.

She intertwined her right arm with his left and leaned into him.

"I love you, too."

They stood there in silence for a moment. He could feel her looking at him, but he kept his eyes trained on his car in front of her house.

"Does this have anything to do with Soda and Sandy?" she asked.

He shrugged. He supposed it did in a way. Soda loved Sandy, and seeing her leave like that just about crushed him. He didn't want that to happen to him.

"You know I ain't going nowhere," she said.

"I know," he said. "It was just an idea."

She pulled on his shoulder and stood taller to kiss him on the cheek. "It's a good idea, and I want to. Just later on down the road."

He stayed on the porch until she let herself inside and then he started down the steps.

"Hey, Stevie," she whispered, just inside the door.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you, too." He winked at her, and she giggled before she closed the door.

He smiled to himself as he climbed into his car and headed home. He was going to marry her one day.

_It hits you so much harder than you thought _  
_But you don't worry, you don't worry _  
_'Cause darling, you've got so much soul._


	34. Crooked Wheels Keep Turning

**Disclaimer: We do not own S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders, we only play in that world, and we do not own the song, "This Is Your Life" by the Killers.**

* * *

_The cops they'll steal your dreams,  
And kill your prayers_

**Thursday, November 10, 1966**

Ellie stretched out on the couch as Darry and Soda rushed to get ready for work, and Pony slowly gathered his things for school. He walked into the living room and tossed his books onto Darry's chair.

"You going to school today?" he asked her, pulling on his jacket.

She looked at her schoolbooks laying on the floor beside the couch. She carried them with her just about everywhere these days, but she rarely went. She couldn't stand sitting around home, listening to her baby brother cry and her mother complain. The thought of school appealed to her even less than that.

"I don't think so. Tomorrow," she said, well aware that she had told him the same thing the day before.

Pony nodded, but he didn't say anything else about it. In fact, she thought that he looked as though he would rather join her.

"You keep this up, kid," Soda said, buttoning up his DX shirt as he sat on the edge of the coffee table, "and you're gonna end up like Two-Bit."

Ellie smiled up at him. "What's so bad about that? He's turned out okay."

Soda shook his head. "I don't really think Two-Bit and 'okay' should go in the same sentence."

"You're one to talk anyway," she countered.

"C'mon guys," Darry said. "We gotta get going."

Ellie sat up when she heard footsteps pound up the porch. Two-Bit and Steve came flying through the door before the brothers could get anywhere.

"Y'all seen the newspaper?" Steve asked, short of breath.

"Ain't had the time, Steve," Darry said. "C'mon guys."

"You oughta make the time." He held up the paper for Darry to read the headline.

"What is it?" she asked. After coming up empty-handed every time she read the paper, she had finally stopped bothering at the beginning of the week.

"Wow," was the only thing Darry said.

"What is it?" she asked again, but they weren't paying attention to her. She stood up and elbowed her way next to Darry. The only thing she could focus on was a picture of Dallas Winston that she had never seen before.

"It says he turned himself in," Darry said.

"Why would he do something like that?" Soda asked. "All this just to turn himself in?"

Darry shrugged, still holding the paper. "Who knows. Dal always did do whatever he wanted to do."

"He turned himself in yesterday?" Ellie asked. She couldn't bring herself to read the whole article.

Darry nodded. "Says he walked right into the police station last night in the early evening. He was arrested without incident."

"That just ain't Dally," Two-Bit said, sitting down on the arm of the couch.

"Yeah well, ain't nobody the same after everything that's happened," Steve said.

"What's today?" Ellie asked. She couldn't even wrap her brain around what day of the week, much less the date.

"The tenth," Darry said. He looked down at her. "Why?"

"His birthday was yesterday," she said, still studying the paper but the words all blurred together. "He's eighteen."

All of the guys looked up at her when she said that. She started shaking her head.

"Why would he do that? He's gonna get in even more trouble because he's eighteen now, won't he?"

Two-Bit rubbed at his face. "Well, Dally gets what he wants."

"He wants to be in prison for God knows how long?" Ellie asked.

"He wanted to die and that didn't work," he offered. "Maybe this was the next best thing for him."

Ellie glared at him. "That's not true. It wasn't his fault they shot him."

Two-Bit lacked his typical grin. He looked up at her sadly. "Come on, El. You were there the same as the rest of us."

She grabbed her books by the couch and gave Two-Bit a hard shove, knocking him onto the couch from the arm. "Shut up, Two-Bit. You don't know what you're talking about."

He start to say something, but she was already outside. Listening to Two-Bit recount the events of the night Johnny died was the last thing she needed to hear.

XXX

The warehouse was empty save for himself, and Tim was thankful for the blissful silence. He was laying low for the time being all because of the mess Dally had gotten himself into. The fuzz had been all over him and his boys after he escaped custody, and for once in his life, he could honestly tell the cops he didn't know a goddamn thing about the whole situation. That didn't stop them from hassling Tim every time he stepped foot outside, or so it seemed.

On top of that mess, Will Bridges and the rest of the Tigers were shoveling drugs onto his streets like cow manure, and until the fuzz earned some credibility back after losing one of their prisoners, Tim couldn't do a thing about it. He had most of the guys he didn't trust with anything major doing the bullshit errands he didn't want to do, and he had the few he did trust doing his patrolling for him.

Downstairs, the creaky metal door to the alley opened and two sets of feet headed up to where he was. Todd and Jeff stepped in, and he nodded a welcome to them.

"Neither one of you look happy," Tim observed.

Todd looked like he was trying to act cool over some type of bad news, and Tim just wanted him to speak. Beating around the bush didn't work well in a gang.

"What?"

"A couple of Tigers roughed up Mitch's girl, Sally," Todd said. "She's okay, just real shaken up. Mitch got 'em back for now. He smashed in the windows of one of their cars. I don't know whose, and I doubt he really gave a shit either."

"Christ, can't even get a break," Tim said under his breath. A rumble with the Socs was well and good, but it didn't fix shit on their own side of town.

"And we heard one more thing," Todd paused, pulling a copy of the newspaper out of his back pocket and Tim waited for him to finish. "Dally Winston turned himself in."

XXX

He picked up the paper again. Dallas Winston's ugly mug on the front page again in a matter of months. Tim tossed the paper face down and rubbed at his eyes. At least now the fuzz would back off of him for awhile.

Leaning back in the rickity chair, Tim closed his eyes and tried to think, but he felt the heaviness behind them and instead tried to doze. Something stirred in the stairwell and he jolted back to consciousness. He sat the chair back up and couldn't help the surprise when Ellie burst through the door. He didn't have to ask what she was doing there. Even if he didn't see a copy of the morning paper in her hand, he would have known.

"Don't tell me that's what brought you all the way down here," he said.

"Why'd he turn himself in?"

Why wouldn't this kid just leave him alone? Contrary to what he liked people to believe, he did not have all the answers. He definitely did not have any of the answers as to why Dally was an idiot.

"Shouldn't you be in school, kid?"

"Why would he do that?"

Tim shrugged. She sat down in one of the empty seats around the table. After everything that had happened between them, he couldn't figure out why he was the one she was running to.

"Did you think he was gonna just show up and everything was gonna be perfect?"

She didn't respond.

"He was gonna get caught sooner or later."

"He didn't get caught," she snapped. "He turned himself in. He chose to do it."

"And you're surprised that Dally's an idiot?" He smirked at her when her eyes narrowed on him. "Fine, maybe he had his reasons. I don't know what they are. He made it this long without getting caught."

"He could have made it longer," she said.

He pointed at his copy of the paper. "Listen, kid. You know Dally maybe as well as I do. He knew what he was doing when he turned himself in. The way I figure it, he was tired of running. He knew he was gonna get caught and he wanted it to end on his terms. You dig?"

"I just can't believe he would give up. How long's he gonna be in prison?"

Tim shrugged. "Shit, I don't know. He robbed a store for a few bucks, he didn't kill anybody. That gun wasn't even loaded. When he gets outta there, he better thank me on his hands and knees that I didn't give him any bullets."

Her head snapped up. "What?"

He frowned. "What?"

"_You_ didn't give him any bullets? You gave him the gun?"

"Yeah. So what?" he asked with a shrug.

"So it's your fault any of this happened."

He held up his hands to stop her. "Whoa. Easy, girl."

She stood up and threw the newspaper at his head. He caught it easily. "This is all your fault. If you hadn't given him the gun, none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have been shot. He wouldn't be going to jail."

He chucked the newspaper right back at her. She ducked, seemingly surprised. He stood up and crossed the space between them. Even when he was towering over her, she didn't back down. Not much, anyway.

"If you're going to blame me for Dally being an idiot, you can walk yourself right on outta here. Hear me?"

She stood her ground. "Why did you give him the gun?"

He looked at her like she was crazy. "He _asked_ me for it!" He stopped and took a deep breath, feeling himself about to lose control. "Listen, you can twist this around however you need to make it fit into your head, but don't start blaming me. Got it?"

Her lips twitched like she was going to start spouting off all the reasons she hated him, but the words never came. Instead she turned around and walked out without another word.

"Crazy bitch," he muttered. He grabbed his copy of the paper and threw it across the room.

XXX

The courtroom was cold and scary. Even in the back of the room, Ellie felt like she was about to be hauled away. It had only been a few days since he turned himself in, and she still couldn't make herself understand why he did it. She wondered what was going through his mind, why he would choose to get caught when he had to have known how great the consequences were.

They brought him out in handcuffs, and she stared hard at him, willing him to look up and survey the crowd around him. It surprised her when he didn't. It wasn't like him to keep his eyes on the ground. She expected him to study the faces around him, to dare them to judge him for what he had done.

She stood with everyone else in the room as the judge came out and took a seat. She sat reluctantly, looking at the back of Dally's head. He was still standing alongside his court-appointed attorney. She was surprised they hadn't yet cut his hair the way they did when he was away from a week or a month. Wondering if that was because he wasn't a juvenile anymore, she took a deep breath and stopped staring. This time, he was going to be gone for a lot longer than a month.

The judge took a moment to study the file in front of him and removed his glasses when he looked at Dally.

"You're being charged with robbery with a dangerous weapon and attempted assault. How do you plea?"

"Guilty."

She swallowed hard at that one word. Cold dread crept up her spine.

The judge nodded. "Let's continue."

She tried her hardest to listen to the proceedings, but she couldn't stop staring at him. Her knee was bouncing nervously as everyone talked. She didn't know who was talking or what they were talking about because the words they were using didn't make any sense. She was there. Dally hadn't pointed a deadly weapon at an officer of the law. He had held up an unloaded gun - the same he had done to her and she was just fine. Why couldn't they see that? As far as she knew, all of the money from the robbery had been returned.

The judge recounted the events of the night Johnny died, but he kept using awful words to describe his actions even though he hadn't been there to see what happened. He couldn't say Dally had acted maliciously. The police had. Dally acted out of fear and anger and grief. She sat there fighting back tears as the whole courtroom was ready to ship Dally off to prison. It was what they all wanted, and now they had the crime to pin on him. It hurt her that he just sat there and took it without saying anything. That wasn't who Dally was, in a courtroom or not.

The judge folded his hands in front of him. "I'll be honest with you, Dallas. From the reports I've heard from the probation officers with the Tulsa PD, your record isn't helping you. You've had countless run-ins with the law, several trips to the reformatory, overnight stays in the county jail. The fact that the gun wasn't loaded isn't enough to make what you did okay."

He paused long enough to give Dally a chance to say something, but he didn't say a word.

"Based on the information I have heard, I am sentencing you to four years for robbery with a dangerous weapon and six months for attempted assault. The sentences will be served concurrently at the Oklahoma State Penitentiary. Is there anything you would like to say?"

Ellie held her breath and waited. She leaned forward a ways, afraid she wouldn't get to hear his voice again. Four years was a lifetime.

Her breath whooshed out of her when she saw his blond hair ruffle as he shook his head.

The judge nodded and banged his gavel. "Court dismissed."

The room stood as the judge exited. The few people around her packed up their things and filed out of the room, but Ellie fought her way against the current and toward the front of the room. She didn't really have a plan, but she needed to see Dally in a different way than she had when he was in the hospital.

She made it as far as she could before the gate stopped her. The officers were getting ready to take him back.

"Dallas!"

He looked back at her, seemingly startled that anybody would be in the courtroom for him.

A month he'd been gone. Up close she hardly recognized him. His skin was ashen and he looked so thin and so tired. The icy blue of his eyes were as harsh as ever and when they turned on her, her breath caught in her throat and she wanted to back away. There had always been hate in his eyes, but that hate had never been so strongly directed toward her. He didn't need her there. He didn't wanted her there.

The officers paid no attention to her and led Dally out a side door. She stood there, her hands gripping the wood of the small gate in front of her.

"Sorry, missy," said the lawyer that had stood wordlessly beside Dally during the arraignment, "I'm afraid I need to get by."

She slowly moved out of the way, staring up at him as he passed.

"You didn't even try to help him," she mumbled, more to herself than to him. He heard her anyway and turned back.

"I'm sorry?"

She thought of Pony's trial and how Darry said the judge listened to so many different people. That judge heard the different versions of the night Johnny killed the Soc, but this judge hadn't bothered to listen to any one else's story of that night.

She looked up at the man. "He's just eighteen. He didn't hurt anybody, and you didn't even try to convince anybody."

"I did what he wanted me to do," he replied simply.

"He didn't shoot anybody and he gets in trouble. Those officers shot him and nothing happens to them. That's not fair."

"Honey, life isn't fair."

Ellie nodded. "And Dally knows that best of all, doesn't he?"

She blew past him before he could say anything.

_No one behind you watching your shadows,  
This feeling won't go._

* * *

_A/N: Stay tuned for the next chapter. It's our favorite._


	35. Fire Away

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" belongs to Pat Benatar.**

**A/N: It should be known that this is one of our absolute favorite chapters that we have written so far. We wrote it a little over three years ago (with several edits to fit with the various twists and turns our stories have taken), and we are so excited to finally be posting. We hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

_You come on with a come on,  
You don't fight fair._

**Thursday, November 17, 1966**

Ellie sat back in the chair behind the register next to Soda's.

"Want a Pepsi or anything?" he asked.

She shook her head, and he sat down beside her. There was a stereo out in the garage that was turned up loud enough for them to hear inside, playing one of the local stations. An Elvis song was playing.

"I can't believe about Dally. Four years is a long time to be away," he said.

There wasn't much she could say to that without losing her mind and her composure. She really didn't want to get into it, the cold look in Dally's eyes still a fresh memory. Four years was a span of time she wasn't able to quite make sense of. She still felt like he was going to be back in a couple of months and she would follow him around again, and he would try not to pretend that he was happy about it. She couldn't wrap her mind around four whole years.

Thinking about him was making her go crazy on the inside, so she changed the subject without giving much thought into what she was changing it to.

"Is it usually this slow during the school day?" she asked.

"Sometimes. It picks up right after school and again after five or so. I'm usually bored during the day."

Ellie tipped the chair back on two legs and scanned the little store, wondering what Soda did to occupy himself.

"Ralph's gone for a bit. Had to run to the bank and do other errands," Soda said. Ellie could sense that he was digging for something to talk about, and she wasn't much help with that. She didn't feel like talking about anything anymore than he did. They were both moping and heartbroken.

"How come you're not in school today?" he asked.

It was Ellie's turn to shrug. "Just don't feel like it," she said.

"Yeah. I get that," he said. "We should hang out some time. No one else really gets it."

He was talking about the heartbreak. "Sounds like a good idea. Where to?"

"Hell, we can always find some kind of house party over in the Brumly neighborhood. That's about the only fun thing to do around here anymore. Buck's wussed out about letting under-aged kids into his place."

She nodded. A party might be the thing she needed to get her distracted from everything happening around her. Maybe it would get Dally off of her mind.

"How's it going with the baby?"

"He's pretty cute, but he cries like a banshee all the time." The night before, Danny cried for a solid hour before Jimmy started screaming at Abigail to get out of bed and take care of him. "I think something's wrong with my mom, though."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I don't really know. It's just that she was so excited and now she's just going through the motions," she said.

"That why you ain't in school much? You're taking care of him?"

"I guess. Jimmy ain't much help. He says Danny don't want him when he cries, and Mom or I oughta tend to him. I try to help her every now and then, but I just couldn't today. Sometimes it's just …"

"Too much?"

She nodded and said, "He's just so little. I can't believe he's so much work all the time."

"Fair enough. You ain't responsible for him, kiddo. You gotta stop feeling like you are."

Ellie smiled. Hanging out with him was sounding better and better every minute. Pony had told her a long time ago that he was a good listener, and she believed it, too.

He was about to say something when a little bell sounded in the store. A car pulled up at one of the pumps, and Soda was to his feet, heading outside.

"Be right back," he said, but she hardly heard him. The car that had pulled up was a shiny black Charger and Tim Shepard was out and standing up beside it before Soda made it out to him. They talked for a minute, and then Soda was under the hood, checking something out. A few seconds later, he dashed into the garage. Ellie stood up and used the store entrance to the garage, finding Soda messing with a car already up on jacks.

"What's going on?" Ellie said, trying to keep her voice normal despite her blood pumping furiously through her veins. She hadn't seen Tim since she found out Dally turned himself in. She had plenty of reason to be angry with Tim before she found out about the gun. Everything was his fault.

"Tim's car needs checked out. Oil change and a couple other things," he said. "I gotta get this car outta here and his in."

Soda busied himself with the car, and Ellie looked through the open garage door. Tim was across the street using a payphone. She looked at his shiny new car and looked back in the garage. A crowbar was leaning against the wall near her legs. She reached down and picked it up, her fingers curling over the cold iron and thinking of the only way she could let Tim know that what he did was wrong. Soda had the car off the jacks and was inside, getting ready to back it out of the garage. She turned up the radio as loud as it would go, knowing Soda wouldn't notice the difference.

XXX

Tim leaned on the phone booth, head bowed and listening to Todd on the other end telling him which way was up. He pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing like hell he had Monty back. Todd tried, but he just didn't have the leadership.

"Todd, shut up a minute," he said. "Just cool it for awhile. I gotta get my car fixed up and I'll be over to handle it."

Todd finally stopped jabbering about the Tigers and asked what had to be done.

"Nothing major, just a -" He stopped mid-sentence when he heard glass shatter. Looking around he found the source and he felt every nerve in his body light on fire. There was Ellie, as small as she was, beating the ever-loving shit out of his car.

"Holy fuck," Tim muttered, dropping the phone and running across the street. He skidded to a stop on the driver's side as she stood on the passenger side, unable to believe his eyes. The mirror on the driver's side door was hanging on by a thread. One headlight lay in shards on the ground. She held the bar in the air, daring him to make a move.

"Put it down," he said slowly, hoping she'd listen to reason even though he wanted to kill her right then and there. "Nice and easy, kid."

"No," she said simply, as if what he told her had been a suggestion instead of an order.

"Put it down or you're gonna be awful sorry you didn't," he promised.

Her brow furrowed. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he said. His heart was beating double-time as he tried to decide his next move. He didn't want to hurt her, but doing damage to a man's car was below the belt.

"What else could you possibly do?" she hissed. "You've already done enough." She swung the bar as hard as she could, which was decent for a girl, and the bar smashed into the hood. He tried not to flinch when it bounced off with a metallic clang. The sound was worse than the damage, although it still left a dent.

"I can get that tapped out," he said, trying to remain calm. He was hoping he could get her to cut it out if she knew she couldn't do enough to get a rise out of him. "You ain't strong enough to damage the body."

"I know," she replied. She was out of breath, but he should have known she wouldn't back down so easily. She raised the crowbar again and brought it down hard against the windshield. It left a spider web of cracks radiating from the center.

His patience boiled over and he raced around the front of the car. By the time he made it to her side, she was dragging the forked end of the bar along the black paint.

"You crazy bitch," he yelled, making a dash for her. She ran back to the other side away from him, doing damage as she went.

She paused long enough to swing the bar into the window of the driver's door, sending shards of glass all over the goddamn place. He caught her around the middle as she was pulling the bar back, and it was a wonder she didn't crack him in the head with it. He figured it was more luck than anything; if she had the opportunity to use it against him, she would take it.

"Curtis!" He didn't know how Sodapop didn't hear them, even over that blasted radio, but the only way he was letting go of Ellie unharmed was if he helped him out. He wouldn't have minded teaching her a thing or two, but there was that nagging, gnawing memory in the back of his head that said he deserved everything she was doing.

Tim forced her into the side of the car, but she wasn't giving up. She cocked her arms back to swing the crowbar again, and he tried to yank it from her with one hand. She had a good grip on it and managed to twist away from him. He reached for her again, and she swung the metal in his direction. She wielded the crowbar as easily as though it were a bat and he was the baseball, and he didn't know if he'd ever seen that much hate in anybody's eyes.

"Curtis!" he yelled again. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and heard the radio turn off. "If you don't get that out of her hands, she's gonna be real sorry."

He didn't have time to look at Soda to see if he was going to help him or let her have at it. He was too busy studying Ellie and waiting for her next move. Her shoulders were still heaving as she tried to take deep breaths, and she looked like she was about to cry.

She lunged at him, the crowbar high over her head and she swung hard at him. He caught her by the arms and held on tight, ready to twist her arm clean off if he had to. He didn't aim to have the sense knocked out of him by some crazy chick with an anger problem.

"Let go," he said forcefully.

She seemed to tighten her grasp on the crowbar so he tightened his grip on her arms.

"What the fuck is your problem?" he yelled at her.

Her cheeks were flaming red, tears running down her face, and she started shrieking at him.

"It's all your fault!"

"You're crazy. All 'cause of fucking Dally and that gun?"

"I hate you!"

She started writhing, fighting to free herself. Tim twisted her wrist until she cried out and the crowbar clattered to the ground. He could have broken her arm for what she did, but Soda finally came over to break up the fight.

"Let go of her," he ordered.

Tim took his eyes off of her for a second. "You're crazy, too, if you think I'm gonna do that right now."

He knew he should have known it was coming, but it still surprised him when she kneed him in the groin. Tim let her go, shoving her out of his way as he grabbed the crowbar this time. Soda grabbed her and pushed her around him until she was on the other side of the car.

"What the fuck is your problem, man?" Soda asked.

Tim looked at him incredulously and then motioned at his car with the crowbar.

"What is wrong with me? Christ, look what she did!" he said. "Fuck!"

He held up the bar and pointed it at Ellie, even though she had her back turned to him, wiping at her face.

"You're lucky I don't have it in me to use this fucking thing on you," he threatened.

"Back off, Shepard," Soda warned, and Tim tossed it at his head. He caught it clumsily but held on to it like he was ready to use it. "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't fucking do shit," Tim said. "I was on the damn phone across the fucking street when she went ape shit over here."

"Just get outta here, man," Soda said.

Tim started to say something, but in his fury he was left speechless. He looked at the damaged car that used to be his pride and glory.

"I can't fucking drive this anywhere!"

"Listen, I'll tow it somewhere for you, but you gotta get out of here."

"Fuck you," he replied.

He opened the door and kicked as much glass to the floor as he could. He glared at Soda as he took off his leather jacket and tossed it on top of the glass on the seat. He looked through the cracks of the windshield and saw Soda take Ellie back inside.

Tim slammed the door shut and shouted a string of curses to the high heavens as he drove off. He was more than ready to give her name to any cop that bothered to pull him over for the busted windshield.

XXX

Soda finished sweeping up the glass while Ellie was in the restroom. She seemed calm when he told her to wash up, and that worried him. He tossed the broken glass in the bin in the garage just as it began to rain a little. It was a steady drizzle as he walked inside and up to the register. Ellie was sitting behind the desk, shuffling cards like nothing had happened.

He sat down slowly next to her, but she didn't say anything. She started laying out cards to play Solitaire.

He cleared his throat. "You okay, Ellie?"

"I'm fine," she said.

"That was …" He couldn't seem to find the right words for what just happened. "… something else, huh?"

She shrugged and kept her eyes on the cards. "He deserved it."

He studied her as she moved the nine of Hearts onto the ten of Clubs. Her hands were steady. Her voice was even. Hair clung to the back of her neck from the sweat she worked up outside, her face was splotched and tear stained and her arms were red and bruising, but other than that, there was hardly any sign that anything had just happened.

"So Tim gave Dally that gun?"

She nodded. "He thinks he's a saint for not giving him the bullets, too."

Soda sat uneasily beside her as she continued her game. He flinched when she finally said his name.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I think I'll take that Pepsi now."

"Sure," he said softly, starting to think she had done lost her mind.

_That's okay, let's see how you do it,  
Put up your dukes, let's get down to it._


	36. Mend a Broken Heart

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton does, and we do not own the Savage Garden song "Crash and Burn."**

* * *

_I know it feels like the walls are closing in on you,  
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold_

**Tuesday, November 17, 1966**

The rain had been steady for a couple hours, but it seemed like it was slowly letting up. Soda tried to get Ellie to hang around until Two-Bit could pick her up or somebody else could walk her home, but she refused and he didn't want to get on her bad side.

Ellie was long gone by the time Steve showed up, plowing through the door with enough force to make the little bell ring for several long seconds after the door closed.

"Guess you heard," Soda said.

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't know, I was in the garage. Next thing I know, I hear Tim yelling about it all," Soda explained.

"I told that asshole to stay away from her," Steve said, flattening his hands on the counter. "I told him."

Taking a breath, Soda let Steve's words sink in. All day he'd been trying to find sense in what Ellie had done, even though he thought Tim giving Dally the gun could be enough. Steve roused his suspicions.

"What?" Soda asked.

Steve looked at him, his eyes hard and unfocused. He was seeing something else completely.

"Why'd you have to tell him to stay away from her?"

"Forget it," Steve said.

He walked around the counter and sat down, picking up the deck of cards. Soda watched him shuffle the cards over and over again, trying to figure out his buddy and what he knew. Ellie confided a lot in Steve, and Steve cared for her like a little sister. Soda thought back to when Ellie and Tim broke up and realized he didn't really remember much. Stuff just kind of ended between them, and she had never really said a word about it. It made sense, but knowing Ellie and her relationships, he suddenly found it odd.

"She told me she did it because of Dally."

Steve looked at him with confusion. "Why because of him?"

"Tim gave him that gun, but that can't be all. You should have seen the car," Soda said. "Why did you tell him to stay away?"

There was a genuine look of bafflement on Steve's face, and Soda sat back down. He decided to try another tactic.

"Why did they break up?"

"How should I know? She never said," Steve said.

He tossed the cards away and picked up a magazine. Steve was trying hard to avoid answering his question.

"You know something," Soda said.

"I don't know shit. Maybe he said something about Dally that set her off. You just said that she knew Tim gave him that gun," he said.

"Yeah, but it was more personal than that. He was across the street using the phone when she started beating the shit out of his car," Steve looked away again, and Soda continued. "I get the way she is about Dally, but this wasn't her. The way she was screamin' at him. Something was really wrong."

Steve still didn't say anything, which meant that he did, in fact, know something. He didn't just close up like that.

"Why'd you tell him to keep away from her?" Soda asked him again.

"I promised her," Steve said, finally looking at him.

All along Soda had been hoping he was wrong, but the way Steve said that, his stomach sank. There was more to it all that Ellie led on.

"Remember when that guy in his gang, Monty, was killed? Well, Ellie was hell-bent on making sure Tim was okay that night, so I gave her a ride up to Buck's. When we got there, Tim was already plastered. I fucking told her not to go anywhere with him."

There were a million scenarios running through his mind. He struggled to remember back to when Monty died and nothing stuck out to him about Ellie. Nothing.

"And she went with him?"

"I lost sight of her for a minute and she left with him," Steve said. "I found her a while later walking home by herself. She told me that he was passed out in his car a ways back from where she was. She never had to say anything, I could just tell what he did to her."

"What … what happened?"

Steve's eyes blazed, and he got out of the chair in a hurry. It tipped back, hitting the wall with a bang.

"Do I have to draw you picture?"

"Guess not," Soda said.

Neither one of them said anything for a while, while Steve fumed and Soda tried to comprehend exactly what he meant. If he had knocked her around, given her a black eye, it would have been a different story. They all would have know it, but somehow this was so much worse. It was strange knowing that something like that had even happened to her. That someone did that to her, and everyone else went on with their lives without even knowing it. But simply knowing that Tim had crossed a line like that with her made her rampage on his car make more sense.

"Look, Soda, she never wanted anyone to know. I'm sure that if I hadn't driven her back that night, she would have never told me," Steve said.

"I can't believe he did that to her," Soda said.

"Come on, he's a piece of shit," Steve said, matter-of-factly. "I fucking told him to stay away from her. He deserves worse than this, but it's better than nothing."

"She's good at hiding it," Soda said. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Not long enough," Steve said.

Soda stopped asking anything after that, sensing that Steve wanted to brood over it on his own. He had his own thinking to do, though.

XXX

The news about the maiming of Tim's car spread like shockwaves over their neighborhood. Two-Bit heard it from people he wasn't even sure knew who Ellie was, and seeing as how he figured that, he wasn't entirely sure he believed what he was hearing.

"Are you sure it was his old girl?" Two-Bit asked.

"The little chick," Dean Abrams said.

Two-Bit held his hand up about as tall as Ellie stood.

"Yeah, that's about right," Dean said. "The chick Shepard dated for awhile 'bout the time Monty was killed."

"Shit," Two-Bit said. "She did that to his car?"

Dean smiled and pointed at Two-Bit with the cigarette between his fingers. "Fucking totaled."

Two-Bit waved him off and got into his own car and headed toward home. In a way, he wanted to talk to her to find out if this was really true or not, but instead he backtracked and headed toward the DX. When he got there, Steve was pumping gas and Soda was sitting inside playing with a deck of cards.

"Hey, Two-Bit," Soda said.

"So, I heard this rumor that a certain friend of ours took a crowbar to Tim Shepard's car," Two-Bit said. "Just wanted to clarify that."

The bell jingled over the door and Steve came back in, wiping his hands on his pants. The look he gave Soda wasn't lost on Two-Bit, and he wondered what was up.

"So?"

"It's true," Soda said. "Tim came in for an oil change and while I was in the garage, she beat the hell out of his car."

"Why? I mean, they've got history, so I can see why, but ... why?"

Steve spoke up before Soda could. "She found out he gave that gun to Dally."

For a second, Two-Bit didn't know what to think. It had never occurred to him to wonder where Dally had gotten the gun, but then it all made sense. Even if Dally was alive, the gun was what got him into so much trouble.

"Shit," Two-Bit said. "Is she okay?"

Soda nodded but didn't look up at him. "She's okay. A little shaken up, but she went on home."

"You think Tim's gonna do anything?" he asked.

"Not a chance," Steve said.

This time Steve didn't look at him, and Two-Bit wondered if he was missing something.

The bell jingled again, and Two-Bit saw Ralph Giddings, the owner of the DX walk in and straight up to the counter. Two-Bit moved out of his way as he faced Soda.

"What the hell am I hearing about some girl here this afternoon damaging a car?"

Two-Bit backed up a little when he saw a vein on the man's balding head throb. However, Soda looked cool and collected. His face twisted up in confusion, and Two-Bit knew he was going to lie.

"What are you talking about?" Soda asked.

"I heard two boys talking about it at the U-Tote-M. Said some girl busted out some windows with a baseball bat _here._"

Steve looked uncomfortable, but Soda still sat there as slick as ever. He motioned out the window with his hand and said, "Ralph, I've been here all day and nothing like that happened. If some chick came in here with a baseball bat, I think I'd know about it."

For a minute, Ralph was quiet and pointed an accusing finger between Soda and Steve. He lowered it a little and then raised it back at them again. "No more friends hanging around here, you got it? You think I don't know that girls are always coming around here 'cause they think you two are so great? There's no more of that. You two come in here and work and not to flirt. You hear me?"

They both nodded, and then Ralph turned and looked right at Two-Bit.

"You buying something?"

Two-Bit shook his head.

"Then get out. They're working."

Rolling his eyes, Two-Bit waved them off and left. Back in his car, he laughed to himself about how Soda had lied. He was happy his friend did it, too. Ellie was damn lucky she didn't choose to detail Tim's car when their boss was there. Though, knowing Soda, he could have talked that guy down from anything.

He left feeling like he was still missing a bit of information, but he brushed it off. Ellie was weird about Dally. It didn't really surprise him too much to know that she had gone crazy over something like Tim giving him that gun. In all honesty, he wanted to kick Tim's ass for the same reason. The same reason he wanted someone to kick his own ass for giving Dal his knife, even though he wasn't even sure how he used it. Dally and weapons weren't a great mix.

XXX

Soda pulled up in front of the ramshackle split-level in the Brumly neighborhood.

"Whose house is this again?" Ellie asked. She had never been in that area before and wasn't even sure they would know anybody there.

"Some kid that was a year ahead of me in school. TJ Browning. Kid was dumb as rocks, even dumber than me if you can believe it."

He grinned at her, and she couldn't help but smile even though she would rather be home in bed than at some house party. Soda had convinced her to go and she wasn't really sure how she caved. Maybe it was because even though she wanted to be warm in her bed, she still hated to be home. Or maybe it was because Soda was really good at making her feel like she wanted go. Either way, she rarely ever hung out with Soda one on one, and for that she was glad they were there. He seemed to get it when no one else did.

She followed closely behind him as they walked inside. Soda spoke to a few guys as they made their way deeper into the party. It was loud from the people and music and so cloudy from cigarette smoke, she was afraid she might lose Soda in the haze. He led them into the kitchen and poked around until he found a cooler of beer.

"Curtis!"

She followed Soda's gaze to a big guy, maybe close to six feet tall, with hair so heavily greased, she thought if he were shorter she would be able to see her reflection in it.

"Hey, TJ." He shook his hand and held up the beers. "Hope you don't mind us crashing your party."

"No way, man. I thought you might have come to the party we had after we beat those Socs."

Ellie felt Soda glance her way. "Yeah, well, there was a lot going on after that."

TJ nodded. He looked down at her. "Who's the little lady?"

"This is Ellie."

The guy had been grinning, but she watched his smile falter for a split second. "Ellie. Not _the_ Ellie?"

She frowned and suddenly felt very nervous. If she had ever seen the guy in her life, it was in passing, and he obviously didn't know who she was by looking at her. The last time people knew of her it was when she tried to beat up Sylvia at the Dingo. And then that time she got suspended from school for fighting a Soc. People knowing of her wasn't usually because of something good she did. The only problem with that was that no one saw and Tim wasn't going to be blabbing all over town about what she did to his car.

He looked a little confused, too. "She's the only Ellie I know."

TJ was sizing her up carefully, and she did her best not to squirm. "You can't be that girl."

"What girl?" she finally asked.

"Hey, Ronnie, get over here."

Ellie grabbed Soda's arm as TJ called for his friend to join them.

"What's he talking about?" she hissed, but even as she asked him, she started to realize right where this was heading.

It seemed to dawn on Soda as well, but he didn't have time to respond before another kid from Brumly walked over to them.

"Who was that girl that trashed Tim Shepard's car?"

Ronnie shrugged. "Ellie something or other."

TJ turned his attention back to her. "That was you?"

She looked between the two Brumly boys.

"What if it was?" Soda asked, standing a little taller beside her.

"I'd wanna shake her hand," TJ said, brushing Soda out of his way and taking Ellie's hand. "I sure couldn't believe the story when I heard it, but everybody I heard it from kept saying it was some girl named Ellie. Ain't never woulda guessed it was a little ol' thing like you. You sure beat that car to hell and back."

"You don't like him?" Ellie asked, sensing the mutual dislike.

"Ah, hell. We've had beef with his gang, nothing like what he's got going on with the Tigers, though," TJ said. "I still don't like that son of a bitch, though."

She tried to smile as she pulled her hand out of his sweaty grip. "Thanks, I guess," she said.

"Boy, Shepard ain't never gonna live this shit down!" TJ said with a deep laugh. "Wait 'til I tell all the boys about this."

Soda cut between him and Ellie and guided her by the elbow away from them. "Thanks for the beer, TJ."

He wasn't paying attention to them anymore. He was too busy spreading the word that the little girl that destroyed Tim's car was at his party. They crowded onto a couch in the living room, and Soda handed her a beer.

She ran a hand through her hair. "Wow."

He laughed. "You got that right. I knew people were going to hear about this, but I didn't know you'd get so popular over it all."

"I don't like that all these people know who I am when they don't really know me," she said. It was nice to know that she wasn't the only one who didn't like Tim, but to live in this type of notoriety meant that she was going to be linked to him forever. She would never be able to avoid it until the next big thing happened.

Soda nodded as he surveyed the kids around them. "I guess going to a party after all this stuff wasn't the best idea I ever had."

"That's my fault," she said. "I am glad to get out, though."

He looked over her shoulder and back at her. "I don't think there'll be much getting away tonight."

She looked back to see a herd of Brumly kids heading their way. She felt a little sick to her stomach.

XXX

They walked around their neighborhood passing a bottle of bourbon back and forth. Soda knew that fake ID he carried around would come in handy eventually, although the flirting he did with the woman behind the counter helped more than anything. He noticed Ellie wasn't drinking much, just a few sips here and there. He didn't mind. She was good company.

The party had been lame, and with the way almost everyone hounded both of them for details of Ellie's attack on Tim's manhood, they hadn't stayed long. She looked uncomfortable with it all. Most probably thought she was just doing it for attention. He knew that was the last thing on her mind.

The park was just up ahead, and he made a break for the jungle gym and climbed to the top. By the time she made it over, he was standing on the top bars with his hands in the air. She laughed and sat on a swing nearby.

Lowering himself, he did a few flips and pull ups and then sat on the lower side near the swings. Everything but the ground had dried since it stopped raining earlier. He dug his feet into the damp grass. He wasn't thinking about the boy who had been killed in the park. He wasn't thinking about his brother or his dead friend. He was trying not, at least.

"You're going to hurt yourself," she said as she set the bottle on the ground. "Especially 'cause you've been drinking."

"I'll be fine," he said. "I'm loosened up, no big deal."

"Until you crack your head open and I have to carry you home."

"Loosen up, El."

"I know."

He felt bad. Climbing out of the jungle gym, he walked over and sat down on the swing next to her. He picked up the bottle again and took a few nips. She was quiet again, her head leaned against the chain, her feet digging ditches as she swayed on the swing.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked, looking at him again.

"Shoot."

"Did you love Sandy?"

It was his turn to look away. There weren't any words that he knew of that described the way he felt about Sandy. There were even fewer to describe how much it hurt when she left. Love was as close a concept as anyone would get, but looking at Ellie, he felt she might understand better than anyone.

"So much it hurt," he said, taking a short drink and staring at nothing.

"Even after?" Even without her saying it, he knew what she was implying.

"It didn't matter to me. I would have married her and raised that kid as my own."

"Have you heard from her?"

In truth, he hadn't tried to get a hold of her because he was afraid of what she would say, if she would say anything at all. She had left town with a goodbye that had been interrupted.

"Do you know anything about it when they send girls away to have babies?" he asked.

"Not really. They didn't send my mama away when she was going to have me. Not really anyway."

They both fell silent again. Only the sounds of the night and the swing's chain squeaking broke into his thoughts.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" she asked.

"Do you love Dally?"

Maybe it was the buzz he was sporting, but he swore he saw her eyes darken at the mention of his name. She looked a lot sadder all of a sudden.

"I ... "

"What?" He wanted to hear her say it.

"I shouldn't."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Just seems destined to fail," she said.

"Not if you don't want it to," he said.

"You're the only one that's said anything like that to me," she said, a sad smile on her face. "Everybody else just tells me what a bad idea it was. They're right too."

He shook his head. Dally wasn't a gentleman. He wasn't even a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination, but he was Dally and she was Ellie. There was just something there, and it wasn't all hot and cold either. "It's just 'cause they don't know what you've got. I know what I had. You know what you have. Don't listen to them."

She looked him straight in the eye. "He doesn't seem to want it."

He handed her the bottle and she took it, taking a bigger drink than he'd seen her take all night. She went back for another after she swallowed. Something about her seemed incomplete without Dally around.

"Maybe he just needs time," he said.

"Time's what he got. Four whole years."

He decided to leave it at that. Heartbreak seemed to only hurt worse when you talked about it, and he was tired of discussing his own.

"We are a depressing pair," he said, taking the bottle from her. It surprised him when she laughed.

"It's the Lord's honest truth," she said.

"Ready to head out?"

She shook her head and took the bottle from him. "Not even close."

They talked for awhile, again about nothing in particular or important until they started talking about her getting her license, which led to a discussion on cars, which led to Tim and his car.

"That was some detailing you did to Tim's car the other day," he said.

"He's going to kill me," she said, her words starting to slur. "It felt good, though."

"Why'd you do it?"

"I don't know. I was mad at him. I hate him." She sounded more thoughtful than bitter.

"Why do you hate him?"

The look in her eyes was distant, and he realized she wasn't seeing him. She wasn't even really talking to him.

"He was as bad as everyone said he was. Everyone warned me. Even Dally," she said. She hiccupped. "His car is the only thing he cares about."

It was that easy of a target. He thought of the vague conversation he had with Steve about her and Tim. Broken glass and scratches in paint could hurt him as much as he hurt her.

"Did you tell anyone?" he asked.

She looked straight at him, her eyes squinted. He wondered if he had pushed too far. She obviously hadn't wanted to talk about it considering she hadn't told anyone so far.

"I don't think he meant to," she said.

"That don't make it okay."

"But we were together. We were dating, you know? It wasn't really that different from anything we had done before."

"Except that you didn't want to," he told her. She looked down at the ground and drug the toe of her shoe through the dirt. "Are you okay?"

It seemed to take her a long time to answer. "I'm okay. I still wanted to hurt his car."

"Did it help?"

"It helped enough."

He offered her the last sip in the bottle, and she took it.

"Let's get home," he said.

She finally nodded and stood up. She looked a little off-balance when she stood up and reached for his arm. He felt equally off-balance and as they walked, they kept knocking arms with each other. She giggled.

"We're some pair, huh?" he asked with a laugh.

"Tonight was fun. We oughta do it again sometime."

"Sure. Maybe not with the Brumly boys, though," he said. "That party was awful."

"We'll find somewhere else to go."

They walked in silence until they reached her house.

"Get some sleep," he said, helping her as she stumbled on the porch step.

"You too."

Soda was halfway down the drive when she said his name.

"Thanks for listening tonight," she said.

He smiled. "Thanks for the talk. It's nice to know I'm not alone."

She waved and closed the door behind her.

He continued down the street, noticing his path was zigging and zagging across the sidewalk. He felt good, though. Better than he felt since Sandy left him. He knew drinking away his sorrows wasn't the best way to go, but it sure made him feel better for a while. For the first time in months, he felt like he could finally breathe again.

_If you need to crash then crash and burn,  
You're not alone_


	37. This Town's Made Us Crazy

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. Maroon 5 owns "Must Get Out."**

_

* * *

_

I'm lifting you up, I'm letting you down  
_I'm dancing 'til dawn, I'm fooling around._

**December 1966**

When Darry walked in from work, he was determined to call the nurse from the hospital. Her phone number had been burning a hole in his wallet for the past three weeks, and it was getting the better of him. He had been so distracted the last few days over it all, he was surprised he hadn't fallen right off the roof he was working on.

Soda caught him as he was stretching the cord of the phone as far as it would go down the hall.

"Hey, Dar?"

"Yeah?" He decided it wouldn't reach far enough and opted for his failsafe from high school. The bathroom.

"You mind if I use the truck tonight? There's this little get-together, and it's a little cold to walk to ..."

"That's fine," he said distractedly, trying to untangle the wire as he walked into the bathroom. He set the telephone down on the bathroom sink and tossed the truck keys to Soda. "It needs gas. Fill her up tonight."

Soda looked a little confused as Darry shut the door in his face and sat on the edge of the bathtub. He pulled out his wallet and fished out the wrinkled number Allison had given him.

He dialed the first three numbers and hung up. He knew he was too late. It had been ages since he had seen her. She probably wouldn't remember him, and if she did, she would probably resent him for not calling her sooner. Maybe she had found someone else. She was a beautiful woman that met new people every day in her line of work.

He swallowed hard and dialed those same three numbers again. He began to dial the fourth before another thought worked its way into his head. The holidays were coming up. Maybe she had time saved up and was going to be out of town soon. Maybe she had family coming into town. Maybe she would think him rude to even be asking for some kind of sympathy date so close to Christmas.

He took a deep breath as he dialed the last numbers and closed his eyes when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

The voice shook him just a little, and he opened his eyes. "May I speak to Allison?"

"Hold on just a minute."

"Thank you," he said, but he could already hear the receiver being set down. He went over what he planned to say in his head one more time. He had practically written a speech over the last week of what he would say when he called her.

"This is Allison."

Every single word he had rehearsed slipped right out his head that quickly.

"Hello?" she asked.

He cleared his throat and licked his lips.

"Hi, Allison?" He rubbed the palm of his hand against his forehead. Of course it was her, she just said it was.

"Yes," she said, and he thought he could hear a smile on her face. He wondered if it was from curiosity or amusement over the idiot on the other end. "Who is this?"

"This is Darry." He cleared his throat again. "Darry Curtis. You probably don't remember me, but we met at the hospital."

"Of course I remember you, Darry."

"Yeah?"

"Sure." He could definitely hear a smile on her face now. "I distinctly remember giving you my phone number and never hearing from you."

He closed his eyes and rubbed at his face, desperately wishing he could go back in time to when he wasn't such an idiot.

"I'm real sorry about that, Allison. I meant to call you but there was a lot going on." He decided to leave out the part where he was a coward. That probably wouldn't do him any favors.

"Of course, I understand that."

And he really believed she did.

"How's your brother doing?"

Darry smiled. She was as sweet as she seemed. "He's doing all right," he lied. Pony's real condition wouldn't be doing him any favors either. "I was wondering if you would like to grab something to eat this weekend. Sunday, maybe?"

There was a long pause, and he could practically see the girl of his dreams slipping through his fingers.

"You know, I would love to, but I'm actually covering for someone at the hospital this Sunday. I'm off Friday, though."

Darry tried to bite back the sigh that was bound to escape his lips. "I actually work a second job, and it's a night gig on the weekends."

He saw his opportunity with her fading because of his jobs and obligations. She was even further out of his reach because of her own demanding job. What if they couldn't even find a time to have dinner once because of their jobs?

"Are Sundays your only day off?" she asked. She sounded concerned over that possibility, and it almost gave him hope. At least that meant she was still interested.

"Typically, yeah." He ran a hand through his hair and was ready to kiss the pretty blonde nurse goodbye before he could even kiss her in person.

"Okay, I know this sounds silly planning so far in advance, but what about two weeks from this Sunday? I'm covering this week and next for a friend, but the following I'm free."

"That's great," he said quickly. "What time works for you?"

"How about six?"

"I'll see you then."

"Hey, Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want my address?"

He looked up at the ceiling, wondering when he became so uncool around girls. "Yeah, that would probably help a lot, wouldn't it?"

She giggled quietly as he carried the phone into the living room and rummaged around for a pen. When he finally found one, he scribbled down the address she gave him.

"I'll see you in a couple weeks," she said before they hung up. "You won't forget, right?"

"Not a chance," he replied, unable to keep the grin off his face.

After he hung up, he couldn't help but let out a whoop of excitement. He turned to go down the hallway and found Pony sticking his head out of his room.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

Darry smiled. "Nope, kiddo. Everything's right. You doing your homework?"

Pony didn't say anything. He just walked back in his room and shut the door behind him. For the first time, Darry wasn't even concerned.

XXX

They walked together down the crowded hallway right after their last period, neither one of them speaking, as per usual after … everything. They stopped first at his locker and then she led the way to hers. She spun her combination and peered inside. She looked at the books in her hand and dumped them all inside. They plummeted to the bottom, her history book falling out. She leaned down and shoved it back in.

"We're supposed to read a chapter," he said.

Ellie looked at him for a second and then grabbed her coat and slammed her locker shut.

"I don't care," she said as they started walking again. She had managed to go to school the whole week, but that was only because Danny was up with the sun screaming to be fed every day, and she couldn't sleep any longer. It was also something to do when there wasn't anything else, especially since she couldn't hang around the DX. She still hated it.

He made some comment under his breath that she didn't catch, and she glared at him. He'd been short with everyone lately for that to be an innocent comment. She had a comeback of her own, but he walked past her and was pushing his way up through the crowd to the front doors.

"Pony?" She assumed he was mad at her, but then she saw what was making him move so fast. Cherry Valance was standing off to the side of the doors, hanging a poster about some stupid fundraiser with a few other cheerleaders. She was giggling with the other girls until Pony stepped into their circle. Ellie watched as the smiles faded from all of their faces when he said something she couldn't make out, and Cherry's face turned as red as her hair.

Pony's stance faltered, and he took one step back as one girl put a final piece of tape on the poster and they all walked away. Cherry didn't say a word to him. Ellie watched him watch them go, and she felt bad for him. Ellie walked up to him, but he just stood there, staring down the hallway after Cherry.

"Hey," she said. "Pony …" She looped her arm through his. "Wanna go get something to eat?"

He finally turned and looked at her, his eyes distant.

"Come on," Ellie said, pulling him toward the door. "She's not worth it."

XXX

Once again, neither one of them were talking. It used to be that they could just sit in silence and that was enough, but this was strained. He was upset, and she was beginning to fume over the way Cherry ignored him. As he made little balls out of napkins, Ellie pushed her basket of fries into the pile, spilling them into his lap. He looked up at her with a glare that was incredibly misplaced on his face.

"What's your problem?" he asked, brushing his knees off.

"Why do you care if she ignores you?"

"Forget it, Ellie," he said with a sigh.

"I mean it. Why do you care?"

"I thought she was my friend."

"Just when no one else is around," she said angrily. "Nothing's changed."

"What do you mean by that?" he asked.

She studied him, feeling a fight beginning to surface. His green eyes were trained on her, and she tried to distract herself with how strange his hair looked with the blond half grown out.

"I mean that she's still a Soc, Pone. She still lives in some big fancy house where Daddy buys her whatever she wants. She still wants everyone cool to be friends with her and all that," Ellie said. "She wasn't going to change just because of all this. Nothing's changed with the Socs really. It's just not as bad as it was."

"She's different," he said.

"No, she's not. She's fake."

"You don't even know her," he snapped.

"You don't either," she said, but she realized that she didn't really know if that was true. When was the last time she really sat down and talked to him?

"You used to be different, too," he said, taking one of her fries. "And then you became like all the rest of them girls that date hoods."

She was taken aback by this and said nothing. Everything seemed to be piecing itself back together after the courts let Pony stay with Darry, but now everything seemed wrong. If anything, she thought to herself, he was acting more like Dally. He acted like nothing bothered him. Like he hated everything.

"You used to like to hang out with me, and now you only do it because Dally's gone and you don't like Tim anymore," he said.

"That's not true," she snapped.

"Yes, it is. You dated Dally, and we stopped doing anything. You dated Tim and I saw even less of you. You changed," he said. "And no one liked you after it. Then you go and make a fool of yourself by taking a crowbar to Tim's car. You've changed more than anybody else."

Ellie took it only because she couldn't believe it was coming from Ponyboy. She brought him here to get Cherry off of his mind, and he was sitting there making her feel smaller than the napkin balls sprinkled all over the floor.

"What was it about _him_?" he asked. "What makes girls like him so much when he is such a jerk?"

She was at a loss for words. Even if she weren't so on the spot, she didn't think she could come up with a reason he would understand.

"Why do you still mope about him? He's gone," he said.

"And what about you?" she said, shaking in anger. "What about how you changed? You used to be nice. It used to be I could always come to you when I needed you, and now you're mean to everyone. You fight with Darry still when you know he's given up everything for you. You act ungrateful that the judge even let you stay with him."

The legs of his chair made a horrible scraping sound when he pushed away from the table and stood up. He gathered up his books and glared at her.

"You only come to people when _you_ need them."

He walked out of the Tastee Freeze and she didn't bother to go after him.

XXX

The Christmas displays were already out in full force on the south side of town, and he and Allison walked down the sidewalk. Darry was mentally kicking himself and praying that things would only improve.

Nothing had gone wrong exactly, but nothing he had done had been spectacular, either. Dinner had gone as well as any first dinner could go, full of small talk and awkward silences. He wasn't sure what his plan of action was as they walked around the displays, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. He didn't take that to heart, though; she seemed much too polite to tell him she was bored and wanted him to drive her home. He expected it any minute, and for it to be immediately followed by a request for him to never call her again.

"What do you say?" Allison asked.

Pulled back to reality, he followed her gaze and saw the ice skating rink that was set up in the little park off Main Street. He had only been a few times when he was little, but he knew it was something one of the organizations in Tulsa always sponsored in the winter months.

He hesitated. "Oh, I don't really … I don't think - "

She wrapped her arm around his. "Come on. It's my treat. It'll be fun."

How could he really refuse with the look she was giving him? Or with the way she was hanging on his arm, gently propelling him forward? Darry had no choice but to give in and he let her lead him over to the little booth where they could rent skates.

"It's really beautiful around here," she said as she laced up her skates. "The Christmas lights are wonderful."

"How long have you been in town?"

"Six months or so."

"What brings you here?"

She shrugged. "A few things. My mother has lived here for a few years, and ... well, it's silly."

"What is?"

"Living with my mother at my age."

"What's that?" She shot him a look, and he immediately backtracked. "I'm sorry, that was rude."

The serious look on her face broke into a smile. "I'll keep that my secret for now. How old are you?"

He scratched his nose. "Twenty. I'll be twenty-one soon."

The surprise on her face was obvious, and it made him a little nervous.

"You're only twenty?"

He sighed. "I guess that's pretty young, right? If it helps, I feel a lot older than that."

She smiled again, and he wondered if she always smiled so much. "Well, you've certainly got something about you that seems older than you are." She giggled a little. "Sorry I was so surprised. I've never been the older woman before."

He smiled at her, liking the future that phrase had given them, even if it was just hypothetical.

"Are you ready?" she asked, standing up from the bench.

He looked from her to the ice and back. "Why don't you go warm up a little while I finish up over here?"

She crossed her arms. "Are you telling me you're afraid of the ice?"

"No," he said truthfully. He was afraid of falling and making a fool of himself. He couldn't help but flex a little sitting in front of her. "I'm already warmed up, so it wouldn't be fair."

She laughed, and he thought it was the best sound he had ever heard. She grabbed his arm, and he let her pull him off the bench. He didn't know how she could walk so gracefully in the clunky skates while he tripped over himself trying to get to the ice.

"Are you some professional ice skater or something?" he asked. He gripped the rail tightly as he stepped out on to the ice.

"No," she said. She skated over the ice so smoothly, he had to disagree. "I've just been a few times. Have you been before?"

"With my family a long time ago. All I really remember is falling. I wasn't very good at it."

"You look like the type that would be good at pretty much everything," she said.

"I played football in high school, and I like to ski. I guess I'm good at the physical things." Realizing how that sounded, he stuttered and stammered until he could explain himself. "I mean sports and work, things like that. This takes more grace than I have."

She smiled and took his hand in hers. "You're doing great. If you aren't having fun, though, we don't have to stay."

"Trust me," he said, letting go of the rail and holding her hand tightly, "I'm having a lot of fun."

He felt like a fool with the way the kids on the ice were skating circles around them as he clomped around the ice, but it was worth it.

"Do you mind me asking you a personal question?" she asked as they slowly made their way around the rink.

"Ask away," he said, wondering what she could ask him when he didn't have much of a personal life lately.

"It wasn't right that I did this, but I was nosy and you were handsome, so I sneaked a look in your brother's chart when he was in the hospital." Her cheeks were a little flushed, and he wondered if she was embarrassed to be admitting something like that or if it was from the wind. "I noticed you were listed as his legal guardian."

Darry nodded. "That's right."

"Twenty is awfully young to be caring for your brothers. You have two, right?"

He nodded again. All through dinner, he left Soda and Pony out of the conversation on purpose. He didn't want to invite Allison into his problems and he didn't want her to pity him, but he didn't think he could dodge the question directly.

"I was out of line looking at his chart when he wasn't even my patient. I was just wondering why your parents were never there, and I worried it was the same sort of situation his friend Johnny had been in. Don't feel like you have to tell me anything. That's very personal, and I don't mean to pry."

"It's okay," he said, meaning it. She had such a wonderful calmness about her, and she had a way of pulling him in. "A while back, my folks were killed in a car accident. It was either I take care of them or we would all be split up and they would go to a boys' home somewhere."

"That's very nice of you."

He shrugged. He didn't do it to be nice. He just did it. "They're my family. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I let that happen."

"That's still very impressive. You have a lot to deal with, huh?"

"I guess. You do too, though."

She seemed really thrown for a second, and he couldn't figure out why.

"With your job, I mean," he clarified. "Being a nurse must be a hard job."

"Oh, yeah," she said. "I guess it's trying sometimes. With some of the people that come in, it's really hard. Johnny, for example. He seemed like such a sweet boy, and it's hard to see things like that happen. For the most part, though, I really love my job."

He studied her as they skated, believing wholeheartedly that she loved her job as much as she said she did. She glanced over at him and caught him staring. She smiled and blushed almost as much as he did.

"Okay, now let's try something different," she said, gesturing toward his feet.

He raised his eyebrows. He didn't like the idea of something different. He was doing just fine staying on his feet with what he was doing. "I think this is okay."

She laughed. "You're just walking! You're supposed to be gliding. That's what the ice is for."

"With all due respect, Allison, I'm not much of a glider."

"You aren't trying. Try it."

He sighed in defeat. Knowing he wouldn't win the argument, he did what she instructed him to. He let his skates glide across the ice, and he was surprised to see how easy it seemed.

"That's it!" she said.

He was feeling pretty confident in his gliding, and they were actually covering some ground. He extended his right leg but his skate caught in a hole in the ice and before he knew it, he was struggling to keep his balance. He tried to let go of her hand before he went down, but he couldn't. They both landed in a heap on the ice as the other skated flew by them.

Before Darry could apologize for dragging her down with him, Allison started laughing.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She was still laughing but nodded her head.

"I'm sorry," she said between gasps for breath. "I don't mean to laugh, but that was funny."

"I hope it looked more graceful than it felt."

She started laughing again. Unable to formulate words, she just shook her head. He couldn't help but laugh too.

XXX

The buzz concerning Ellie destroying Tim's car hadn't disappeared, but it had certainly died down as time went on. She didn't talk to anyone about it, and Tim hadn't made a move to retaliate, so the kids around town weren't nearly as hyped up about it as they had been. It was becoming old news, and she was grateful for it.

Two-Bit had heard through the grapevine that some greaser Ellie had never met was throwing a party, and he invited the two of them to join him and Kathy. She was surprised to find out it was actually a lot of fun. There had been music and dancing and enough to drink that Ellie felt like she was more relaxed than she had been in ages. It was a nice change of pace, and she was enjoying herself even though she was mad at Pony. She wasn't mad enough, though, for their tiff to stay on her mind very long.

As the party died down, Ellie noticed Soda chatting up a pretty girl across the room. She was blonde and she had a feeling that she probably also had pretty blue eyes. If she hadn't been as buzzed as she already was, she might have worried more about it. But she didn't.

She found herself alone and she sat on the couch and watched the people milling in and out of the room. Alone with her thoughts, she found herself thinking about Pony and what he had said to her. She had always felt like she stood apart from the rest of the girls on their side of town, and now she wondered if that's how everyone saw her. Pony was right about what she had done to Tim's car. She had made a fool of herself, and now she had the infamy that came with it.

Kathy walked into the room and plopped down beside her on the couch. She looked like she was ready to spit fire.

"Is everything okay?" Ellie asked.

"No," she snapped.

"Where's Two-Bit?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"I'm sure he's around somewhere," Ellie offered, but Kathy just scowled at her.

"Well, he sure ain't been around here all night. He promised me he wouldn't strand me, and after the first five minutes, he dumped me to go play some stupid drinking game, and now I've lost him. I hope he's enjoying himself because he won't be having fun when I get my hands on him."

Ellie kept her mouth shut as Kathy stood up and headed back out of the living room. Kathy intimidated her. She had been nice to her when Ellie was first seeing Tim, and for a moment was even kind of like a big sister she never had when she helped her with her make up and all. Still, Kathy made her nervous, and she thought it had something to do with how different she was from Two-Bit.

After a few minutes, someone sat down next to her, and she turned to find Rick Bradley. Evie's little brother and the same Rick that had gotten on Tim's bad side when he was trying to buy drugs off of the Tigers. The same Rick that Ellie had helped Tim bust, even if it was on accident.

"You look lonely," he said. He reeked of beer and something else. His eyes were red and bloodshot. She hadn't seen him since before Tim beat him straight into a hospital bed after he kicked him out of his gang, and she didn't miss the new scars on his face.

"I'm fine."

"You don't have a drink. You can't be fine at a party if you don't have a drink."

Instead of waiting for her to say anything he got up and stumbled away. He came back a few minutes later, holding a fresh bottle out to her. Ellie refused it.

"No, thanks. I've had enough." Truthfully, she had. She felt good enough.

"Come on. It's a party," he said, trying to hand it to her again. Beer sloshed out of the bottle and splashed on her skirt. She glared at him.

"I don't want it," she insisted, pushing it away.

Rick shrugged and tipped it back into his own mouth and sat back down beside her.

"Why are you here by yourself?" he asked.

"I'm not. I came with friends."

He leaned forward and looked around her. "I don't see none."

She crossed her arms, but she didn't have time to react. Two-Bit was leaning over the back of the couch.

"Don't worry, I'm right here," he told him. He gave Rick a shove to get him away from Ellie, and he landed in a heap on the floor. Two-Bit seemed sober enough, but she could smell how much he had to drink on his breath.

She was surprised when Rick leaned back against the couch near her legs and started laughing. She looked back at Two-Bit, who just shrugged.

Rick was still laughing. He leaned into her legs and ran a fingernail along her calf. She smacked the top of his head and kicked him away. He merely bobbed to one side and sat up straight again. He kept his hands to himself and pulled what looked like a cigarette out of his pocket. He held it up and grinned, wagging his eyebrows.

"Want a hit?"

"What is it?" Ellie asked, even though she was fairly certain she knew what it was.

"It's what you got me busted for," he said, putting it to his lips and striking his lighter. "It's okay, though. I got better things to do than be Tim's whipping boy. I heard what you did to his car. That's pretty cool. Wish I woulda thought of that."

She watched him inhale and light the joint, after a few puffs he extended it to her. Ellie looked from it to him and shook her head.

"Come on. It won't bite you," he said, getting up and sitting beside her on the couch again. "It's just grass."

"I don't want it," she said.

"It's a great escape." When she didn't respond, he looked over his shoulder at Two-Bit. "How about you, man?"

"Get outta here before I knock the rest of the sense left in your head out," he said.

Rick took a puff and exhaled in Two-Bit's face. "Whatever, man."

He walked away, and Two-Bit climbed clumsily over the back of the couch to take his place.

"He's an idiot," he said, still watching Rick.

"Yeah," she murmured, but she couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to be as carefree as Rick was just then, idiot or not.

"You better keep your distance from him." He looked back at her, his eyes taking a moment to adjust.

She smiled. "Are you okay?"

He leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "Yeah. A little dizzy. I guess I had a little too much."

"Did Kathy find you?"

"I'm surprised you didn't hear her yelling."

He seemed pretty miserable, and she felt sorry for him.

"She seemed pretty mad." Ellie could see why she would be, but she also couldn't blame Two-Bit. She had hung around him enough to know he didn't stay in one place long, especially if there were people around and even more so if there was beer involved. "Where is she?"

"She's calling her brother to come pick her up. I'm sure Hal will be trying to kick my ass tomorrow if I don't watch it."

"She won't be mad at you forever. Try to call her tomorrow and apologize. She'll get over it sooner or later."

"You think?"

She punched him gently in the shoulder. "Sure, Two-Bit. I don't think there's anybody on the planet who can stay mad at you for long at all."

He smiled, but it just wasn't his typical grin. It made her feel a little sad. Seeing Two-Bit upset just reminded her of all the things that had happened, and she hated remembering.

_There's only so much I can do  
__After all the things you put me through._

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews and comments. We really appreciate all of them!**


	38. I'll Be All Right, Just Not Tonight

**A/N: We don't own _The Outsiders_, and Sara Bareilles owns "Gonna Get Over You."**

_

* * *

_

I simmer then I burn for a someone  
The wrong one  
And I tell myself to let the story end

**Saturday, December 31, 1966**

Darry paced the living room with the telephone in hand. He should have known Soda would have plans on New Year's Eve, but he also should have known Pony wouldn't have any of his own.

Finally leaning against the bathroom door, he dialed Allison's number. He didn't want Pony to overhear him.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Allison."

"Hi, Darry." She always sounded so happy on the phone, he found himself grinning like an idiot every time he talked to her. "I just got home from work. Are we still on for tonight?"

"I actually wanted to ask you something about our plans. Would you mind if we stayed in instead?"

"Sure. Is something the matter?"

"No. Well, not exactly. It's just that everybody seems to have plans except for Ponyboy, and I'd hate to leave him here all by his lonesome. I doubt he'd be interested in hanging out with us, but I'd still like to be here if he does."

"That sounds fine, Darry."

"I'll make you a great dinner to make up for it," he promised, hoping the night wasn't going to be ruined.

XXX

Darry was pulling the lasagna out of the oven when he heard a car door shut. He only heard it because he had been straining to hear it for the last thirty minutes. It was a little difficult with all the racket Two-Bit and Soda were making in the living room. Ellie sat on the couch watching television, but Pony was shut up in his room.

"I thought you guys had a party to go to," Darry said as he set the dish on the kitchen table and hurried to the door.

"Trying to rush us outta here?" Soda asked.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked. "Of course I am."

"Fine," Soda replied as he grabbed his jacket. "We get the picture. We're going."

He counted the number of teenagers in his living room. "Where's Steve? How come he isn't going?"

"He's got a major date with Evie tonight," Ellie said.

Darry glanced at Soda. He hadn't been hanging out with Steve as much lately, but he also didn't seem all that concerned about it. "Remember your curfew."

"C'mon, it's New Year's. The party doesn't even start until midnight!"

Darry wasn't even listening anymore. Allison was coming up the walkway, and she looked gorgeous in her blue dress. He opened the door but couldn't take his eyes off her even after she walked inside.

"Hi," she said. She looked a little nervous when she saw the living room was filled with people. She held out her hand to Soda. "You must be Darry's brother. I don't think we've officially met."

Soda shook her hand politely, but Two-Bit cut in between them and took her hand in his.

"We definitely haven't met. I'm Two-Bit Mathews."

Darry had to hand it to Allison. She was sweet to a fault. "It's nice to meet you, Two-Bit."

"They're just leaving," Darry said, pulling his eyes off her and looking expectantly at Soda.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "What's my curfew tonight, Dar?"

"One. Not a minute later." He was feeling more generous than he knew he should be, but it was New Year's after all.

Soda grinned and clapped him on the shoulder as he headed outside. "Nice to meet you, Allison."

Two-Bit paused in the doorway and turned back to her. "I have to hand it to Darry. I'm usually the one with an eye for blondes, but he found the prettiest one in Tulsa."

"Out, Two-Bit," Darry ordered.

Ellie stopped by Allison before she followed the boys outside. "I'm glad he finally called you," she said.

Allison glanced at Darry. "Me, too."

"Keep those boys out of trouble," he told her as she walked out the door.

"Yeah, right," Ellie said. "Have fun tonight."

Darry shut the door behind them and turned to Allison.

"Sorry about that," he said. "They were supposed to leave about an hour ago, but it's like trying to herd cats sometimes."

"They're sweet."

"Oh, you just don't know them well enough," he replied with a grin.

"Sorry, I'm late. I got a little hung up trying to leave the house."

"Don't worry about it. You would've been stuck with those guys longer than anyone needs to be if you got here any earlier."

"Where's Ponyboy?"

"In his room," Darry said. He led her into the kitchen and pulled her chair out for her. "That seems to be where he spends most of his time lately. I might have ruined our plans tonight for nothing."

She was surveying the food on the table and looked up at him. "I think these plans are better."

XXX

They had barely set foot inside the door, and Ellie could tell Soda already had his eye on a blonde girl she knew from school. He wasn't being subtle at all because even Two-Bit noticed when he had already been drinking on the drive over.

"Are you just gonna stand there and drool over her, or are you gonna make a move?" he asked.

"I came here to hang out with you guys, not ditch you for some chick," he said, although he never took his eyes off her.

"Just go," Ellie insisted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think we'll manage without you somehow, man," Two-Bit said sarcastically.

He didn't wait to be told twice.

"What's the plan?" she asked as Soda made his way over to her.

Two-Bit shrugged, studying the scene. "Want to learn a fun game?"

"What kind of game?"

"Well, it's a party, and this is New Year's Eve, so it's obviously a math game." He rolled his eyes and grabbed her arm, guiding her over to a table in the corner where a few guys had cups of beer sitting in the center. "It's a drinking game, kid."

He picked up a quarter and displayed it for her like it was some priceless diamond. "You take this and you bounce it off the table. You make it land in the cup."

He demonstrated it for her, and it landed with a splash in one of the cups. "If you make it, someone else drinks. If you miss, you drink."

She shrugged. "That looks easy enough."

He gave her a wicked grin and handed her a quarter. "Then you're up first, darlin'."

XXX

Two seconds. Two-Bit swore he'd be right back in two seconds, and that was nearly 15 minutes ago. She got up from the table and walked through the clouds of smoke and pushed through groups of people searching out her friends. She knew Soda was a lost cause. He'd disappeared with that girl, and she doubted she see him again before midnight. She didn't think Two-Bit would be so hard to find, but she was discovering that not to be the case.

"Thanks, guys," she mumbled to herself as she turned and headed back to the dining room. She could at least get into another game of quarters and attempt to have a good time without Two-Bit. Not that she could keep up with him anyway. She had lost the first round, and she was feeling the alcohol already.

As she made her way through the house, she saw Tim cross the room in front of her. Her heart dropped into her stomach, and she turned on her heel and went the opposite way. If Tim was at the party, she wanted to leave. As soon as possible.

Carefully, she went from room to room looking for Two-Bit or Soda or anybody would just give her a ride out of there. When she walked into the living room, Todd was in there joking with a group of people. He saw her, so she turned and went the other way before he had much of a chance to react.

Backing out into the hallway again, she headed toward the back door, realizing she never checked outside for Two-Bit. A rush of cold air hit her, and she bounded off of the porch steps and scanned the backyard.

"Where did he go?" she mumbled.

No one at all was in the backyard, and she turned around and went back inside. She was surprised to find Tim right inside the door. He saw her this time and instead of ignoring her like she intended to do him, he walked toward her, setting his drink on the kitchen table. In that moment, she was as scared as she was the night he attacked her in his car.

"Tim," she said curtly, ready to stand her ground. He couldn't do anything to her in front of so many people.

He didn't have anything to say. He moved toward her, his long strides closing the distance btween them quickly. There was a hardness in his eyes she had never seen, and it was trained directly on her. At the last second, she tried to dart into the house, but he grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her outside.

"I have a fucking bone to pick with you," he said, his voice surprisingly low.

He pulled her down the porch steps and toward the side of the house where the party wasn't going on. The whole way she tried to plant her feet, but he pulled her along as though she were a ragdoll. There he let go but kept her cornered. She couldn't help but think that now would be a superb time for Two-Bit to appear.

"I should have broken your goddamn arm for fucking with my car like that," he said.

"Leave me alone," she said quietly. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't get enough air in her lungs to do it.

Without looking at him, she tried to move by him, but he pushed her back into the wall.

"I'm fucking talking to you," he said. "You know how much money it's going to cost to fix what you did?"

"I don't care," she said. As far as she was concerned, it was a small price to pay for everything he had done to her. The night in the car and for Dally.

When she tried to breeze by him again, he grabbed her by the arm and held her still. He wasn't saying anything, but when she braved a look at his face she could see almost everything written there - a momentary and rare weakness. He looked terrifyingly angry, but there was guilt in his eyes. His fingers were digging into her arm, though, and there was absolutely no one in her line of sight right then.

"Tim, leave me alone," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "It was only a stupid car!"

His fingers twisted tighter, and she winced.

"What's going on back here?"

The grip Tim had on her loosened, and she was surprised to see Rick Bradley walking toward them. There was a coy little smile on his lips. He walked with a sure swagger, his arms swinging back and forth, slapping his hands together.

"The fuck do you want?" Tim asked, finally letting go of her.

"Nothing. Just wondering what was going on back here."

"None of your business is what," Tim said.

Rick looked like he was about to walk away, but he ran at Tim instead. Ellie moved out of the way as Rick slammed Tim into the side of the house. They were trying to beat the ever loving crap out of each other, and the commotion was drawing attention from the people partying inside the house.

Tim pushed Rick back, hard enough to knock him down. It was all too familiar a sight, and Ellie wanted to close her eyes. She didn't want to witness one of Tim's brutal fights. It was bad enough to hear about it after the fact.

Rick wasn't backing down, though. He took two kicks to the ribs before he latched onto Tim's foot and twisted it enough to make Tim loose his balance. Tim fell hard on his side and the two of them kept at it until Todd worked his way through and broke it up. He pulled Tim to his feet and held him back as Rick hopped back up to his.

"What's wrong, Tim? You can't finish your battles no more?"

Rick spat blood between them.

"Fuck off, Rick. Consider yourself fucking lucky I ain't sending you to the hospital tonight," Tim said, forcefully shrugging Todd off of him.

Behind her the group of people were dispersing, walking in pairs and groups back to the party. It left the four of them standing there in tense silence. Laughing to himself, Rick walked toward her. He winked at her and looked back at Tim.

"That was some pretty tough work she did to your car," Rick said. "Real first class job."

Tim lunged for him again, knocking him into Ellie and knocking her over. They continued at it until Rick got one good hit in that knocked Tim backward. Todd tried to help him back up, but Tim hopped up on his own.

"Let's go, man," Todd said. "There's plenty of action somewhere else."

"You're hanging around with this piece of shit?" Tim asked, and she realized he was directing the question at her. "Have fun, sweetheart."

"Go to hell," she told him.

Curtly, Tim waved her off and followed Todd toward the front of the house. She watched him go and then looked at Rick.

"Thanks," she said.

He shrugged and pulled her up from where she was still sitting on the ground.

"I'll never pass up the opportunity to hit him," Rick said. "You okay?"

She nodded, pretty sure she was okay. No real damage done.

They walked back into the backyard and they sat on the split rail fence that lined the property. She sat, still feeling jittery after everything.

"Want a beer or something?"

"I just need a cigarette," she said, clasping her shaking hands together.

He very quickly whipped one out of his jacket pocket and offered it to her. Without question, she took it and he offered her a lighter. Within a few seconds, she was starting to feel better. The shaking subsiding.

"You know, it takes a whole lot to get that asshole riled up like that. Usually he deals with bullshit cool as hell," Rick said. He pointed to the massive scar that ran along side his left ear and disappeared into his thick head of dark brown hair. "Believe me, I know from experience."

"That makes two of us," she said, taking a hit on her cigarette. It was a feeling she wished she didn't know.

"It's pretty tough, though," he said.

She smiled in spite of the less than great aftermath of the whole thing.

"I'd hate to know what the hell he did to piss you off that much," Rick said.

Ellie faked a smile and laughed it off. He looked at her as though he was trying to figure it out, but he hopped off of the fence and stood in front of her.

"You hanging around for awhile? 'Cause I'm getting us some drinks," he said.

She didn't even have time to protest before he dashed across the yard and back inside. When she finished her cigarette, she flicked it away and held her hand up. It was still shaking, and she cursed herself. Maybe another drink would help her calm down a little more.

When Rick returned, he held out an open bottle of beer to her. She drank a few short sips as he guzzled a longer one.

"You here by yourself?"

"No, I came with Two-Bit and Soda Curtis," she said.

"Mathews and Curtis? Are you seeing Curtis?" he asked.

Ellie nearly choked on her beer. She laughed and said, "No, we're just friends."

"Good."

Blush crept into her cheeks, and she tried to hide it by taking another drink. For as long as she had known Rick, she never thought he was either cute or nice, but he was currently both. He sat up next to her on the rail, drinking his beer and lighting up a cigarette.

They talked for awhile, and he kept refreshing their drinks, his disappearing faster than hers. They had next to nothing in common, just a mutual dislike of Tim Shepard, but she was honestly enjoying herself. It was nice to talk to someone else, especially someone who wasn't as miserable as her and her friends.

Rick reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a paper pouch but stopped short of doing anything with it when the backdoor opened and some kid yelled that there was a fight going on inside. Ellie just rolled her eyes and drained the beer in her hand.

"I get so tired of fights," she said.

"Aw, fights are a good time," Rick said, not looking at her. He was busy with the pouch in his hand. "Here, hold this."

Ellie dropped the bottle on the ground, cringing a little when it shattered against the gravel and other bottles there. She took the pouch and peered at it's open mouth.

"What is this?"

Rick grinned at her as he pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket and held it in his open palm. With his fingers, he reached into the pouch and took a pinch of whatever was inside and set it into the paper in his palm.

"This," he said, arranging the green flakes on the paper, "is what Tim fucked me over for."

That caught Ellie's interest as she remembered him offering the same thing to her weeks ago. She realized he worded it differently. It was no longer what she had gotten him busted for. She wondered what that meant.

"What's it like?" she asked, watching as he rolled the paper.

"It'll cure what ails ya," he said, a wicked glint in his eye.

She knew he was working to appeal to her, even though he only seemed to be aware of one of her major crises. He watched her as he licked the edge of the paper and twisted the ends shut. He fished out his lighter and put the joint to his lips. The smell burned her nostrils, and she watched him with fascination. After he took a few hits, he held it out to her.

"It's really not a big deal," he said.

Looking at him straight in the eye, she took it from him and put it to her lips.

XXX

He'd had enough beer in him to enjoy dancing with Betty Frazier who was a year ahead of him in school and almost two years younger. She was getting dull quickly, and she wasn't nearly as pretty up close as she was from across the room. He excused himself when the song ended and walked into the kitchen to grab another beer.

"Hey, Two-Bit."

He looked up to see Margie something-or-other with a glass of punch in her hand. She was a pretty cute girl that went Adam Bronson, some idiot from Brumly.

"Hey, Margie."

"Are you having a good time?"

"It's all right, I guess."

"Is Kathy here with you?" She leaned against the counter next to him, and he could smell her perfume. It smelled better than that flowery shit Kathy doused herself with every day.

"No," he said. "Not really her kind of party. Are you having fun?"

She smiled, and he decided she was much prettier up close than she was far away, unlike Betty Frazier. "Yeah."

"Where's your boyfriend tonight?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Probably playing cards or something stupid. He can play cards anywhere, but he'll do everything he can to get out of dancing with me."

"Hey, if you wanna dance, I'd love to dance with you."

"I don't know," she said. "Adam might get kind of mad if he sees me dancing with somebody else."

He grabbed her hand and led her out of the kitchen. "That's a chance I'm willing to take, sweetheart."

They danced for a couple of songs, and he went just about crazy when a slow song came on and Margie pressed her body close to his. He closed his eyes and ran his hands along her back. She had her head leaned against his chest but suddenly pulled away from him. He opened his eyes just in time to see Adam Bronson punch him right in the face.

XXX

Counting down to midnight by himself was miserable. Kathy wasn't there and he was sporting a real shiner from just dancing with Margie. He sat on the back porch and watched the people he could see inside as he smoked a cigarette and worked on draining another beer. Every few seconds, he had a clear glimpse of Soda slow dancing with a girl in Ellie's grade.

Turning away from that, he looked up at the sky but caught something out of the corner of his eye. Far out in the yard and sitting on the fence he saw a couple talking. They were the only ones out there as the minutes turned to seconds. Two-Bit looked at his feet and listened as everyone inside counted down from ten. When they shouted _Happy New Year_ in a chorus of cheers and whistles, Two-Bit tipped his beer back and downed what was left. He tossed it into the yard and looked out at the couple by the fence. They were kissing, and he just wanted to disappear.

XXX

Midnight had come much too quickly for his liking. It was going on 12:30 when he knew he had to start finding Two-Bit and Ellie and head out. He didn't think Darry would care if he were a few minutes late, but he didn't want to push it. It was better to not make him worry.

He kissed Alma tenderly on the lips and smiled at her.

"I'll call you," he said, it was an empty promise, though. He didn't really want anything else from her.

At that, he walked through the house, searching for his friends. It had been quiet since Two-Bit got into that fight, and Soda hoped he had the sense to just steer clear of everyone.

After searching around, he found Two-Bit sitting on the back porch smoking.

"Hey, man. You seen, Ellie? We gotta go."

Two-Bit didn't say anything. He pointed across the dark lawn with his beer bottle and Soda saw what he was watching.

"I don't know exactly what's going on, but she's been over there with him since at least midnight," Two-Bit said.

His words slurred almost past the point of comprehension, but Soda tried to follow exactly what he was talking about.

"I thought she was hung up over Dally," Two-Bit said.

"What are you talking about?" Soda asked.

Two-Bit snapped his head, knocking himself a little off-balance in the process. He looked dead at Soda and then pointed fervently across the lawn again.

"Ellie. She's over there sucking face with Rick Bradley," he said.

"What?"

Soda hadn't had many run-ins with Rick, but he knew that Steve hated him. All Steve told him was that Rick was cocky, pushy and now an ex-member of Tim Shepard's gang. He looked at Two-Bit again and started off across the lawn, pissed that he hadn't done anything about it yet.

"Ellie!" He yelled her name, but she was too busy laughing at something Rick had said. "El!"

She looked up as Soda walked toward them. She was perched on the rail, and Rick was standing in front of her, a hand on her leg.

"We gotta go," he said.

"It's still early," she said.

Rick backed off a little and pulled a joint out of his jacket pocket. Soda watched as he lit it up and took hits off of it.

"Darry said I gotta be home by one," he said.

Ellie looked right at him, the light from the porch shining directly on her face. He noticed then how red and glassy her eyes were. He looked back at Rick who seemed to be watching them with some sort of amusement.

"I don't gotta be home by one," she said.

"Maybe not, but I'm your ride. Two-Bit can't drive either."

Rick sat on the rail beside her and offered her the joint. She took it without hesitation and took a hit.

"I'll give her a ride home," Rick said. "No big deal."

Sodapop wondered what Steve would do to him if he let Rick Bradley drive Ellie home, even without knowing what condition they were both in.

"El, I'm not leaving you here," he said adamently.

"Where the hell were you and Two-Bit when Tim decided to pick a fight with me?"

There was a white hot glare in her eyes that was trained directly on him.

"What? What happened?"

"Nothing. I handled it," Rick said.

Ellie handed the joint back to Rick. For a long moment, he wondered what she was doing, and why she was doing it with Rick. He opened his mouth in protest, but she cut him off.

"I don't know why you're so concerned right now when you both just ditched me earlier. I'll be fine," she added, but her insistence was full of pigheadedness.

Soda didn't know what else to say or do, but he continued standing there, hoping to wait her out. Rick didn't seem too amused, and he put out the joint and put it away.

"I'll get her in once piece, Curtis. Don't worry 'bout it so much," Rick said.

"And if you don't, you're gonna have Steve Randle to deal with."

Rick seemed to know the threat behind that was real, and he held up his hands. "Got it. She'll be home safe and sound. You've got my word."

He reluctantly walked away, knowing he would feel awful if something happened to her. The whole way to the car with Two-Bit in tow, he wondered if he was the one that had taken a hit to the head instead of Two-Bit.

"She sticking around?"

"Yeah," Soda said. "With Rick."

"It's weird, ain't it? It's just a rebound, though." Even with his words slurring like they did, he was making perfect sense. "She ain't over Dallas."

XXX

Rick pulled his giant Buick to a stop in front of her house and put it in park.

"Thanks for the ride home," she said, turning in her seat so she could look at him.

He had his arm rested on the back of the seat, and he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. "I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Me too." She genuinely did which surprised her.

"Maybe at the next party, you'll ditch Curtis and Mathews and just go with me instead?" he asked.

She smiled. "I'd like that."

He leaned across the seat and kissed her, his fingers tangling themselves in her hair. Even when the clock struck midnight and she kissed him because that's what she was supposed to do on New Year's, she knew Rick Bradley was not the boy she should be kissing. She knew enough things about him to know he was bad news, and it wasn't the direction she should be taking when it came to boys. At the same time, though, she thought about what he had done, stepping in when Tim had her cornered, keeping her entertained all evening while her friends ditched her.

She kissed him back.

XXX

Heat radiated from where his lips kissed her bare shoulder in the dark room. He smiled against her as she laughed a little. She said his name, and he kissed her lips, his hands moving slowing down her sides. She was right there in front of him. She was all his.

Dallas sat up with a start, finding it hard to get a deep breath. He blinked hard, trying to make out his surroundings. After a few seconds he remembered, and knew that everything would be exactly the same as it was when he fell asleep. Nothing ever changed in jail. He lay back on his pillow when his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He didn't know what time it was, only that it was 1967 by now. He stared up at the blank ceiling above him and tried to forget the dream, tried to get her out of his head.

_Say it's coming soon, someday without you  
__All I can do is get me past the ghost of you._


	39. Just Sinking

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song "All the Right Moves" by OneRepublic.**

**

* * *

**

_All the right friends in all the wrong places,  
So yeah, we're going down_

**January 1967**

Two-Bit had managed to avoid Kathy for longer than he expected, but once she spotted him from across the hall, there was no more hiding. He stayed where he was, slouched next to Steve's locker.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath.

Steve shut his locker and looked from Two-Bit to Kathy who was fast approaching and obviously had a bone to pick.

"What's with you two lately?"

Two-Bit shrugged. "Who knows? She's moodier than most girls on a good day. She's probably mad that I've been avoiding her calls all week."

Steve raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Well, if she's as pissed as she looks, I'd keep that to myself if I were you. See you around."

"See you later."

Kathy stalked up to Two-Bit and put a hand on her hip. "Where have you been all week?"

"Around." The truth was he had been skipping school all week and only went to school on Friday because he was bored with everything else.

"I want to talk to you about something I heard the other day."

"Yeah?" he asked. "What's that?"

"I heard this rumor that you were dancing with Betty Frazier on New Year's Eve."

"So?"

She huffed and glared at him. "You mean it's true?"

"I asked you to go to the party with me and you didn't want to. What was I supposed to do? Go to the party and watch everybody else have a good time?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That's _exactly_ what you were supposed to do."

Spinning on her heel, she marched away from him. He sighed and followed behind her because he was either a glutton for punishment or he just really got a kick out of the fights they had. He figured it was a little of each.

"C'mon, I can't believe that's what you're mad at me about. I asked you to go, you didn't want to. She wanted to dance, so we did. It's not like anything else happened."

"Well, you know what else I heard?" she asked as she spun the combination on her locker.

He really didn't want to hear this rumor, but he had to ask. "What?"

"I heard that you were flirting up a storm with Margie Jacobs and got in a fight with her boyfriend because of it."

He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and leaned against the locker beside hers. "Where do you hear this shit?"

"You aren't denying it," she noted.

"That's not what happened."

"So you didn't get in a fight with her boyfriend? What's that black eye from? Huh?"

"We were dancing was all. You wanna know what song? I can give you details, if you want."

Kathy stopped digging through her locker long enough to glare at him. "Thanks. I don't. And if you think that is some form of apology, you're wrong."

He stood a little straighter. "I wasn't apologizing."

"Then I'm still waiting to hear one."

He was ready to fight with her, but he got an idea that made him smile. He took her books from her arms and held them by his side.

"Fine, Kath. If you want an apology, here it is. I'm sorry."

Her face softened a tiny bit. "For what?"

"I'm sorry that I didn't realize what an uptight bitch you were when we started dating. I'm sorry you don't want to hang out with me and that you're mad at me when I have fun without you."

He walked away, her books still in his hand.

"Two-Bit!" she screeched.

Kids stopped walking as she screamed his name, but he kept walking, dropping her books in the first trashcan he passed. He couldn't help but smile to himself when she yelled his name again, followed by a few more choice words that would make most girls blush.

XXX

Soda may have been stuck in his and Pony's bedroom with the door shut fast, but he could still hear his brothers fighting as though he were in the same room. He sat on the bed, tying his shoes and wondering if there was anything he could do. He'd tried to get into their fights before, and all he ever ended up doing was getting upset himself. They didn't listen to him.

This fight was about something stupid. Pony had gotten a detention because he fell asleep in history, and then forged Darry's signature on the detention slip. Soda had seen the slip and was more certain that Two-Bit had forged the signature, and Pony let him.

Getting to his feet, Soda braved heading into the fight. When he opened the door, he stood and watched them for a few seconds. Darry was accusing Pony of never using his head and that he couldn't believe how much he was slipping up. Pony accused Darry of caring about something that didn't even matter. What was one detention in the long run?

"Come on, guys," Soda said, stepping into it. "Just let it go."

But it kept on going.

"You're grounded," Darry said.

"From what?" Pony asked.

Darry didn't say anything immediately, and Soda knew he didn't have anything. Pony didn't do anything anymore so there was really nothing Darry could take away that would make him sorry for anything.

"Darry, you ain't gonna ground him for this," Soda said. "I got ten times worse when I was in school. I had detention practically every week."

That still didn't get any response. Darry glanced back at him and then back at Pony.

"Dishes every night for a week, and you do your homework at the kitchen table so I can see you do it," Darry said. "No more closing up in your room. I mean it."

Pony spouted off some smart comment under his breath that got Darry started again. Soda glared at each of his brothers, wondering why they kept having the same fights over and over again.

Soda was tired of it. He was tired of them ignoring him, and he wasn't about to really throw himself into the middle of it. Instead, he went back into his room and grabbed his DX shirt from a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Hey, Dar, I'm going out," he said.

"Fine," Darry said, but he followed Pony into the kitchen.

Soda moved into the middle of the living room, watching them keep at it.

"I might stay out all night, so I'll see you after work tomorrow," he said.

Nothing. Darry didn't acknowledge him, and Pony didn't either. Fed up, Soda left the house and walked toward Ellie's.

Soda knocked on the front door, and Ellie's mom answered. He stood frozen for a second, kind of stunned because she looked so much like Ellie, just older and a lot more tired.

"Can I help you?" Abigail asked when Soda didn't say anything.

"Ellie here?"

"Yeah, she's in her room," Abigail said, moving aside and waiting for him to walk in.

Soda walked down the hallway, honestly not remembering which room was hers. He tried to think back but couldn't remember the last time he'd been in her house. She usually had always come over to his. It was like that with all their friends.

"First door on the right." He turned around, and Abigail was looking at him from the tiny kitchen. "Don't knock too loud and wake the baby."

He nodded and knocked softly. When she answered, Ellie looked stunned to see him standing there.

"Um, hi," she said. She looked out toward the kitchen and then pulled him inside her room and shut the door.

Inside, her room was neat and organized. Furniture took over the small space, but it was cozy enough.

"What's up?" she asked.

"I was going to head out and find something to do."

"Oh," came her reply. She looked down at her shoes.

"That's an invitation if you wanna come."

"I already have plans."

"Oh," he replied. "With Rick?"

She didn't look at him when he said that. It was incredibly unsettling to him that she was seeing Rick like she was, if that was even what she was doing with him.

"He used to run around with Tim," he said, hoping to get what he was thinking about across without actually saying it.

This made her look at him. "He hates Tim."

"Sure," Soda said. "Don't get in over your head, kid."

"Don't get in over yours," she told him. She motioned toward his DX shirt in his hands. "Thought you didn't work until tomorrow."

"I don't," he said. "Just trying to see if anyone else will notice."

The look she was giving him made him feel guilty. He didn't know if she was thinking about what he was thinking about, which was how much he and Darry worried when Ponyboy ran off. He couldn't take the guilt, so he decided he'd spent enough time there.

"I'll see you around," he said, heading for the door. "Have fun with Rick, I guess."

She didn't say anything, and he left, fuming just a little more. He felt like boiling over when he couldn't find Two-Bit any place. He headed over to the Brumly neighborhood alone.

XXX

The clock was telling him that it was well past nine in the morning. Darry had already called twice, and Steve didn't know what to tell him other than he had no idea where Soda was. He was an hour late for work and Darry was telling him that he had stayed out all night.

Ralph was going out of his mind as well. He was already threatening Soda's job, and Steve was doing anything humanly imaginable to calm him down by telling him lie after lie that Soda had family issues going on that morning, despite Darry calling in twice. After the second call, he told Ralph that it was Soda, but he hung up too fast for Ralph to get to speak with him.

He was ready to kill Soda himself if he ever got to work. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Steve got his chance.

The bell rang, and Steve glared at Soda as he walked in. He looked exactly like a person should had they just rolled out of bed and come to work. His shirt was a wrinkled mess, his hair stuck out in messy clumps, and he had the darkest circles under his eyes. When he came and sat down behind the register beside Steve, all he could smell was beer.

"You're not even going to say anything?" Steve asked.

Soda shook his head. He rested his arms on the counter and set his head on them. Out in the garage, he could hear Ralph turn the radio off, which meant he was about to come back inside. Looking around, Steve grabbed one of the car fresheners from the display beside the register and ripped it out of its package. He quickly started rubbing it on along Soda's back.

"What the hell, man?"

"Ralph's about to come back in here, he's already pissed and if he smells beer on you you can probably kiss your job goodbye," Steve said, rubbing the little pine tree on Soda's arm. "Take it, man."

Soda took it and rubbed it on his clothes and across the back of his neck.

"Yeah, he won't think smelling like a goddamned Christmas tree is suspicious or anything," Soda grumbled. Steve wanted to strangle him.

Soda dropped the cardboard tree when Ralph walked in and glared at him.

"Everything okay?" Ralph asked.

"Sorry I'm late. Everything's fine," Soda said. Steve hadn't gotten a chance to tell him he had lied for him, but Soda seemed savvy enough to pick up on it. Steve was careful not to give Ralph anything specific.

"Net time just call if you're going to be late," Ralph said. "Can you stay late tonight?"

"Yeah, sure. No problem," Soda said.

"Good, delivery day, you know. I need to make sure everything is put away right," Ralph said. He was wiping at his hands with a towel. "You boys good for awhile? I've got to go to the parts store."

"We're good," Steve said.

"I'll be back in a little while."

Steve waited until he was gone and then turned on Sodapop.

"Where the hell were you?"

"I went to a little get together last night," he said.

"Do you know Darry's called me twice last night and twice today looking for you?"

Soda rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair. He put his feet up and tipped back a little and closed his eyes. Steve wished there was more room for him to fall if he were to kick the legs of the chair out from under him.

"So, that means you don't care that you scared Darry to the point of wanting to call the police to look for you?"

"I told him before I left that I would see him after work today, but I guess he wasn't really listening to me," Soda said, his voice laced with sarcasm.

"You didn't even try to tell him, did you?"

"Would have been easier if the two of them weren't fighting like they were. You know, I did a lot to get them to knock it off, and they didn't hear one word that came outta my mouth. All they wanna do is be at each other's throats," Soda said. "I'm sick of it so I stayed out so I didn't have to hear it."

"With who?"

"No one, I crashed on TJ's couch," he said.

"After you got wasted?"

"Why in the hell are you giving me the third degree? Ain't like we hang out anymore," Soda said.

_Because you're being an asshole_, Steve thought to himself. It was true. They hadn't hung out in a long time, not really anyway.

"And where do you suggest we hang out? At beer blasts?"

"At least it ain't this place," Soda said, defensively.

"I don't think I can talk Evie into going," Steve said.

"Who said anything about Evie being there?" Soda asked.

"I did."

Soda cussed and walked to the coolers in the back of the store. He came back with a Pepsi and didn't sit back down.

"All you do anymore is hang out with her. I asked you to come hang out at New Year's and you blew me off because you had some special plans with her," Soda said.

"It was fucking New Year's, Soda. I wasn't about to leave her on the couch at home with her parents," Steve snapped.

"I didn't say she couldn't come! But it's been like that for awhile. You're so wrapped up in her, you forget about everything else," Soda said.

"And you're pissed about that because you don't have Sandy anymore?"

He didn't mean to say it like that, it just came out. It was true, though. Soda was jealous of him and Evie, he knew that much. But no matter how much they weren't necessarily getting along, Steve knew it was a sore spot, and he could see the betrayal in Soda's eyes.

"Look, man. I'm sorry," Steve said.

"Whatever," Soda said. "Maybe you oughta worry more about Ellie than about me staying out all night."

Steve felt a headache coming on. He very cautiously asked him why.

"Two reasons. On New Year's, Tim supposedly got a hold of her, and then Rick drove her home," Soda said.

"Evie's brother? That Rick?"

"The very same."

For a long time, Steve let that information settle. He wasn't sure what was worse, the fact that Tim had actually gone near her, even after what she did to his car, or that she was now on to her third bad choice in guys with Rick. He tucked the information about Tim away. That was something he could and would handle on his own.

"Rick?"

"She was making out and smoking with him," Soda said. "I'm no expert, but they weren't cigarettes, either."

The headache was turning into a migraine, and Steve wondered what it was going to take to beat sense into that girl's head.

The two of them stayed quiet for most of the day, and Steve grinned to himself when Darry called a while later and Soda was stuck answering the phone.

XXX

Tim took Curly to the Dingo for his celebratory dinner after getting out of the reformatory. Curly had stuck out his six months in juvie like a man, which was the longest he had ever been away. He was proud of him, a strange feeling he rarely had for his kid brother.

"So are you ever gonna tell me why you're driving Todd's car instead of your own?" Curly asked in between bites of his burger.

"It's a long story," Tim said. Truthfully, he couldn't bring himself to recount the events and figured Curly would hear the story around town somewhere. "How's it feel to be out?"

Curly shrugged. "Kinda strange, actually. This must be how you feel after you get out of jail."

"It takes a little while to adjust. Proud of you, kid."

He grinned. "Thanks, Tim."

The kid had sure grown while he was gone, and he was nearly as tall as Tim was. He was starting to look like a man instead of some dumb kid. He just hoped Curly would start acting the part now that he was out.

Curly ran a hand through his hair. "I just wish they wouldn't have cut my hair all the damn time. I look like a fucking tool like this."

Tim was going to cut him a break and not mention how goofy the curls looked with his hair so short, but he couldn't help it. "You always look like a tool, Curly." He smirked when Curly frowned at him. "Relax, it'll grow out. Just don't get hauled back in anytime soon."

"Don't worry, I ain't plannin' on going back anytime soon."

"Good, 'cause I need you helping out with the gang."

Curly lit up when he mentioned the gang. "You mean it, Tim? You're gonna give me something good to do?"

Tim figured he'd earned some responsibility after his time in the cooler. "I'll find something for you, don't worry about it."

"You still having trouble with the Tigers?"

He looked up at his brother but caught sight of Steve Randle out of the corner of his eye. Steve was walking up to their table, and that never seemed to be a good sign.

Tim sighed and tossed down a fry. He leaned back in the booth and looked Steve dead in the eye.

"What can I do for you, Randle?"

"I thought I told you a while back to leave Ellie alone," he said, his hands flat on the table as he leaned over Tim.

Curly looked from Steve to Tim. "Ellie? What happened?"

Tim ignored his brother. He knew word would get around after the New Year's party. "I ignored her as best I could. There's only so much I could do after what she did, though."

"What'd she do?" Curly asked.

Steve stopped glaring at Tim long enough to look over at Curly. Tim wanted to personally wipe the grin off Randle's face when he said, "I'll let your brother tell you the details about her taking a crowbar to his car."

Curly stared wide-eyed at his brother. "That's why you're driving Todd's car?"

He ignored him again. "Look, all I did was scare the kid a little. You of all people should know nobody should fuck with somebody's car."

"Ain't like you didn't have it coming," Steve replied. "I'd say this is about as even as it's gonna get between you two. Stay away from her."

Tim didn't say anything and just watched Steve walk back to the door where he'd left his girl waiting.

"Why don't you just leave Ellie alone?" Curly finally asked.

Tim wondered why she didn't just leave him alone. He hadn't done a damn thing to spark what she did. Not directly to her anyway. It was all Dally's fault.

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it. You didn't see my car after she fucking destroyed it."

"Sucks, man. But you-."

"If you even think about finishing that sentence I'll break your jaw," Tim said.

Curly looked at him for a long time, and very bravely opened his mouth to say, "It's your fault anyway."

"Yeah?" He stood up and dropped some money on the table for their food. "You wanna know what I think? I think you can walk yourself home."

"Aw, c'mon, Tim."

Tim walked outside and climbed in Todd's car without looking back at Curly. He was fucking sick of Steve breathing down his neck for just looking the wrong way and of his brother sitting there, judging him all the goddamn time. Ellie knew full well what she was doing when she damaged his car, and Tim should have the fucking right to be pissed off about it.

XXX

Darry threw his jacket and lunch pail into the chair when he walked in the door. He was ready for a fight with Soda, and God help him, his brother better be there.

"Soda!"

There was no answer, and he stormed down the hall and threw his bedroom door open. He seemed to startle Pony enough when he did that, but there was no sign of his other brother.

"Has Soda been here?"

Pony shook his head.

"Homework," Darry said, hooking his thumb behind him. "Kitchen. Go."

He ignored the way Pony rolled his eyes as he collected his books and took them into the kitchen.

Darry walked outside and stood on the porch, gripping the railing so hard his knuckles hurt. He had called the DX for a third time that morning and wished he could have gone straight through the phone when Soda answered. He could only yell at him for so long before Soda said he had to go because his boss was there, but he seemed to know that Darry meant business when he said to come straight home from work. He looked at his watch. He was an hour late.

He stayed outside even as the sun was setting, and the wind grew colder. When he finally saw Soda rounding the corner and heading down St. Louis Street, Darry could barely feel his hands.

Soda kept his head down as he fumbled with the gate and then walked up to the house. He seemed to know he was in for it because he stopped at the foot of the steps and didn't make a move to go any further.

"Where the hell were you?" Darry snapped. "I said to get home right after work."

"Ralph asked me to stay late."

"Where were you last night?"

"I told you that I wouldn't be home."

"When?" Darry demanded.

Soda finally looked up at him, an angry look on his face that Darry wasn't used to seeing from him.

"You must've been too busy fighting with Pony to have heard me. I told you before I left, but you probably don't even remember when I left, do you?"

Darry studied his younger brother standing in front of him. "You did that on purpose. You knew I was trying to deal with him, and you just went."

He threw his hands up in defeat. "What was I supposed to do? Write it all over the damn place that I was leaving?"

"Why'd you stay out all night?"

"I _told_ you that I was."

"Yeah, we've been over that. What made you stay out all night?"

Soda trudged up the steps and blew past Darry. "Because I could."

"You really think that's going to fly?" he asked, following his brother into the house. As they stood in the middle of the living room, the phone began to ring, but they both just glared at each other. Pony finally made a move to answer it after neither of them did.

"Where was the harm in what I did? I'm seventeen, Darry. You don't need to breathe down my neck all the goddamn time. I'm as much an adult as you are. I work, I help you pay the bills, I pull my own weight around here."

"You're just a kid when you pull stunts like these. Are you just trying to get a rise out of me by giving me a heart attack when I don't hear from you?"

Darry expected to see a little remorse on the kid's face. He expected him to get where his worry was coming from. They had both gone through the same thing when Pony hadn't come home that night. Soda knew how it felt, and Darry couldn't believe he would even think to pull a similar stunt.

The only thing he saw on Soda's face was defiance.

"You can't blame me for not letting you know what I was doing," he said. "I told you. You weren't listening."

He spun on his heel and stormed into his room, slamming the door with enough force to rattle the picture frames on the wall.

"Darry?"

"What?" he snapped.

Pony held out the phone to him. "It's for you."

"Yeah?" he asked, unable to keep his annoyance and frustration out of his voice.

"Darry?"

He sighed to himself, thinking about everything she probably heard. "Allison. Hi. Sorry about that."

"Is everything okay?"

"Uh …" He thought about lying. He also thought about telling her the truth. "Not exactly."

"I'm sorry if I interrupted anything."

"No, everything's all right. It'll be fine. It's just some things going on with my brothers."

"I was calling to see if you want to get dinner this weekend, but this might not be a good time for you."

The thought of getting out of the house and spending the evening with Allison was the most appealing thing Darry could think of. Spending time with someone like her, someone his own age who seemed to get the kind of responsibility on his shoulders, was exactly what he needed. It wasn't what his brothers needed, though.

"It probably wouldn't be a good idea right now," he said. "My brother is kind of having a crisis right now, and I should be around."

"Oh, sure, I understand."

He knew she probably did, but he still felt terrible. "I really wish I could. Can we plan for next weekend?"

"Sure," she replied. "I'll talk to you later."

They said their goodbyes, and Darry hung up the phone, feeling even angrier about the whole situation. He hated feeling resentful, but he couldn't help it with the way Soda was acting. All he could think was how Allison probably thought he was a jerk now, and if Soda were being as responsible as he thought he was, he could be out having dinner with her instead of babysitting both of his brothers.

He poked his head in the kitchen. "Let me know when you have your homework finished, and I'll check it."

Pony only nodded, and Darry walked to his room, slamming the door behind him.

_It can be possible the rain can fall,  
Only when it's over our heads,  
The sun is shining everyday, but it's far way._


	40. Smile Like You Mean It

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song, "Smile Like You Mean It," by the Killers.**

**

* * *

**

_Save some face, you know you've only got one,  
Change your ways while you're young_

**Friday, January 13, 1967**

Two-Bit was already on his way to getting plastered by the time they walked into the party. Soda had a girl in his sights, and Ellie took a seat beside Two-Bit as he drained bottle after bottle. He had always liked to drink, but there wasn't anything fun about it this time. The more he drank, the more upset he looked. She felt terrible for him. He had been the only one to not really complain about anything, and the only one they all expected to bounce back from it all.

He reached forward, knocking several cups and bottles of beer over on the coffee table and getting angry glances from several of the kids dancing near them.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Just swell." He picked up another bottle off the table.

She missed his humor, even when he used it at the wrong times. She took the bottle away from him easily as he laid his head back.

"It ain't the same," he said, slurring. His eyes were still closed, and she wasn't sure if he was talking to her.

"What ain't?" But he didn't answer her right away. Carefully, she asked, "Is this because of Kathy?"

"No." He sighed. "Maybe a little. It's just everything all at once, you know? Dally's gone, Kathy hates my guts. Johnny … poor Johnny. Ain't nothing the same anymore."

He rubbed at his face, and she was afraid he might start crying. She didn't know if she could handle seeing him so upset.

She noticed Rick across the room, motioning for her to join him. She nodded but stayed beside Two-Bit until he was breathing evenly. She felt bad leaving him passed out on the couch, but there wasn't much anybody could do for him.

Walking out onto the back porch, it took a second for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She could barely make out the faces behind the lit butts of cigarettes, but she finally spotted Rick. He slung a heavy arm over her shoulder and pulled her close enough that she could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hey," he said, leaning in to kiss her. She pulled away slightly out of instinct. After all, she wasn't quite sure what they were because they weren't exactly dating, and she didn't feel comfortable kissing him in front of all of his friends. He settled for kissing her cheek, and she let him.

Across the dark porch she saw a tall, lean figure outlined in the dim light. The way he was slightly slouching and the way he held his cigarette had her thinking about heading back inside because for a split second she was sure that it was Tim standing there. Something was different, though, and she squinted in the darkness and realized it wasn't Tim at all.

"Curly?"

He walked over to her. "Hey, El."

Even right in front of her it was scary how much he looked like Tim. He had been gone a long time, and he'd really filled out in those months. He was taller and leaner, and except for his shorter haircut, he easily passed for Tim on the dark porch.

"When did you get out?"

"Just the other day. Heard you did one hell of a job on Tim's car."

Unable to size up how he felt about it, she just nodded. She relaxed when she saw the grin spread across his face. He may have looked like Tim, but he acted completely different.

"I guess I missed a lot of stuff that happened," he said. She nodded again, and he didn't say anything else about it. A lot of people talked about how dumb Curly was, especially with some of the messes he got himself into, but when it really counted, he was a good guy. Even if he had always been a minor pain to her since grade school, she found herself liking him more and more as the years went on.

"Here," Rick said, passing the joint he had been smoking to Ellie. "I'm getting some more drinks."

She took the joint, suddenly feeling very out of her element when Curly sat down beside her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Sitting here," she said.

"I mean with Rick."

She raised her eyebrows. "What? We're not together or anything, not really anyway …"

"That's not the way he was telling it earlier." Curly took the butt from her and took a hit.

"Shouldn't you be staying out of trouble right about now?"

He shrugged. "I could probably be telling you the same thing, couldn't I?"

He passed the butt back to her.

XXX

"Curtis!"

Soda groaned, pulling away from Debra Jo. There was another pound on the door, and he finally stood up.

"Sorry," he said, and she sat up, pulling him into her for another kiss.

He was so close to getting lucky that it hurt to walk away from her. He jerked the door open to find some kid from Brumly on the other side.

"What?" he demanded.

"You're friends with Two-Bit Mathews, ain't you?"

"Yeah. So?"

"He's about to get his ass handed to him downstairs, and it ain't gonna be pretty for any of you if he does," he said. "Thought you oughta know."

Soda glanced back at Debra Jo. She was still stretched out on the bed, her blouse unbuttoned and her skirt halfway unzipped. He closed his eyes and sighed. He pulled on his shirt and his shoes despite her protests.

"Next time," he promised.

He was going to kill Two-Bit himself.

A few guys from the River Kings were circling Two-Bit when Soda got downstairs. Two-Bit was stumbling around, trying to keep his eyes on all three of them, but he was in no condition to fight. Soda didn't feel like he was in much condition to fight even though he could tell Two-Bit had at least twice as much, if not more, than he had.

Soda shoved his way past the kids around them and joined Two-Bit in the center. "Easy, fellas. Whatever he did, he probably didn't mean it."

"Shut up, Soda," Two-Bit snapped, giving him a shove out of the circle. "That girl was fair game. Ain't my fault she'd rather have a real man than these assholes."

"I don't take kindly to anyone moving in on my girl," the tallest guy from the Kings said. "Especially a piece of trash like you."

Two-Bit tried his best to lunge at the guy, but Soda caught him as best he could. Two-Bit was unsteady from the alcohol, but he was also spitting mad. He slipped out of Soda's grasp and tried to tackle the big guy. He was no match for him, though, and pretty soon the big guy had decked Two-Bit hard enough to knock him back a couple years. He moved in to add a little more insult to injury, but Soda stepped between them.

"Back off," he said, pulling his switch from his back pocket. He flicked it open and pointed it at the Kings. "You made your point. Get outta here before I make mine."

The three of them laughed him off, but the big guy came a step forward.

"You and your friend get the fuck outta here," he said.

They stared each other down for a few seconds before he turned and walked off with the others, claiming his girl along the way. Soda stood there and looked around and saw nothing but guys that were River Kings and knowing that he had better get Two-Bit the hell out of there.

Soda bent over Two-Bit and smacked his face a couple times. "Wake up, Two-Bit," he said. Two-Bit mumbled a little, and Soda looked around the room for Ellie. He didn't see her anywhere, and he panicked a little. He didn't have time to go looking for her when they needed to get their asses out of there. "Where'd Ellie go?"

Two-Bit pushed Soda away from him and attempted to stand up. Soda tried to help him, and he shoved him back again.

"Leave me alone. I got it," he mumbled, grabbing onto the couch for support. He half-stood, half-leaned there for a good amount of time.

"You stay right here and I'll find Ellie," he said. Two-Bit brushed him off again. "I mean it, Two-Bit. Stay here."

Two-Bit was cursing up a storm when Soda walked away, but he didn't seem steady enough to go wondering around. Soda asked around the crowd for anyone that might have seen Ellie. Curly Shepard finally directed him outside.

He walked out to find Ellie and Rick getting cozy on the porch swing, and she jumped a little when he called her name.

"Get in here," Soda ordered. He wasn't in the mood to take Two-Bit to the hospital if those guys came back to finish their fight, and he wasn't in the mood to hear any lip from Ellie about it. "We're leaving."

"Whoa," Rick said, standing up along with Ellie but keeping a hand on her wrist. "She's not going anywhere."

"Ellie, let's go," he said, ignoring Rick. "Two-Bit got in a fight, and we need to leave before they take it out on all of us."

She seemed to understand what he was saying and started toward him, but Rick still had a hold on her wrist.

"I said she was staying," he reiterated.

Soda took a step toward him and pulled out his switch again. It was the most he had used it in the year that he had owned it.

"What the fuck?" Rick muttered, but he let go of her arm.

"Go," Soda instructed Ellie. He was on her heels as she stumbled inside.

"What's this all about?"

"Two-Bit's picking fights with guys he shouldn't be picking fights with when he's sober, much less when he's been drinking."

"What do you need me for?" she asked.

"Listen," he said, slowing to a stop and grabbing her arm to make her look at him. "I left you with Rick on New Year's, and I can see that hasn't gotten you anywhere good."

She scowled at him. "What the hell's that mean?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "It means you don't need to be anywhere with Rick Bradley alone, much less in the _dark_. They don't call him Slick Rick for nothing."

She rolled her eyes, and he suddenly knew how Steve felt trying to deal with her all the time.

"Like you weren't doing the same damn thing tonight," she said.

"Listen, if you wanna be stranded here all night with him, that's your business," he snapped, sick of her attitude. "Feel free to go back if you want. I'm taking Two-Bit home."

Two-Bit had fallen back onto the floor, and Soda was struggling to pick him up when Ellie finally joined them. She didn't say anything, she just took his other arm and helped Soda hoist him up. Two-Bit helped them a little as they stumbled out to his car, but not nearly enough to make it an easy task. Soda couldn't do much except toss him in the back seat.

XXX

The car jerked to a stop in front of the house, hopping the curb in the process. Soda turned it off, and Ellie finally opened her eyes. She could feel herself shaking.

"You sure about this?" she asked.

Soda looked back at Two-Bit, who was passed out cold.

"He's gotta go somewhere and staying at the party wasn't anywhere," he said.

"You shoulda let me drive," she said, her stomach settling. Soda was a scary driver when he hadn't had anything to drink.

"Yeah, 'cause you've had your license for what, a couple of months? I wasn't smoking grass either," Soda said, laying it on thick.

Ellie scowled at him, but didn't argue. She just wanted to be home and in bed before the night got any worse.

"Let's go then," she said, getting out. She hadn't had much to drink, but she was feeling foggy and disconnected. She would never tell him now, but as scary as it was riding home with Soda, she was still glad she didn't have to drive because of how she felt.

She opened the back door and waited for Soda to help her. It took him forever to climb out of the car. If he didn't help her with Two-Bit, he was just going to have to sleep it off in the car.

"Come on," Soda said, yanking Two-Bit's leg. He pulled him to a sitting position, and Two-Bit opened his eyes groggily and moaned.

She looped Two-Bit's arm over her shoulder and held his hand. Soda took his other side, and they started walking up toward the front door of the dark house. Soda kept stumbling, which did nothing to help since Two-Bit was dragging his own feet. She felt like she was doing all the work.

When they finally made it up the walk, she made Soda lean against the post with Two-Bit as she fiddled around with his keys in the dark. She had no idea which one was his house key.

"Which one?" she asked with a hoarse whisper. The porch light suddenly turned on, scaring her out of her mind and making her drop the key ring. The door flew open, and Two-Bit's mother looked out. Ellie saw the fright on her face dissolve into annoyance as she threw open the screen door and looked at all three of them standing there.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" she whispered.

No one answered her as she walked up to her son and patted his cheek sharply. She shook her head and held open the screen door as Soda hobbled inside with him. Ellie stayed out on the porch as Mrs. Mathews helped get Two-Bit situated on the couch before she came back outside.

"What have you three been doing?" she snapped.

"Sorry," Soda mumbled as he tried to guide Ellie off the porch.

"Hold it, you two."

Ellie froze as did Soda when she said that, a real threat carried in her voice.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Home," Ellie said.

"Not a chance. I can't believe you even drove here in the first place. You certainly aren't walking home in this condition. My God," she said. She herded them into the house without waiting for anymore protests. "What has gotten in to you three?"

She walked up to Soda and grabbed his arm, sitting him down in the arm chair next to the couch Two-Bit was snoring on. She stalked up to Ellie and looked at her.

"You smell worse than them," she said.

Ellie replied, "I gotta go home."

Mrs. Mathews grabbed Ellie's wrist and yanked Two-Bit's car keys away from her.

"You are not leaving this house until you're sober enough to explain to me what is going through your head," she said. "You can sleep out here tonight, Soda. I'll get you some blankets."

She stopped at the phone in the hallway before she made it to the linen closet, though. She picked up the receiver and dialed a number. Ellie heard her say Darry's name, but she sat down on the arm of the chair beside Soda. She didn't want to hear what she was saying to him.

"Shit," he muttered, his head in his hands. "He's going to kill me. He's gonna be so mad."

"Ellie?" Mrs. Mathews called. "What's your phone number?"

She sighed. "She'll just be mad that you woke up the baby by calling right now."

Mrs. Mathews seemed to believe the truth behind that statement, and she hung up the phone and disappeared down the hallway. She came back a minute later with her arms loaded with pillows and blankets. She dropped them on the floor and handed one to Soda.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"If you want you can sleep in his bed. He hasn't been in it in over a week," Mrs. Mathews said to Ellie.

She shook her head, and started to make herself a bed on the floor. Mrs. Mathews stood watch until she was settled and then left, turning the light off as she went. She lay there awake for a long time, a sick feeling welling up in her stomach. She curled into the fetal position, trying to drown out her thoughts with Two-Bit's snoring, but it wasn't working.

"Why are you messing around with Rick?" Soda whispered. "And with drugs? You know that's not a good combination."

She knew it wasn't, but it was a way to get the real things off her mind. Rick didn't treat her the way the guys in the gang did. He wasn't always questioning her and making her feel like an idiot. In a lot of ways, sure, he reminded her of Tim and Dally. She could still feel the grip on her wrist from him trying to keep her from going with Soda.

"Maybe for the same reason you keep going off with all these different girls," she whispered back.

"It's not what you think."

She knew Soda well enough to know it probably wasn't with every girl, but that didn't change anything. "Just admit that you're trying to forget about Sandy, all right? We'll just leave it at that."

He was finally quiet, and she wondered if he understood what she was doing or was just mad at being found out.

XXX

Pots and pans were banging, and Ellie threw the pillow over her ears. It was much too loud.

"Get up!"

Ellie had no idea who was talking, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight. She was not getting up, that was until it sounded like the marching band was in the same room with her. Someone pulled the pillow off of her face, and Mrs. Mathews was walking around the small living room banging a pot with a wooden spoon. She was standing beside the chair Soda was fast asleep in and banging the pot right by his face. She moved over to Two-Bit who rolled off of the couch. Ellie winced for him as he curled up, holding his stomach.

"Get the bucket, Lucy," Mrs. Mathews said, setting the pot on the couch. "Sit up, honey."

She helped Two-Bit sit up, and he started retching as soon as Lucy got the bucket over to them. The sound was absolutely terrible, and she got to her feet quickly and moved out of the room. It wasn't long before Soda was up and running for the bathroom. She moved out of his way and shut the door behind him when he threw up in the toilet.

"Are you okay?" Mrs. Mathews asked, heading toward her.

"I'm fine," Ellie replied, rubbing her own stomach. She didn't feel great, but she just didn't feel like she was going to heave her guts any time soon.

"Didn't drink as much as them, or just can't?" she asked, opening the door to the bathroom.

Ellie didn't say anything, she just slumped against the wall. After a few minutes, she came back out and put her hand on Ellie's shoulder, leading her to the kitchen and sitting her down. Ellie half expected her to put a plate of pancakes in front of her, but she sat down instead. She had never seen Two-Bit's mother look as serious as she was right then. It made her uncomfortable.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked, playing dumb.

"Don't do that," she said. "You know what I mean. You hanging out with these two at all hours of the night, wasted drunk. You're not even 16."

"I am, too," Ellie snapped.

"You're still too young for this. You're all going to get into trouble."

Ellie started tracing circles on the table with her finger, wanting nothing more than to ignore everything she was saying. She stopped talking long enough to push Ellie's hair away from her shoulder.

"What is that? A hickey?"

Her hand flew to her neck, but she didn't feel herself flush. She just felt her stomach churn.

"I know you kids have been through an awful lot lately, but that ain't an excuse for to go around acting like damn fools."

Ellie looked at her, meeting her eye to eye and wanted to scream at her, but a knot had formed in her throat instead.

"Do you want some breakfast?" She asked, getting up and heading for the fridge.

"No thanks," Ellie said. It wouldn't sit well in her stomach.

"Darry's going to be here before too long for you and Soda," she said, setting a carton of eggs on the counter.

"Great," Ellie mumbled.

XXX

Darry couldn't believe just how awful Soda looked. His skin was sallow and his eyes dark. Darry slammed his door as hard as he could when he got into the truck. Soda groaned, holding his head, and Ellie jumped about a mile even though she was wedged in between them.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Darry blasted, starting up the truck and pulling out.

"Not now, Dar," Soda said.

"Yeah, now," he said, not even trying to keep his voice neutral. "What the hell are you doing, driving home drunk?"

When Soda didn't answer, Darry stopped the truck with a sudden jerk. Soda's head snapped forward and he let out a groan as he cradled his forehead, hiding his eyes.

"I know this ain't the first time you've been out drinkin' yourself stupid, but it had better be the last time."

When he stopped in front of their house, Soda got out without a word and trudged inside. Ellie scooted over and filled Soda's vacated seat. He looked her over as he headed over to her house. She didn't look as sick as Soda did, but she didn't look all that good, either.

"What's going on with you and him? This ain't like you two."

"Sorry," she mumbled, only because she didn't know what else to say.

They drove in silence until he parked in front of her house. He turned off the truck and rested his arm across the seat.

"What're you doing?" he asked.

All she did was shrug, her eyes still focused somewhere else. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. He wasn't her brother or anyone that had any business saying anything to her about what she was getting herself into. But looking at her and knowing that she had a habit of doing stupid things, he knew someone had to.

"You gotta settle down. All three of you," he said.

"I am settled," she snapped, finally looking at him. Her hair fell behind her shoulder and he saw a dark, round bruise on her neck.

He looked at it for a few seconds and asked, "Does settled mean you make out with strange guys?"

"He's not strange," she said, pulling her hair back over her shoulder.

"Tim?" he asked, really hoping it wasn't. Though, after what she did to his car he couldn't imagine him feeling too kindly toward her. The way Soda explained the whole thing to him left Darry with a sick feeling in his stomach.

"No," she said, quickly and with more energy than he'd seen from her since he picked her up.

"Who is he?"

"No one," she said. She looked out the window again.

"Lordy, it ain't you and Soda, is it?"

She gave him the most surprised look that he knew instantly it wasn't.

"Then how come I keep seeing those on his neck?"

"You should ask the girls he keeps seeing at these parties," she finally said.

It took him a second, but he could see where this was going. Sure, he had been worried about his brother after Sandy left, but then Ponyboy was back and so much happened in a matter of days that the worry over Soda had shifted to a whole new set of problems.

"It's because of her, isn't it? Because Sandy left?"

She nodded. "I think so."

"And what about you?" he asked. "Because of Dallas?"

She was looking anywhere but at him, her shoulders slumped. It was still a sore spot, but he'd stopped her from running after him the night he got shot. He really didn't know what to say to her about Dally. He just couldn't believe he held that much power over her when he wasn't even there.

"What about school?" he asked. He was having a hell of a time making sure Pony didn't slip too far behind, but he knew she was hardly going at all.

"What about it?" She was starting to cop an attitude. He slid his arm back across the seat and gripped the steering wheel.

"I know it ain't my business, kid, but I know you've got a lot on your plate and doing what you're doing isn't going to help anything," he said.

"What would you know?" She asked.

What would he know about dealing with grief and juggling 50 things at once? A whole hell of a lot.

"At least I know enough not to dig myself deeper," he said, losing it with her.

"Quit prying," she said, getting out of the car. She slammed the door hard behind her. As she walked up to her house, he whistled, stopping her in her tracks.

"I'm just worried about you, kid. I think you need someone to," he said.

She didn't acknowledge that she even heard him. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down before he got home and really let Soda have it. He knew that wouldn't do much of anything to get his brother really listening. Looking back at Ellie's house before he drove away, Darry knew there wasn't anyone she was going to listen to anytime soon.

_Looking back at sunsets on the East side,  
We lost track of time,  
Dreams aren't what they used to be,  
Some things sat by so carelessly_

_

* * *

_

A/N: Thank you so much to Mars on Fire, theUglySpirit and K. Nefertiti for your insights. You have no idea what it means to have that type of support.


	41. Strong 'Til You Break

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and OneRepublic owns "All Fall Down."**

_

* * *

_

Everyone's the same, our fingers to our toes

_We just can't get it right, but we're on the road._

**February 1967**

Steve wedged his fingers under Ellie's bedroom window and slid it open. He didn't bother knocking, that was too nice. He looked inside and smiled to himself when he saw her curled up under the blankets. He let himself in as quietly as he could.

Standing by her bed, he leaned over and tried to find her face but couldn't. She was snoring softly, and he knew he was going to have a lot of fun making her miserable. He walked to the foot of her bed and grabbed a hold of her blanket and yanked it off in one fluid motion. He wasn't at all surprised to see that she was still wearing clothes from the night before.

She thrashed and sat up quickly, her hair a matted mess. She looked around wildly and then focused on him standing there, a scowl spreading on her face.

"Mornin' sunshine," he said, tossing the blanket away.

"What are you doing? What time is it?"

"Time for school," he said. She had the habit of missing a couple days every now and then, but she hadn't been in a solid week.

"Maybe for you," she said, laying back down. She curled back into herself, but Steve wasn't having it. He went to her closet and started pulling clothes off hangers and throwing them at her.

"Stop!" she said, her voiced muffled. She had a pillow over her head.

"Get up. You've skipped enough school."

"I don't feel good," she said from under the pillow.

"That's your own fault." He picked up a shoe and tossed it onto the bed, making sure to hit her.

She sat up and threw the shoe back at him, then grabbed her blanket and pulled it back over her.

"You're not going back to sleep," he said, grabbing it again.

"Steve! Stop it!"

She was glaring at him, eyes bloodshot. He stared at her for a second and then tossed the blanket far enough way that she would have to get up in order to get it.

"You're such a jerk," she said. "Get out."

"I don't want to," he said. He looked her over and grabbed her left leg and started pulling until she collapsed in a heap on the floor.

"What is wrong with you?" she snapped, getting up and sitting back on her bed.

"What are you doing with Rick Bradley?"

For a second, she didn't move, her body stock-still. Steve felt as though his words were echoing through her small room.

"Soda told me you've been messing around with him. You're going to stop," he added in no uncertain terms.

Before he said that, she looked almost scared, but then her face scrunched up in anger.

"Go away, Steve," she said. There was no fight in her voice and she lay on her side, facing the wall.

"I thought you were so head over heels for Dally? What about that?" He surprised even himself by bringing up Dally. As though Dally were any better for her than anyone else. He had the uncanny ability to screw up her life without even being there.

"He's gone," she snapped.

"He's in jail. He's not dead. Look, I'm not picking you back up again," he said. "I did it once and I swear to God, if you don't have the sense to stay away from people like that I'm not going to bother with it anymore."

A wet sniff came from her, and Steve nearly caved. He was about to say something when someone knocked frantically on her bedroom door and flung the door open. Her mom stood there, a tired, frazzled mess. Down the hall, Steve could hear the baby crying. She didn't even seem to notice Steve.

"Ellie, please," Abigail said, tears streaking down the woman's face.

An equally tearful Ellie stood up as her mother walked away. A door slammed down the hall, and Ellie looked at Steve.

"I can't go to school," she said.

He didn't say anything because he didn't know what to say. Ellie wiped her face and walked into the hallway after the baby. Steve waited around for a few seconds longer and then left.

XXX

Steve was giving the old woman her change when he saw Ellie walking up to the DX. He sighed. Ordering her to go to school days before hadn't gone over well, and the few days she did show up for a couple classes, she did everything she could to ignore him.

"Have a good day," he told the woman. She nodded and shuffled out the door past Ellie.

"Is Soda around?" she asked.

Steve looked past her and nodded to the garage. He turned his attention back to organizing the money in the drawer and didn't say anything.

He waited until she walked out into the garage, and then he followed her. She was leaning on the car that Soda was working on. He opened the door a little and listened.

"I know you've got Darry on your back and everything, but I'm going with Rick to a party down off Sutton tonight," she was saying. "I think Two-Bit's going to be there. You wanna go?"

Soda wiped the grease off his hands and tossed the rag onto the hood of the car. Steve hadn't heard the whole story of what happened from him, but he had enough pieces of the puzzle from Two-Bit to know that Darry had had enough. Soda seemed to know that, too.

"Look, Ellie, it was a lot of fun and everything, but if I go to another of these parties, Darry's gonna kill me."

She shrugged. "He doesn't need to find out. We won't stay that late."

Steve wanted more than anything to shake some sense into her. He couldn't remember ever seeing her act so stupid and selfish.

"I can't. And I don't think you should either."

"Come on, it's just blowing off some steam. It's not hurting anybody."

"Except you," he replied.

She had her back to Steve, but he could still tell that ruffled her feathers. "Fine," she said, spinning on her heel. "I'll just go with Two-Bit."

She was out of the garage when Soda hollered after her. "Try to stay out of trouble, you hear?"

She brushed him off with a wave of her hand. Steve walked back into the store and headed for the register. He looked back when the door shut behind him.

"Eavesdropping?" Soda asked. "That's a little childish."

Steve shrugged. "Somebody's got to keep an eye on you two."

"Not me anymore." He leaned against the counter. "Darry's about to have my head on a platter if I mess up anymore. Can't blame him either, I guess."

"Are those parties really all they're cracked up to be?"

Soda chuckled. "No. Not really. Some of them were okay. The ones with the girls, anyway."

"You're gonna give up the girls because Darry's mad at you?"

"He was the reason at first, but …"

"But what?" Steve asked.

Soda pulled an envelope out of his pocket and tossed it on the counter. It was addressed to Sandy.

"What's that?"

"What's it look like?"

Steve studied the envelope and looked back at Soda. He tossed the letter back to him. "It looks like a big mistake to me."

Soda stuffed it back into his pocket.

"Where'd you even get her address?"

"Evie."

Steve shook his head. He should have known she was behind it. "You're sure you want to do that?"

"I gotta talk to her again. We can't just leave things the way we did."

"You think she'll write you back?"

"Why wouldn't she? Even if it's just to tell me to leave her alone."

Steve nodded. Even if it wasn't a good idea, he was glad Soda seemed to be getting his head on straight.

XXX

It was a bad idea, she knew that. Steve was adamant that it was a bad idea, and Ellie wholeheartedly agreed with him, but she still couldn't stop.

Rick picked her up a little after ten and she rode with him to the party off Sutton. From the second she'd gotten into the car with him, she was warding off his groping hand. He lit up a joint and smoked as he drove. He never once handed it to her, and she could only assume it was because she smacked him hard enough for the sound to echo in the car.

When they got to the party, it was a different story, though. When they were out of the car, Rick grabbed her hand and pulled her along. He grabbed two beers along the way and pulled her to a quiet room in the back of the house. Ellie didn't contest until he closed the door behind them.

"The party's out there," she said.

Rick waved her off and moved to the writing desk on the other side of the room. He set down the two beer bottles with a nerve shattering clunk and turned his back on her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He turned around and walked toward her, and she felt like backing up. He stopped in front of her and held up his palm displaying two sugar cubes.

"What's that?"

"Good shit," he said, taking one between his fingers and putting it in his mouth. "Take one."

Reluctantly, Ellie took it off of his hand, but she didn't put it anywhere near her mouth. Instead she watched him as he let it melt and then he swallowed.

"Take it," he said.

Ellie looked down at the sugar cube. It looked harmless, but that scared her. She handed it back to him.

"I don't want it," she said.

In the dim light of the room, she could almost see how wide the pupils of his eyes were suddenly. They made his dark eyes so much darker. She almost screamed when he grabbed her arms and forced a kiss on her, his tongue thrusting into her mouth. Disgusted, she pushed him away hard enough, he tripped backward and landed on the floor. She wiped at her mouth, tasting the sweetness from his.

Through the door she could hear people yelling and glass breaking. She was sure she heard someone yell Two-Bit's name. Realizing the escape, she left him sitting where he had fallen, looking around the room with wide eyes and not seeing her at all. She slammed the door behind her and headed down the hall and past the crowd of people gathering in the front room.

Two-Bit was at the center of the crowd, swinging punches but never hitting the guy he was trying to fight with. Blood was streaming down the side of his face. She started wishing Soda were still hanging out with them. She scanned the room for people she knew. There weren't many, but near the center of the crowd stood Curly and Mitch Foster.

She weaved in and out of people yelling and egging on the fight until she made it to Curly. She grabbed his arm to get his attention.

"You have to stop this!"

It took him a minute to realize who was yelling at him. He pulled his arm away from her. "He got himself into this mess."

She looked at Curly. "Please. He's gonna get himself killed."

"He messed with that guy's girl," Mitch butted in. "He asked for it."

Ellie looked back at the guy he was fighting and wondered if it was the same guy from the River Kings he fought with a while back.

She grabbed Curly's arm again. "Come on," she pleaded.

Curly looked over her to Mitch, and they finally walked into the fight. It didn't take much to break it up because it wasn't much of a fight to begin with. It was more Two-Bit taking punches and struggling to keep himself standing up.

When they got the other guy out of there, Ellie ran over to Two-Bit. He was on his knees, holding his head.

"What happened to you?" she asked, trying to find something to clean the blood off his head. Curly came back and offered a handkerchief.

"I just wanted to dance," Two-Bit mumbled.

"I think you were tryin' to do a little more than that," Curly said.

"Why's he bleeding like this?" she asked.

"Chambers smashed a beer bottle over his head. I can't believe that didn't floor him."

Two-Bit was struggling to keep his head up.

"Will you help me get him out of here?"

"Man, Ellie, where are you're other friends to do this kind of thing?" Curly whined. He was looking around for Mitch though.

It took them a while, but they finally got Two-Bit hauled outside into the cool air. They propped him up out back on the rickety porch.

"You want us to carry him anywhere else for you?" Mitch asked.

Ellie narrowed her eyes at his sarcasm. "I've got it from here."

"Come on," Curly said. He and Mitch walked back into the house, but Curly glanced back at them.

"Thanks," she said.

She turned her attention to Two-Bit. He was leaning against the house, his head lulling to the side.

"Two-Bit." She patted at his face with the handkerchief. It didn't do much to stop the blood from dripping.

He stirred slightly.

"Two-Bit." She said it loudly that time, and he lifted his head. He groaned.

"What happened to her?" he mumbled.

"The girl? She's with the guy that did this to you."

"Not her." He put his head in his hands. "Kathy. I thought she loved me."

Ellie found herself speechless. She knew he and Kathy had been having some problems lately, but she didn't know he cared so much. He never acted like he loved her.

"I thought we were gonna end up together," he slurred. He sniffed hard. "Now she's with some middle-class kid that's gonna make something of himself. She should've gotten out earlier. She's right."

"About what?" she asked. She stopped trying to stop the bleeding and put her hand on his shoulder.

He looked up but not at her. He wiped at his eyes. "She told me I ain't never gonna be nothing. She's right too."

"That's not true." She looked away from him but kept her hand on his shoulder. There was something so sad about seeing Two-Bit upset.

"What am I gonna do with my life then?" He let out a sob and wiped furiously at his face. "There ain't a thing I'm good at. I'm gonna be stuck in this fucking place the rest of my life. She's right. I'm good for nothin'. Now she's gone and got herself somebody else and look at me."

"Why don't you sit here and I'll find something to get you all cleaned up," she said. She started to stand up, and he grabbed her arm.

He had stopped trying to wipe away the tears, and it made him look even more miserable. "You think I'm worthless too, don't you?"

She couldn't hide the surprise in her voice. "Why would I think that? You're the funniest and nicest person I've ever known. You've been a better friend than I deserve most of the time."

He smiled a little and for some reason that made him look sadder. "Do you think I'm gonna wind up as a nobody?"

She shook her head.

"You think I'll make something outta myself?"

"Of course I do."

"What am I gonna do?"

"I don't think I'm the person you should be asking for advice," she said, considering the things happening between her and Rick. She wondered if Two-Bit knew anything about the situation she had gotten herself into with him.

He put his head back in his hands.

"Wait here and I'll grab something to get you all cleaned up. You'll be good as new, you hear me?"

He didn't respond, and she hurried back into the house. The party had spread out considerably after the fight, and there were fewer people she had to dodge around to find things to clean up Two-Bit's head. She couldn't find much and finally settled on a clean towel she'd found and a bottle of peroxide.

She rushed back outside, her arms full. "Okay, I think we can get you all …"

She trailed off when she saw he wasn't sitting there anymore.

"Two-Bit?" she called. She didn't realize she was scared for him until she heard the quiver in her voice. She saw some red on the porch railing and ran around the house. There were cars parked in the grass and around the house, but she didn't see his car anywhere.

She dropped everything she had in her arms and yelled his name again.

"He split just a minute ago."

She turned around to see Mitch standing near his own car. "You let him go?"

He shrugged. "He wasn't looking for anybody to stop him."

She closed her eyes, unable to find the energy to argue with him. She couldn't think about anything besides how much more trouble Two-Bit was going to find himself in if he went and did something stupid.

XXX

Blood stung his eyes, and he swiped at them, desperately trying to wipe it all away. It wasn't doing any good. Every time he slammed his hands back on the steering wheel, the blood just dripped right back down.

"Fuck it," he said to himself. "Fuck it all."

If there was ever a night he felt like Dallas, this was it. He was angry, and he was drunk. He squinted to see the road in front of him, the blood always getting in his eyes. He was halfway to the Ribbon when he realized his fucking headlights weren't on. Reaching for the switch, he tried to flip it. It didn't go. He tried again, his bloody fingers slipping. The third time he punched the dash and finally the lights turned on. When he looked back, he realized he was straddling the line ,and he viciously swerved back into his lane. He hit the dirt on the shoulder and fishtailed a little before he regained control.

In his mind, he saw Kathy with that guy. That guy that wasn't him. Someone else that was going to be better for her. It tore him to shreds, especially because he knew it was all his fault she was with him. He couldn't get his head screwed on right and gone and pissed her off.

Up ahead in the distance, he could see the night getting brighter as he reached the Ribbon. He didn't have a plan, he just knew he didn't want to be home, and he didn't want to be at that damn party anymore. All those pricks just laughed at him and pushed his buttons. They didn't get what it was like to lose something.

He slowed down, vaguely aware of the cars honking at him. He was hot, and he managed to roll the window down as he slowed down a little more as he approached the Dingo. Gripping the steering wheel, he made a swinging left turn that ended with a crash.

Everything spun for a few seconds as Two-Bit tried to focus on the car he had just slammed into. When the red and blue lights in front of him starting spinning and flashing, he felt a sinking feeling.

XXX

There wasn't much to think except that something like this could only happen to Two-Bit Mathews. The guy was a clown, and he would be the only person who could possibly crash into a cop car. Everyone else avoided them like the plague, and Two-Bit ran right into them.

"You believe this shit?" Tim asked, leaning on his own car in the Dingo parking lot with a few of his gang.

They watched as the cop circled around to the driver's side and questioned Two-Bit through the open window. A few minutes later, he was out of the car and the cop had him walking up and down the side of the car. Tim watched without much emotion as Two-Bit kept wobbling and used the car as support. The idiot was drunk as hell.

Two other cop cars pulled up and quite a crowd had gathered to watch on both sides of the street. It was only a matter of time before they cuffed his hands behind his back and sat him down on the curb as the cops talked. Tim noticed they didn't bother talking to anyone who might have witnessed it; they just went on with their business as Two-Bit rested his forehead against his knee.

_Lost 'til you're found, swim 'til you drown  
Know that we all fall down._


	42. Out Here the Good Girls Die

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and "A Dustland Fairytale" belongs to The Killers.**

_

* * *

_

I saw the devil wrapping up his hands,  
He's getting ready for the showdown

**February 1967**

The guys were reading the article when Ellie walked in the house. She read about it before she walked over; it was hard to miss the picture of Two-Bit's old junker in a heaped mess on the front page of the newspaper.

"Hey," she said quietly when she walked in, but everyone was already staring at her.

"You were pretty lucky that you weren't with Two-Bit," Steve said, but the tone of his voice carried an unspoken 'I told you so.'

She shrugged, still feeling awful about it all. If she would have stayed with him after that fight, he wouldn't have had the chance to drive off like that. "I guess so."

"Were you there?" Soda asked. "What happened to make him do it?"

"There was a big fight at the party. He was upset about that and about Kathy." And everything else in the world too.

Darry came down the hall, pulling on his jacket. He noticed Ellie and seemed to think about lecturing her for a brief second before deciding against it. "Let's go, guys. Pony, you're going to be late for school."

After Darry and Steve were outside, Soda glanced up at Ellie while he tied his shoe. "Are you going to school today?"

She nodded. "I thought I'd walk with Pony."

He seemed pleased with that and stood up. "Are you gonna cut all this nonsense out?"

"Soda," she began, trying not to whine. The last thing she wanted was a lecture from him.

He sighed. "Isn't this kind of a wakeup call, Two-Bit getting arrested like this?"

"I'm not doing anything wrong," she said but decided to rephrase it. "Nobody's getting hurt because of what I'm doing."

"Oh, sure. Just you."

She tried her hardest not to roll her eyes. Deep down, she knew he was trying to help.

"I'm going to school, aren't I?"

He shrugged. "I guess that's a step in the right direction."

"You know, I really don't need a speech from you about doing the right thing."

"I know," he agreed. He grabbed his jacket from the hook by the door and tugged it on. "I think you're just making yourself more miserable by doing this."

"Are you less miserable now that you aren't hanging out with me and Two-Bit?"

"I really am."

"Gee, thanks."

"Ellie, that's not what I meant. I just mean that I think going to those places and doing stupid things was making me feel worse because of what it was doing to Darry."

He was halfway out the door before he turned back around.

"You know what you oughta do? You oughta write him a letter."

"Write who a letter?" she asked.

"Dally."

She tried not to laugh at Soda because she knew he was just trying to help. "Sure. He'd get a kick out of that."

He smiled. "I guess it sounds a little dumb, but I really think you should."

"I'll think about it," she finally said when the truck's horn blew outside. She dismissed the idea after Soda headed out, and she waited for Pony.

XXX

It had been over two weeks since he had seen Allison, and it was driving him crazy. Between their work schedules and his brothers, Darry hardly had a moment to call his own, let alone find enough time to spend with her, which was all he wanted. So, on his lunch break, he picked up two cups of coffee and headed for the hospital.

He waited for a long time, hoping like hell he would at least get to give her the coffee before he had to head back to work. The other nurses kept saying she was busy with a patient and that she would be out as soon as she could. Darry stood there long enough to feel the coffee cups in his hand start to go cold.

Just when it was getting down to the wire, he saw her walking up the hallway looking a little forlorn. When she saw him, her face brightened up a little, but she still looked sad. He kissed her on the cheek.

"Hey. You look like you need this."

She took the cup into her hands, but she didn't smile.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, just a bad case with a patient," she said.

Darry realized she was hardly meeting his gaze.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I need to talk to you," she said. "Do you have a minute?"

Even though he had no idea what she wanted to tell him, he still felt his heart tighten. Icy fingers wrapped themselves around it and squeezed it shut. He suddenly forgot about the time.

Her soft hand wrapped around his arm and she led him to a quiet corner away from the nurse' station.

"Darry, I think … I think we need to end this," she said.

Confusion set in and he refused to accept what she had said. He shook his head, and she finally looked at him.

"It's not that I don't like you, because I really do. You've been really good for me, but it's not fair to you."

"Why? You're great, I love seeing you," he said, starting to his ability to speak and reason.

Through long lashes, she looked up at him, her hand resting on his arm. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. How could she not want to be with him if she was crying while she was trying to break up with him?

"Don't you think you have enough to deal with without adding me into it? Darry, you and your brothers have suffered horrible tragedies. They need you. All of you," she said.

"I can do both," he said, pleading with her. "I can handle them and still see you."

"That's what I'm talking about, you shouldn't have to handle them. You need to focus on them because they need you right now," she said.

His mind was racing a million miles a minute, wondering how he had lost this wonderful thing he had found with her. This quiet, attentive woman he had never imagined would come along for him. This person who understood the problems that faced him rather than pity him. If anything, he needed her support.

"I need you," he told her.

"You hardly know me," she said.

Oh, but he did know her. He knew her so well.

"I have a daughter, Darry," she said, her voice authoritative.

On the inside, Darry recoiled. The news that she had a daughter ran through his mind, but hardly registered. How in nearly three months of dating had he not known this? Then he realized maybe they hadn't really been dating in those months. Sure, they had kissed, but when he thought about it, it was all so innocent. Maybe he thought differently of her than she did of him.

"She's three. I moved here to be with my mother because I couldn't take care of her myself after her father died."

The tearfulness in her voice was gone, her eyes dry. He could tell that this was the information that was supposed to drive him away completely, but it still did not deter him.

"That's why, Darry. I can't bring that on you, and I can't keep going with this knowing where it could lead," she said. Her voice became softer. "Because I really like you."

When he didn't say anything, she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek and started to walk away. Darry woke himself up and called after her.

"What's her name?"

Allison looked at him and said, "Take care of yourself, Darry. You need to for your brothers."

And then she walked out of his life.

XXX

Ellie sat nervously in the front office in an uncomfortable plastic chair. The note she got from her guidance counselor during science class had her stomach in knots. If she had known she was going to be called to the office, she never would have gone to school at all.

Her foot tapped anxiously until she noticed the secretary look up from her phone call. She firmly planted both heels on the floor and hugged her books tightly to her chest.

"Ella O'Hare?"

Her head snapped up. Mr. Burwell stood in the doorway of his office, holding her student file in his hand.

He motioned for him to follow her. "Come on in and have a seat, please."

She followed him slowly and sat in an even more uncomfortable chair across the desk from him.

"Sorry to have pulled you out of class, but we need to have an important discussion," he began.

Ellie wanted to ask him to get on with it, but her mouth was too dry. She let him keep talking.

"I'm sure you know from your grade card from this past marking period that your grades have dropped dramatically since the beginning of the year."

He stared at her for a moment, as if waiting for some sort of explanation or apology, and she wasn't sure on which one to give. When she only nodded, he continued.

"From your interim report, it appears that your grades have not improved the way I hoped they would." He nodded to the file in front of him. "You have always been a decent student, and I'm concerned about this change."

From the way he was looking at her, she could tell he wasn't going to settle for a simple nod.

"I know," she said quietly. "There's just a lot going on."

She didn't offer anymore information than that, and he didn't exactly press her for more information.

"I understand that events from the autumn have impacted several students in our school, but that is no excuse for the grades you've been receiving. Do you have any idea how badly you've been doing?"

Ellie had never been a straight-A student like Pony, but she never worked real hard to maintain the grades she did get. To her, bad grades were never the end of the world, but looking at him, she was starting to have second thoughts.

"I know I'm not doing real good," she said.

He shook his head. "Not good at all. As a matter of fact, you're failing your sophomore year. Were you aware of that?"

"I guess I didn't realize it was that bad," she said. She knew her grades had dropped dramatically, and she had forged her mother's signature on a couple letters that had been sent home until she realized Abby was too out of it to care what she was signing. Things weren't looking good, but schoolwork wasn't her biggest concern.

Mr. Burwell thumbed through a few pages in her file. "Your attendance has become increasingly bad as well. You haven't attended for a full week since I don't know when."

She looked down at her hands.

"Are things all right at home?"

Her head snapped back up. He seemed genuinely concerned, considering she didn't know him, and he dealt with at least a quarter of the kids in the entire school.

"Everything's fine," she said, lying right through her teeth.

He seemed skeptical, but she hoped it was because he expected most kids in a situation similar to hers to lie.

"Can I do anything?" she asked.

He sighed and closed her file. "Ella, what I'm trying to tell you is that with your sparse attendance and your grades … you've let this go on for too long. Now, I'm not saying it's absolutely impossible to pull up your average, but it's going to take work. You have to decide if you're willing to put that much effort forth. You'd have to finish out the school year, completing all of your assignments and what make up work your teachers allow and go through the summer in order to get back on track by next fall."

Ellie tasted bile but swallowed it down. For some reason, she had it worked out in her mind that she would just be ushered on to the next school year, that maybe then she could start fresh. Mr. Burwell was looking at her, his eyes a mix of empathy and disappointment. She needed to get out of there before she exploded.

"I need to go back to class," she said, feigning a smile.

Mr. Burwell smiled a little. "That's what I like to hear."

As she walked out of his office, Ellie held her head high and didn't look back.

XXX

Ellie slammed her notebooks down on the table, papers spilling from between them. She ran to her room, ignoring the way her mother was watching her in the kitchen. She was never going back.

"Ella?"

Ellie slid her back down against the closed door, barricading it before resting her forehead on her knees.

"Ella what is going on with you?"

She closed her eyes, willing her mother away.

"Ella Margaret, I'm not going to ask you again."

And she didn't ask again. When Ellie was silent for a good thirty seconds, Abigail walked away. Ellie sighed a little to herself and blinked back tears. She didn't know what to do about school. The thought of working as hard as Mr. Burwell told her she had to made her feel sick to her stomach.

Failure was inevitable. Ellie felt like she deserved it because of the year she'd had. It was one more thing to pile on top, but it wasn't enough to make her crumble to pieces. She would just drop out, plain and simple. Soda did it. Johnny and Dally both did it. Even her mother had done it. School was worthless when you weren't going anywhere anyhow. Ellie didn't expect to do any better than her mother, so she figured she may as well get on with it. It still stung, though. She'd known for months that it could happen if she didn't start getting her act straight, everyone was telling her so, but she wasn't listening that hard. She figured she could just fix everything later, except that now it was too late.

Getting up she looked around her room, digging around on her dresser. She found the slip of paper she'd written Rick's phone number on and quickly memorized it. Dashing back out into the kitchen she pulled the phone off of the wall and called him. Behind her, her mother sat at the table folding baby clothes.

"Hello?" Rick drawled on the other end.

"Are you busy tonight?" she asked quietly.

"Not yet," he replied.

"Can you pick me up around 7?"

"I think I can manage that."

She hung up the phone and turned to find her mother sitting and staring blankly at the clothes on the table. Ellie didn't miss the beer bottle sitting open on the table as well.

"Going somewhere tonight?" Abigail asked, looking at her.

"Out," Ellie said.

"I got a letter from school," she said, pulling it out from under a small pile of clothes.

"Nothing I don't already know," Ellie said, heading back for her bedroom.

XXX

The sun was setting, and Steve was comfortable with his head resting in her lap, her fingers running through his hair even though he knew she hated the hair oil. It felt good.

"You're wearing me out," she said, but her voice was soft.

He looked up at her and focused on her pretty eyes, she was smiling.

"Is that in a good way or a bad way?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"It's fine, just I gotta go out with the girls at some point."

"Yeah, me and Soda are hanging out in a little bit," he said, even though he never wanted to leave.

"There's something else," she said, pulling her hand out of his hair. There was something in the tone of his voice that made him sit up very slowly. She looked nervous and he immediately feared the worst. She was fucking pregnant.

"What?"

"It's about Ellie."

"Ellie?" he asked, releasing a very heavy sigh of relief. "Christ, Evie. I thought you were gonna tell me you were pregnant or something."

She rolled her eyes, her cute nose scrunching up a little.

"Let's not even think about that," she said. "But I know how you are about her and thought you oughta know that she's messing around with my brother."

Steve grumbled to himself before he answered her. "I know."

"You're awfully calm about it."

"I already tried talking to her, but she don't wanna listen to anyone. I'm done with it."

"Maybe you just gotta let her fall on her butt or something," Evie said, scooting closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"She already did." He brushed her hair away from her forehead and kissed it. "I'll worry about it later."

"Good idea," she said, leaning up and kissing him.

XXX

The way the kid was yelling back at Darry made the hairs on the back of Steve's neck stand on end. When Darry would yell back, Steve felt for Pony, but still thought the kid should have a lick of sense not to be so pigheaded and with his head in the clouds all of the time. Darry was doing his best and Steve knew damn well that it was better than any of the rest of them could do if they were in that situation.

The fighting continued on, and Steve waited on the front steps for Soda. He promised him they'd hang out, cruise around for awhile, but Steve didn't want to wait all night. Every once in awhile he could hear Soda's desperate pleas for them to calm down fall on deaf ears.

Steve knew that Darry was right, but he also knew that Pony was in a bad place. It seemed that neither one could see the other side of the problem, so they just kept yelling. A door slammed, and he heard Soda yell something again, his voice cracked and Steve tried to erase the noise from his head. It was hard, though, because after the sound of the slamming door stopped echoing through the night, there was nothing but silence.

The front door opened and shut with another bang and Soda sat beside him on the steps and worked on getting his shoes on. From right there beside him, Steve could tell his buddy had been crying but he didn't say anything about it. He couldn't.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, great," Soda replied, his tone flat.

"Where we headed?" Steve asked.

Soda sighed heavily and then shrugged.

"Anywhere but here," he said, standing up.

Steve started up his car and headed toward the Ribbon. In the passenger seat Soda sat slumped over looking morose. Part of him wanted to bring up the fight, but he didn't think it would help to talk about it. He couldn't talk about Evie without reminding him of Sandy. He couldn't find a single thing to talk about without the risk of bringing up something bad, so Steve settled for silence and hoped his buddy would start the conversation. He had a feeling that it was going to be a long night.

XXX

Absent mindedly, Tim ignored his date. She wasn't anyone special, just a girl who had the guts to come up to him and try and impress him. He wasn't wowed by her, just amused and bored and looking for a new distraction. Actually going out with her was a mistake. She had wanted to go to Charlie's, which already called her taste in anything into question. She'd insisted he teach her how to play pool and was now touching up her make up for the tenth time that evening.

Tim just wanted to know if she was in the mood to fool around.

Barbara invaded his thoughts and waved a hand in front of his face. She smiled a goofy grin and put her compact back into her purse.

She was bouncing a little in her seat, dancing to the music blasting from the jukebox. Tim really hoped she didn't get it into her mind that she wanted to dance or something. Charlie's wasn't exactly set up for that and Tim wasn't exactly in the mood.

"We should go dancing somewhere," she said.

He grimaced a little. "I'll pass. I'm gonna settle the tab."

As he paid the bill, his gaze settled on the back section of the bar again, something he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of all night. Rick Bradley was with a couple other tools that seemed to be friends with him. They were setting up to play pool with their girls standing around. He had overheard Curly mention something about Ellie still hanging around Rick, but he hardly believed it until he saw it with his own two eyes.

He figured it was some stupid party hook-up, but she had a way of always getting in over her head so he didn't know why it surprised him. She had just walked out of the restroom, and he rolled his eyes at the way she went straight to Rick when he beckoned. She looked out of place and awkward, although Tim remembered her looking the same when they had gone out. He still wondered what the hell he had been thinking when they had been seeing each other.

Tim sat back down with Barbara, and Ellie seemed to notice him for the first time. She gave him a stony glare but turned her attention back to Rick.

He handed her a pool stick and seemed to be instructing her on how to play, which Tim deemed to be the lamest trick in the book. It didn't surprise him to see Rick pulling it. He still hated the kid's guts as much as he ever had, but he wasn't sure why he was sticking around Charlie's. He wondered if it was to see just how badly Ellie could screw up or to keep an eye on Rick since word had it he was set on getting in with the Tigers.

"Timothy!"

Tim snapped his head and looked at Barbara sitting there with a hot glare.

"What are you staring at?"

"Nothing," he said. He turned back to his date and tried to amuse her, but he knew he was falling flat. She huffed and danced a little more in her seat.

"Aren't we going?" she whined.

He studied the girl for a minute before standing up. Christ, she was annoying. She made a big show of putting her coat on and fixing her hair as she got up, threw her head back and headed for the door. He followed behind her, glancing back once more. This time, Rick was giving him an even glare. Tim smirked a little, remember the day he kicked him out of his gang and sent him to the hospital. He remembered the kid crying at his feet. Tim gave him a small wave before he walked outside.

XXX

There was a definite bite in the air even though spring was right around the corner. She sat outside on the ledge waiting for Rick to finish whatever it was he was doing in the strange car that had pulled up. She lit up a cigarette and tried to snuggle deeper into her coat.

Another girl sat down beside her, but Ellie ignored her. All she really wanted to do was go home. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Rick being so grabby and pushy, all at the same time, and she definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with his cronies and their dumb girlfriends. She chastised herself a little at that thought; she was one of them, too, whether she wanted to be or not.

The girl beside her gave her a nudge hard enough to nearly knock her over, and Ellie turned to glare at her. She was surprised to find Sylvia sitting beside her. She tried her best not to shrink away from the older girl.

"Hey," she said, as friendly as Ellie had ever heard her which wasn't saying much.

"Hi."

"What are you doing hanging around this crowd?" Sylvia asked. She lit up a cigarette and exhaled into Ellie's face. "Best you can do after Tim Shepard?"

"What are you doing around here?" she challenged.

"Just passing by."

"And thought you'd say hi?" Ellie asked sarcastically. She could still remember the day she had fought with the girl in the Dingo. Sylvia was nowhere near her favorite person.

"It's true what you did to Tim's car?"

Ellie tried not to sigh. She was so sick of answering the same questions. "Yeah. It's not a big deal."

Sylvia studied her for a brief moment. "Guess I underestimated you."

Ignoring her, she turned her attention back to Rick. He was still talking to the guys in the car, and she wondered who they were and what he was up to.

"Dally's gone for a long time, ain't he?" Sylvia asked.

Ellie glanced at her from the corner of her eye. Just about the only thing they had in common was Dallas Winston, but it still surprised her that Sylvia had gone out of her way to talk to her about him.

"Yeah, he is."

"You were there when it happened?"

She meant when the police shot him. That's what everyone meant when they asked that question. "Yeah."

"He was trying to kill himself, wasn't he?"

Ellie swallowed hard. "I don't know what he was trying to do."

She got up the nerve to look Sylvia dead in the eye, and the girl didn't seem nearly as intimidating for some reason Ellie didn't understand. She nodded and tossed down her cigarette, only half-smoked.

"See you around," she said.

Ellie was watching her walk away when Rick sat down beside her on the ledge.

"What was that about?" he asked.

Ellie shrugged and looked back at him. "Can you give me a ride home?"

He narrowed his eyes at her but seemed to relent. "I got some business to take care of."

It sounded like something Tim would have said except Ellie believed it out of him. The longer she was around Rick when she was completely sober, the more she couldn't understand what she had seen in him.

"We've got a date tomorrow, though," he continued. "At Buck's."

She studied him carefully. "Buck don't let underage kids in anymore."

"You didn't think that was really going to last, did you? Buck needs his usual crowd back or else he ain't gonna have any business at all. I'll pick you up tomorrow."

She followed him back to his car, the thought of going to Buck's with a guy like Rick sitting heavily on her shoulders. Just because he had rooms for rent didn't mean she was going to do anything of the sort with Rick, but she wondered if he had other ideas.

_Your mind is poisoned,  
Castles in the sky sit stranded, vandalized  
The drawbridge is closing._


	43. These Sins

**A/N: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song "The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe.**

**

* * *

**

_When I was young I knew everything,  
She a punk who rarely took advice_

**February 1967**

A group of kids spilled through the front door and quickly spread out throughout the two rooms. Tim sat back in his chair, slowly drinking a beer and just hanging out for once. Mitch said something that made everyone laugh, but Tim didn't hear the joke. Instead he groaned inwardly when he saw Ellie standing with Rick near the base of the steps. Just being the same room with her anymore gave him a migraine. He wasn't going to let himself care, though, and he turned his attention back to the guys, or at least he tried.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could still see them, something heating up between them. Ellie was motioning frantically, her hands flying as she spoke. Her voice was escalating and he could actually hear syllables from across the room. Tim wanted to turn his chair around, to ignore it, but when he was about to, Rick clamped a hand down on her wrist. Now he found himself watching.

Rick held on to her, pointing a finger in her face and saying something to her that made her shut up. Tim took a drink and realized his whole table had gone quiet. He turned and looked at Todd and the boys, who were all looking at him and then at what he had been watching.

"You know," Todd said, "I heard Bradley was trying to get in with the Tigers. You think Will Bridges is going to let him in just like that?"

"Not if he's sane," Tim replied. Ellie had managed to pry his fingers off of her, and she walked around him toward the backroom of the roadhouse. He lost sight of her, but Rick was following. "Rick didn't used to be such a fuck up. I'm pretty sure that when I recruited that kid, he was pretty fucking reliable." He wasn't sure when the exact turning point was, but he figured it was the grass he was smoking and the fact that the kid may have been reliable at one point, but he had never been very bright to begin with.

For awhile, he continued to sit there, actually having a decent time. A few girls were now sitting around the table, Barbara one of them. She scooted her chair very close to his, and he didn't miss just how short her skirt was. The chick wasn't good for conversation, but damn if she wasn't good looking.

"Uh oh," Mitch said.

Tim followed his gaze and saw Ellie storm out of the back, yelling over her shoulder, Rick right on her heels. When he grabbed her, Ellie slapped him across the face and ran out the front door. Even from as far away as he was, Tim could see Rick losing it.

"Fuck," Tim muttered under his breath. He looked around in earnest, hoping to God that one of her friends was there to intervene, but he was coming up empty. When Rick headed outside, Tim got up. "I'll be back."

"You want help?" Todd asked.

Tim shook his head. "I can handle it."

By the time he got outside they were out of sight. They weren't in the front, and Tim scanned each car to be sure. He stepped off of the small, cement porch and walked around to the side of the building. The closer he got, he could hear them carrying on. She was yelling at him, and Tim ran to where it was coming from. Beside Rick's Buick, they were in the middle of a fight. From as far away as he was, Tim couldn't make out anything they were going on about, but their respective tones were enough to propel him forward.

When Tim was at the end of the row of cars, Rick shoved her into the side of the Buick, her head snapping back with the violent shove. Tim hollered for Rick to knock it off, but Rick was yelling at Ellie to get into the car. She must not have been moving fast enough because Rick had the door open and was trying to push her into to. Just as Tim was getting there, Rick hit her hard enough to knock her down.

Tim didn't pause when he reached the scene. He caught Rick by the collar and slammed him into his own car.

"You got a problem, Rick?"

Rick glared at him and tried to fight back, but Tim had him. He pulled Rick back a little and slammed him back into the car, making sure his head snapped as hard as Ellie's did. Holding Rick still, he looked down at her, but she wasn't looking up at him.

"You okay?"

She didn't answer him. She was sitting on her knees, one arm braced on the car seat, the other holding her face where Rick had hit her.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"Fuck you, man," Rick said, spitting in Tim's face. Tim kneed Rick in the groin and tossed the kid to the ground. He kicked him a couple of times in the gut and grabbed his collar again, yanking him up a little ways.

"Leave her alone, you hear me?"

"She came to me," Rick said, a sick smile spreading across his lips. "She owes me for all the free grass I gave her."

Tim didn't need to go on with this. He knew how to make a point so he made it by breaking Rick's nose.

"You sonofabitch," Rick screamed at him, cradling his face.

"You understand me?"

Rick didn't say anything. He just picked himself up and leaned against his car and circled around it, getting into the driver's side. Tim held a hand out for Ellie to grab, but she picked herself up and backed away from him. Rick revved his engine and tore out of the parking spot sending gravel shooting into the air. Tim watched him leave and looked back to see Ellie running across the gravel lot.

"Ellie! Goddamn it," he muttered, heading after her. He didn't know why it always seemed to be this way, him chasing after this idiot girl that didn't know when to say when. He wondered if he did it because he had an idiot girl for a sister, and he liked to think that if she were in a mess, somebody would help her out. That wasn't the only reason, though, and he knew it.

When she rounded the side of the building, Tim ran after her. He caught up to her quickly and turned her around.

"Get away from me!"

She was screaming at him. Heavy tears fell down her face, mixing with the trickle of blood coming from her nose. Tim didn't move and she lunged at him, shoving him but only hard enough to push him back a couple of steps.

"Cool it, El. It's okay," he said, trying to calm her down.

Her chest heaved, each breath making shaky noises as she inhaled and exhaled. The way she stood back from him made him feel like she was expecting him to pick up where Rick left off. He opened his mouth to tell her it was fine, he wasn't going to hurt her, but then he realized that wasn't a promise he could back up given their history, so he shut his mouth and didn't say anything.

Slowly, he took a step forward, and she took three unsteady steps backward, tripping over her own feet and falling backward. Tim rushed up to her, but she was frantic trying to pick herself up. As she struggled to get up, she was yelling for him to get away from her. In her hurry, she made it back to her feet, but she slipped on the gravel and fell back down. This time Tim reached for her, pulling her to her feet. She pushed away from him and fell back into the cold brick wall of the back of the roadhouse. Her back against the wall, she slid down until she was resting on her heels and buried her face in her arms.

It was hard to see her like that and know he had a hand in her misery. It was impossible to deny right then. He wiped sweat from his brow and watched her for a few seconds, completely unsure of what to do. Her small body was shaking with each sob, each more pitiful than the former. Not knowing what else to do, he took off his jacket. The kid never had a coat when she needed one.

"It's all right," he said, laying the jacket across her trembling shoulders.

Instead of putting on like he'd intended her to do, she ripped it off of her and threw it back at him. Tim stood there for a second, staring at the discarded jacket and back at her. She was staring at him, eyes cold and hateful, her body tense.

"Leave me alone." Her voice choppy from being so upset.

Tim crouched down so that he was on even ground with her. "And just leave you here?"

She lunged forward, shoving him at his shoulders and nearly knocking him over. He caught himself on the wall.

"Shit, Ellie," he muttered. Instead of leaving, he sat down, leaning his back against the brick and trying to hold the glare she was giving him.

"I hate you," she said, fresh tears spilling over her cheeks.

"If I were you right now I'd be pretty fucking happy I showed up," he said, reaching across and touching her bruising cheek. She didn't react well. She stood up and came at him, fists and nails flying at him. He caught her up easily, her voice ringing in his ears to not touch her, and he pushed her backward. She sank back down against the wall, the waterworks starting up again.

"Do I need to frisk you for a crowbar?"

When she didn't have some snippy comeback, Tim wished he hadn't said it. She buried her face in her knees again and cried.

"Fuck," he said to himself. He was not good at making people feel better, at finding a remedy to tears. Tim was not one to deal with emotions, especially the ones that needed the most care.

He leaned his head back against the brick again and thought about what had just happened. He had no idea what she and Rick were fighting about, but Tim had an idea of what Rick wanted. He felt as though she should be thanking him for jumping in, for saving her from getting more hurt than she already was, but it also made him remember that there had been no one who stepped in the night he lost it on her.

Rocks formed in his stomach, and he looked back at her as she wiped tears off of her cheeks. He had no idea how he could have done that to someone, to her.

"You okay?"

She didn't answer him. Goosebumps were pimpled all over her arms and he picked up his jacket again and tried to offer it to her. She scooted away from him again. She was still scared of him. Sure, she had avoided him as much as possible, but he thought it was because of a lot of things; she was back with Dally, for one thing. It surprised him a little to realize it was because she was afraid he might hurt her again. He had never meant to hurt her in the first place.

Some things were impossible to erase, and by looking at her right then, Tim knew this was one of those things. It had been months and obviously time did not matter to her.

"You okay?" he repeated for about the hundredth time, not really expecting an answer.

She didn't offer him one, again, and just pulled further into herself.

Looking at his hands, he searched for something, an apology maybe. All he found was a confession.

"I used you."

This elicited a look from her. She looked angry and upset all at the same time.

"I conned you into going out with me because I wanted to even the score with Dally. And that's what I did," he told her. "That was all it was supposed to be. A few dates, remember? Just enough to get under his skin, but we had fun. You surprised me, and that's a damn hard thing to do."

There still wasn't much response from her. She wiped at her cheeks and sniffed back tears. Tim looked at his hands, unsure of where he was going with this. It was kind of eye-opening for himself.

"You remember when me and Monty broke into that liquor store? Most other girls would have sat in the car and pouted, or screeched to the high heavens, but you actually helped. You did it."

She didn't say anything, and he continued.

"I didn't expect to fall for you the way I did." It was weird to say that out loud when he'd spent the last few months hating her, and he was sure she was doing the same. It was hard to admit because it was true. Ellie had caught him up by surprise. She was never like the other girls he had dated, she was cooler, a little calmer and didn't require her hand to be held at all times, and all of that in a chick that was pretty plain and pretty small.

There was a tremble in her lip, and Tim didn't say anything else. He'd shared enough.

"You liked me because I helped you steal beer?"

He smirked a little. How did he make her understand that it wasn't the circumstance, but the action that mattered?

"I guess that was part of it," he replied.

She hiccupped a little when she took a deep breath and wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"I can't look at you the same anymore," she said. "All I see is you in that car that night."

Tim looked down at his hands, wondering what he had done that night. It was all still a haze to him.

"I haven't had a drink since that night," he said.

"You're a liar," she said, her voice loud. "You were drinking in there and at that New Year's party."

"I mean liquor, shit like that. I don't drink more than a couple of beers at once, but that hard stuff knocks me down."

It obviously made no difference to her and he searched for something else to say but had nothing. Nothing made a difference anyway. He was learning the hard way that hurt was hard to fix. Instead of saying anything, he offered her his jacket again. He held it out in the space between them, waiting. Ellie looked at it and at him for what seemed like hours. Finally a hesitant hand reached out and accepted it from him.

"Thanks," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

In the end, Tim had no idea if she forgave him or if the cold won out.

XXX

The drive home was quiet, but Ellie's mind was racing. She hated that Tim had more or less come to her rescue, and she hated that she had been in a situation that required it.

She glanced over at him, his dark eyes steady on the road. She knew he wasn't a good guy – she wasn't that naïve – but she knew he also didn't have to do what he did. He did not have to step in and fix the situation she had brought upon herself. He didn't have to save the day when she didn't much deserve it, but he did it anyway. It didn't make their history hurt any less, it just made it less haunting.

"Thanks," she managed to say.

He looked over at her briefly before looking back at the road. "Yeah." His tone was just as blank as his expression.

The car turned onto her street, and she suddenly spoke up again. "I'm failing in school," she said.

She watched his eyes narrow as he pulled in front of her house and parked the car.

"So?"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do about it."

"Is that what this little stunt with Rick was about? Christ. If you think that's gonna get you on track in school, you're dumber than I thought you were."

A comment like that would have made her angry any other time, but she sank further into her seat.

"I know, but that wasn't what that was about."

He looked like he was going to ask her what it was about, but he must have decided against it. He probably didn't want to know in the first place.

"Listen, kid. What're you expecting me to say? I got kicked out when I was your age. Curly wouldn't be going if it wasn't a part of his probation. It ain't gonna get most of us anywhere, so what's the point?"

She nodded and started to open the door.

"And, Ellie?"

She stood beside the car, leaning on the open door. "Yeah?"

"I know you aren't that dumb, so stop acting so fucking stupid. And you don't gotta go to school to learn the shit I'm talking about."

Giving him a tight smile, she shut the door and headed inside. Everybody had told her essentially the same thing, but it was different somehow coming from him.

Jimmy was asleep in the armchair when she walked in the house, and Danny seemed to asleep too. Pausing by her mother's open bedroom door, she peered in and saw the dark lump on the bed breathing deeply in her sleep. Closing her bedroom door behind her, Ellie lay down on her bed and curled up. She tried not to think about the whole evening with Rick, but it was hard not to and hot tears stung her eyes. It could have been bad, but she had Tim to thank for it not being so. She thought back to that night in Monty's car nearly a year ago and told herself that was a different person back then. That was a Tim she didn't know.

Getting up, she looked around her room for a long time, looking for something to do. There was a stack of notebooks on her dresser, and she grabbed the top one, flipping to a blank page. She found a pen in her bag, and she held it to the first line of the page for a long time. Inside, she was a storm of guilt and hurt, and she felt completely lost. She wondered if it was the same way Dallas felt before running into the gunfire back in September.

Words ran through her mind. Words she wanted to say but knew she never would. Words she needed to say but didn't want to. She finally just started writing.

_Dear Dallas … _

_For the life of me I can not remember  
What made us think we were wise  
And would never compromise._

_

* * *

_

A/N: So sorry for the very late update. One of us had a death in the family and spent a lot of time with family. It wasn't pure disregard.


	44. Let's Pretend That It Was Perfect

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and "Over It" belongs to Ace Enders and a Million Different People.**

**Sorry for the delays with posting. One of these days, we will be back on track! :)**

* * *

_We're moving on, never regret it,  
__And please don't expect it_  
_'Cause we're on our own._

**February 1967**

Two-Bit had asked his mom to tell his friends not to come to his trial, and they hadn't. It was just one more thing nobody needed to deal with. If she would have listened, he would have told her and Lucy not to come along either, but he knew that would have been a waste of breath. They came, and his poor mother cried through the whole process. He stole a few glances back to find Lucy holding her hand and trying not to cry too. It felt like if there was a layer of scum on the earth, then about a thousand feet under that was what he was.

He swallowed back the tears that stung his eyes when he could hear his mama whimpering over his year-long sentence. In a way, he was glad he had to serve the time. His family would have gone broke trying to pay back the damages he caused to the police car he crashed into, not to mention the fines his offenses had racked up. He hated being sent away for so long, but if that made up for the stupid things he had done, he was willing to pay the price.

The officer was cuffing him again after his sentence was read, but the guy was nice enough to let him hug his mom.

"You take care of yourself," she managed to get out between sobs. "We'll come visit you every week."

"Don't waste your money on that," he said, holding her at arms length. "You two don't need to come down there."

He hugged his little sister, and she clung tight to him, crying. He had to be the worst big brother in history. "You take care of Mom, okay, Luce? And behave yourself. She don't need anymore gray hairs than I've given her."

She nodded against him, and his mother kissed his cheek again.

"I'm awful sorry about all this," he said. He really didn't want to cry in front of either of them, but he couldn't help it. He knew the things he had been doing were stupid, but he didn't think they would affect his family the way they did.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Just take care of yourself," she repeated.

"It's time to go, son," the officer behind him said.

Two-Bit nodded. "You'll write me, won't you? You too, Lucy."

They both promised they would every day. They were still crying when he was lead out of the courtroom.

XXX

With the news that Two-Bit had gone to join Dally in the big house for the next year, Soda felt himself falling back into a slump. It was hard enough trying to get back to any type of normalcy without Johnny and without Dally, but losing Two-Bit was like cutting off another arm. It was going to be hard to function without his humor to balance the rest of them out.

Soda was sitting slouched on the couch on his day off. No one was around, except maybe Ellie, but she hadn't come around in over a week. He thought that he should go check up on her, make sure she was okay, but he was interrupted when the mailman stepped onto their porch. Soda closed his eyes, waiting for the man to be gone before he rushed outside to grab the mail. He had sent the letter to Sandy weeks ago, and he still had to hear back. He could wait, though. He'd wait forever for her.

When he heard the gate close, Soda was out of his seat and on the porch in two seconds flat. Throwing open the lid he grabbed the stack of envelopes and quickly fished through them, stopping abrubtly when he recognized her name in his own handwriting. Angry red letters stamped into the white paper glared up at him as well. _Return to sender._

"No," he said, dropping the rest of the mail back in the box.

He flipped the envelope over and ran his fingers along the unopened seal. Tears pricked in the backs of his eyes, and he flipped the letter over and over again, looking for any sign that she may have read it, but there was nothing. For the second time, he felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. How could she not have read it?

XXX

Two-Bit was sitting in the cafeteria, wondering how he was going to handle a whole year there. He had done his fair share of overnighters in the jailhouse for something stupid, mostly drinking, but prison was the big times. The place was big and cold; it was exactly the way he pictured it.

He tried not to think about where he was, but the only other option was to think about where he wasn't. His friends were all screwed up, it felt like. His mom and sister were just a source of guilt, even though he knew they wouldn't want him feeling that way. The only other person that he could occupy his time thinking about was Kathy, and that was something he didn't need to do. She had told him he was going nowhere. Well, nowhere ended up being the Oklahoma State Penitentiary.

He stabbed his plastic fork at the lump of potatoes on his plate and scanned the room. He had his eyes peeled for the tow-headed bastard he knew was already there, but he couldn't seem to spot him. There were a few guys sitting at the other end of the table, and Two-Bit scooted down their way. They were a mean looking bunch, and he tried not to seem overly friendly. Big, mean guys didn't seem to like that too much.

"You guys happen to know anything about a Dallas Winston that's in here?" he asked.

One of the guys looked up from his tray while the others ignored him.

"Heard of him."

Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow. That wasn't enough information to let him know if it was safe to associate himself with Dally. "Like what? If you don't mind me asking."

"That he's back in solitary."

"Solitary, huh?"

"He a friend of yours?"

"Friend?" he asked. He let out a low whistle. "I don't think he's really anybody's friend."

The guy shrugged a little. "Sounds about right. He's a mean son of a bitch."

"What'd he do to get solitary?"

"The way I hear it, he's got a tendency to pound his cellmates into the ground when he gets the chance. He tries, at least. I think this last one got the upper hand. That kid's a little prick."

Two-Bit nodded slightly and scooted back to where he was. He didn't know what he was expecting when he got there. He didn't expect Dally would be much in the mood for company, but he was surprised that he was acting up the way he was. Dally always made it out of the cooler early for good behavior, and he always liked to rub in the fact that he could behave himself when he wanted to. Two-Bit figured it wasn't a good sign that Dal was going out of his way to make sure he stayed in as much trouble as he could.

XXX

Dally slowly made his way through the line in the cafeteria. He didn't remember much about Will Rogers, but the food looked pretty similar. He made his way through the mess of tables to one of the furthest ones, frowning when he spotted someone at his table.

"You're in my spot," he said. The guy didn't turn around. "Hey. I said you're in my way."

The guy finally acknowledged him, and Dally nearly dropped his tray of food when he found Two-Bit in front of him, a stupid fucking grin plastered on his face.

"Well, well, well. Fancy meetin' you here."

"What the hell are you doing?" Dally slammed his tray down on the table. He glanced back at one of the guards who was eyeing him carefully. He reluctantly sat down and tried to not look like he wanted to beat the ever-loving shit out of someone.

"Just eating."

"No," he snapped. "I mean, what are you doing _here_?"

"What? You got a claim on the prisons around here?"

Prison was something he could deal with. Prison with Two-Bit was something no one should have to deal with.

"Golly, Dal. You look meaner than usual. I didn't know you could be meaner."

Dally kept glaring at him.

"You know, you're a hard man to find," Two-Bit continued. "I came all the way here to see you, and I find out you're stuck in solitary my first couple days."

"Don't tell me you came all the way here for my benefit."

Two-Bit grinned, and it pissed Dally off. "Not exactly. I was at a party and had a little too much of a good time. I was cruisin' down the Ribbon and bam. Cruised right into a cop car."

He couldn't help but study Two-Bit carefully. "Are you shitting me?"

"I wish I was. My old lady sure is upset at me for it, too. I figured after a year in this joint, though, she'll be over it by the time I'm out."

"Good Christ," Dally muttered.

He grinned again. "That's right, buddy. You're stuck with me for a year.

He mumbled to himself and turned his attention to the food on his plate.

"Don't you wanna know how everything is back home?"

"No."

"No? Not even Ellie?"

Dally studied his tray as he ate, refusing to look up at Two-Bit. As far as he was concerned, there wasn't anything back home for him to be concerned about. As far as he was concerned, he didn't have a home outside of the cellblock walls he was behind.

Two-Bit seemed to get the point that the chatting was over and left him alone for the rest of their lunch. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle a whole year of being stuck with the clown in prison of all places.

XXX

Twilight was starting to settle over their neighborhood, and Ellie was impatiently waiting for Steve to get home. There were a lot of things she desperately needed to fix in her life, and one of them was letting Steve have his _I told you so_. She sat on the front step of his porch, hoping Steve would end up home before his dad.

When he finally pulled his car up and parked on the street, she stayed where she was. She waved a little at him when he got out and headed up the lawn toward her. She was prepared for his reaction to her black eye. It was starting to fade since that night, so it looked worse than it was.

"Shit, El," he said, popping down beside her. He took her chin and looked her over. "Who did that?"

"Rick," she told him, and when his feathers began to ruffle, she put a hand on his arm and continued, "I'm done with it."

Steve raised his eyebrow and looked at her as though he didn't believe it.

"You were right," she said, looking away now. This was the hard part, admitting the fact that she was a total idiot. "I almost got hurt."

"Almost?"

"I know, but it coulda been a lot worse," she told him.

"How come?"

And this was where it got scary.

"Tim."

She saw his pulse in his throat suddenly quicken, his hands balling into fists.

"Christ."

"If he hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened," she said.

It was the truth, too. Almost a week had gone by, and she was still turning it over and over in her mind, that and everything Tim said to her. She would never admit it to Steve, but Ellie knew that the Tim she knew never meant to do what he did that night. He never meant to hurt her or scare her the way he did. That didn't mean things were okay with them, but it made it a little easier for her to put in the past.

Steve was completely silent and staring at his hands. She knew what he was thinking about, and she wished he'd stop.

"I'm sorry it was him," he said.

Ellie lay her head on his shoulder, wishing more than anything that she had never pulled him into her troubles.

"Can we not fight anymore?" She asked. Too many people were gone now, and she did not want to lose Steve, too.

He set his arm across her shoulders. "Good idea."

XXX

Out of breath, Soda collapsed on the porch the same time as his brothers. He had run like he never had before, but not away from them like he had been trying to do for months, he ran with them. The three of them sat there, staggered on the porch steps, all three breathing trying to catch their breath. Soda took a moment to let it sink in that they were all breathing.

"I love you guys," Soda said.

Darry squeezed his shoulders and he and Pony repeated the affection at the same time. Soda knew that his brothers understood their importance in each others' lives, but right then he knew they got it the same way he did. It had taken his entire heart to make them understand that he couldn't be the middle man, the one holding it all together anymore. He couldn't be both Mom and Dad and himself in the fights between them. If they were going to survive, they had to do it together.

Behind him, he could feel Darry looking down the steps at he and Pony, and he could almost tell what he was thinking. He knew that he'd be blaming himself for the fighting and for everything else there was to find blame for. Below him, Pony was looking up at the two of them with big, green eyes and looking more like a little kid than Soda'd seem him look in a long time. He honestly looked like he had snapped out of everything that had been holding him down since Johnny died.

"What do you guys say? Wanna finish dinner and then go out for ice cream?" Darry said.

Pony's face lit up with a genuine smile and Soda popped up to his feet.

"Let's go."

XXX

While the rest of the world was probably still up and having a good time, Two-Bit was flat on his back staring up at a gray ceiling. It was dark and the noises were unfamiliar and although a tough guy like himself would never admit to it, he was a little scared of them. It took him a good long while, but he finally fell asleep by pretending he was in his own bed.

_We need some saving  
To help prevent our hearts from breaking  
So we can say that all of this was worth it._


	45. Live While You Can

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders, we do not. We also do not own "Ordinary Day" by Vanessa Carlton.**

**

* * *

**

_Just a day,  
Just an ordinary day,  
Just trying to get by_

**March 1967**

Pushing his homework aside, Pony reached for the newspaper Darry had left on the kitchen table and flipped it back to the weather forecast. He'd heard people talking about snow coming up and he smiled to himself to see that it was forecasted to fall by morning.

"Pony, you done yet?"

He looked at Darry and nodded, slamming his books closed and attempting to run out of the kitchen.

"Not so fast, little buddy. I'm going to check your math."

With an annoyed sigh, Pony handed over his math book and worksheet and ran for the phone. He quickly dialed Ellie's number and waited and waited. No one was picking up, and he slammed the phone back down. He wasn't discouraged, though. He knew it would be better to surprise her.

"Pony, you missed a few," Darry called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, heading back.

XXX

The dream was getting pretty bad, and she suddenly jolted awake. She lay still for several seconds trying to pinpoint what it was that woke her in the first place. The dream had fizzled away and no one was moving around. Danny wasn't crying. She looked at her alarm clock and saw that it was rounding on three in the morning. Danny wouldn't be up for another hour or so if he didn't sleep through the night. A gentle tapping noise came from her bedroom window and she realized. Her breath caught in her throat. The only one that had ever come tapping on her window in the middle of the night was Dallas.

Rolling out of bed, she crept to the window and brushed the curtains aside. Pony was looking in and smiled a little. She knew it couldn't have been Dally, but it still let her down.

Unlocking the window, she slid it open and was greeted by a blast of cold air and snowflakes.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Hey," he said again.

"What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night."

"Sorry." His eyes were gleaming. He moved aside slightly and motioned to the world outside. "But it's snowing."

"So?" Ellie asked, stifling a yawn.

His face drooped a little, and he looked at her with a pitiful look.

"You remember, don't you?" he urged. "We used to do this."

She looked past him and watched the snow flakes falling. She hated to be cold, but she loved the snow.

"We did this once," she corrected. But she did remember, and she couldn't hide the nostalgic smile that crept across her lips. It was ages ago; they couldn't have been 10 years old when it happened. Just like this night, Pony had snuck out of his house and come to hers. He tapped on her window, waking her up so they could go out and play in the snow before it was disturbed by everyday life. They had played for what seemed like hours, and Mr. Curtis had trekked out into the cold to find them.

_"Awfully cold to be playing out in the middle of the night," he had said. _

_Ellie froze with a snowball in her hand, and Pony stood stock still just across from her. They were in big trouble this time. Mr. Curtis' heavy boots crunched through the fresh snow until he was right between them. He looked at Pony and then he looked at her. Ellie swallowed hard, wondering if it were possible for him to really be that mad. He stood there, giving them disapproving glances and then he stooped down, and formed a snowball between his gloved hands._

_"I won't tell Mom if you won't," he said, cracking his famous grin. _

Ellie smiled at the memory and nodded at Pony. "Lemme go get my coat. I'll meet you out front."

He smiled wide before she shut the window and crept around her room in the dark, throwing on warm clothes. She carefully pulled the door open and stood in the threshold for several seconds, waiting to hear if Danny was going to start up or if her mom or Jimmy stirred. Nothing.

She threw on her coat, wrapped her scarf around her neck and borrowed her mother's gloves. She slid her feet into her shoes and opened the front door with as much caution as she had opened her bedroom door. The brisk wind took her breath away, but the promise of fun in the snow was too much to pass up, cold or not.

"Wanna go to the lot?" He asked.

"As good a place as any," she said, following his lead. It was funny how he was different than he had been at that moment. If she hadn't known any better, she never would have guessed anything had been wrong. He was himself again, and somehow it made her feel like she was her old self again, too.

They walked silently together. She wasn't really thinking about anything, but she couldn't help but wonder what was on his mind. She had hardly talked to him in weeks, and the few times they did, it ended up in a fight. When they came in view of the lot, though, Ellie bad memories invaded her thoughts. She saw Dally there, crumpling after a chorus of gunfire. Pony started to run ahead, but Ellie felt her feet freeze to the ground. Standing there solidified the feeling that he wasn't there and wasn't going to be there anytime soon.

"Hey," he called out, cracking the silence. "Come on!"

It was an innocent request. He was standing there, watching her with a smile that threatened to fade. She bent over and made a snowball. Stealing a glance, she saw the grin on his face widen as he made his own. Ellie threw hers when he wasn't looking and hit him on his shoulder.

"Hey!" he said with a laugh. Ellie shrieked when he cocked his arm, taking aim. She dashed away but felt his snowball hit her in the back.

Ellie packed together another snowball, keeping Pony in her sights the whole time. He was laughing, and it was making her laugh that much harder. The whole world seemed to disappear right there in the middle of the night in their very own snow globe.

They kept at it, throwing flaky artillery until Ellie took one to the cheek. She gasped as the snowball smacked her in the face. The icy ball scraping across her already frozen skin hurt. She cupped her cheek, and Pony ran over to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Ellie pulled her hand away and smiled.

"I'm fine. I think I've had enough snowballs, though."

"Sure."

She lay down in the snow, which was barely two inches deep, and spread her arms. It didn't seem to snow enough in Tulsa, and when it did, no one seemed to really enjoy it. Pony lay beside her, fingertip-to-fingertip. They made snow angels and then lay silent again. Ellie closed her eyes against the flakes and soaked in the quiet, snow filled night. Nothing ever seemed as perfect and still as when the snow fell. She wished it could always be that way.

"That night your dad caught us out here in the snow was so much fun."

It was so much more than that, though, she realized. It had been so innocent, they had been so innocent.

"I miss him."

Ellie opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. He was staring right up at the sky, his eyes fluttering every time a snowflake landed on his lashes.

"I miss him, too," she said. It had taken her a long time to warm up to him, but Mr. Curtis was the closest thing she ever had to real dad growing up.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

He turned his head and looked at her. "For being such a jerk lately."

"I'm sorry, too," she said. "I've been more of a jerk than anyone."

"I just … I feel like I'm stuck. Everywhere I turn, there's a wall or something. I was hardly getting along with Darry … " he said, his voice trailing off.

"It just takes time," she said, wondering why she couldn't take her own advice. "To heal, you know?"

"I think we're okay now."

"I really hope so," Ellie told him. "I can't stand the thought of losing you guys."

Chills were running up and down her spine, and she was trying to hide the way she started shaking from the cold. She couldn't mask it in her voice, though.

"You cold?" he asked, sitting up and ending the conversation. She sat up slowly and wondered if he had wanted it that way.

"Yeah," she said. He stood up and held his hands out for her and pulled her to her feet.

"I'll walk you home."

XXX

They sat together on her bed, talking quietly in her silent house. He could feel the way she was still shivering, her shoulder knocking against his every so often. The sound of a baby crying made them both freeze, and she sighed and tilted her head back. Pony listened for anything else, but there was no movement.

"Guess I'm getting him again tonight," she said.

She tossed the blanket from her shoulders and left the room. He listened as the cries softened a bit, and she passed by her room toward the kitchen. Pony knew she'd been doing a lot of the work for the new baby, but he never really thought about the fact that she had to get up in the middle of the night to take care of him.

She came back in and shut the door behind her, holding a weeping baby in one arm and a bottle in the other.

"Hold this," she said, handing him the bottle.

He took it and she got herself settled on the bed again, blanket around her shoulders and her back resting against the wall. She positioned Danny and reached for the bottle. Pony watched as the tiny person eagerly took the bottle.

"There you go," Ellie said, her voice soft and comforting.

"Does he do this every night?" he asked, mesmerized. He had never held a baby, and had only seen a few in his life

Ellie looked at him, and he first noticed how tired she looked.

"Yeah. Sometimes Mom actually gets him, but a lot of time she just lets him cry. Then Jimmy yells, and I end up getting him," she said, focusing back on Danny's face. "It ain't exactly what I signed on for, but he's an okay kid. It ain't his fault."

"Why doesn't your mom do it?"

She sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know. She tells me she can't do it. Sometimes she doesn't even want to be near him. It's like she's all messed up or something."

"Is this why you don't go to school so much?"

The question seemed to catch her off-guard. She looked at him with tired eyes and shrugged again.

"Sometimes," she said.

"Are you going to drop out?" he asked.

She shifted as though she were uncomfortable and through a couple of strangled starts, she finally said, "I'm failing out. I had to go talk to Mr. Burwell, and he said that I would have to go every day the rest of the year and the whole summer to make up everything I've missed."

"Man," he said. He thought he was doing pretty lousy. He tried to give her a little encouragement. "I'm flunking English."

"You sound like you're bragging about it," she said, her mouth twisted in a half smile.

"I'm not really. I'm flunking but Mr. Syme gave me an assignment to make up for it. I have to write a semester theme and if he likes it, he'll pass me. Maybe if you asked him he'd-"

"I'm not just flunking English, though. I'm flunking everything," she said.

Even though Pony didn't have much motivation for school lately, he at least had Darry breathing down his neck checking his math and everything else he could. Ellie was taking care of her baby brother. No one was checking her math problems.

"I don't think it's worth it," she said.

He wanted to tell her to try, because he was finally trying, and he knew it felt good to actually care again.

"Are you still going to those parties and stuff?" He wasn't exactly sure what the parties were that she had been going to, but he hoped she wasn't since Soda hadn't been going, and Two-Bit was in jail.

She shook her head. "No. They didn't end up being that much fun."

"Have you heard from Dally?"

She didn't answer right away as she watched Danny, but she was biting her lower lip.

"No," she said. "I haven't really tried."

"How come?" He asked.

"Awhile back I went and saw him in the hospital. He didn't want to see me so bad he threw his lunch tray at me to get me out of the room. After he turned hismelf in I went to his sentencing," she said. "He pled guilty and I … I've never seen his face like that."

"I didn't know you went," he said.

She looked at him and shrugged. "I didn't tell anyone I went. He saw me and I don't think he wanted me there either."

"You'll hear from him," Pony said, trying to be optimistic for her.

"No, I won't."

"Then you oughta write him or something."

She smirked a little.

"What?" he asked.

She leaned across him as best she could while balancing Danny on her lap and reached under her pillow. She pulled out a crinkled envelope. It was addressed to Dally, but it wasn't stamped.

"I already did."

"So why haven't you sent it?"

She shrugged. "I don't think he's dying to hear from me or anything."

"You never know. He might write back once he gets your letter. What'd you write to him?" He glanced at her over the top of the letter, wondering if it was any of his business to be asking that.

"I don't know. Nothing very important. I didn't really know what to say to him.

"I think you should send it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"He could not write me back," she pointed out.

"Which he's doing right now," he replied. "Send it. You'll regret it if you don't."

She smiled. "I guess I already have enough of those, I don't really need another one."

Settling back against the wall, he watched as Danny finished his bottle, and she propped him up on her shoulder to burp him. She patted his back with gentle pats and yawned deeply. Danny let out a tiny burp, and she kept him up against her.

"How are you?" she asked.

Pony shrugged. "Things are okay."

It wasn't really a lie; things were going fine. School had finally given him a break, he and Darry were getting along and everyone else – with the exception of Two-Bit and Dally – was finally getting back on track.

"Oh, I'm late starting out but I'm going back out for track this year," he added. "Darry talked me into it, and I talked to the coaches and they're putting me on as an alternate."

"That's great."

"Yeah, it's nice to do something," he said. What he meant to say was that it was nice to do something normal. It made him feel normal again. He missed Johnny terribly and still had a hard time thinking about him, but it was getting easier to accept that Johnny wasn't there and that he was probably okay wherever he was now. He wanted to put something like that into his theme.

"You think things will ever get back to normal?" she asked.

That was a wallop of a question. Pony thought about it, but then he started to wonder what normal even was. Normal was when his parents were alive. Normal was when the whole gang was together. Normal was life before Johnny died and Dally went berserk. Pony sighed; normal sure had a way of reinventing itself.

"What's normal?" he asked.

She smiled a little and said, "I was afraid you were going to say that."

XXX

Pony shuffled his feet through the snow. The flakes had stopped falling, and he was sure the snow would probably be gone by mid-morning, after the morning traffic and kids walked to school. He looked up at the sky one more time outside of his house, wondering if anybody was looking back. It made him a little sad to think about the number of people that were probably looking back.

He trudged up the porch steps and walked inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. He was surprised to see Darry in the kitchen, and he leaned against the door, ready for a fight to erupt.

"What're you doing up?" Pony asked.

Darry held up the glass of milk in his hand. "I was turning up the heat and getting a drink. I thought you were asleep. Where have you been?"

There weren't any accusations in his voice, just a plain question.

"Sorry, I just went over to Ellie's for a little bit."

He raised his eyebrows. "At three in the morning?"

Pony shrugged. "It's snowing."

Darry frowned at him but didn't say anything. Then he seemed to think of something. "Remember when Dad caught you two playing out there a long time ago?"

He smiled at his brother. "That's kind of why I went over. It seemed important."

Darry shook his head, but there was a smirk on his face. "You better get some sleep."

Pony shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the hook by the door. "You too."

"Sure, little man."

He snuck back into his room, leaving Darry in the kitchen alone. He struggled to change his clothes in silence and left them in a damp pile on the floor, a little bit of snow still clinging to his shoes.

Sliding under the covers, he buried his face in the pillow, a smile tugging at his lips. It felt like things might be able to finally piece themselves back together.

_Just a boy,  
Just an ordinary boy,  
But he was looking to the sky_

* * *

_A/N: Remember when we used to be awesome at posting? We do, too._


	46. Like a Someone Broken

****

**Disclaimer: We do not own "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton nor do we own the song "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas.**

* * *

**March 1967**

_We were drawn from the weeds_  
_We were brave like soldiers_  
_Falling down under the pale moonlight_

There was an envelope sitting on Dally's bunk when he walked into the cell. It was sitting right on top of his pillow so that he was sure to see it. All he could do was stare. He'd been in for almost four months, and this was the first time he'd had any contact with anyone from outside prison walls with the exception of Two-Bit. When his new cellmate was giving him a funny look, Dally moved toward his bed.

He cast the letter aside, off of his pillow and out of sight as he lay down. He knew who it was from. There was only one person it could possibly be from, and he was trying really hard to not think about it. Ellie wouldn't say anything worth his while. He knew that she would only write stupid things about how she missed him and how she hoped he was okay.

His curiosity was getting to him, though, and he reached for the letter he'd tossed toward the end of his bunk and lay back down.

Holding the envelope above his face, he studied the handwriting and how worn the paper looked.

"Christ," he muttered, ripping it open.

_Dear Dallas,_  
Dally lowered the letter and set it on his chest. He didn't know what to think, so he picked it up again and read the words over. She had scratched out a few things and the whole piece of paper looked like it had been wadded up and thrown in the trash. The letter itself didn't really say much, but the condition it was in spoke volumes about her.

I know this is stupid and you'll think it's stupid, but I wanted to write you anyway.

Things haven't been too good here. Pony's been a wreck, but I think he's finally getting better. I don't know if you heard about Sandy leaving Soda, but he's been a mess since it happened. I think Darry might have talked sense into him. I wish he would have tried harder to talk it into me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I just feel bad about everything that happened to you. I wish you would have talked to me or something. I worried about you until you turned yourself in. I wish you wouldn't have done that.  
I know you won't write back, but I put stamps, paper and envelopes in with this, just in case.

I miss you a lot, and you still owe me a night out. You made me promise.

Ellie

Rolling over, he picked up the envelopes she had already stamped and included with her letter and raised them up to his cellmate laying above him.

"Marty, want these?" he asked.

Marty looked over the edge and took the envelopes.

"Who they from?"

"No one," Dally said.

"That's the first bit of mail I seen you get. You ain't gonna write 'em back?"

"No," Dally said simply. Marty shrugged and rolled back onto his bunk. Dally crumpled up the letter and threw it toward his feet and to the floor.

Somewhere down the block, a guard yelled for lights out and in less than a minute the cell was swathed in darkness, the only light coming from the tiny barred window above the bunks. He heard Marty settle in and start to snore after a while. He heard footsteps headed down the row. The night sounds were out in full force, and even though he was used to them, they were keeping him up.

He stared at the cinderblock wall and then turned on his other side and stared at the other wall. There was nothing hanging on his small patch of wall, but above it, Marty's was covered in pictures of a pretty girl and little kids. It kind of made him sick that anyone would want kids in the first place, and to actually miss them when you could sleep in a quiet place all night and not deal with the shit that came with relationships.

He turned onto his back and rubbed his eyes, realizing the thing that was keeping him from sleeping was that damn letter. Even when she wasn't there, she could invade his thoughts and get in his way. If there was one thing he wanted, it was to not think about her. She was close to him, too close. She did stupid shit like write him and try to get him to talk. She cried over him.

He muttered a curse under his breath and fished the letter off the floor. He fell back on his pillow with a sigh. Uncrumpling the wad of paper, he struggled to read the words in the dark, wondering what she really wanted to say. Knowing her, there was some fucking code or something. Some stupid words she would have expected him to read between the lines. He kept reading the last line over and over again. _I miss you a lot and you still owe me a night out. You made me promise._

She kept her promises. She'd come back to him. She'd probably wait her whole damn life for him if he told her to. Hell, she would probably do it if he didn't.

Folding it a couple times, he lifted the edge of his mattress and stuck it underneath. He crossed his arms over his eyes and tried to blot her out, remembering what it was like to lose something. Losing Johnny like he did was enough. That kid didn't deserve to die, and Dally hated him for doing something that ended up killing him. Dally had been right there and couldn't stop it from happening.

He rolled over to his side and tried to focus on the nighttime sounds and ignore everything raging in his mind. He decided he just wouldn't write her back, and she'd get the hint.

XXX

There wasn't much point in arguing with her mom, because as much as Ellie would fight her on a subject, Abby would just ultimately give up. Trying to convince her mom to get out of the house for awhile ended up with Abby slamming her bedroom door in Ellie's face. Ellie felt incredibly helpless when it came to her anymore. She didn't know how to get her to snap out of whatever slump she had fallen into. Ellie felt that if she could pull herself out of her own problems, her mother should at least try.

The front door opened and closed, and Ellie looked over to see Jimmy standing there.

"Any luck?"

It was strange for her to get along with Jimmy, and she figured it was because they had the same goal. Jimmy was desperate to get Abby out of the house for a bit, but she refused him as well.

"No," Ellie told him.

The helplessness in his eyes flared into anger, and he threw his lunchbox into the kitchen and stormed back out of the house. The box must have slammed hard into one of the cabinets because aside from the crash of the metal, she heard china rattle as well.

Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat, checked on Danny and then locked herself in her bedroom.

A few hours later, there came a gentle tap at her window. Grateful for the distraction from the silence in her house, Ellie pushed the curtains aside and opened the window for Ponyboy.

"Hey," she said, closing the window after him.

"Hey. Can I ask you a favor?"

He was holding a notebook in his hands, gripping it tightly.

"Sure," she said. She sat down on her bed, but Pony stayed standing, looking nervous.

"Remember when I told you Mr. Syme told me to write a semester theme to pull up my grade?" he asked.

Ellie nodded.

"Well, I wrote it."

"Already?"

"Yeah, I kind of stayed up most of the last few nights writing it."

"That's great. So what's the favor?"

He started to hand the notebook to her, but he pulled it back.

"I need someone to read it before I turn it in," he said. "I thought about asking Darry or Soda, but Soda don't really read much and I can't let Darry read it. Not yet."

"What's it about?" she asked, assuming he had written about his parents. Ellie wasn't really even sure if she could handle reading about his parents, not if Pony had written it. It would be too heartbreaking.

Finally, Pony sat down beside her on the bed, still holding the notebook as though it were a life preserver.

"It's about everything. Everything from last fall. About me and Darry and Soda. Johnny and Dallas. About everything that happened."

For a long time, she couldn't say anything; she didn't know what to say. Their story was almost too much to handle when she felt like she was still living it. Everything from last fall didn't seem all that long ago to her. Sometimes she still woke up in the morning with the feelings she had when Pony and Johnny were gone. She still woke up remembering the way Dally looked when he went down in a hail of gun fire.

Pony was looking at her expectantly, and she just looked back at him, unsure of what to say to him.

"Will you read it before I turn it in?"

Before she could stop herself, she told him she would, and Pony set the notebook in her lap.

"Let me know what you think. The truth, okay? I wanna know before I turn it in."

She nodded, and he got up and left through the window without saying anything else. Alone with the notebook, Ellie didn't know what to do. She set it on her bed and hovered over the cover, studying the way Pony wrote his name on the cover and the little doodles he had drawn on the corners.

When she decided it wasn't going to bite her, she opened the cover. He had titled his theme "The Outsiders." Ellie started reading, words jumping off the page at her. She felt like she could even hear Pony's quiet voice in them. She wasn't ten pages in before she felt the lump forming in her throat again, and she had to stop herself completely when she reached the part where Johnny killed Bob.

In the months since everything had happened, the fact that Johnny was responsible for killing Bob Sheldon had never really sunk in for Ellie. Quiet and sweet Johnnycake stabbing some kid to death just did not work in her mind. Slowly, she forced herself to read what Pony had written, and she couldn't stop herself from crying. While all this was going on with her friends – while some stupid Socs were trying to drown Pony in the fountain and Johnny was trying to stop it all – she was falling asleep next to Dally.

Ellie read and read, turning the pages slowly. There had been so much she didn't know, so much she didn't realize. Pony recalled everything with such clarity and detail. He had included every little detail about their neighborhood. Even the Shepards had a small part in it. Tim's name jumped off the page at her, and she cringed a little at Pony's comparison between him and Dallas. She knew them both, and besides being hoods, she didn't think she could draw the same comparisons.

When she reached the part where Dally was shot, she stopped again. She'd seen it up close and still could remember the way things smelled after the guns went off. Pony's retelling felt like a jab to the gut, though, because in his story, it didn't make it seem as though Dally survived. It just ended with that. Dally just disappeared in the end.

She herself was noticeably absent for most of the story, which she didn't exactly mind. She didn't want to read about herself. Her absence, though, made her feel like she had been useless during all that time. She hadn't done a thing to help her best friend, and while there may not have been much for her to do to bring him back home, she hated that he and Johnny had to go through it all alone.

Closing the notebook, Ellie lay down, curling up in her blankets and just letting herself cry. She thought about Johnny in a way she had never let herself think about him since his funeral. It simply hurt too much to think about him and what had happened to him. The words in his letter ran a marathon in her mind. She could hear Johnny's quiet voice reading them, but the voice sounded so much more confident, so sure of himself. She wished terribly that Johnny could have lived like that instead of dying the way he had.

All of those memories from the fall came flooding back like a nightmare, but all she could think of was how Johnny wanted Dally to watch a sunset for once in his life. She cried herself to sleep just thinking about how futile all of that was.

XXX

Warm from sweat, Pony kept running as hard as he could. He wanted to beat the time it had taken him to run home from school the day before. There was a lot propelling him, a lot of energy he'd kept bottled up since October. He'd found, as he once knew but had forgotten in the heat of the hell he'd lived in for several months, that running could just about solve anything. It cleared his mind, and he could sweat out everything that bothered him. He was so glad Darry talked him into joining track again.

As he came up St. Louis Street, he saw Ellie sitting on the front steps, chin in her hands. Running a little faster he sprinted down the sidewalk and across the street, slowing down as he pushed through the gate.

"Hey," he said, panting. There was still a long way to go before he was back in shape, he decided.

Ellie smiled, but there was a lot of heaviness in her eyes, and he noticed his notebook in her lap. He climbed the steps slowly and sat down beside her. Deep in his chest his heart thudded hard. He had convinced himself that of all his friends, Ellie was the one he trusted the most with his story. He realized now, however, that he had really been scared of anyone else reading it.

"What'd you think?" he asked quietly.

"It's really good," she said. She handed the notebook back to him, and he set it in his lap. "I never could have done that. Written about it, you know? I don't know how you did it."

He nodded a little, unsure of what to say. He still didn't know how he managed to get it all out, but he felt better now that it wasn't trapped inside his head anymore.

"Mr. Syme would be crazy to not pass you with that. There's so much in it. I never thought that about everything."

"Thought about what?"

She drew in a breath and held it, looking out on the neighborhood. There was a storm of uncertainty in her eyes and Pony looked away, realizing why he didn't want Darry to read the theme.

"Just that everything that happened was really so much more than what happened between all of us. A moral, I guess …" She trailed off, looking away again. "There's more to it than what happened to Johnny."

In all honesty, he hadn't read it over before he brought it to her. He burned the midnight oil getting it written, writing down everything he was thinking because of Johnny's letter. Six months of haze melted away with Johnny's steadfast words.

"I forgot all about Johnny's letter," she said. "I knew he wrote it, and I was supposed to make sure it got to you, but when I left the hospital after Dally ... "

"The book's been in my room since I got home. I didn't pick it up until I was stuck on what to write. The letter just fell out of it."

She was biting her lip like she wanted to say something, and there were tears in her eyes. He finally nudged her. "What?"

"It's really good, but the end … you make it sound like Dally died."

He went blank then and tried to remember what he had written. He didn't know what to tell her.

"It's okay the way it ends," she said quickly, "but it kind of made me think of how bad it could have been. It was almost that bad."

It was bad, at least what he could remember, and right then he was trying really hard to think about that night. He flipped to the back of the notebook, skimming the parts about Dally getting shot, about what Johnny was asking for from Dally in his letter. There wasn't anything after that because Dally wasn't there. In fact, the last time he had seen Dally was that night in the lot, a gun in his hand until he fell to the ground. The last image he had of Dally was one where anyone else would have died.

Looking at Ellie, he couldn't admit that for months he couldn't fathom how Dally was still alive. It was another lie, like the lies he told himself that Johnny hadn't killed Bob. That Johnny hadn't died.

Ellie wiped at her eyes and quickly regained her composure. He didn't know what to say to her so he didn't say anything at all. It was too much for him to explain and watching her right then, he could tell she was still upset over it all.

"I gotta get home," she said after a while. She turned around at the foot of the steps and gestured toward the notebook in his lap. "You should show Darry. It would mean a lot to him."

He wanted to tell her it wasn't a good idea, that Darry wouldn't be in to it, but he bit his tongue. The reason he didn't want Darry to read it was because he was afraid for Darry to know about the things he had said, the things he had felt. It was too personal when they were still in the process of patching everything together. Sometimes Pony worried that something would happen to tear through the seams before they were strong enough.

"I'll think about it."

"You should be proud of that. Darry would be."

With a little wave, she turned and headed toward home. Pony sat there awhile, the heft of the notebook in his lap. He looked down at it, thinking hard and deciding that he would see what Mr. Syme thought of it before he let anyone else read it.

_Now it's cold and we're scared,  
And we've both been shaken,  
Hey, look at us,  
This doesn't need to be the end.__  
_


	47. We Linger

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_, and The Weepies own the song "Same Changes."**

_

* * *

_

Careful and with patience  
Hold this tender heart  
Weave a well of tiny threads with two fingers

**March 1967**

Blood was starting to soak through the rag wrapped around his palm, and Soda winced as he clenched his hand tight to make it stop. He typically didn't mind blood, but the longer he looked at his oozing from the soaked rag, the sicker he felt.

He looked up when the door opened, expecting a doctor or nurse or somebody but was surprised to see Darry standing there.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Steve called. Are you all right?"

He held his hand a little closer to his chest. "I'm fine."

"That doesn't look fine," he appraised, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door.

"It looks worse than it is. It's fine."

"That must be why you're looking so green right now."

Soda frowned at the smirk on Darry's face. "How'd you manage to get out of work?"

"I told them it was a family emergency. From the way Steve made it sound, your hand was barely attached. I can't believe you drove yourself here. Well, I can't believe Steve let you borrow his car to drive yourself here," he added. It only took a second, but Soda could see the intense worry in his brother's eyes dissipate when he realized Soda wasn't sporting some life threatening wound.

"It's just a scrape." He felt another drop of blood hit his jeans, and Darry raised an eyebrow. "Fine, maybe it's more like a gouge."

There was a knock at the door, and Darry moved out of the way.

When the familiar little blonde nurse walked in the room, Soda looked at his brother. Darry's eyes were wide and focused solely on Allison. His shoulders slumped a bit, and Soda imagined there was suddenly sweat on his palms.

She stammered when she saw who was in the room. "Hi," she finally managed, looking between them but focusing on Soda longer than Darry. "We had a mix up with patient charts, and no one was really sure who was in here."

Soda wasn't sure what to say so he just gave her a smile. She gave him a forced smile and then glanced back at Darry.

"I can find another nurse if you'd like."

Darry hadn't taken his eyes off her, and Soda was starting to really wonder what had happened between the two of them. They had been dating and then all of sudden, they just weren't anymore. Darry seemed more frustrated than anything when Soda brought her up, so he stopped saying anything about her. It burned him up a little to know Darry was happy only to have it ripped away for some reason.

"No, it's fine," Soda said, even though he knew Allison's suggestion hadn't been directed at him.

Darry nodded. "I'll just wait outside."

Soda called his brother's name, but he was already closing the door behind him. Allison busied herself by grabbing supplies from the cabinet over the sink in the corner of the room.

"Sorry about that," she said.

"Is everything okay?"

She placed all of her things on the tray beside her and wheeled it over to Soda. "Sure. Let's see what we've got here."

She unwrapped the rag from his hand, glancing up at him because of the oil spots on it, but she didn't say anything.

"That's some cut," she said.

He shrugged a little as she studied the slice in his palm. "It's not that bad."

"What happened?"

"I was working and my hand just slipped, you know?"

She turned her head a little, challenging that answer in a way that somehow reminded him of his mom, questioning his vague explanations without even opening her mouth.

"I was unloading some boxes at work, and when I went to open one of them with my pocket knife, I slipped. Must not have been paying attention."

She gave him another smile, this one more genuine than the last. "I see. I'll wash this out, then stitch you up. You shouldn't need too many stitches, but you better be careful the next time you're doing something like that."

He tried not to cringe when she rinsed the cut with betadine, but it was hard. He was still feeling a little sick, and he knew if he looked at the cut, he was going to be a lot sick.

"What happened between you and my brother?" he asked quietly. He hoped she didn't think he was prying, even though that was exactly what he was doing. All he was trying to do was get his mind off of what she was doing to his hand.

She paused as she cleaned the cut, but she never took her eyes off his hand. "It just wasn't working, I guess."

"It seemed to be working really well for Darry. I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy, especially after the last couple years we've had."

"It's complicated, Soda."

"I don't think it's all that complicated," he replied.

She sighed and finally looked up at him. "Is that what Darry told you?"

He shook his head. "He didn't tell me anything."

"Oh," was all she said. She used some gauze and wiped at his hand to clear the dark solution from the cut. She almost looked a little hurt.

"He's not really the type to talk about his feelings, you know," he told her with a smile. "I guess our little brother got all those genes."

She smiled a little but kept her focus on his hand.

"Darry's given up a lot for me and Pony," he said. "I think he'd be crazy to give up anything else in his life."

She didn't say anything as she readied her tools on the tray beside them.

"So what I'm saying," he clarified, "is that I think it must have been you that ended whatever you two had going on."

She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes. She looked a little angry, but her voice was even and soft. "Like I said, it's complicated. Things get complicated sometimes."

He chuckled a little to himself and grinned when she looked even madder. "I could tell you a whole lot more than you wanna know about things being complicated. That still wasn't an answer."

"I don't owe you an answer," she replied, taking his hand with a little more force than she had before.

He cringed a little as she raised the needle, afraid he had gotten her angrier than he intended when she was about to stitch him up, but her grip lessened as she went about her job. She was good at it too, and he wasn't sure where she got her patience.

"I know I'm a little out of line here," he said through clenched teeth. Even though her touch was gentle, and she was being careful, it still hurt like hell. "It's just that I know Darry. He doesn't say much, but I'd like to think I can tell when he's feeling down. And he's been lower than low since you stopped coming around."

She looked up at him finally. "Soda, you're just a kid. There's a lot more going on than you want to know about."

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He sighed instead. "I know I'm only seventeen, but I ain't a kid. You're avoiding the question."

"Then what exactly is the question?"

"Why don't you like my brother?" he asked in earnest.

She seemed a little confused. "That's not why we're not together."

Now he was confused. "So what's the problem? He really liked you – still does, I know he does – and you like him. How much more _uncomplicated_ can you get?"

"Look, I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life. So does he. He doesn't need me adding to that."

"He needs something good in his life," Soda said. "He's done a lot for us. He deserves to be happy. Why are you taking that away from him?"

She was quiet as she continued stitching his hand up. She didn't look back up at him as she clipped the thread, and he heard her sniffle.

"Oh, glory, Allison, I'm sorry," he said, feeling like a jerk. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No," she said, putting down the needle and picking up a roll of gauze. "It's not your fault. I really do like Darry. I think I've messed this up, though."

Soda shrugged a little, and she looked up at him.

"He's standing outside," he said. "You could always find out."

She didn't say anything as she finished wrapping his hand. She spouted off the instructions for cleaning it and told him when he needed to come back to have the stitches removed before she sent him on his way.

He slowly slid off the table as she busied herself with cleaning the tray. Pausing at the door, he felt dejected when she made no move to follow him outside.

XXX

Darry sat on a bench a few doors down from the room Soda was in. He felt a little guilty for being more focused on Allison being in that room than Soda being hurt, and he tried to push her to the back of his mind. Ever since she decided they shouldn't see each other anymore, he'd tried to keep his thoughts about her at bay, believing it was for the best. It was what she wanted, and for as little as he realized he knew about her, he wanted to do right by her. It was hard to accept, though.

It was difficult to push her out of his thoughts for long, though, when the door opened and he jumped to his feet. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Soda muttered. "Let's get outta here."

Darry looked at the room he had come out of and was a little reluctant to follow his brother.

"Darry," he said. "Come on. She's not coming."

"What?" He spun on his heel and caught up with Soda. "What are you talking about?"

"I told her she needed to fix things with you, but – "

He grabbed Soda's arm to stop him. "You did what?"

"Come on, Dar," he said. "You've been miserable since you two broke up."

"No, I haven't," he argued. He may have been heartbroken, but he knew for a fact that he hadn't let on. At least, he didn't think he had, but he was beginning to wonder if it had been more obvious that he thought.

The look Soda gave him told him he had been.

"This was none of your business, Soda," he said, changing the subject. "You had no right sticking your nose into any of this."

Soda shrugged away from him. "I don't get how you both can just walk away from this like it's no big deal when you were both happy."

"You don't know anything about this," he said. "It's all really com – "

"Complicated," Soda finished for him. "Yeah, yeah. Everything's complicated. That's starting to sound more like an excuse than an explanation. Now, me and Sandy? That was complicated. This is just stupid."

Darry was a little taken aback by how angry Soda seemed over something that didn't even have anything to do with him.

"Why are you so upset over this?"

Soda gave him a funny look and before Darry realized what he was doing, his brother was walking back down the hall to the room he had just come from. Darry followed him just to keep him from doing something dumb.

Before Darry could stop him, Soda swung open the door to the examining room. Allison jumped a little when it banged against the wall, and Darry resisted the urge to yell at Soda for acting so immature.

"Soda, what do you think you're doing?" he hissed. "I'm sorry, Allison. We're leaving."

"No, we aren't," Soda said. "You two need to work this out."

"There isn't anything to work out," Allison said.

Darry swallowed hard; hearing her say that was a little more difficult than he expected. Still, he tried to agree. "She's right, so cut it out."

Soda looked beside himself which was so unlike his happy-go-lucky self that Darry was a little worried about what his brother was going to do.

"Darry," he began, "you're one of the most stubborn people I know. That's just who you are. Allison, no offense, but I'm starting to think you're more stubborn than he is. I know you two haven't known each other all that long, but I think you're really good for him, Allison. And he's a great guy. I think he would be good for you, too."

"Why is this so important to you?" she asked, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. Darry watched her for a second, that ache for her still there.

"I know you already think of me as some kid who doesn't know what he's talking about, and maybe that's true," he replied. "All I know is that I can't be with the girl that I love, and I don't want the same thing to happen to Darry."

Soda's shoulders slumped a little, and Darry felt blindsided. He was afraid being in a relationship would remind his brother that he wasn't with Sandy, but it seemed like not being in a relationship was harder for Soda to accept.

"Soda, we aren't you and Sandy," he said.

"I know that," he said. "Maybe I'm just being selfish. All I know is that you deserve to be happy, and I think this is your shot."

Darry stepped a little closer to Soda. "It's not just my decision, though," he whispered.

"I know, but sometimes I think you need an older brother telling you to use your head," he whispered back. He gave Darry a half-hearted smile.

When Soda stopped talking, no one said anything and Darry stood there frozen. Soda's smile was slowly fading when Allison eyed the door and Darry just wanted to beat it out of there before she had the chance to break up with him for a second time.

"Can Darry and I talk in private for a minute?" Allison asked.

"Sure," Soda said. "I need to get Steve's car back to him anyway. Thanks for everything, Allison."

"Make sure you keep that bandage clean," she warned as Soda walked out of the room.

"Thanks," he said. "And sorry for being a jerk today."

Allison smiled a little. Darry knew the second he saw her how much he had missed her, but he had forgotten how much he missed her smile. She caught him staring, and he looked away.

"I had no idea your brother was such a matchmaker," she finally said.

"That makes two of us," he said. "I didn't either."

"He's a little young to be in love with some girl."

Darry nodded a little. "I guess, but Sandy wasn't just some girl for him, but that's a story all in itself." He took a deep breath, knowing he needed to tell her how he felt before he didn't have the chance again. "I'm starting to think I know exactly how he felt when she left."

He didn't know what he expected when he said it, but he was a little surprised she didn't cross the distance between them to throw herself in his arms and kiss him or at least do something similar.

"Nothing's changed since I saw you last," she said. It sounded like a warning. He had to remind himself that just because he and Soda thought they should be together didn't mean it would happen.

"I didn't ask for anything to change," he reminded her.

She sighed. "Darry, I'm tired of this."

"Of what?" He took a tentative step toward her, followed by another.

"Of trying to run you off, and of you trying to prove what a perfect guy you are."

"With all modesty, I don't think I have anything to prove," he replied with a smirk. "I think I've already proven that I'm a decent guy."

"I'm not talking just decent," she said, her arms falling limping to her sides in defeat. "I'm talking perfect."

"I'm … sorry?" he apologized.

He could tell she was fighting a smile.

"Look, Allison, if you want me to be a jerk, I can try, but I can't guarantee anything. I knew a few guys who can teach me about being a jerk, and all I really have to do is ask my friend what her ex-boyfriends are like. Is that what I need to do to be with you?"

She studied him for a long moment, long enough for him to squirm under her gaze.

"Well, I do need a guarantee," she said. "I need a guarantee that this perfect guy act isn't an act. I need to know that I'm not going to wake up one day and find out you aren't who I thought you were."

He walked up to her until they were just a few inches from each other. "Then I'll tell you right now that I'm not perfect. All I know is that I've got too much going on in my life to waste my time acting like I'm anything other than what I am. I don't know if I can prove that to you, so you might just have to take my word for it."

She was looking down at something, and he hunched a little to meet her eyes.

"I'm still game if you are," he said. "It's your decision, though."

She shook her head, and he saw his chances with her going out the window for a second time. There was a bright glimmer of hope, though, when she leaned into him and planted a kiss on his lips.

When she pulled away, he struggled to keep a straight face. "I'm still waiting for a decision."

She smiled – a real, true smile of hers – and wrapped her arms around his neck. "How's this for an answer?" she asked before she kissed him again.

When they broke apart, he was out of breath and head over heels once again.

XXX

It was a big first step back into their short relationship. She buzzed around the house, pushing her mother and Lizzie in and out of the rooms she was trying to straighten up.

"Allison, honey, there's nothing left to clean. There isn't a thing in this house that is out of place except for your head."

Nodding, Allison sat down on the sofa and looked around the room and then down at her hands. She thought about Darry and how just being near him filled that hole left in her heart when Kent died so suddenly. Lizzie was sitting on the floor, right in the middle of the rug, playing with her doll. Her tiny voice speaking the mother's voice and the baby's.

When her mother sat down beside her, Allison looked up, a thousand questions on her mind. It was never supposed to be this hard. She was not supposed to be a widow at 23 and living with her mother and daughter at 25. When a few frustrated tears spilled over her cheeks, her mother's warm hands brushed them away and held her face, drawing her into an embrace.

"I know it's hard to let go of Kent, but I think this boy is good for you. You were so happy when he was around," she said softly. "You need to let yourself be happy."

Allison felt herself calm down, giving into her mother's embrace and assurance. She pulled away and saw Lizzie on the floor, doll frozen in her hands as she watched them. Wiping her cheeks, Allison beckoned her daughter to her. Lizzie climbed into Allison's lap and rested her head on her shoulder.

"You okay, Mommy?"

Her mother patted Lizzie's head and walked back into the kitchen to check on dinner.

"There's going to be a man coming over for dinner tonight," Allison told her, hoping she understood. "He's coming over to meet you and Grandma."

"Why?

Oh, the perpetual questions of a three-year-old. Allison sorted through her brain for an answer.

"Because he's Mommy's friend, and he's a very nice man," she said.

"Okay," Lizzie said, her answer as casual as if Allison asked her if she wanted a roll with her dinner.

After a second of quiet, Lizzie climbed down from Allison's lap and went back to her spot on the floor and started playing with her doll again. Allison watched her and tried to ignore the nervous flips of her stomach. She hoped Darry wasn't as nervous as she was.

XXX

There was no getting the wrinkle out of the dress shirt Darry was attacking with the iron. It just wasn't going away no matter what he did, and he set the iron down in frustration.

"You know, it helps if you plug it in."

Darry looked up and saw Soda swinging the cord around in his hand. Yanking it from him, Darry jammed the plug into an outlet and waited for the iron to heat up. He was a nervous wreck.

"What is with you tonight?"

He was mocking him, and Darry stared down at the shirt and felt like a fool. Soda had talked her into going out with him again, and he wondered if she was just giving in because of that.

"This is your fault," he said.

"What? Ain't you happy?"

"What if she just gave in 'cause you and that ridiculous smile you have that makes them girls at the DX drop like flies?" Darry asked. Sometimes he would do anything for the charm and surefire, easy-going nature of his kid brother's.

"Dar, she's having you over for dinner. You're meeting her family," Soda pointed out. "That's serious."

"Yeah, Darry."

He looked up again and Pony was standing in the doorway.

"What if this is too serious, though?" he asked. "She's got a kid. A _kid_. I don't know anything about kids."

"You're being way too uptight about this," Soda said. "It's just dinner. You two ain't getting married."

"Yet," Pony added.

Both of his brothers were grinning at him like fools, and he tried to make himself calm down. He picked up the iron again and attacked the wrinkle, feeling a whoosh of relief as it smoothed out.

"I told you plugging it in would help a little."

Soda and Pony left the room laughing.

XXX

It was a very long walk from his beat up old truck to the nice white front door of Allison's house. He wondered if she was just behind the door, waiting for him to knock even though she knew he was there.

Knocking, he stood back and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Within seconds, the door opened and Allison was there, a bright smile on her face. She reached for his hand and pulled him inside, giving him a hug right there in the small foyer. He held her back, soaking her in and hoping he never lost her again.

When she pulled away, she smiled. "I'm glad you're here."

Leaning in, he kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "I'm glad, too."

"Come on in," she said, leading him through the modest, yet warm and cozy home. She took him into the living room where a woman who looked like an older, silver version of Allison was sitting and a little girl, a perfect mini-Allison was sitting on the floor with a doll in her hands.

The older Allison stood up, crossed the room and had Darry's hand in a firm handshake before Allison could even introduce him.

"Darry, it's wonderful to finally meet you," the woman said. "I'm Dora."

"It's a pleasure," Darry said, finding comfort in her warmth toward him.

"And this," Allison said, leading the little girl by the hand, "is Lizzie. Can you say 'hello' to Darry?"

The tiny little thing in a blue dress looked up at Darry with wide, inquisitive eyes. She looked back at her mother as though she were trying to figure out the situation and then back at Darry.

"Hi."

Bending down to her level, Darry extended his hand not really sure if it was what he should be doing. He'd dealt with kids before, but they were always his own brothers when he was still a kid himself. Putting a little girl before him was strange, but he tried to remember how he treated Ellie when they were younger. That was a bad example because she tried to do everything they did.

"I'm Darry," he said, still holding his hand out. He was about to take it back, pat the girl on the head and try again later when she put her tiny hand into the middle of his. Closing his fingers around it, he shook her hand and smiled. Lizzie gave him a toothy little grin, pulled her hand free and tottered away to a low shelf of toys across the room.

Standing up, he caught the glances between mother and daughter and he felt himself ignite with embarrassment. They knew he had no idea how to handle kids.

XXX

Long after dinner was eaten and the coffee and dessert was gone, Allison leaned against the driver's side door of his truck with a smile on her face.

"Thanks again for dinner," he said. "I hope I didn't make too big a fool of myself tonight."

Her smile widened. "You didn't. I think my mother is just surprised that you're everything I told her you were."

It was hard to not like her mother. She had a true sense of humor that put Darry at ease as he sat at her table.

"I guess you can tell I'm not real good with kids. I haven't really been around them since I was one."

"You did just fine. She's a spunky little thing, I tell you. I think she likes you." She looked back at the house for a long moment before she looked back at him, her grin now gone. "I guess you could say the ball's in your court now."

"How do you mean?" he asked.

"I made a pretty rash judgment on you before, Darry," she said. "I didn't think you would need the added hassle of me and all the baggage I have. I still don't think you need it, but you've met Lizzie now. You know the situation I'm in. It's up to you if that's something you want in your life."

Darry stepped closer to her and brushed her blonde hair behind her ear. "I want you in my life, and that means I want them in it, too."

"You mean that?" she asked.

"I know we haven't known each other for all that long, but you should know that I don't say things I don't mean."

Her smile returned, and she stood on tiptoes to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back. When they pulled apart, she glanced back to the house. He followed her gaze to the picture window in the living room where the curtain was fluttering back to place.

She gave him an embarrassed smile, and he shrugged a little. "We're just going to have to accept that we're going to have an audience whether we're at your house or mine. I caught Pony and Soda peeking through the windows more than once."

Her laugh was still ringing in his ears, and his lips were still buzzing from their goodnight kiss as he drove home with a smile on his face.

_And everyone says this love will change you  
Well, I ask, "Isn't that what love's supposed to do?"_


	48. Won't Back Down

**Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song "Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty.**

**

* * *

**

_I'll stand my ground, Won't be turned around,_

And I'll keep this world from dragging me down,  
I won't back down

**April 1967**_  
_

Eliminating all of the trouble in her life didn't seem so bad until she actually made herself do it. Ellie had given up on some parts, namely her mom. There wasn't much she could do except look after Danny, and she didn't mind all that much, not anymore at least. It was easier to just take him instead of trying to force her mom into caring.

School was something she couldn't face. She was so far behind that she was certain even if she went the whole summer like Mr. Burris told her, she didn't believe she could dig herself out of the hole she'd created. Even though she never intended for it to happen, Ellie was a drop out at age 16. Just like her mom.

The only other thing she could possibly do to get her life back on some sort of straight track was to go back to work. The situation was tricky, though and entirely her own fault. Her little job at the grocery store had been something she loved, but in the fall out of everything from the fall, Ellie stopped going to work the way she had stopped going to school.

Half scared out of her mind, Ellie opened the door to the little grocery store. The bell chimed and she stood in the threshold, taken aback by how sparse the store looked. It wasn't necessarily empty, but there wasn't nearly as much stocked as she remembered.

"Can I help you?"

A cashier she didn't know was staring at her, and Ellie shook her head and headed down the center aisle and back toward Joe's office. Hesitating only a second, she knocked.

"Come in."

Ellie walked in and stood with her hand on the doorknob as Joe looked up from a clipboard on his desk. There was a whole range of emotions she could read on his face, but none of them seemed angry.

"You're a few months late for your shift," he said.

She nodded because she afraid to say anything.

"Come on in," he said, taking his glasses off.

Shutting the door, Ellie sat on the folding chair across from him. Joe stared at her for a few seconds, and Ellie sat uncomfortably.

"Okay, on with it," he said.

He didn't sound mad, not even a little annoyed. He was patient with her, and she let herself hope just a little bit that he would let her work there again.

"I'm sorry," she began. "There was a lot of stuff that happened a while ago, and I really messed up."

Joe nodded. "I read about a lot of it. Your friends were in the paper."

"Yeah, and my friend Johnny, he died and –" It was hard to finish the thought. " – and Dally almost died."

"I'm really sorry about all that, Ellie."

"I've been trying to get back on track, and I was wondering if you might let me work here again," she said in a rush, leaving huge gaps in her story because she was too embarrassed to admit them to him.

Joe sighed heavily and rubbed his chin. There was a three day growth of stubble, and she noticed just how gray his hair had become.

"I can't do that," he said.

It was hard to not be disappointed, but the feeling sat heavily on her shoulders. Getting her job back was the one thing she was truly counting on.

"Okay," she said. She got up to leave when he stopped her.

"It's not because I don't want to, Ellie. I'd love nothing more than to have you back, but we're going to be shutting down here before long."

"Why?"

"That new grocery store that went up about a year ago down off Hammett? It's a pretty big place, and we've taken a hit because of it," he told her. "The missus tells me it's time to retire anyway."

"I'm so sorry, Joe."

Joe smiled. "I'll tell you what. You go down to that new store, and you try and get a job there. I'll put in a good word for you."

She didn't really like the thought of getting a job at the place that killed Joe's place, but there weren't a whole lot of places that would hire a 16-year-old. And if Joe was telling her it was okay then it must be.

"But I'll warn you, at a place like that you gotta show up to work. You can't just call off once and expect a job six months later."

She felt her cheeks burn. "I really am sorry."

Joe walked around the desk and gave her a hug.

"I'm sorry, too, but I think retirement will be good for me. You, on the other hand, need to work to keep yourself out of trouble."

She gave him a grin. He had no idea how right he was. She knew how much she would miss him simply because he had always been so nice to her.

"Thanks for everything, Joe."

"Good luck, Ellie."

XXX

Pony stood on the edge of the track, lacing up his shoes. It was nice practicing with the team again, but he hated that he was only an alternate when he had grown used to being the star. He knew from the first practice, though, that he just wasn't in the shape he needed to be in.

He saw the coach heading his way. He had some tall, blond-headed kid by his side that Pony had never seen before.

"Hey, Pony," Coach Loughlin said. "I want you to meet Wade. He's new to Will Rogers."

Pony shook hands with the kid who gave him one of the goofiest grins he had ever seen, Two-Bit included.

"Nice to meet you, Wade."

"You too."

He had a strong twang to his voice that put Pony's own Oklahoma drawl to shame.

"He's going to be an alternate this year, too, but I thought you could maybe show him the ropes, introduce him to the guys."

"Yeah, sure," he replied. Deep down, Pony was annoyed with the task. If he was the star runner again he wouldn't be asked to do this, but because he was sitting out more heats than anything, the coach seemed to think that Pony's practice time wasn't all that important.

"Your name's really Pony?" Wade asked after the coach was gone.

"It's actually Ponyboy," he said. He sized up Wade, wondering if that grin on his face was going to turn into a laugh.

He just looked surprised, his smile fading slightly. "I guess I really am in the big city now. I've never heard a name like that before."

"Well, I've never met anybody named Wade before, so I guess that makes us even."

The grin brightened again. "I guess we are."

"Where are you from?"

"Washburn, Texas," he said.

"Never heard of it," Pony said, leading him over to a couple of the guys from the team.

"It's near Amarillo, if you've ever heard of that."

"That explains the accent," he replied.

Wade looked a little worried. "It's not that bad, is it?"

Pony shook his head with a grin. He didn't want to embarrass the kid. He introduced him to a few of the guys before moving on.

"Why'd you move here?"

"My dad got a job here at one of the churches downtown. He's a pastor."

"Do you like it here so far?"

"Sure, it's not so bad. I'm not used to the city, though. The reason you probably haven't heard of Washburn is because not many people in Texas have heard of it either. It's just a little farm town."

"Out in the country, huh?" Pony said. He remembered telling Johnny about what it was like in the country. He wondered if Wade was one of those plain, ordinary people Johnny wanted to meet.

"Yeah," Wade said. "We had a little farm, nothing big, but this is pretty different."

A few others from the team passed by, and Pony introduced Wade to them too.

"How come you're an alternate?" he asked Pony as they took a seat on the bench.

"Well, I had a really good season last year. This past year, though … " He wondered what the best explanation would be without really getting into the whole story. He figured Wade would hear about it one way or another; everybody else had from the way they all stared at him in the hallways. He didn't need to know it right then, though. "Things were just kind of crazy this past year. I missed out on a lot of conditioning. I wanted to stay on the team, so they just stuck me in as an alternate. Did you run track at your last school?"

Wade grinned and shook his head. "Shoot, no. I'm not real graceful, I guess you could say. I just wanted to join some kind of team here, and I figure I've got long enough legs to get where I need to go. Plus, girls like athletes, right?"

Pony grinned. Darry had never been hurting for girlfriends when he was in school. "I guess so, but I think the football players have better luck."

He shrugged. "Well, I figured it couldn't hurt to join something since I'm the new kid and all. Coach Loughlin said he could always use someone on the team, and if I start practicing and conditioning, I think I'll get better."

The coach was heading back to begin practicing, and Pony and Wade headed his way. He seemed like a nice enough kid, but he was goofy.

XXX

Darry was good at doing twenty things at once, but he was all thumbs when Allison entered the mix. He had three different pots going on three burners, two of them boiling when they were supposed to be simmering. He groaned in exasperation when the phone began ringing.

Leaving everything, he ran for the phone, pulling it as far as it would go toward the stove. It was their social worker just checking in, giving him the same rundown she always did. Darry couldn't hurry her up because he was afraid she might make some surprise check up or something.

As she rattled on, he began to smell something burning. He stretched as far as he could but was still short. He heard the screen door open and shut, and he looked down the hall to see Ellie standing there, watching him with a confused look on her face. Frantically, he motioned toward the kitchen, and she seemed to get the hint.

Finally, the social worker had gone through her list of questions and concerns, and Darry quickly hung up. Ellie was standing at the stove stirring a pot when he rushed in.

"Thanks," he said.

"That must have been an important call. If you would have left it much longer you woulda burned the whole house down."

"It was the social worker," Darry told her. He looked at the chicken. "Did I burn it?"

"You almost burned the house down while the social worker was on the phone? Some how I don't think she would understand that," she said, a huge grin on her face. Darry let her laugh at him because she was right. She continued, "And no, the chicken is not burnt, but very done. Is Allison coming over?"

"Yeah, she'll be over in a little while."

Darry leaned back against the counter and watched Ellie work. She had turned down all the burners from where he had them all set on high. He wasn't a bad cook; he just wasn't very good either. Ellie on the other hand knew her way around the kitchen and whenever she wanted to help, he let her.

"She's real sweet. I'm glad you worked things out with her," Ellie said.

"Me too."

She gave each pot one last stir and put the lids on them, adjusting the heat to a very low setting and standing back.

"That should keep it warm, just give them a stir every little bit."

"You're a life saver," he told her. "You can stay for dinner if you want. I think you've earned it."

She smiled and shook her head. "I'm babysitting tonight."

That seemed to be the case most of the time, but Darry kept it to himself. It wasn't any of his business, and she seemed okay with it.

"Oh, but I did come over to tell anyone who was here that I got a job at that new supermarket."

She told him about how she went to get her old job back and how Joe had sent her to the new place. It was good to see her excited about it and just to see her doing something that didn't involve moping over Dally.

"I'm happy for you, kid," he said.

She beamed at him and said as she waved a goodbye, "Not as happy as I am for you."

"Nobody could be as happy as I am that you showed up before I burned dinner," he called after her.

XXX

Two-Bit spotted Dally as soon as he walked out into the yard. He was leaned back at one of the picnic tables, although a picnic was just about the last thing they would ever be used for. He saw the way Dally scowled when he saw him, but he ignored it and kept a grin on his face. Sometimes, the only thing to do back home was to get under Dally's skin. In the big house, that was always the case.

He didn't mean anything by it, and Dally had to know that. Two-Bit figured if he messed with him long enough, that phony exterior he had in prison might crack a little, and he would go back to being the same mean kid he knew from before instead of what he had turned into, which was something between an emotionless cat and a rock. Both rather boring and hard to read, but both capable of causing damage.

"How's it goin', Dal?" he asked, sitting down next to him.

Dally only responded with a sneer.

Two-Bit sighed and looked up at the sky. "It's a nice day, you know?"

"I ain't talking weather with you."

"You don't seem to be talking anything with me," Two-Bit responded. "I thought the weather might change that."

That earned him a glare and a sneer. "Well, it didn't."

"You're talking to me now," he pointed out with a grin.

Dally looked straight ahead with narrowed blue eyes that could stop just about anybody dead in their tracks. Two-Bit went back to looking at the sky, searching for something to say that might spark a conversation.

"My mom wrote me the other day. She said she was already planning a big party for when I get out next year. Music, dancing, food, the whole works. It's too bad you might still be in here."

Dally didn't acknowledge he had heard any of it, but Two-Bit kept on.

"You know, I bet she'd even do the same for you when you get out. It'd be a real good time. Everybody would be real happy to see you. Especially Ellie."

Nothing.

"Well, I mean, I guess she would. I think she might be seeing Rick Bradley, though," he said casually. He watched Dally for a reaction and slumped a little when he didn't spot one. "She was before I came here. Hopefully she's gotten enough sense in her head to know it's a bad idea, but I guess she ain't never really learned anything. Look at who she's dated in the past."

Dally glanced over at him briefly. Two-Bit was surprised to see a smirk playing on his lips.

"You're just trying to start a fight, ain't you?" he asked.

Two-Bit shrugged. "Not really. I just wanna talk."

"Well, I don't."

"Then a fight's good with me."

The consequences of a fight in a prison yard didn't really occur to Two-Bit when he swung the punch. He didn't even know what he was planning on accomplishing by picking a fight with Dally. Beating a friendship out of him? That wasn't likely to go over well.

Dally didn't question it; he just tackled him right off the bench and rolled him across the grass. Two-Bit ended up on top for a brief second and swung at Dally's face. He got a quick punch to the gut that surprised him enough to make him lose his breath. Dally shoved him off, back onto the grass, and leaned onto him with a knee to his chest. Two-Bit struggled to get a breath as he tried to shove Dally back, but he wasn't in a good position to do so.

"Remember back when I busted that window at school," Two-Bit wheezed, "so we could go in there and prank the seniors? And you took the blame when the cops showed up?"

Dally has his arm back, ready to punch him again, but he hesitated long enough that Two-Bit was able to get some leverage to shove him away. He climbed to his feet, stumbling into one of the several inmates that had surrounded them to watch the fight. He looked past them to see guards heading their direction, although they didn't seem to be in a hurry. He supposed they probably didn't mind if the prisoners beat each other senseless.

He turned back to Dally who looked ready to tackle him again. "That was pretty_ tuff_," he told him. "Taking the blame for me, I mean."

Dally looked confused by Two-Bit's train of thought, and after a moment of contemplating it, he just looked pissed off. "You're fucking crazy."

Two-Bit shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I am. But I think I'm better when I'm crazy. I wasn't doing so good at being sad and a drunk all the time."

"What's the problem over here?" one of the guards asked, shoving his way into the crowd with more force than necessary.

Two-Bit glanced from Dally to the guard. Dally looked defiant, and the guard looked like he wasn't surprised to see him in the middle of a fight in the yard.

"We're old boxing buddies," Two-Bit said, walking up to the guard. The guy held out a hand to shove Two-Bit back when he got too close. "We were just showing these guys a thing or two."

"Boxing, huh?" the guard said, looking none too amused by that explanation. "That didn't look like boxing to me."

"Well, we don't have gloves, and this isn't exactly a ring … I can understand how that would be a little difficult to picture."

"You think you're pretty funny, don't you?"

Two-Bit's eyes widened, and he pointed to himself. "Me? No, sir. I know I am."

The guard narrowed his eyes, trying to size him up. "You better watch it. I'm keeping an eye on you."

Two-Bit saluted him because he wasn't sure what else to do. He added a grin to the mix. "Watching it, sir."

The guard headed back to his post, and when the other prisoners decided they weren't going to get to see round two, they walked away too. Two-Bit went back to the bench and sat down, a little hunched because his side was burning from Dally's punch.

Dally stood there for a second, rubbing at his jaw. "You're really fucking crazy."

Two-Bit nodded a little and rubbed at his ribs. He wasn't sure what had sparked the fistfight, but when Dallas Winston sat down on the bench next to him on his own accord, Two-Bit decided that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, after all. Maybe he could break Dally down enough that they could be friends after all.

_Well I know what's right, I've got just one life  
In a world that keeps on pushing me around,  
But I'll stand my ground._

_

* * *

A/N: We're nearing the end of One Headlight. There may be fewer than 10 chapters left!  
_


	49. Never Say Enough

**A/N: _The Outsiders_ belongs to S.E. Hinton, and "Chasing Pavements" belongs to Adele.**

**So sorry for the crazy long delay in posting! Hopefully the next chapter won't take so incredibly long to post. Thanks for reading, as always! :)  
**

* * *

_I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over  
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further_

**May 1967**_  
_

Ellie eagerly punched out for her break. It was her first day at the Food Mart, and while it was generally the same job she had at Joe's store, the grand scale of the new supermarket made her head hurt a little. There were so many people and so much to keep track of, she wasn't sure she liked the place. She missed the little mom and pop store Joe had, and she missed him. Even with his blessing, she felt like she was leaving him in the dust for this place.

"You look like you're thinking awful hard about that time clock," a voice said behind her.

She turned to see a tall kid about her age with one of the red Food Mart aprons tossed over his shoulder.

She shrugged a little and moved out of the way so he could clock in.

"You're Ellie, right?"

She found herself looking down at her name tag to make sure it hadn't fallen off and looked back at the kid. He wasn't wearing one.

"Yeah."

"You go to Will Rogers, don't you?"

She nodded but caught herself. "Well, I did. You do?"

He clipped his name tag on his white shirt. "Bryon Douglas. You used to go out with Tim Shepard, right?"

"I guess you could say that," she said because that's not what she would say about it. She eyed the boy in front of her.

"And you're the one that trashed his car?"

Every time someone brought it up, she hated herself for doing it in the first place.

"You know an awful lot about me considering we've never met before."

He shrugged. "I'm kind of seeing Angela Shepard. She talks a whole hell of a lot about pretty much everything."

Ellie nodded. She didn't know Angel well, but she knew that much about her at least. Of all the time she spent with Tim, they were hardly ever around his sister and Ellie felt like that was how he preferred it.

"I didn't know you worked here," he said.

"Today's my first day."

He glanced past her and pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on. She followed his gaze and spotted one of their managers walking into the break room.

"Good luck," he said. He pulled his apron off his shoulder and wrapped it around his waist. "See you around."

She nodded as he headed out into the store. She headed for the two vending machines that lined the far wall. As she dug change out of her pocket, she eyed the handful of co-workers that were sitting at the tables in the small room. There were a couple women that looked to be her mother's age.

She hit the button for a Hershey bar and thought about Bryon. A part of her wondered if she were still in school would she hang out with him now? Another part of her wondered if she was going to end up like her mother, like the women at the lunch table, working at a dead-end job for the rest of her life.

Ellie grabbed her candy bar and a soda and headed outside for her break.

XXX

There were only two weeks left of classes, and Ponyboy was anxious about his theme. Mr. Syme had it for over a month now, and every day that went by, he was expecting failure. Surely if he hadn't gotten it back yet, Mr. Syme didn't like it. For days, Pony worried about what he had written, afraid it wasn't what Mr. Syme had wanted, even though he never told him what he should write about.

Sitting through English, just knowing his theme was probably in Mr. Syme's satchel or buried under the heaps of papers and books on his desk was agony. What if someone else found it and read it? What about all of those horrible things he wrote down? If there were problems with the Socs before, there was no telling what would happen if they read his theme.

The bell rang and Pony gathered his books and stole a glance at the empty chair where Ellie should have been. He missed her being in school, and he hated that she dropped out as much as he hated that Soda had done the same. He had other friends, but it wasn't the same considering everything that had happened and his new found reputation. Whispers followed him wherever he went, and he wondered if there was any amount of time that could pass to make them stop.

"Ponyboy, may I talk to you for a moment?"

Mr. Syme was standing behind his desk, and Pony approached it with trepidation. This was the part where Mr. Syme told him he was going to fail. A block of ice formed in his gut.

He waited for something anything, but Mr. Syme patiently waited until the last student filed out, and he shut his classroom door behind them. Pony was nervous, but not nearly as nervous as he became when Mr. Syme pulled his theme from his briefcase.

"My theme," Pony said, at a loss for anything else.

Nodding, Mr. Syme looked at the beaten cover as if lost in thought. Pony wanted to prod him along to get it over with when his teacher finally smiled at him.

"When I assigned this project for you, I don't know what I expected. I could have given you a hundred other assignments, but I've found that you've got a way with words, Ponyboy."

He handed the notebook across the desk, and Pony accepted it.

"I wrote it kind of fast," he said, as way of apology.

"It's exceptional," he said. "It was what I hoped for, but I thought I set my expectations too high for anybody."

Pony could only nod at this point. He was thinking about what he had written, the painfully honest bits his family didn't know he felt that Mr. Syme was commending him on.

"I would hope that you know what you have there, Ponyboy. That maybe you'll hold on to it, show it to someone. Maybe even your older brother."

There wasn't a point in correcting him that Pony had two older brothers, he knew exactly who he meant. Ellie was telling him to do the same thing, but he couldn't show Darry. Not yet.

"Maybe someday," Pony said.

"I hope it's soon," he said. "And I've reconsidered my agreement. I think I'll pass you a bit higher than a C."

"Really? Darry sure would like that."

Mr. Syme laughed at him and wrote him out a pass to his next class just as the bell rang. Pony took it, feeling incredibly happy.

"Thank you," Pony said.

"Pony, thank you for sharing that with me. I only knew so much, and I'm terribly sorry for everything that has happened to you and your friends."

Nodding, Pony turned to leave when Mr. Syme called him back saying, "There's an open reporter spot on the school newspaper if you're interested. I think you'd be a great addition."

Working on the school newspaper had never crossed his mind before, but Pony liked the idea of it. Track was starting to be fun again, even as an alternate, what could something else hurt?

"I think I'll look into it."

"I hope so," Mr. Syme said, sitting down at his desk. "And tell Ellie we miss her in class."

Giving him an apologetic smile, Pony thanked him one last time and walked out of the room. He walked slowly down the hall, unable to suppress the smile on his face. Opening his notebook he found that all Mr. Syme had written was the same thing he had said to him in person - a very simple, yet profound, thank you.

XXX

Leaning against his car, Steve watched Evie preen herself in the side mirror as they waited on Pony for lunch.

"I think you've got enough lipstick on," he said.

He smirked when she gave him an icy glare. She didn't need all that junk she put on her face, and he'd told her as much. It seemed, though, after he said so that she started caking it on more. It was becoming fun to tease her about it.

"You see this?"

"What?"

She stood up and brushed her hair off of her neck, and he saw the hickey clear as day. This also made him smirk and she slapped his arm.

"I gotta wear all this makeup because you keep leaving those on me."

"Yeah, but last I checked, your lips are naturally red."

"If Pony weren't coming with us, I'd give you a piece of my mind," she said.

"You know I love you," he said.

All the ice seemed to melt away, and she kissed him once on the mouth before she got in the car. Steve looked back up toward the school, annoyed that Pony was late. Even though, Ellie and Two-Bit weren't around anymore, Steve kept hanging out with Pony at lunch. The first day after Two-Bit went to jail and Ellie decided to drop out, Steve took one look at Pony and never even considered leaving the kid to face the cafeteria alone. As awkward as it was to talk to the kid without the other two to act as a buffer between them, Steve didn't feel right unless they could escape for awhile.

Evie leaned out the open window and said, "How long are we going to wait for him? I'm hungry."

"Just another minute, and we'll go," Steve said, but they wouldn't need it. Pony was running across the parking lot with some goofy kid in a cowboy hat on his heels.

"Hey, sorry," Pony said after he skidded to a stop. "Got caught up in biology."

"Another minute and you woulda been stuck here."

"It ain't so bad here," the lanky kid said.

Steve sized him up quick and shook his head.

"You like eating lunch in that cafeteria?"

The kid shrugged and pushed his cowboy hat further back on his head. The poor kid looked downright dumb with the hat and the fact that was all legs and angles, but Steve knew he was new to Tulsa. He didn't know enough yet.

"I'm trying to save him the misfortune of eating in there," Pony said. "Mind if he tags along?"

"Ain't gonna hurt nobody," Steve said with a shrug.

The kid smiled a big goofy smile. "Thanks, I'm Wade."

Evie popped her head back out of the window and said, "And I'm starving. Let's go already!"

"The lady has spoken," Wade said, climbing in after Ponyboy.

XXX

Perhaps the most annoying thing Pony could find about Wade wasn't his mild clumsiness or the way he talked, it was how much he talked. The kid could talk about anything and just kept at it. Pony could tell it was annoying Steve to the point that he and Evie were sitting on the window ledge of the drugstore to finish their lunch. It was as if Wade felt the constant need to fill the silence between conversations, and Pony wanted to tell him that it was okay for things to be quiet sometimes.

"What's this?"

Wade was holding the notebook Pony wrote his theme in and instinctively Pony snatched it out of Wade's big hands.

"It's nothing."

"You doodle that thing on it?"

He looked at the dozens of doodles on the cover, nothing was glaringly obvious to him. Wade pointed to the corner where Pony had drawn a horse.

"Yeah, I did that."

"That's pretty good. I had a horse back home, but I had to sell it 'cause we're city people now," he said. There was a trace of sadness in his voice, but Pony didn't ask about it for fear that he would never stop talking about his horse.

"You got anymore drawings in there?"

Shaking his head, Pony set the notebook back down on top of his other books. "Just something I wrote."

"What about?"

"It was for English. It's just a theme on my year."

"What's so special about your year?" Wade asked.

Pony almost forgot that Wade didn't even move to Tulsa until long after everything happened. People still talked about Bob and the rumble, but not like they did back in October. There was almost no way Wade would even know about it all unless someone actually told him.

"It was just ... it was a bad start."

"How come?"

Steve got up off the ledge and threw his and Evie's empty bottles away.

"Maybe I'll tell you about it later," Pony said. "It's a long story."

Wade grabbed for the notebook again and was flipping through it before Pony had a chance to react.

"Can't I just read about it?"

"No," Pony said, emphatically. Snatching back the notebook, he buried it inside his history book and kept an arm down on it.

"Sorry," Wade said.

"It's okay. It's just hard to talk about," Pony said as Steve and Evie got into the car.

Wade nodded and moved on, starting up some conversation with Steve about cars. Pony thought about his theme and was trying to work up the nerve to show Darry.

XXX

After track practice, Pony headed home with his history book held close to him, his theme still buried within it. He still felt as though everyone knew about the things he had written. The closer he got to home, the more anxious he felt. His heart thudded against his chest when he saw not only Darry's truck but also Allison's car in front of the house.

He slowly walked up the steps and into the house, surprised when he spotted three people in the kitchen.

"Hey," he said.

Darry looked back from the stove where a pot was about to boil over before Allison saved it by adjusting the heat.

"Hey, kiddo. Come here a minute."

"Sure, just a sec," he replied, cutting through the dining room and down the hall to his room. He threw the door open and shoved his history book under the bed, just in case somebody got it in their heads to clean. He knew nobody would ever touch anything under the bed.

He walked back out into the kitchen, and Darry passed the stirring responsibilities to Allison before he walked over to Pony.

"I want you to meet Allison's daughter," he said. "This is Lizzie."

Pony stood there awkwardly for a moment. Darry had been as crazy about Allison as Pony had ever seen him over anything, football included. He knew she had a daughter, and Pony also knew that if Allison and Darry were okay with the kid coming around that things had to getting really serious between them. He looked at his brother and then back at the little girl.

Allison had turned down the burners on the stove and was wiping her hands on a towel when she walked over to her daughter.

"Liz, this is Ponyboy," she said.

Lizzie had several pieces of paper in front of her with half a dozen crayons scattered across them. She had been more interested in that than meeting Pony until she heard his name. Her head snapped up, and she stared at Pony with wide blue eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Lizzie," he said. He felt his cheeks flush a little when he saw Allison look over at Darry and laugh. He obviously didn't have a clue what to say to a kid Lizzie's age.

"I like ponies," Lizzie said quietly, her eyes still as wide as could be.

That elicited a laugh from Darry, and Pony pulled out a chair beside Lizzie.

"I do, too," he said. "I'll draw one for you if you want."

She nodded her head quickly, her blonde ponytail bobbing wildly.

He took one of her colored pictures and turned it over, sketching a small horse on the other side with the brown crayon.

"How's that?" he asked.

She nodded her approval again and picked up the purple crayon.

"A purple pony?" she asked.

He glanced up at Allison and Darry who were still busy cooking. Or rather, Allison was still busy cooking and Darry was busy watching her.

"Purple ponies are my favorite," Pony said, taking the crayon from her.

She giggled into her sleeve and handed him the pink crayon. Pony drew rainbow colored horses until it was dinnertime.

XXX

_Dear Two-Bit –_

_Hey. I hope you're doing okay. We sure miss you around here. Pony and Soda try, but nobody can tell a joke like you can. I just got a job at the new grocery store a few weeks ago, and I saw your mom. She said she hears from you sometimes, and she thought you might like some more letters, so here I am._

_Sorry things were so messed up before. I think everything's straightened up in the last couple months after you left. I guess I've finally gotten my head on straight, but it's been so long it's hard to tell._

_Pony wrote this really great theme to help his English grade, and it's about the gang and everything that happened in the fall. I know that's probably not something that sounds so great, but he has a way with words, you know? When you get home, you should ask him about it. He let me read it before he turned it in – I think he just wanted somebody's opinion about it – but I don't think he wants anybody else reading it. I sure wish he would show it to Darry and Soda, but you know how he is sometimes about things like that._

_Have you gotten to see Dally since you've been there? I've written him a few times, but I haven't heard back. Not that I expected to, but I guess I figured he would at least write back to tell me to cut it out. How is he?_

_I hope you'll at least write me back. It would be nice to hear from you._

_Love,_  
_Ellie_

Two-Bit smiled as he folded up the letter and leaned back against the brick wall. He had been homesick as long as he had been in the big house, and he was desperately missing his friends when he realized Dally wasn't going to be much of a pal in prison. He at least stopped putting up a fight when Two-Bit tried to sit at the same lunch table, but there was little to no chance for small talk. He accepted that as much as it killed him, and they usually sat around outside in silence.

He glanced over at the set of rusting barbells and other weights, where Dally seemed to spend most of his time. It didn't interest Two-Bit at all; he would rather borrow a book from the prison library than waste his time sweating all over the place.

The same guy that had given Two-Bit his letter was still shuffling through a few letters and delivering them to guys. He walked over to Dally and handed him an envelope. Dally stood up and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Two-Bit watched him like a hawk as Dally looked at the envelope, wadded into a ball and dropped it to the ground.

Two-Bit didn't have to be a genius to know that Dally's letter was from Ellie - after all, who else in their right mind would write to Dallas Winston? He glanced back down at his own letter, and the part where she asked about Dally stood out from everything else. Of course he would write her back, but how in the world would he tell her Dally was nothing like he used to be?

_Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements  
Even if it leads nowhere?  
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place  
Should I leave it there?_


	50. The Fiction, The Romance

Disclaimer: We do not own _The Outsiders _by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own "Black and White People" by matchbox twenty. _  
_

_

* * *

_

_One more day down, everybody has those days  
Where one soft, sweet song's just enough to clear my head._

**Summer 1967**

Two-Bit crumpled up the letter he was working on and threw the paper to the floor. There were a handful of others next to it, and even after all of the attempts, he just wasn't sure what he should write to Ellie.

At first, he tried to write a letter to Kathy, telling her what an idiot he had been, but those just depressed him. He imagined her shuffling through the mail before a date with some nice, clean-cut middle class kid, and tossing his letter in the trash when she saw who it was from. He didn't want to risk the possibility of rejection if she didn't write back.

Writing Ellie seemed like a better choice, but he was beginning to think he was wrong. He knew it wasn't his job to make sure she didn't get her heart broken, but it somehow felt like his responsibility. He was the only one of their friends, after all, to be crammed into the same prison as Dally, and he was obligated to tell her what was going on with him.

In the first letter he wrote, he told her what an asshole Dally was being. He told her that he was acting like a different person and not for the better. He told her that he was worried because after seeing the stunt he pulled back in September when Johnny died, he didn't think it was possible to see Dally in a new light, but here they were. He wasn't out of control like he had been that night. It was more like he was the complete opposite. Everything he did, he was doing it for a reason; he had a specific purpose in mind for every fight he picked, every move he made, every word he said or didn't say. Something had shifted in Dallas, and the change reminded Two-Bit a lot of Tim Shepard.

That was when he balled up the first letter.

In the letters that followed, he toned down the descriptions of Dally and focused more on prison. He crumpled those up too because they were bringing him down; he didn't want to bring her down too.

He wrote one letter without even mentioning Dal, but he threw that one out before he finished it because he thought that would probably hurt her worse than hearing the truth.

He leaned against the wall behind him and tapped the pencil on the paper, hoping something would come to him. He finally sighed and started writing. He didn't like what he had to say, but he thought it might be better for everyone to hear.

When he finished, he re-read it, smiling at a couple parts and hoping he could at least make her laugh a little over it all. He crammed it in the envelope and addressed it to her.

XXX

_Ellie-_

_Hey. Its good ol' Two-Bit. I know I'm not the one you're expecting a letter from but its kinda boring in here and I needed to write somebody else besides my mama. She's probably sick of hearing about the food in this joint. I really liked getting your letter the other day. I hope your really doing OK and going back to school. You don't need to be a third year junior like me even though I'd like the company. I don't think they'll take me back after my time in the Big House but maybe I can convince Green that Will Rogers hasn't been the same without me. It hasn't, right? Because if somebody took my place as class clown, I'm gonna have to break out of here just to right that wrong._

_I'll get to what I know you're wondering about. Dally. He's Dally, what can I say? He's still mean as ever, but its nice to have a familiar face in this place, even if its his. I think he feels the same about me but he probably won't admit that to anybody so you'll have to take my word for it. We got into this little scuffle after I got here. It's a funny story, really, but I'll let him tell you about it one of these days. We had a good laugh about it afterwards. I'll tell you something right now, though. If he says he won, he's a liar._

_He asks about you every now and then. He said you've written him and I don't know why he won't write back. He talks about it sometimes but he just never does. I guess he doesn't know what to say. After everything with Johnny … I think he just feels funny about how everything went down after that. So if you don't hear from him right away, don't take it personal. He'll write eventually. If he even knows how to write. Maybe he can't even read, and that's what he's embarrassed by. I think I'll start Two-Bit's Reading and Writing course here at the ol' state pen. to get him started. Most of these inmates could use a course in penmanship anyway. I guess I could too though._

_That's real great to hear about Pony's theme. You know reading ain't my thing, but I think I could manage it for something that he wrote. He's a good kid._

_Tell everybody I said hi and I miss them. How's you're little brother? Turning into a Class-A greaser, I hope._

_Love, Two-Bit_

_Ps: If you happen to run into my mom or my sister, can you give them a hug for me?_

Ellie blinked back the tears that kept springing to her eyes through the whole letter. She read it again and again, smiling at the same sentences. She could practically hear Two-Bit telling her about the writing class he was going to start. She didn't realize how much she missed him and his silly jokes that made every day a little easier, even when he was being obnoxious. It made tears sting her eyes again.

Dally. Her stomach twisted when she read his name. She would never tell Two-Bit but her heart sank a little when she realized the letter was from him instead of Dally. The letter itself made her happy though; she couldn't imagine anything Dally would write would make her smile the way Two-Bit's had. She could think of plenty of things that she wanted Dally to write to her, but she didn't think any of those things were likely to happen. Hearing from Two-Bit that he asked about her made her heart feel a little lighter, though. It wasn't exactly a letter, it wasn't something she could physically hold that Dally had taken the time to send her, but he was thinking about her. That was enough for the time being.

She folded the letter and set it on her desk. Pulling out a piece of paper and an envelope, she set to writing her second letter to Two-Bit.

She told him about her little brother. The bigger Danny got, the cuter he got, and she wondered if he felt the same way about Lucy when she was little.

She told him about school. She felt disappointed in herself to admit that she had dropped out, but she explained that it felt like a waste after all that she had missed. She thought that, of all people, he would understand.

She told him that Darry and Allison had broken up for a while, but that didn't mean Two-Bit could swoop in and sweep her off her feet when he got out. They were back on, and although she hadn't heard the whole story, Soda was telling everyone it was thanks to him. She had her doubts, but then again, he was quite the charmer. He probably could manage something like that.

She wrapped up the letter when it reached a third page, telling him she figured she should save something to tell him in the next letter and that she really hoped he would write soon because it wasn't the same without him. Everything seemed to just fall flat when he wasn't there to crack a joke about it all.

Most of her just wanted to stay in touch with Two-Bit, especially if he was going to send a little humor home to her. A small part, small enough that she didn't feel too guilty over it, was just grasping for any mention of Dally that she could get. She hoped Two-Bit would have something to offer her about him in his next letter.

XXX

It was a warm Sunday when they all spilled out of their cars at the Tulsa fairgrounds. Ellie wasn't sure of the last time she had gone to the fair, and she definitely couldn't remember the last time so many of them had gone. She was most amazed by the fact that even Darry had tagged along, bringing both Allison and her daughter. Lizzie was cute, a perfect little miniature of Allison, and she seemed to love Darry. It was funny seeing Darry hang around the little girl because he obviously didn't know what to make of her. He was used to his brothers, and Ellie could imagine that a little girl was his biggest nightmare. He was good at hiding that, though, and he was sweet with her.

The three of them went on ahead, and it was just Soda, Pony and Ellie hanging back. A gang of younger kids shoved through the three of them, trying to act tough. Ellie rolled her eyes when one of them elbowed her out of the way; they reminded her of Dally when he was that age. When she thought about him she felt as though someone punched her in the chest and she tried to not think about him. She tried to not think about how he would have forced her onto every single ride she refused to ride, only because she hated them. Dally forced her on the roller coasters, and Two-Bit tricked her into every haunted house and hall of mirrors, but they both did everything they could to scare the living daylights out of her. There was only one time she got them back, and Dally got most of the damage. Steve loaned her the money to buy the biggest lemon squeeze she could buy. She made sure to ask for extra sugar. Steve did what he could to get them to walk together but in the end Ellie decided she wanted Dally to have it more. When she dumped most of the lemon squeeze over his head, which was really mostly his neck because she couldn't reach the top of his head, Dally let out such a growl she couldn't help but laugh. The sugar attracted bees and flies for the rest of the entire day.

"When's Steve coming?" Pony asked.

"Later," Soda said.

"Are you guys okay? You haven't been hanging out much lately," Pony said.

Soda nodded. "Sure, I guess. He's just always with Evie, and I feel like the third wheel. I think he might propose to her after he graduates."

Ellie smirked. Steve getting married seemed funny to her, even though she knew how serious he was about Evie. "Imagine him being the first of our friends to get married. That's hard to believe."

"He might not be the first," Soda said with a grin. He pointed way up ahead of them where Darry was getting on the merry-go-round with Allison and Lizzie.

"No way," Ellie said.

"You think they're that serious?" Pony asked, wide eyed.

Soda nodded. "Definitely."

"Huh. You guys would have a niece if that happened," Ellie observed. "Good luck with that."

"What do you mean by that?" Soda and Pony both asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, you guys. You don't have that much experience with girls. What are you going to do if you have to babysit her or something? Take her to the lot and play football with her?"

"We always did with you," Soda said, ruffling her hair.

She punched him in the arm. "Very funny."

Pony pointed past them at the Ferris wheel. "Come on guys. I wanna ride some rides while we're here."

After a long wait in line, the three of them crowded into one of the lifts, Ellie wedged in between the brothers. Once the ride started moving again, Pony struggled to take off his jacket.

"Why in the world are you wearing that thing anyway?" Ellie asked as he nearly hit her in the face trying to get his arm out of the sleeve. "You never have one when you need it, but you wear one when it's eighty degrees out."

"Because," he said, digging in one of the pockets, "I thought this might be funny."

He produced a water balloon in one hand and a grin on his face.

"What are you going to do with that?" she asked.

"This," he said, leaning over the bucket slightly and pulling his arm back.

She realized what he was planning and, while Soda was cackling beside her, she grabbed his arm.

"You are not!" she shrieked.

"Why not?"

"Because they're going to know exactly where it came from and kick us out!"

"No, they won't," he replied. "You want one, Soda? I've got a couple more in my jacket."

"I thought you were looking bulkier than usual today," he said, reaching across Ellie for one of the balloons.

"You guys are awful! You can't do that."

"Why not?" Soda asked.

"Because it's mean. I sure wouldn't want to be hit with a water balloon by some hood if I were standing around, minding my own business."

"Come on, it's water, not _syrup_," Pony said.

She bit her lip, thinking about the prank against the seniors over a year before when Two-Bit helped to tar and feather them. "That was different," she said, although she wasn't sure that it actually was.

"What if I told you we would just hit the people that deserve it?" Pony asked.

She considered somebody like Cherry Valance taking a water balloon to her Sunday best. She bit back a smirk at the thought of her reaction when she got hit.

"That doesn't make it right," she replied, trying not to smile.

"Then why do you look like you're about to throw one of these balloons yourself?" Soda asked.

"I am not," she said, crossing her arms. "You two go ahead. Count me out."

"Fine by us," Soda said, leaning over his side to look at the people below. "How about that group of jocks?"

Pony leaned over Ellie to see where he was pointing. He gave his brother a grin and nodded.

"Bombs away," Soda said. He gave a low whistle as he tossed the balloon overboard and howled when it hit the shoulder of one of the guys and splashed on all four of them.

Pony gave him a high five, and Ellie just leaned back out of the way.

"I can't believe this is happening when Two-Bit isn't here," she scolded.

"You know, they're probably going to thank us later," Soda said.

"For what?"

"For the nice, refreshing shower on such a hot, summer day."

"Where would you even get an idea like this?" she asked.

"From Two-Bit," Pony replied. "Where else would I get it?"

"I should have known," she muttered. "This has his name written all over it."

"Oh yeah," Soda said. "I remember him talking about doing this. He hyped it up all before the fair got here and then never had the money to come and ride the rides. Wasn't he going to use Jello or something?"

"Yeah," he said. "Lime, I think. We just didn't know how to get enough Jello in the balloons."

"Oh," Ellie said, "how kind of you."

Pony grinned at her. "Don't give me a hard time. You're just pretending that this isn't the funniest thing you've seen in a long time."

She tried to fight back another smile, but she couldn't help it. "Fine. Maybe it's a little funny."

The wheel was circling back to the ground, and the ride operator was eyeing each cart carefully. Ellie nudged both of the guys.

"You better hide them," she said. "I think he saw your work on the football players over there."

The boys hid the balloons under the jacket, and Soda had the nerve to wave at the guy before they circled again.

"You're just dying to get caught, aren't you?" Ellie asked.

"No way," Soda said. "I'm dying to throw some more. How many balloons do you have left, Pony?"

"Three more. Two a piece unless Ellie wants a try."

She shook her head. "No, thanks. With my luck, I'd hit a cop."

"Wouldn't that be just like Two-Bit, though?" Pony asked.

Soda laughed loudly beside her. "He would be so proud!"

"I'm not doing it," she said, settling back in her seat. "I'll let you guys have all the fun."

"Who should I go for?" Pony asked, leaning over his side again.

She looked over his shoulder as best she could. She spotted one of the young kids that had been rude earlier and pointed down. "How about those jerks?"

Pony laughed. "Perfect."

The balloon sailed over and splattered on the pavement right beside the boys. Water sloshed across the bottom of their jeans, and all the boys jumped about a foot in the air.

The ride kept moving until they were nearing the bottom again. Just as it stopped for them to get off, the ride operator took a step towards them.

"Hey, you think I didn't see that?" he snapped, pointing a finger in their direction.

The bar across their laps lifted, and Soda grabbed the jacket and one of the balloons. Pony grabbed the other, and the three of them took off running.

"You hoods keep offa my ride!" he yelled after them.

They ran through the crowds, dodging through people until they were far enough away from the ride.

The three of them were laughing, and Pony and Soda were still holding their water balloons when Ellie noticed a big guy heading their way. He looked like one of the jocks Soda had lobbed the balloon at earlier.

"Hey, Soda," she said.

"Yeah?" he asked, still chuckling as tossed Pony's jacket back to him.

"I think one of those guys is coming to thank you for nice, refreshing shower on such a hot, summer day."

"What?"

She pointed past him, and Soda followed her finger to the tall guy.

"Oh, shit," he mumbled. "They didn't look that big from up there."

"You must be the wise guy that threw the water balloon at my friends," he said when he got closer.

Soda still had one of the remaining balloons in his hand, but he shook his head. "What? A water balloon? I don't know what you're talking about."

The guy pointed at Soda's hand, a scowl on his face. "Oh, no? Then what the hell is that?"

"This?" Soda asked innocently. "Oh, this is for you."

He threw it straight at the guy, and it splattered square in his chest. He looked surprised enough that it gave Soda a chance to turn to Ellie and Pony.

"Run. As fast as you can."

They did, and Ellie risked looking back once to find the guy chasing them. He was a good deal bigger than any of them, and he was having a harder time maneuvering through the crowds. When they finally reached a hot dog standing, they were out of breath, but they were all laughing.

"I honestly don't know how you guys get me into these messes," she said, clutching at the pain in her side from running so hard.

"Admit it," Pony replied. "You love it."

"We've gotta tell Two-Bit about this," Soda said. "He'll die laughing."

"What's so funny?"

Steve was walking toward them, a wry smile on his face. Soda looked a Pony and they both burst out laughing.

"I can tell it wasn't good," Steve said.

"Just your average JDs," Ellie said. "Disrupting the peace and all."

"How?"

Ellie knew there was one water balloon left and she knew she should have warned Steve, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Soda take it from Pony and the next thing she knew Steve was wiping water out of his eyes and swearing like a sailor. Soda nearly fell to the ground he was laughing so hard. For a moment she thought Steve was going to retaliate, but he shook off his anger and pointed at Soda and then at her and Pony.

"Good one guys. But just wait," he said.

Pulling out a comb, Steve blindly fixed his swirls, flicking the water from his comb at Soda.

"I had nothing to do with it," Ellie said, putting her hands up in defense.

"Sure," Steve said, putting his comb away. "Let's ride something."

XXX

The boys were riding the roller coaster with the loops, and Ellie stayed safely on the ground. She was a little sad no one forced her on it, even though she thought she would wet her pants if it had come to that. She kept thinking about Two-Bit's letter and the more she thought about it, the more she was certain he had lied to her. It was hard to believe that Dally was honestly talking about writing her back, mainly because she never expected him to in the first place. There was also the fact that Dally didn't do silly things like write letters. Why she kept wasting her time waiting for one to come from him was beyond her.

"Hey!"

Ellie turned around as Darry, Allison and Lizzie came up to her. Lizzie's face was a sticky mess from the pink cotton candy she was trying to eat.

"What are you doing by yourself?"

She motioned toward the roller coaster. "They're on that thing."

"Not a fan of the big rides?" Allison asked.

"No. Dally and Two-Bit used to make me ride them, but I guess I get off today," she said.

"Well," Darry said, dragging out the word. He looked down at Lizzie and back at Ellie. "We've been on all the kiddie rides today. Think you mind watching her for a minute while we ride?"

Ellie looked down at the tiny pink monster and back at Darry and Allison and saw the silent hope there.

"Sure," Ellie said. The Hall of Mirrors was right across the way, and she hoped that babysitting Lizzie when the others got off the coaster meant they would go on to that without her. That was more than fine by her.

"Thank you, thank you!" Allison exclaimed.

She bent down to Lizzie's level and told her to hold Ellie's hand. A tiny, sticky hand found its way into hers and Ellie smiled at the girl as Darry and Allison took off for the roller coaster line. It was dizzying watching them as happy as they were. Darry led her, hands clasped until they were stopped by the people in front of them. He held both of her hands as they talked excitedly about something. They were cute together and as strange as it was to think about, Ellie knew Soda was right. They would get married.

There was a little tug on her hand and Ellie focused her attention on Lizzie.

"Want a bite?"

She thrust the pink cloud up at Ellie. Sitting down, Ellie reached to take a piece of the fluff, but Lizzie got excited.

"I feed you!"

Before Ellie could try and stop her little fingers smashed a handful of slobbery cotton candy into her mouth. Disgusted, but only for a second, Ellie let the stuff melt on her tongue and then stuck it out for Lizzie to see.

"Is it pink?"

A burst of giggles and then Soda was suddenly crouching down beside her begging for a piece. Lizzie stuffed a huge piece in his mouth and he picked up the little girl.

"How was the ride?"

"Fun," Pony replied. "You should have gone with us."

"We're going in there next," Steve said, pointing at the hall of mirrors.

"Have fun," Ellie said, reaching for Lizzie. Soda held her away and Steve started pushing her and Pony grabbed her arm, pulling her along. They pushed and pulled her right into the hall, and she clung to Steve's arm the whole time, wishing Dally was there.

XXX

There was another damn letter sitting on his bed.

"Fucking A, Ellie," he grumbled, snatching the already opened envelope off of his pillow and staring at the familiar handwriting on the front.

He hadn't read the last couple, opting instead to just crush the paper into a ball and toss it away, at least until Two-Bit had waved one of them in his face. This time he ripped the folded paper out of the envelope and read it. The handwriting wasn't nearly as clear as usual, the pen digging deep into the paper in some points. She was pissed.

_Dallas,_

_I can believe I haven't heard back from you, it's not a surprise. You're not impressing me by ignoring me and I don't care except that you owe me at least something letting me know you're okay. You yelled at me and threw your stupid lunch tray at me. You disappeared and I worried about you because you were so hurt. I hate that you do this to me, but I can't help it. I know you're not talking to anyone there and I'm not going to share anything you send me back, so please just let me know you're okay. Four years is a long time to not talk about it. Pony's okay, why can't you be?_

_Please just write something back. Even if it's to yell at me to stop being such a broad. I don't care. I need something because four years is a really long time. You can't wait that long either. I won't let you._

_Ellie_

Standing up, Dally crumpled the paper in his fist and dropped it in the toilet.

"Sorry, Dollface," he said as he flushed the toilet.

XXX

_And it's one last round of petty conversation,  
You hold on, boy, 'cause you won't go down like this._


	51. Step Back In Time

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_ and The Killers own "Change Your Mind."**

* * *

_A siren screams at half past ten and you won't let go  
While I ignore that we both felt like this before  
_

**September 1967**

Darry had told Pony to try and convince Ellie to go back to school, so he spent the better part of August trying to talk her into it. He tried everything he could think of short of offering to go back to the tenth grade so she wouldn't feel left out. Nothing was budging her.

"I talked to Mr. Syme about it," Pony said over dinner after the second day of school. "He said all she needs to do is re-enroll, you know, fill out some papers, and she can start back once she meets with the guidance counselor."

"Pick up the paperwork from the office and give it to her," Darry suggested.

"It won't make her fill it out."

"She might."

"And she might not."

"It could be the push she needs," Darry replied.

On the third day of school, before the first bell, Pony stopped by the front office and asked the secretary for re-enrollment forms. While the woman shuffled through her desk, he tried to think of the best time to give the papers to Ellie. Giving it to her when they were alone was by far the best option. She always got mad when anyone brought it up, especially in front of an audience, and he figured he would have a better shot if it was just him and her talking.

He walked out into the crowded hallway and studied the forms in his hands. A hand suddenly clamped down on his shoulder, and he crammed the papers into one of his textbooks.

"How's it goin', Ponyboy?" Wade asked, a ridiculous looking cowboy hat resting on his blond head.

Pony smiled. He had had a growth spurt over the summer, but Wade was still about a head taller than him.

"Pretty good. How about yourself?"

"Not bad. You have a nice summer?"

"Sure, it was fun. I just hung around home mostly. How was yours?"

"Not bad. I went back home with my folks for a few weeks, and we did some mission work down near Washburn."

Pony let out a low whistle. "Mission work, huh? That's … impressive. I was wondering why I hadn't spotted you around town too much. Figured you were busy with something. I guess you were."

Wade shrugged. "Funny going back. I mean, I guess this is home now, and that's just a place I visit. It's weird."

Pony chuckled a little. Wade was a strange kid.

"You ever go to the bowling alley down off Peoria?" he asked suddenly.

"Sure, I go every now and then. I'm not real good at it, but any place off the Ribbon is a _tuff _place to hang out and see everybody."

"I just got a job there. You oughta bring your friends and come by some night. Tuesdays are half off, 'cause we don't get much of a crowd that night. Wednesdays are a little cramped 'cause there's some leagues, but I'm always real bored on Tuesdays."

"You gonna try out for track again this year?"

Wade nodded. "Yeah. Did you know I made the football team, too?"

Pony tried to hide his surprise. He had seen the kid run. He just couldn't picture him running and holding onto a football.

"How do you work and play football?"

"Well, I don't work a whole lot, and I'm third string on the team. I'd probably be fourth string if they had one," he added with a grin.

Pony just nodded. He didn't know how the kid could laugh off something like being third string. It just about killed him that he had to be an alternate on the track team instead of the star.

"So, bowling?"

"Sure, I'll try to come by sometime," Pony replied.

"You really oughta bring some people. I haven't met many kids around town since I was gone most of the summer. It might be fun. Well, I gotta get to my class upstairs," he said, breaking away into the crowds. "See you later, Ponyboy!"

Pony waved him off and set off in the direction of his own classroom.

XXX

Ellie had already been awake for a couple hours because Danny was fussy with a cold, but she was surprised by the knock on her window since it was so early. She pulled back her curtains, and Pony waved at her.

Pushing open the window, she leaned out a little. "What are you doing up so early?"

"It's time for school!" The grin that had been on his face faltered slightly. "You know, you wouldn't be too far behind if you came today. It's only the third day."

It was hard to keep herself from lashing out at him and she bit her tongue. He was pestering her about school because he cared enough to want her to go, but she was getting sick of it.

"I'm not going," she told him.

"What's stopping you?"

For a minute, she was quiet. It was hard to come up with a good answer so she settled on a mediocre one.

"I dropped out, Pony. They don't just take kids back after that."

"Sure they do! All you have to do is fill out some papers," he said, opening his math book. He plucked out two papers and handed them to her.

He was plotting against her, but with that stupid, hopeful smile on his face, she felt forced to take the yellow sheets of paper from him.

"It's been too long, Pone," she said. She wasn't good at school to begin with.

"Come on, Ellie," he said, stopping just short of whining. "It's just me and Steve in school right now, and he leaves before lunch for his work-study thing. It's bad enough without Two-Bit, but you too?"

"It's probably for the best. If I go back, I'll still just be a sophomore. I'll feel dumb."

"But at least you'd be in school."

"Hey, Pony!"

Ellie followed Pony's gaze over to Steve's house where he was standing by his car.

"Let's go!"

"Be there in a second," Pony called. Turning to Ellie, he leaned in a little closer. "Come on, don't make me ride to school with Steve all by my lonesome again this year."

"I'll think about it," she said, although that's what she had been saying all summer long. Occasionally, she had every intention of going back, but when it came right down to it, she dreaded the thought.

She dreaded it even more with those papers in her hand.

XXX

It was becoming a mission to get Dally to talk to him, and when Two-Bit meant talk, he had more in mind than just grunts and annoyed sighs. He had a plan to needle Dally a little bit everyday. In a way it was like trying to break down his resistance. Maybe if he could get Dally to say two new words to him a day it would be so little Dally wouldn't even notice. By the end of the month Dally might even be saying full sentences to him. It would be a miracle!

Two-Bit set down his metal tray of mashed potatoes and beef stew and sat directly across from Dally.

"Hey Dal."

Dally responded with silence.

The rest of the seats at the table were empty, so Two-Bit tried that.

"You looked kind of lonely over here, so I thought I'd join you."

A grunt, and they were par for the course.

Two-Bit knew he should be going in easy, but he decided to go straight for the jugular.

"Get any more letters from Ellie?"

For the first time since he sat down, Dally looked up at him. It was only a glance, and it was fairly blank.

"I haven't seen any more of them crumpled up on the floor, so I'm assuming you're either reading them or she got the clue and quit sending them."

"Fuck off," Dally said.

_That's two_, he thought.

"You enjoying your stew? Mine's kind of tough and not nearly as good as my mom's," he said. "When I get out, I want her to make me the best bowl of beef stew just to get over this shit."

Dally dropped his fork and snatched his dinner roll, taking a huge bite out of it and chewing it with his mouth open. The rolls were usually burned or so dry they seemed to be filled with flour, and Two-Bit was starting to lose his appetite with Dally chewing as obnoxiously as he was. He set down his fork and studied his friend.

"What?" Dally finally snapped, bits of roll flying out of his mouth and landing between them on the table.

"Can I just get to the point?"

Dally stopped chewing and dropped what was left of his roll on his plate.

"Didn't know you could be serious about anything," Dally said.

"Why'd you do it?"

The obnoxious asshole that was sitting across from him disappeared in a split second, and he almost looked like the old Dally. His eyes narrowed as if on cue, and Two-Bit had to swallow the fear of being in a knock-down, drag-out fight with him.

"I've seen a lot of crazy shit in my life, but watching you get yourself shot up that night was the worst," Two-Bit said. In fact, the whole ordeal had shaken him to his core. The aftershocks of what Dally did was part of the reason Two-Bit was in jail at all.

Unsurprisingly, Dally didn't say anything. He was back to picking at his food.

"You scared the shit out of all of us," Two-Bit said.

"So what?"

"That's just like you," Two-Bit said. "You don't know it now, Dal, but you need someone on your side. I'm trying really fucking hard and Ellie is too."

Dally looked at him, eyes as hard as rocks, but he didn't say anything.

"Do you even care about _anything_?"

It seemed to Two-Bit that Dally thought about it for a few seconds before he shook his head.

"That's really sad, Dal."

"I don't give a shit."

"Then tell Ellie that so she'll stop waiting around for you."

Two-Bit picked up his tray and got up to find another seat.

"Thought you said she was messing around with Rick Bradley."

He said it as a taunt, something to get him riled up. Two-Bit turned around and dropped his tray back on the table and sat back down, hoping like hell it annoyed Dally to death.

"She ain't."

"She tell you that?"

This was the most he'd gotten Dally to even talk about her, and he tried not to look too surprised. "Yeah."

"So she's back with Tim now?"

"I doubt it. You did hear what she did to his car, didn't you?"

The change on Dally's face would have been impossible for most people to notice, but Two-Bit saw it immediately. It was interest in something other than himself.

"She beat the hell out of his Charger," he said.

Dally's eyes narrowed, silently challenging his version of the story.

"With a crowbar," he added. "At the DX. I only heard about it second-hand, but Soda was there. He said she totaled that piece of shit in about five minutes flat."

"You're a fucking liar."

Two-Bit put a hand on his heart. "I swear on my mama and my little sister. This is the God's honest truth."

There was a long silence that hung between the two of them. Two-Bit was scared to breath, for fear of scaring off whatever was happening between the two of them.

"She really did that?" he asked.

Two-Bit nodded, and if he would have blinked, he would have missed the ghost of a smile that crossed Dally's face.

"Shit."

"Yeah," Two-Bit agreed.

"Why'd she do it?" he asked, still pushing his mashed potatoes around on his plate.

Two-Bit considered lying. He thought about telling Dally that he didn't know why any girl acted the way they did, but the truth was too important.

"She knew Tim gave you that gun."

Dally's gaze landed on Two-bit, and he knew he had just done the dumbest thing possible. Dal's eyes were narrowed and colder than ever.

"She's a crazy fucking broad," he said, shoving his chair back hard enough for it to clatter to the ground.

"Dal, she was just worried about you," Two-Bit said, standing up to meet his gaze. There were a couple guards heading their way. "We all were."

"All of you need to mind your own fucking business," he hissed.

"What's the problem here?" the bald guard asked.

"Just a misunderstanding," Two-Bit said quickly.

Before he or the guards could do anything, Dally reached across the table and grabbed Two-Bit by the collar, pulling him halfway onto the table.

"Get this through your thick skull," he growled, "we ain't friends. Leave me alone."

The guards grabbed him by the arms, and Two-Bit stumbled away from him. By the time he had straightened his shirtfront, Dally was already being dragged out of the room.

XXX

Ellie handed a woman her change and bade her a good day. Half-starved, she pulled out the "Register Closed" sign and was about to set it out so she could take her break when another customer walked into her line. With the supervisor watching just a few feet away, she had no choice but to put the sign back. She bit back a sigh when the man placed a full basket of groceries on the counter.

When she looked up at the man, she couldn't hide her surprise at seeing Mr. Leery standing in front of her. Leery, the same teacher that made her first year at Will Rogers pure hell.

"Ms. O'Hare," he said, seemingly as surprised as she was. "I didn't know you worked here."

She nodded, trying to keep the horror off her face as she fumbled with his purchases. "I just started a couple months ago."

She had never seen her teachers outside of school and even though she had dropped out, Leery still made her nervous. Maybe it was because she knew that was what he expected from her, and she didn't like living up to his low expectations. She looked up for a brief second and caught him looking at her over his glasses.

"How do you manage work and school?" he asked.

Ellie shrugged and tried to evade the question.

"Who do you have for history this year?"

She couldn't think of a single history teacher at Will Rogers besides him, and he must have caught on to her struggle. Heat crept into her cheeks, and she frantically bagged up his groceries.

"Ellie," he said. She looked at him because he rarely ever called her by her first name. "You are in school aren't you?"

"No," she answered, embarrassed.

"That's too bad."

Glancing up at him, Ellie expected a lecture or at least something. He was looking at her as though he was disappointed; he was looking at her like he did when he compared her to her mother. It felt like an eternity ago, but he had been right, even back then.

"There were a lot of things going on." It sounded like a good enough reason in her head, but it was a poor excuse when she said it out loud.

"So I heard."

She gave him his total, and he gave her his money. She counted out his change carefully, knowing she couldn't afford to make some dumb mistake in front of him now.

"When did you stop going last year?"

There was another customer waiting her line now, and Ellie really wanted Leery to leave.

"March or so, but I guess I hadn't been going much since last September," she said.

"It wouldn't be too late to register at Will Rogers for the year. A couple weeks late is better than never. You've already learned the subject matter this early in the year," he said. "You know that, right?"

"I wasn't really thinking about it."

"Repeating a year of school is better than just dropping out altogether. You should consider it."

"Why?" She wasn't sure she got the point of going to school anymore. It hadn't done much for her to begin with. Soda did just fine without it. She could too.

He shrugged. "Why not? You've made it this far. Just a couple more years, and you'll graduate.

"And then what?" she asked. She tried to avoid it, but it still came out as whining.

"You're a smart girl. You'll figure it out."

She stared at him for a moment, the longest she had ever looked him in the eye. "You really think that?"

He gave her a curt nod. "You did well in my class when you tried. You look surprised."

She frowned and handed him the bag of groceries. "I guess nobody's ever called me smart before."

"Ellie," he said, his voice a little lower, "it may seem like I don't notice the class divisions at school or that I don't care, but honestly, it's very hard to miss. It's also hard to ignore everything that happened last year."

He meant everything with her friends and the Socs. "So you just mean you feel sorry for me after all that."

He shook his head, his expression still as cold as it had ever been the days she was late for his class. "I don't feel sorry for anyone that has as many opportunities as you have. It may have been a rough time for you last year, but that is no excuse. You can pick yourself back up, and there's no shame in that. If you would rather work here, that is also your choice. That, however, would warrant pity."

She frowned but couldn't muster any anger because it was true.

"There are far worse things you could be doing with your time than working," he continued, "but there are far better things you could be doing, also. Consider that, Ellie. Have a nice day."

"You too," she said.

He gave her one last glance and left. She helped the next customer, trying hard not to think about it all then and there.

_And if the answer is no,  
Can I change your mind?_


	52. Who Stole My Patience?

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_ and Jack Johnson owns "No Good With Faces."**

* * *

_Streetlamps are broken, black the way I came  
Who broke the moonlight, watch it wax and wane._

**September 1967**

Late, late, late. The day had barely begun, and she was already running late. Jimmy had to work later than normal, and so she had to get up with Danny. As she brushed her hair and tried to put on a little bit of make up, Danny played with blocks at her feet, babbling to himself.

The phone rang. Ellie popped her head into the hallway and shouted for her mom to get it, but she must not have been up yet because she didn't hear any movement. Two rings later, Ellie dashed for the phone, stepping on blocks and cursing up a storm as she reached the phone.

"Hello?"

Silence on the other end.

She didn't try to hide the irritation in her voice. "Hello?"

Again, there was nothing. Danny crawled over to her, pulling himself up on her legs and talking to her. She picked him up and asked hello again. Danny mimicked her.

"Tell them goodbye," she said to Danny.

"Bye!"

She slammed the receiver down and set Danny on the floor as Jimmy walked in.

"Thank God," Ellie said. "I've got to go. I'm late."

"You're really heading back to school?"

He looked terrified that she was leaving, but he just had to deal with it. When it came right down to it, Jimmy was a good dad.

"You'll be fine. Just make sure he eats something this morning."

She didn't wait for him to ask any more questions as she grabbed a handful of new notebooks and ran out the door.

XXX

Dally hung up the phone slowly, her voice ringing in his ears. He shouldn't have wasted his time because he knew he wasn't going to speak to her. All he got for his trouble was the phone slammed in his ear.

He wanted to talk to her, though. Ever since Two-Bit told him about her beating the shit out of Tim's car, it hadn't sat right with him. For some reason, he didn't believe she did that just because Tim gave him the gun. Maybe he refused to believe she was that upset about him, and maybe Two-Bit had blown the whole damn thing out of proportion. Either way, it had him thinking.

He thought back to the Soc that had messed with her so bad. All he wanted to do was kick the shit out of that guy and she wouldn't let him, but it was okay later when she tried to knife the guy at school. Steve told him that Tim had really blown it with her, but Dally didn't have a clue what that meant. She never seemed to let anyone else do anything for her; she had to handle it all herself. All he knew was that if she was breaking his windows with a crowbar, the chick had some serious pent-up anger.

"Fuck."

Dally grabbed the phone and dialed again. The other end rang and rang until someone with a gravelly voice picked up. Jimmy.

"Ellie there?" he asked, keeping his voice very low.

"No, she's at school."

Dally hung up before they could ask who he was.

XXX

Pony practically shoved her up the steps and into the school. She was trying hard to backpedal her way out, but between him and Steve, she wasn't going anywhere.

"This is a bad idea," she said as they walked through the doors.

"It's fine," Steve replied. "You need this."

They were running late when they planned on leaving early. Pony watched her face grow pale as they weaved through the pre-morning bell crowds: boys in varsity jackets hovering over girls in the locker bays, troublemakers throwing things over everyone's heads, lockers slamming, teachers glaring. Pony squeezed her shoulders to ensure that everything was fine.

"I hate you for this," she said.

"You can hate me all you want," Pony replied with a smile.

Steve pulled open the office door and stood aside.

"There you go."

Ellie paused in the threshold and looked at Steve and then at Pony. She seemed to gather some confidence before she walked up to the secretary. Steve let the door close, and they watched through the glass until she was led back into the counselors' offices in the back. She didn't look back at them.

"How'd you talk her into it?" Steve asked.

"I don't know. I think I either annoyed her to death, or she just needed someone to keep telling her."

Steve sounded relieved when he sighed. "God I hope this is a new start for her. I can't watch her dig herself any deeper than she has."

Pony nodded. He knew Ellie had been in trouble, but so had he. It wasn't anything you couldn't dig yourself out of if you didn't let yourself fall too deep. And sometimes all you ever needed was to accept help from someone else.

Above them, the bell rang.

"Guess we better get to class. She might be awhile," Steve said.

"Yeah," Pony said.

"I'll meet up with you at your locker after fourth, all right? I wanna know if you've heard from her."

Pony nodded, and Steve left. Looking one last time into the office, Pony headed toward his own class.

XXX

Nervously, Ellie unfolded her schedule and read the list carefully. As far as she could remember, the list was almost identical to her schedule from the previous fall, with one glaring exception. She had History 2 with Mr. Leery.

"Everything look to be in order? You can find all of the classrooms okay?" Mr. Burwell asked her.

She nodded, setting the piece of paper on her notebooks. He smiled at her as he wrote her out a pass.

"I'll be sure to let your teachers know they will be getting a new student today," he said, "but make sure to talk with each of your teachers one-on-one before you leave so they can get you all caught up on coursework."

Ellie only nodded.

"I'll walk you to Mr. Syme's class."

She scrambled out of her seat. "That's okay, I know where it is. I can find it."

Mr. Burwell walked around his desk and opened his office door. "I insist."

She walked alongside the guidance counselor through the empty hall, wondering why he needed to walk her to class. Part of her thought he might be doing it to be sure she didn't make a break for it. That same part of her was thankful he was there. If it were up to her, she would be out the front doors in a heartbeat.

"I think you made a very good decision to come back to school, Ella," he said as they headed down the English hallway.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

"Cheer up. Give it a couple days, and things won't seem so intimidating. It'll all be back to normal."

"I hope so."

He came to a stop outside of Mr. Syme's classroom. "If things get too overwhelming or you have trouble catching up or staying caught up, stop by my office. That's what I'm here for. Okay?"

She nodded, thankful for the offer. She could already feel herself drowning in schoolwork, and she hadn't even been to her first class yet.

"Good." He knocked on the classroom door before opening it and gesturing to Mr. Syme.

Mr. Syme excused himself from the class and stepped into the hallway. "Good to see you, Ellie. Ponyboy told me you might be coming back to school."

"Sorry it's so late into the year." It was bad enough she dropped out the previous year; now she felt like an idiot for also missing out on the first month of school.

"Nothing you can't catch up on," he said. "Mr. Burwell and I will make sure of that. Come on in and have a seat."

She hesitantly followed him inside and thanked her lucky stars when he pointed to a desk in the back row. The rest of the class was already staring back at her, but it helped that he didn't make any sort of special announcement about her arrival to their class. He started up his lesson again and slowly their attention moved from her back to their books.

XXX

The halls were more claustrophobic than Ellie remembered. It didn't help that she had to rush from Mr. Syme's room to her algebra class, and she was determined not to be late again.

Every seat was filled except for one right in the middle of the room. She made a break for it and settled into her seat uncomfortably. The bell rang, and she felt a nervous rush in the pit of her stomach. School was definitely back in session.

The teacher walked in, a young woman that must have been new to the school. She was skinny and had a huge bouffant hair-do and what looked like fake eyelashes. She felt the person behind her lean forward, pushing slightly on the back of her chair.

"New here?" he asked.

She glanced back at the boy with dirty blond hair and a huge grin on his face. "No."

"How come I haven't seen you before?" he asked.

"Because you haven't," she said as the teacher stood in front of the classroom. She was smiling brightly, and Ellie almost groaned when the woman looked straight at her, tipping her head to the side as she looked down at the roster in her hands.

"We have a new student today," she said, cheerily. Ellie sank a little lower in her seat and the woman looked up at her. "You must be Ella."

Smiling meekly, Ellie barely nodded.

"Well, come on up and introduce yourself," she said.

Ellie shook her head.

"Shy, huh?" she asked. "That's okay. Class, this is Ella O'Hare. She's new to Will Rogers so be sure to welcome her."

Ellie didn't bother correcting her. Looking around, she knew there were enough people in there looking at her from the corner of their eyes and trying to figure out who she was. She knew it would be too good to be true to go unnoticed. No one said anything, though, no one but the boy behind her.

"Ella, huh? I thought you said you weren't new?" he asked.

"I'm not," she said.

"Oh," he said, dragging it out.

He settled back in his seat, and she pulled out her notebook and poised her pen, ready for whatever notes she was supposed to start taking when a folded piece of paper flew over her shoulder and landed right in the middle of her desk. Turning around a little she looked at the kid and gave him a look. Motioning with his pen, he pointed at the note and mouthed something. _Open it_.

As quietly as she could, Ellie unfolded the piece of notebook paper and smoothed it down on her desk. _I'm Wade_, it read. When she looked back again, he pointed at himself and grinned. Turning back around, she folded the note back up and stuck it under her notebook, trying not to laugh at him.

XXX

Ellie had to talk to her math teacher to get a few assignments to make up for what she had missed, so by the time she made it to the hallway, it was total chaos. She had no idea how much time she had to make it from her math class to the class she was dreading most. She walked down the hallway as quickly as she could until she heard someone calling her name. She turned and saw Wade hurrying after her.

"Wait up, Ella."

"It's Ellie," she said, not stopping for him.

"Ella's a pretty name. Why don't you go by that?" he asked.

"Because I go by Ellie," she said. "Ella makes me feel like I'm in trouble or something."

"That how I feel when my mom calls me by my first and middle names," he said, falling in step with her.

"Who are you again?" she asked. She knew she was being short with him, but she really just wanted to get to Leery's class quickly and on time for once.

"I'm Wade. Wilson," he added, holding his hand out as they walked. She ignored it.

"I've got to get to class."

"Where's your class?"

"Upstairs."

"By golly, that's where my class is. How about I walk you?"

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He seemed bound and determined to stay attached to her side.

"That's okay, I can find it myself. I know where it is." She took longer strides and ducked in between crowds in an effort to lose him, but his legs were longer than hers, and he was much taller. The crowds just seemed to part for him.

"You know, I'm kind of new here too," he said.

"Yeah? That's nice."

"Yeah. I thought it would be nice for a couple of new kids to stick together. It's kind of a big school."

"Thanks for the offer," she said, "but like I said, I'm not new."

He smiled at her, but he looked a little confused. "Okay."

She hurried up the crowded stairwell, hoping she could lose Wade, but he stuck by her side.

"Can I carry your books for you?"

"What?" she asked, so surprised by the question that she stopped in the middle of the stairs.

"Your books. Here," he said, reaching for her notebooks. "I'll carry them for you."

"Not, it's okay. I've got them."

"No, really, I'd like to carry your books."

She pulled them away from him, but he grabbed onto the corner of her English book. She tried to tug them away as a few students pushed past them, and she lost her grip at the same time Wade let go. Her books flew from her hands and bounced down every single stair they had already ascended. Loose papers scattered in every direction as kids trampled on top of them.

"Glory, I'm so sorry," he said.

She ignored him and hurried back down the steps to gather her things. He stumbled down behind her, handing her papers as she picked up her books. He reached for her math notes as a girl was walking on it and ripped it clean in half.

Ellie glared at him but couldn't say anything as the bell rang, echoing through the stairwell.

"I am so sorry, Ella," he said as she scrambled to her feet.

She raced up the stairs as quickly as she could, with Wade easily keeping pace beside her. Her stomach was in knots as she neared Mr. Leery's classroom.

Mr. Leery looked up from the roll when she walked in and gave her a look she was all too familiar with.

"Ms. O'Hare."

"Sorry," she mumbled as she kept her eyes on the floor and sat in the first available seat she saw.

"And Mr. Wilson," Leery said, "how kind of you two to join us."

Wade sheepishly walked down the aisle and sat in a seat diagonal from Ellie. Leery continued going through the attendance sheet, and Ellie felt a kick at her chair. She stared forward until there was another kick.

She looked back at him and glared.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

He seemed genuinely apologetic, but Ellie ignored him and turned her full attention to the front of the room.

XXX

The bell rang the end of fifth period, and Pony waited at the edge of the cafeteria with his food, waiting for Ellie. He watched anxiously for her, a little concerned that she might have ditched like old times. He wouldn't blame her for wanting to ditch for lunch considering they were stuck in the cafeteria for the rest of the year. Steve had his work-study which started after fourth period, and without Two-Bit there, they didn't have a car.

She finally made her way over to him with her lunch and they found a table at the side of the room, far away from the Socs in the middle trying to cause trouble. Ellie watched as a group of big Socs used a spoon to catapult grapes and other pieces of food at the backs of some kids' heads.

"Nothing's really changed, huh?"

Pony watched the scene and shrugged as he stuffed his mouth full of cafeteria spaghetti.

"It's not as ... vicious as it used to be."

"Guess not," she said, digging her food out of her lunch sack.

"How's your first day back so far?" he asked. She looked exhausted.

"I don't know if I can make it the rest of the day," she said.

"You've made it this far."

She shrugged as she looked around the cafeteria.

"You seem pretty popular," she said.

"What?" he asked.

She nodded toward a table behind them. He glanced back as nonchalantly as he could and noticed a couple girls whispering and looking in his direction.

He grinned, his face heating up a little. "Nah. They're just glad the blond in my hair grew out."

She laughed. "That did look pretty funny. You look just like Soda now, though. You'll have to fight the girls off with a stick."

He shrugged, trying not to smile at the prospect. "How have your classes been?"

"They're okay, I guess. My math teacher tried to get me to introduce myself to the class because she thinks I'm new here. That got this kid sitting behind me convinced that I'm new, too. Then come to find out, he's in my history class with Leery."

Pony almost choked on his chocolate milk. "Leery? You have Mr. Leery again?"

"It gets better," she said. "That kid kept bugging me on my way to Leery's class. He made me drop all my books down the stairs and made me late. I surprised Leery even let me back into his class."

"How'd you drop all your books?"

She sighed, sounding disgusted. "He was trying to carry my books for me."

"That was nice of him."

"I guess. He's just so convinced that I'm new to Will Rogers, and he told me he thought new kids should stick together. He's so strange."

Pony thought about that for a minute because he sounded familiar. "What's his name?"

"I don't know. Wade something or other."

"Wade Wilson?"

"I don't know. How many Wades do you know?"

Pony laughed. Boy, wouldn't that be something.

"What's so funny?"

"You've got the new pastor's son hitting on you," he said.

"What?"

"His dad is the new pastor down at Grace Communion. They moved here in April, I think. Everybody seems to like Pastor Wilson a whole lot."

"Yeah, well, he's annoying."

"He's a good guy. He's on the track team with me. You should give him a chance."

"Give who a chance?"

Pony looked past Ellie to see Wade walking up to them. He had his cowboy had resting far back on his head and his lunch tray balanced on his books. Pony looked from him down to Ellie who was glaring at him. He knew she was warning him not to invite Wade to sit down. He couldn't help but laugh.

"Nobody," he said with a grin. "Wanna sit?"

Wade sat down next to Ellie, and Pony thought she was going to lose it.

"Hey," Wade said to her. She ignored him. "I'm awful sorry about what happened earlier. I can recopy those notes that I ripped."

"It's fine," Ellie said.

Pony hated how short she was being with somebody she didn't even know, but he figured he couldn't blame her on her first day back.

"I hear you guys have a couple classes together," he said.

Ellie just glared at him, but Wade nodded eagerly.

"And speaking of that, I just talked to Mr. Leery," he said. "I told him exactly what happened. He knows it's my fault you were late to class today. I'm real sorry about that, too. I don't think he'll hold it against you."

"You obviously don't know Leery, then," she snapped.

He looked up at Pony for help, but Pony just shrugged. He glanced at the clock on the far wall.

"I hate to break up the party, but I've got to get to newspaper."

"What?" Ellie asked. There was panic on her face. "I thought you had that after school."

"I do. We meet once a week before lunch to go over the issue before it goes to print." He stood up and gathered his trash. "Wade, you should tell Ellie about the mission work you did back home this summer."

Ellie was glaring at him as Wade started rattling off about going back to Texas. He dumped his tray in the trash and glanced back, giving her a wave. He knew he was going to get an earful later, but he couldn't help it. It wouldn't hurt her a bit to be friends with a pastor's son. She could use one after the boys she had been with.

_There's no need for rain, it's our own parade  
Let's not be afraid of our reflections  
It's not only you you're looking at now._


	53. Hand Me Down

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. Matchbox Twenty owns "Hand Me Down."  
**

**

* * *

**_Whenever it ain't easy you can stand up against me,  
And maybe rely on me_**  
**

**September 25, 1967**

It was the day he had been dreading since being locked inside the big house. It was the day that marked a full year since Johnny died, and Two-Bit watched Dally from across the exercise yard, wondering if he even realized. Had he withdrawn so far into himself that he didn't care about anything anymore? Two-Bit had never been fooled into believing that Dally was as cold as he acted. With their broken families and their neighborhood, it was too easy to act like you didn't give a shit about anything. Two-Bit understood the way he was even if Dally didn't. If Dally didn't care about anything, then he never would have lost it the way he did after Johnny died.

The last thing Two-Bit wanted was to be surrounded by a bunch of criminals who were too busy trying to one-up each other with stupid shit they had done. He got up and walked slowly across the yard.

"Hey."

Dally looked up at him silently. He shifted his weight on his feet, his back against the brick wall.

"You look like you're thinking about something awfully hard," Two-Bit said, not trying to be the slightest bit funny.

A shrug and then nothing.

"You know-"

Dally cut him off.

"I don't want to talk about him," he said, and then he walked away.

Two-Bit watched as Dally kicked up little dust clouds as he went. At least he had his answer; Dally wasn't so far beyond reach if he knew exactly what Two-Bit wanted to talk about.

XXX

For three days, Pony worked up the nerve to ask Ellie to ditch school with him. He knew he shouldn't suggest it to her since she had just started back, but he needed her help.

She answered the door that morning with Danny on her hip and a tired smile on her face.

"Am I that late?" she asked.

"No, actually I'm pretty early."

"What's up?" she asked, stepping aside so he could come in.

"I was wondering if you could do something for me."

He followed her into the tiny kitchen where she set Danny in his high chair. Down the hall, he could hear the shower running.

"Anything," she replied.

"Will you ditch class with me today?"

She seemed to freeze up, and she stared at him as though he had grown a horn or something.

"_You_ want to ditch?"

"Look, I know it ain't a real good idea, but you know that today's a year since Johnny died and all." He paused, forcing himself to slow down. "And I wanted to go to Windrixville today but I can't drive or even have a car or anything."

The front door opened before she could say anything, and Jimmy walked into the kitchen scaring Pony a little bit. He had forgotten that Ellie told him Jimmy had taken a night shift somewhere so he could be home with Danny while her mom worked. It seemed strange to Pony that the same guy that used to give Ellie hell for everything was suddenly so helpful and maybe even nice. Pony watched with a little bit of amazement as Jimmy kissed Danny on the head and asked the little boy how he was. Ellie was staring hard at Pony and then turned in her chair and addressed Jimmy.

"Do you think I could borrow the car for the day?"

"What for?"

"I've got some errands to run," she said simply.

Pony smiled but tried to keep it hidden as Jimmy studied her and then him.

"All right," he said, handing her the keys. "The tank better be filled to the brim when it gets back here."

She nodded that it was a deal, and he headed down the hall.

"What about Steve?" she asked.

"I'll take care of it."

XXX

The sun was shining bright and warm as she drove Ponyboy toward Windrixville.

"Thanks for doing this," Pony said.

"You don't have to thank me."

"I do," he said. "I shouldn't have asked you to cut class since you just started back and all."

"It's one day," she replied. "And today's an important day."

"Your mom won't need the car to go to work today?"

Ellie glanced over at Pony. "She quit her job a while ago." She ignored the fact that Abby had actually been fired.

"She's been kind of funny since Danny was born, huh?" Pony asked.

She shrugged and diverted the conversation. Her mom wasn't her favorite topic. In fact, it was one thing she liked to keep to herself.

"What'd you tell Steve?" she asked.

"The truth."

"Did he flip when you told him I was skipping too?"

"Nah, I think he was just glad I didn't ask him to drive me up here."

Ellie pointed to a sign up ahead for Windrixville.

"Is this it?" she asked.

He squinted and nodded. "I guess so. We hopped off of a train," he added, with a little laugh.

It sure was good to hear him look back on parts with humor because she imagined most of their time was spent in sheer terror.

XXX

The dust hung in the air like a wispy fog from the drive up Jay Mountain. She stayed back as Pony walked slowly up to the pile of ash and rubble. Staring at what was left of the tiny church she never saw, she couldn't imagine the four days Pony and Johnny spent there, but the things she read in Pony's theme were coming to life.

"There ain't much left," she heard him say, and she took that as her cue to step closer. She stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him, staring at the ruins. "It all kind of feels like yesterday, and a lifetime ago at the same time."

"I know," she said, thinking the same thing about that whole week. Every moment from the time they left until Dally turned himself in was like a blur to her, but yet so poignant and disturbingly fresh. She wished with everything she had that things had worked out differently.

He started walking around the perimeter and toward a water pump yards away from where the church previously stood. She watched him as he pumped the handle a few times until water spurted from the pipe. He stuck his hands under it and caught the rust colored liquid in his palms.

The stories from his semester theme poured through her mind, and she felt tears forming in her eyes. One thing she never let herself think too much about was how close Pony and Johnny must have gotten while they were hiding out. They had no one else to confide in, and they were each others accomplice. Every day she remembered that Johnny wasn't there, but right in this moment, seeing Ponyboy stare out at the horizon alone, she couldn't imagine how much he missed him.

"You okay?" she asked, moving beside him. The view was breathtaking.

"Sometimes I can't believe he's gone," he said, drying his hands off on his jeans. "I thought if I came up here, it'd make it more real, but it just seems so … so …"

"So what?" she asked.

"Wrong. It shouldn't have happened. None of it should have."

"No, but he was okay, Pony. He was okay with it."

He sniffed a little and wiped at his face with his sleeve.

"You know how easily it coulda been me?" he asked. "What if he was the one handin' kids out to Dally, and I was standing where he was?"

"Don't think like that," she pleaded. "It didn't happen like that so there's no use in thinkin' that it could have."

"I can't help it. I just can't."

He sat down on the grass and she joined him, putting her arm around his shoulders.

"I know he wouldn't want you thinking like that," she said, whispering as she rested her head against his. "He'd want you to go out there and make the best of yourself 'cause he knew you could."

She let him cry on her shoulder, hoping she was doing enough to help him. She stared at the remains of the church, trying to imagine everything that had happened in those few days last year. She finally blinked and looked away because it was too hard to imagine her friends hiding out like fugitives. Pony was right; it was all wrong.

"He was okay with it," Ellie said to him. "I don't think he was afraid."

"I know that now. The things he said in his letter, I know he was okay," Pony said. "I just wish he was still here."

XXX

Dally walked through the cafeteria, trying to keep the stench of prison food from wafting from his tray directly to his nose. The smell made him want to throw up, and he fought the urge every day at every meal. It seemed amplified that particular day. Everything in the whole joint seemed amplified.

A guy was standing at the end of one of the tables, taking his fucking time to sit down and Dally had to squeeze past him. The guy moved and bumped his tray enough to spill his beef stew. The timing was all wrong for that sorry bastard and perfect for Dally. He didn't know where he threw all of his food to because the only thing he was concerned with was fucking up the guy with a stupid, red lunch tray.

It didn't do much damage, but that didn't stop the corrections officers from pinning Dally on the nearest table before dragging him down the line to the solitary wing. He gave them a snarled grin before they slammed the door shut.

He leaned against the wall and wondered why he could still smell that goddamn food. He wondered if he had been eating it for so long that it was beginning to seep from his pores. He wondered if, when he finally got back home, he would ever be able to scrub out the smell or if it would still linger on his skin and in his nostrils.

He sank onto the metal bench that doubled for a bed. Solitary was something he had on his mind all day, but now he couldn't help but regret it. He thought getting away from the general population was exactly what he needed because he couldn't deal with those assholes. He couldn't deal with Two-Bit eyeing him every few minutes, wanting to talk about Johnny. Dally didn't need or want to talk about Johnny. He didn't want to hear the stupid kid's name. He definitely didn't want to relive that day a year ago when he died. He didn't need any of it.

And yet, that was the only thing he could think about.

Dally was starting to wish he had just picked a fight with the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the whole place when he was out in the yard. Maybe the guy could have laid him out and Dally would be in the infirmary, beaten senseless, instead of in solitary, thinking. Thinking about how if Dally had just gone into that burning church, he could have dragged Johnny out by the collar and told him how stupid it was to risk his life for a bunch of snot-nosed kids. Thinking that if Dally would have just listened when Johnny said he wanted to go back home, none of it would have happened. Thinking that when they came to him at Buck's that night, Pony sopping wet and Johnny scared out of his mind, Dally shouldn't have sent them away on their own.

No, Dally wasn't in the infirmary like he should have been if he had any sense in his head at all. He was stuck in solitary, thinking about all the shit he should have done. Instead, the kid was dead, Pony was probably fucked up beyond repair, everything seemed to be going to hell around him, and Dally was in a dark cell on a metal bench, _thinking_. How fucking pathetic.

For anybody else, the despair probably would have been enough to bring tears. Dally just felt an uncontrollable rage quivering down his arms into his balled fists. He stood up and paced the small area, the anger getting worse and settling in the pit of his stomach where he didn't think it would ever leave. It was probably better for everyone that he was locked up by himself because he would've liked to have done some damage. Perfect timing for everyone else, all wrong for him. He got to the far wall of the cell and slammed his balled-up fist into the cement. It was enough to bring him to his knees and make the air go out of his lungs, but it did nothing for the anger. He knelt on the floor, his forehead against the wall and his surely broken hand cradled against him, willing the day to end.

XXX

Darry walked up the incline of the cemetery to the place Johnny was buried. He wasn't at all surprised to see his youngest brother sitting on the ground. Pony was plucking at blades of grass absentmindedly until Darry stopped next to him.

"Sorry about today," Pony said without looking up.

"Soda called me at work to tell me so I wouldn't worry if the school called about you missing class," Darry said. "You could've just asked, you know."

"I know I should've told you where I was going, but I thought you might not let me."

"Kid, I would have driven you up there myself."

Pony nodded a little and wiped at his face.

"I'm glad you went," Darry said, only because he couldn't say everything else he wanted to say. It didn't seem right to tell him that he was glad it wasn't Pony's grave he was visiting. He hated that it was Johnny's, but even after a year, the thought of losing one of his brothers was enough to make Darry's chest tighten until he didn't think he would ever be able to breathe again.

He sat down on the grass next to Pony, causing his little brother to look over at him.

"You're a good kid, Pone."

"Thanks," he said. He looked exhausted, and he probably was after a long day of reliving what had to be one of the worst days of his life. He still offered Darry a small grin. "And don't worry about my homework. I had a friend pick up some of it for me."

Darry smiled and ruffled the kid's hair. He really was a good kid.

XXX

Steve and Soda waited just outside the doors of the grocery store. They talked about nothing and whistled at cute girls as they left. Most of them seemed flattered, but a few gave them angry glances. It was getting dark, and the last girl they whistled at looked terrified and walked quickly away from the store.

"Maybe we oughta stop it," Soda said. "The goal is not to scare them half to death."

Steve couldn't help but grin. He was leaned up against the brick, thumbs in his pockets and slouching like a hood. He could only imagine what girls from the west side saw now that the sun was setting.

The next girl that walked out of the store was Ellie. Steve only had to glance at Soda before they both started whistling and cat-calling. She turned around and first looked surprised and then annoyed. Her face was red as could be.

"Knock it off," she demanded, walking toward them. "You're the ones that've been doing this all night?"

"Not all night," Soda said. "Just the last twenty minutes or so."

"You are going to get me into so much trouble," she said, but she was smiling.

"Speaking of," Steve said, looking straight at her. She seemed to deflate a little under his stare. "Had Pony not told me what he wanted to do today, I woulda knocked some sense into your thick head for skipping school."

"It wasn't my idea, but he wanted me to go with him," she said, quietly.

Steve put his arm around her shoulders, and the three of them walked to his car. They all squeezed into the front seat, all quietly thinking about the same thing.

"Where to?"

"I think we oughta go hit up the pinball machine at the bowling alley and have a Coke. Johnny sure did like that," Soda said.

"I could go for that," Ellie said.

It was a good idea, but Steve winced on inside as he headed for the Ribbon. It was going to be downright impossible to have fun playing on that pinball machine knowing Johnny wasn't there with them. He wished things were different. He wished that when the kid was alive, wished that he had hung out with him more. He looked over at Ellie and Soda as they played hot hands and was thankful he had friends like he did.

XXX

Soda climbed into bed and stared up at the ceiling as Pony was brushing his teeth. As the water ran, Soda closed his eyes and tried hard not to think about the things that were constantly on his mind a year ago. It was harder than hell to ignore that it had only been a year since Pony and Johnny disappeared and Sandy left. A short year ago when he felt like his whole life fell apart in an instant.

Pony came back in and turned the lights off. Soda opened his eyes and watched his little brother settle himself into bed and then pick up staring at the ceiling where Soda had left off.

"How was it?"

Pony glanced over but didn't say anything.

"I mean I know it had to be hard, but what was it like?" Soda asked.

There was a long silence before Pony said quietly, "It made it real."

"What does that mean?"

"Being there just made the whole thing real again. I think I spent so much time trying to forget or change what happened in my head that it became kind of a story. You know how most stories and stuff don't happen where you live? It's always somewhere else, places you've never been. Fake places even. That church was kind of like that after awhile."

Soda didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, he just let Pony think it out for himself as Soda tried to understand him. To Soda, the whole damn ordeal had been too real. There was too much confusion, worry and anger and too little information. Even a year later, Soda still was afraid he'd wake up and find out his brother was still gone.

"It was really hard going back, but I'm glad I did. I might go back every year," Pony said. His expression changed. "You okay?"

Nodding, Soda said through a lump that was forming in his throat, "I miss Johnny and I wish like hell that he was still here, but I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad you're here."

Quickly, he swallowed back his tears and resumed staring up at the ceiling as his brother fell quiet again. Together they were silent, thinking and listening to the nighttime sounds until Pony said softly, "I'm glad too."

"I love you, Pony."

"Love you too, Soda."

XXX

Curling up deep in her blankets, Ellie closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but she couldn't. All day long, everyone talked about Johnny, but no one had said a word about Dally.

Didn't anyone miss him being around? Didn't anyone notice how different it was without him? Dally had been through something almost as terrible as Pony had, and it seemed that nobody cared. She tried to remember the last time anyone really brought him up. Was it because everyone had been walking on eggshells around her when she was acting so stupid? Maybe it was because they simply didn't care anymore.

She sat up and turned on her lamp before she grabbed a notebook from her bag and started a new letter to him. She wouldn't be angry with him for not writing back this time. She just wanted to let him know that someone was thinking about him and missed him, too.

_You're just one more hand me down,  
'Cause no one tried to give you what you need,  
So lay all your troubles down on me_


	54. Where'd All The Good People Go?

**A/N: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders. _Jack Johnson owns "Good People."**

**PS: Happy Good Fic Day. :)  
**

* * *

_Bad news, misused, got too much to lose  
Gimme some truth, now whose side are we on?_

**Tuesday, September 26, 1967**

Tuesday meant that it was back to the grind. Ellie left the house without much fuss and was quiet for the whole ride to school. Steve and Pony both looked as tired as she felt, and she was certain they probably had a hard time falling asleep because they were thinking about Johnny. Maybe it was because they realized they hadn't thought about Dally at all.

Pony followed her to her locker once they made it to school.

"Thanks for yesterday."

She smiled a little. "I'm glad you wanted me to go with you."

"I couldn't ask anyone else."

That reminded her of his theme, and she asked, "Did you show Darry what you wrote yet?"

"No."

"How come? You need to show it to him," she said, slamming her locker shut. They headed toward his locker.

"I can't. Not yet."

"When?"

"Soon."

"He won't be mad," she said. "It'll be good for him."

"It'll be good for him to read all of the bad stuff I said about him?" he asked, looking at her like she was nuts.

"That's not what I mean. Plus, that's how you felt then. Things are better between you guys now. I think it would mean a lot to him."

The warning bell sounded, and Ellie gave him a look, one that would hopefully pressure him into letting Darry read it, but he just gave her his best blank stare. He wasn't going to be bullied into it, so she gave up for the time being.

"Fine. Don't then," she said. "See you at lunch."

"It's not that easy," he called to her as she walked away.

She turned back to look at him. "I know, but when do you think it's going to get easier?"

Pony shrugged, and she returned it because she had no idea either.

XXX

Wade met up with Ellie on the walk to math class and instead of saying _hello_, he jumped right into his inquiry.

"Were you sick yesterday?"

"No," she said. There was no way she was about to explain to him where she was. He had enough questions about the simplest of topics and she couldn't even imagine trying to tell him about Johnny.

"Why weren't you here?"

"I just wasn't," she said, leading the way into their classroom and sitting down quickly. She pulled out her weekend assignment and was about to turn it in when Wade tapped her on the shoulder.

"So, if you weren't sick, what was wrong?"

Ellie narrowed her eyes on him, mostly just trying to figure out why he was so keen on figuring out why she was absent for a day.

"Haven't you ever just ditched?"

His eyes went wide and he shook his head. "No, nothing like that."

It was hard to not laugh at him, and she tried to hide the smile by getting up and turning in her homework.

XXX

Five minutes of lunch was over by the time Ellie made it over to their table with Wade in tow. She looked annoyed as could be, but Pony was amused. The kid was talking about something having to do with ditching class when they sat down.

"Hey, Ponyboy," Wade greeted. He set down his brown bag lunch and pulled out a sandwich. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good," Pony replied.

"So, where were you yesterday? You know, you both were gone and I had to sit here mostly by myself," he said between bites of peanut butter and jelly. "Were _you_ sick?"

"No, I was okay."

Wade swallowed slowly and looked at Ellie, then back at him.

"Did you ditch class, too?"

Ellie was trying to stifle a laugh, and she nodded at him.

"Yeah, I did," Pony said, playing along.

"Glory, did you two skip together or something?"

"It ain't anything to skip, Wade," Ellie said.

"Haven't you ever done it?" Pony asked.

"Heck no. My momma would get a hold of me, and I don't even know what she'd do," he said. "Guess I'm too scared I'd get caught."

It wasn't as though Pony skipped all the time. In reality, he had only done it a couple of times, but he didn't think much of it. After Two-Bit, Steve and Ellie, there was little shock in ditching class. None of them had never really been in much trouble for it, other than Ellie failing.

"Wade!"

Two football players had walked up behind Wade and Ellie, one of them clamping strong hands on Wade's shoulders and shaking him a little. Ellie jumped about a mile and stared at the two boys in disgust.

"Hey guys!"

Wade sounded genuinely excited to see these two Socy guys, but he usually sounded that way when he talked to anyone. The three of them talked about practice, and the two giants moved on. Wade resumed eating like nothing had happened.

"You're on the football team?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, I like to keep busy with stuff. There's a lot more here than was at my old high school."

She looked at Pony and then back at Wade who seemed to notice the disgusted look on her face.

"You don't like football?" Wade asked Ellie.

"Football's fine, I just don't like the players."

"Well, I only kind of play," he said slowly, as though he were trying to justify it to her. "I'm third string, and I really only go to practice and stand on the sidelines watching during games."

Wade looked to him for help, but Pony didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say with Ellie sitting there and he didn't really want to go into detail about why they, especially she, did not like Will Rogers football players with the exception of Darry.

"How come?"

"They're all Socs," she replied.

"You know, I've heard that word since I moved here, but I don't know what it means. What are Socs?"

Ellie pointed in the direction of Wade's teammates. "Those two goons are Socs."

"Tom and Mike are nice guys," he said.

"I'm sure they're swell," she said, her comment dripping with sarcasm.

"How can you not like somebody if you don't even know them?"

"I think you guys are going in circles, and I'm getting dizzy," Pony said, packing up his lunch. "I gotta head to newspaper. I've got a story to do this week on some of Ellie's good friends."

She looked at him suspiciously, but Wade asked the question for her.

"Who's that?"

"The cheerleaders."

Wade looked sheepishly at Ellie. "You don't like them either?"

She ignored him and kept eating her lunch. Wade seemed to get the hint because he didn't ask any more questions before Pony left the table.

XXX

It was a crazy Saturday night at the bowling alley. It seemed as though everybody in Tulsa was there.

The crowd looked to be an even mix of greaser and Soc with a few middle classers, families and older people to make the whole place feel like even ground.

"What size shoe?" Pony asked her.

"Seven."

They were next and when the couple in front of them moved away Pony did all the talking.

"Lane 14," the guy told them, handing them shoes.

"I'll go get everything set up if you go order something to eat," he said, taking her shoes from her.

She waited in the long line at the food counter and almost left when she saw Wade working behind the counter. She only stayed in line because he spotted her and waved.

"Hey," he said, when she finally got to the counter. He wore his trademark grin but had swapped his goofy cowboy hat for a silly apron. "Who are you here with?"

"Pony," she told him.

He looked over her head and looked as though he was trying to spot Pony out. "What lane you guys on?"

"Uh, 14, I think," she said.

The person behind her sighed impatiently and Ellie was about to tell Wade she'd better order when he plastered a huge smile on his face and asked, "What can I get you?"

"A basket of fries, two hot dogs, and two Pepsis," she said, handing over the money before he even told her a total.

"I'd give you a discount, but my manager got mad at me for doing that for all the kids from school," he said apologetically.

"It's really okay," she promised.

"Maybe you guys'll still be here when I get off," he said, handing back her change. "Mind if I stop by and say hi?"

She shrugged and offered him a smile. There was no denying he was a nice kid, but sometimes, he just seemed too nice. "Sure."

"Great. Have fun."

She glanced back at the long line that snaked around behind her. "You too?"

He kept that dumb grin on his face. "Thanks."

Smiling until her back was turned, she moved quickly toward their lane and sat next to Pony on an orange plastic chair as he tied his ugly shoes.

"You knew Wade worked here, didn't you?"

The fingers on his laces froze, and he turned his head to reveal a guilty smile. Ellie playfully punched him in the shoulder and kicked off her own shoes before pulling on her bowling pair.

XXX

It was the last frame and the bowling ball landed with a thud before it made its way over to the gutter. It was probably the worst game of Ellie's life which just so happened to coincide with the best game of Pony's.

He gave her a smile when she came back over. He finished adding up the frame and put down the pencil. She looked over his shoulder and saw that he had given her at least fifteen pity points.

She pointed at his mistake. "I think you wrote one of your strikes down as mine."

"Did I?" he asked. He tapped his finger on his chin as he played dumb, going over the sheet again, and she rolled her eyes. "Another game?"

She kicked off the hideous bowling shoes in response. "Not a chance I'm letting you beat me three games in a row. Let's go do something else."

She was pulling her own shoes back on when Wade walked over to their lane. His cowboy hat was back in place, but his apron was gone.

"Hey, guys! Who won?"

Pony scratched at his forehead like he was thinking extra-hard. "Gee, I know I won the first game, but I can't seem to remember who won the second. Ellie, do you remember?"

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Oh, that's right. I guess that was me, too."

"Sure, rub it in," she said, grabbing their empty drinks. "I think it's tradition that the winner buys the refills."

"Actually, I think it's the loser," he corrected.

She gave him a serious look.

"You know, I could be wrong." He dug some change from his pocket and passed it to her.

She smirked. "I'll be right back."

The line had died down considerably since it was getting late. Families had gone home and dates had moved on to somewhere a little more romantic. Thinking about that made her miss Dally right then, but she tried to put it out of her mind. It wouldn't do her any good to think like he was out of jail right then.

She set three fresh drinks down and sat down as a familiar looking boy walked up to their table.

"Hey, any of you got a weed? I'm fresh out," he asked.

Ellie studied him as Pony fished out his pack of cigarettes and the boy caught her looking.

"You work at the Food Mart, don't you?" he asked her.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"My brother works there. Bryon Douglas? Tall guy?"

She realized that was where she knew him from. He was always hanging out, waiting for Bryon to get off work. "Oh, sure. Is he here tonight or out with Angela?"

Mark's eyes widened. "Angela Shepard? No way, they ain't dating anymore. That chick is batshit crazy."

Ellie nodded in agreement. She knew Angel well enough to know that.

"Who's Angela Shepard?" Wade asked.

They all three turned and stared at Wade, who in turn looked between them his eyes a little wide.

"If you don't know, then you ain't met her yet," Mark replied, "and you must be the luckiest bastard in the whole world."

Wade frowned a little, and Ellie could see him wondering who this girl was.

"As a matter of fact," Mark said, turning to Pony, "I've heard it around that she dumped Bryon so she could make a play for you."

Ellie erupted in laughter and laughed harder when Pony choked on his Pepsi and coughed.

"Me?" he croaked. "Why me?"

"'Cause you're a legend after everything that went down last year."

Pony played off the fact that Angel had her eyes set on him, but he looked embarrassed by it. Ellie couldn't help but imagine how that could play out. She thought about Angel taking him home and how Curly and Tim would treat the boy dating their sister. It might be different considering they already knew Pony. Then again, it might not.

Ellie glanced at Wade from the corner of her eye. He was still frowning, but he didn't ask anymore questions. He had no idea what had happened the year before. She suddenly wondered what he would think if he knew Pony had been involved in a murder. She knew how kids at school looked at him when he walked through the halls, but those were kids that had always pegged him as a greaser. Wade didn't understand the line between greasers and Socs, but she thought that if he knew about the murder, he might understand the distinction a little more clearly. She also found herself hoping he didn't find out about it.

"Wow, she knows he's not some gang leader or something, right? I mean, from what I know Pony isn't exactly her type," Ellie said. She was thoroughly enjoying the way Pony turning red.

"Seems to be something their family does," Mark said looking at her.

Her stomach tightened because she knew what was coming.

"What's that mean?" Wade asked. Ellie could have killed him.

"They date people that ain't exactly their type," Mark said. "You're the chick that busted the hell out of Tim's car, weren't you? Bryon said you were."

She didn't have to see Wade's face to see how wide his eyes must be.

"It's history," Ellie told him, getting up and putting on her coat. "I don't want to talk about it."

They all followed her outside, Mark sticking with their group.

"How far do you guys live?" he asked.

"Not too far," Ellie replied.

"Want a ride home?" Wade offered. "I can drive you guys."

"You got a car?" Mark asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's my mom's car, but I get to use it most when I need it as long as I take my little brothers and sisters places."

"That's no fun," he replied. As they walked onto the street, Mark glanced around. "I can drive you guys home."

"You have a car?" Wade asked.

Mark grinned. "Nope."

Wade looked confused, and Ellie thought it was funny even though she knew she shouldn't. She knew of Mark Jennings even if she hadn't met him before, and she knew he had a knack of getting into trouble.

Mark looked over at Pony. "Ever hotwire a car before?"

He laughed. "Can't say I have."

"Wanna learn?"

He looked back at Ellie who couldn't hide her amusement. Even though she didn't want to do anything stupid, she wasn't about to miss Ponyboy's first true foray into the life of a neighborhood delinquent. It would have shocked her more that he was willing to go along with it if Wade didn't look like his jaw was about to hit the pavement.

"Why would you hotwire a car?" Wade asked. He had his keys in his hand and held them up for Mark to see. "I've got a car."

"Geez," Mark said. "You don't have to keep rubbing it in that you have a car."

Wade dropped his hand immediately. "I-I wasn't. I just meant – "

"Easy, cowboy," he said, "I'm just kidding." He turned to Pony. "But I'm serious about showing you one of my finest skills. You never know when it might come in handy."

"When would it come in handy?" Wade asked.

"If the cows get out of the barn and you gotta catch 'em, cowboy," Mark replied.

"Cool it with the cowboy jokes," Pony said, jumping to Wade's defense.

"All right, all right," Mark said. "Who knows why you might need a car, but you might need one sometime."

"But that's stealing," Wade said.

"It's borrowing. It's completely different."

Ellie could see Wade wasn't happy with Mark's twisted explanation, but he kept his mouth shut.

"In or out?" Mark asked.

Pony glanced back at Ellie who shrugged.

"All right," he agreed.

Mark grinned. "All right! Come on."

He led Pony down one of the side streets off of the Ribbon, but before Ellie could follow, Wade spoke up.

"I'm gonna go," he said.

"Okay. See you Monday."

"I mean," he said, glancing in the direction Pony and Mark disappeared to, "I'm gonna go, but I can give you a ride home if you need one."

"That's all right."

"He's gonna get you guys in trouble, you know."

She laughed a little, thinking of all the things she had ever watched Two-Bit swipe at general stores all over town and of Steve's overwhelming collection of Soc hubcaps.

"It's no big deal."

Wade looked exasperated. "It's stealing. He's just some delinquent that you don't even know."

She felt a little taken aback by that assessment and had half a mind to tell him about half their friends or exactly what happened with Pony the previous fall if it had been any of her business to tell it.

"Then I guess that makes us delinquents, too," she said.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"I think it is," she argued. "You might not understand what greasers and Socs are, but I think you might be making friends with the wrong crowd."

"I don't care what greasers and Socs are. Why does living in a certain part of town mean you have to get in trouble or not get in trouble?"

"Why don't you just go make friends with some Socs so you don't get in trouble, Wade?"

"I just think it's dumb to get in trouble for the sake of getting in trouble."

She studied him carefully, remembering why she didn't want to be friends with him in the first place. He was one to talk about dumb, with that ridiculous hat sitting on his head. He didn't understand anything about Tulsa.

"See you later, Wade."

He called her name, but she didn't look back. She didn't need him to stand watch, making sure she and Pony don't get mixed up in the wrong crowd. Part of her, though, let what he said worm its way into her brain. She didn't know why greasers had to act a certain way. Maybe that was all they knew. Maybe it was to keep up appearances. If it kept Wade away from her, she didn't care.

_You might notice some hesitation  
'Cause it's important to you, it's not important to me  
Way down by the edge of your reasons,  
It's beginning to show._

_

* * *

_**A/N: Provided we follow our outline strictly from here on out, there should be four chapters left of this particular story. We hope you've enjoyed so far.**_  
_


	55. Precious Time

**Dsclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders. The All-American Rejects owns "Dance Inside."**

**

* * *

**

_You're staring me down,  
A glance makes me weak_

**October 1967**_  
_

Everyday, Wade walked with Ellie to lunch. They went from their class to the cafeteria line where he waited for her to get her lunch even though he packed from home. They they walked to their usual table where Pony was always already sitting and eating with a smug grin on his face. Everyday, she sat down with Wade talking her ear off, only to catch that stupid smile on Pony's face and try to pretend that he wasn't laughing at her.

She sat down, plopping the tray in front of her and looking over the sorry contents and thought about how she really needed to pack her lunch more often. The conglomeration of cafeteria mashed potatoes and gravy was killing her appetite.

"Glad you two could make it," Pony said.

She gave him an annoyed look which quickly turned into worry as he leaned over and threw his trash away in the trashcan behind him and gathered up his books.

"Where are you going?" Wade asked.

"Yeah, where?"

"Newspaper stuff. I've got an interview in the library this period. I'm meeting them there now," he said, getting up and winking at her. "I'll see you later."

And off he went, leaving her alone with Wade, who she just realized was staring at her.

"What?" she asked warily.

Motioning toward her tray, he said, "You know, that looks downright gross."

"Gee, thanks," she said, digging her fork into the potatoes.

Half a sandwich appeared between them, but Ellie didn't take it.

"It's peanut butter and jelly. Nothing special but it's gotta be better than that," he said, pushing it a little closer. "My mom made it."

There was an instant pang of jealousy that he had a mom that did something as simple as make him a sandwich. She looked at him and then accepted the half sandwich. For a second, he seemed afraid of something, but then went back to eating his own half.

"You know there's a pep rally on Friday?" he asked, his mouth full.

"Yeah."

"I'm supposed to be on the floor with the football team but I'm thinking about skipping that and sitting up with you and Pony," he said.

"That so?" she asked, taking a drink of her milk. "How come?"

Wade shrugged and pushed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. He pulled out an apple and Ellie wanted to laugh at how wholesome his lunch was.

"I don't think I like football that much. I like watching it and playing pick up, but I'm not really having much fun on this team," he said.

It wasn't her place to persuade him to drop the team, but it was also hard to resist a knock on the Will Rogers' football team. So many of its players had made life a living hell for her and other greasers in the past, and she felt like Johnny would approve.

"It's not a bad idea. The football players around here aren't such great people," she said.

"Yeah." He brushed his hair back with his fingers and added, "I don't really play anyway. I'm not that good."

"I think you're better suited for track," she said. "And we don't usually go to the pep rallies either. We skip them."

Wade's eyes widened a bit and then he nodded with a broad smile. Ellie laughed at him.

XXX

Ponyboy was waiting outside of the library, but when he heard his name called, it was Wade talking to him instead of Cherry Valance.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Pony glanced down the hallways, but they were deserted. The lunch period was coming to an end, and it didn't look like Cherry was going to show for the interview he needed to do.

"Yeah, sure."

"Sorry I cut out on you guys on Saturday night," he said. "I wasn't real crazy about that Mark kid and – "

Pony grinned. "It's no big deal. Learning how to hotwire a car wasn't what I was planning on doing that night."

Wade nodded a little, looking uncomfortable about the mention of hotwiring a car. Ellie had been angry when she caught up with him and Mark, but she wouldn't tell him what she was mad about, and he wasn't in the mood to push her about it.

"She seems fine today, but I think I made Ellie mad about it all," Wade explained. "I didn't mean to, but I thought Mark was just trying to get you guys in trouble."

Pony didn't know Mark all that well, but he did know he didn't have a good reputation. "It probably was a dumb thing to do," he admitted.

"So why do it?"

He shrugged. "It's hard to explain. Sometimes, you just gotta find a way to pass the time."

"I probably should have just left things alone with Ellie," Wade mumbled. "I thought she was starting to like me and then I went and messed it up by fighting with her."

It wasn't a surprise to Pony that Wade liked Ellie. It was hard not to see.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," he replied.

"You think I have a shot with her?" Wade asked. "I've wanted to ask her out a bunch of times and I almost did Saturday, but I chickened out. I thought about asking her at lunch today, but I just kept thinking about the other night, and ... "

"I don't think it would hurt to ask her out. I have to warn you though," he added, "she might shoot you down. Don't take it personal, though. She's been through a bunch of stuff lately."

"You know her real well, don't you?"

"Sure. Since we were real little."

"So she really isn't new here?"

Pony shifted his books in his arms. "She just started the school year late. Our friends and us … I guess you could say we had a rough go of it last year."

Wade was looking at the ground when he adjusted his cowboy hat. "It have anything to do with the kids that died?"

He said it quietly, and Pony had to strain to hear him. Given the way gossip spread around Will Rogers and the fact he was on the football team, it shouldn't have surprised him that Wade heard about Johnny and Bob, but it did. The worst part was that he assumed Wade hadn't heard the truth. At least not all of it, anyway.

"So you have heard about all that?" Pony asked. Judging by the way Wade wasn't quite looking him in the eye, a lot of the stuff he heard must have been about him. Most of the rumors never quite made it back to him, and Pony wondered what people were saying. He didn't ask, though. When it came right down to it, he didn't want to know.

Wade glanced up at him, looking a little embarrassed for bringing it up. "I've just heard some things from the guys on the team. I figure the reason you didn't tell me about it was 'cause it wasn't something you wanted to talk about so I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's okay," Pony said, meaning it. If anyone else brought it up, it wouldn't have been. He knew that was unlikely since his classmates specialized in the type of talk that happened behind everyone else's backs, but he appreciated that Wade wasn't one to pry. "That had a big part in Ellie coming back to school late this year."

"I think I really messed it up with her," Wade said. "She had been talking about greasers and Socs the other night, and I just don't get it."

Pony thought about when he had written his theme. Writing it had made him look at things from a completely different perspective, and there was a part of him that could see things the way an outsider like Wade would see them. "It's a hard thing to understand if you didn't grow up on one side or the other. Don't give up on her just yet."

Wade visibly perked up at that comment. "Really?"

"Listen," he said, knowing he was probably taking a big chance in telling Wade this, "why don't you come over to my house tonight? Ellie's coming over to eat dinner with my brothers and we'll probably just hang out and watch TV. Bring over some homework and I'll just tell her you needed help with your algebra or something."

"You sure she won't be mad at you about it?" he asked, although the grin on his face told Pony that he probably didn't care much about how mad Ellie would be as long as it wasn't at him.

"I didn't say that," he replied, "but she'll get over it. Maybe you can walk her home after that or something."

"Glory, Pony, that'd be great."

"What would be great?"

Pony and Wade looked over to find Ellie walking in their direction. Pony glanced inside the library door at the clock to find that lunch was almost over, and Cherry was still nowhere in sight.

"Just that it would be great if the person I was supposed to interview would show up," he said.

"One of those cheerleaders stood you up?" she asked. "Which one?"

"Cherry," he said reluctantly. "I'm sure it was probably just a mistake."

Ellie didn't seem to buy it from the look on her face. "Sure."

The bell rang, and kids spilled out of classrooms, the library and the cafeteria. He moved with the flow of traffic and called back, "I'll see you later!"

He didn't look back to see if Ellie thought he was talking about Wade, too.

XXX

"What were you guys talking about?" Ellie asked as they walked. Wade had cut out of lunch early, saying he needed to talk to Pony.

Wade shrugged. "Just some school stuff. I hear he's pretty smart. I thought he could help me with my algebra."

"Pony and algebra?" she asked. "That's not really his strong suit."

"He said he would help me sometime, though. Hopefully before the test next week."

"Well, let me know if he helps you. I might need some help too," she said.

"This unit we're working on now is pretty confusing, huh?"

"Most all of it's confusing to me," she replied. They rounded the corner and a girl knocked elbows with her, nearly hard enough to topple all of her books out of her arms. Ellie scrambled to catch them all.

"Sorry about that," the girl said.

Ellie looked up to tell her it was okay but froze when she saw the red hair.

"Oh, hi," Cherry said quietly. Ellie never hid the fact that she didn't like her, and since everything had gone down last year, she stayed out of Ellie's way. Not far enough, it seemed. "Sorry."

"I'm sure you are," Ellie snapped. For a moment, all Ellie could see the was pitiful look on Ponyboy's face when Cherry blatantly ignored him in the hallway the year before. She had been embarrassed to talk to him in front of her friends, and now she was even too good to meet him during lunch.

Cherry looked a little confused and glanced from her to Wade and back to her. "It was an accident."

"You have got some nerve," Ellie said. "You walk around this place like you own it, and you don't care who you trample over."

Wade pulled at her wrist gently to get her to keep walking with him.

"It was just an accident, Ellie," he said.

She ignored him. "Remember Ponyboy Curtis?"

"Of-of course I do," Cherry stammered.

Parts of Pony's theme came flooding back to her. The part where Cherry told him she was going to ignore him even though she thought he was a nice boy. The parts where Johnny tried to make him feel better about it all because she had some stupid reputation to protect. Even though Ellie knew she was backing the girl into a wall, she couldn't stop herself.

"He waited all lunch period today to interview you for some stupid article about the cheerleaders, and you couldn't even show up."

"I was just heading there," she said.

"Yeah? Well, you're about an hour too late," Ellie replied.

"I thought he had lunch this period."

"That's pretty convenient, isn't it?"

"I-I guess it was my mistake," Cherry said.

Ellie glared at the girl in front of her, taking a small amount of pleasure in the way she made her stammer. She couldn't enjoy it completely, though, because she knew Pony liked Cherry something awful.

"Pony never had anything but good things to say about you. He thought you two were friends after everything that happened last year, but I know better than that. Did you only try to help my friends because you think we're some charity case that needs someone like you sticking up for us?"

"No, that wasn't what happened," Cherry said, finding her voice again. She finally had a defiant look on her face, but Ellie was determined to crack her.

"You're just some rich phony that only plays nice when you think you're going to get in trouble. Let me tell you something, Cherry. You're _nothing_."

She still had a determined look on her face, but her cheeks were flushed and there were tears in her eyes.

Ellie finally felt satisfied and continued walking. It took a few strides, but Wade was finally walking beside her again. He didn't say anything, and when she glanced over at him, he was staring at her, his eyes wide.

"What?" she asked.

"It was just an accident," he said. "Did you have to make her cry?"

"She deserved it. It's been a long time coming."

"You're … you're …"

Ellie stopped walking. "I'm what, Wade?"

"You were pretty mean to her back there."

She wanted to yell at him the way she yelled at Cherry, but she didn't have much to yell at him about except maybe his silly looking cowboy hat.

"You don't know anything about her," she said. "Isn't it enough that she made Pony miss his entire lunch?"

"She said it was a mistake," he argued.

"Then there are quite a few accidents and mistakes when she's around, aren't there?"

It was all too much to explain to him, and she wasn't going to be the one that did it. Ellie started walking kept walking before he could say anything. She made it into her classroom moments before the bell rang, glad to be away from Wade.

XXX

"She just kept yelling at her, and I thought the other girl was going to start bawling right there in the hallway," Wade was saying as they walked to Pony's house. He had been talking non-stop since Pony had gotten out of his meeting for the newspaper.

He felt a little bad that Cherry had almost cried, but he was more amused by it than anything. He knew Ellie had done it in part to stick up for him, and in part to for her own peace of mind. Cherry meant well, but she had never really done right by him and his friends as far as Pony was concerned.

"You think it's funny, too, don't you?" Wade asked.

He shrugged a little, kicking a rock as they crossed over onto St. Louis Avenue. "I guess you'd just have to know about everything that happened last year to see where Ellie's coming from. Sometimes people like Cherry need to have their legs kicked out from under them."

Wade didn't seem completely happy with that response, but he seemed to understand it. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. It's just that it sounded like a mistake that she didn't meet up with you today. She seemed nice."

"Yeah," Pony agreed. "She does seem nice."

"She isn't?"

"I haven't really figured that out yet."

"What about Ellie? Is she always like that?"

"Like what?"

Wade sighed a little, hesitating with whatever he wanted to say. "Is she always mean to people like that?"

Pony couldn't help but grin. He could see how people got that if they didn't know her. He could certainly see how Wade would get that from the bits and pieces he had heard about and seen. He actually couldn't imagine how warped his image of Ellie was from hearing about her beating up Tim Shepard's car to yelling at Cherry.

"No, she isn't," he replied. "Things are just rough sometimes, and it's hard to keep them from getting to you."

Wade nodded slowly, taking that in, as they walked in the gate. Darry and Allison were sitting on the porch, enjoying the warm October afternoon and one of the few days off they got together. Pony liked Allison a lot, and he really liked that Darry seemed content with everything when she was around.

"Hey," he said, leading the way up the steps. "This is Wade. Wade, this is Darry and Allison."

"I'm Allison," she clarified with an outstretched hand and a grin.

"I figured you probably were," Wade replied, shaking her hand, followed by Darry's. "Pony's helping me with algebra."

"Pony and algebra?" Darry asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, I passed, didn't I?" he asked.

Darry shrugged, not mentioning the fact that if he hadn't checked his work every night, he probably wouldn't have passed.

"But really, he's here to see Ellie," Pony added.

Wade shifted uncomfortably next to him for that additional piece of information.

"Oh, really?" Allison asked.

"Well, not really," Wade said, shuffling his books from one hand to the other and adjusting his hat. "I mean, a little, I guess. I really do need math help, though."

"One thing at a time," Pony said with a smirk. He gave Wade a nudge toward the door.

"Hey, Pone, hang on a second," Darry said.

"Sure," he replied. Wade walked on in, and he turned back to his brother. "Yeah?"

"You aren't bringing the next Dallas Winston over here for Ellie, are you?"

Pony didn't mean to, but he couldn't keep himself from laughing. "Wade? No. I swear. Besides, have you ever seen Dally shake somebody's hand like that?"

Darry nodded a little. "Yeah, I guess not."

XXX

Darry and Allison were sitting on the porch when Ellie walked over for dinner. It was nice getting out of her house every now and then, although she didn't like imposing on the brothers. She smiled when she saw Darry and Allison talking and laughing. It was like she was filling a void nobody had known was there in his life, and it just felt right to have her around.

Darry spotted her first, and Allison followed his gaze, but neither of them lost their smile. Ellie slowed a little as she walked up onto the porch.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi, Ellie," Allison replied.

There was something in her tone and grin that made Ellie feel like they knew something she didn't. Or that maybe she had been a topic of conversation. Maybe both.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

Darry shrugged. "Nothing."

"Sure," she said, not so sure at all as she walked inside.

It didn't take long to see what they thought was so funny. Pony was sitting at the table reading his history book, just as she expected him to be. Across from him sat Wade. His head was bowed as he worked on his own homework, so she couldn't see his face. That monstrosity of a cowboy hat, however, sat beside him on the table, and she would recognize that anywhere. He looked up at her first, swiping his dirty-blond hair off his forehead. Pony looked back, too. They both greeted her with grins, and Ellie was ready to personally take the smiles off everyone's faces. Dealing with Wade at school was one thing; she was prepared for that. Even dealing with him at the bowling alley had been all right, but now he was getting too close for comfort.

"What's this little study session all about?" she asked.

"Oh, I thought I would help Wade with his math homework," Pony replied.

Ellie eyed the history book in his hands. "You look like you're doing an awful good job of it, too."

He looked at her sheepishly. "You know, it's funny. It turns out I'm not as good at math as I thought I was."

She studied him a while longer. "That sure is funny."

Darry walked in behind her, followed by Allison. "Are you staying for dinner, Wade?"

Ellie prayed for him to decline but knew she was asking for too much.

"Only if you'll have me," he said.

She didn't miss the way Darry glanced at her, that amused look still on his face. "Sure."

She sank down on the couch as Darry and Allison started dinner. The boys stayed at the table for a while longer until Pony dramatically shut his history book with a snap. Wade seemed to know what he was doing, and suddenly they were both in the living room with her. She scooted to one end of the couch and tried to hide her sigh when Wade sat down beside her. She noticed that he left her plenty of space, but she knew what was going on here and she didn't like it one bit.

Leaning back, she looked past Wade and shot Pony a glare. He smiled weakly.

XXX

The sun was well past being set when they finished dinner, and Ellie would have been more than fine to walk herself home like always, but Wade was close behind. She had asked where he lived which happened to be in the opposite direction of where she did, but he kept telling her he didn't mind.

She set the pace as they walked, his long strides shortening to match her own. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, and his hat was pushed far back on his head, blond tufts of hair kicking out.

"How come you didn't tell me you weren't new when you started school?" he asked.

"I did tell you that," she replied. She still thought it was a little funny that he didn't believe it for so long. "You just weren't listening."

"I guess I just didn't get it. Plus, you didn't exactly tell me why you were late coming to school," he added. "You just looked like you needed a friend and I'd already been the new kid. I'm still mostly a new kid."

Nice kid or not, Wade was right when he said he was new. He didn't understand anything about greasers and Socs, and thus he didn't fit in with either. He was a tall, lanky and had almost too much country bumpkin in him for the likes of Tulsa. Wade was as much an outsider as the rest of them were.

"What did Pony tell you?" she asked, knowing there had to have been a conversation about this between them.

Wade shrugged, hands still jammed in his pockets.

"Not much."

"He must've told you something."

"He just said something about your friend that died, and how you guys had a rough time and all," he said.

There was no mention of a second friend which made Ellie believe that Pony didn't say anything about Dally. She studied Wade's face and asked, "Is that all he told you?"

Wade puckered his lips to one side and nodded. "Yeah. Sounds like it was awful."

"That doesn't even begin to describe it," she told him, rubbing her arms through her jacket. "And things just kept getting worse."

"Are they getting any better?"

Licking her lips, she tried to ignore the concern in his voice and nodded. He was quiet for a really long time, and Ellie studied him until he caught her looking. Looking away quickly, she ignored the little smile on his face and motioned toward her house.

"This is it," she said.

"It's nice."

"You don't have to make me feel better about it," Ellie said. She knew the house was in poor shape; it looked terribly shabby after being neglected most of the summer. At least Jimmy had mowed the lawn a week ago.

He walked her up to the tiny porch, but she didn't go right in. She stood up a little taller than him up on the step.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked suddenly.

"About what?"

"By being over at Pony's tonight? He said it would be okay. And I really did need help with algebra," he added.

"It's okay," she said.

For a long moment after that he didn't seem to know what to say, but he was smiling like a buffoon. Ellie looked at the door thinking about going in but found she didn't want to just yet. That feeling caught her off guard.

"Thanks for the sandwich earlier," she said.

"It was nothing. I can have my mom pack two if you want," he said, looking up at her. His cheeks were a little flushed, and she didn't think it was because of how chilly the evening had gotten.

It struck Ellie just then how sweet and probably incredibly innocent Wade was. She couldn't help but smile a little. The only thing Dally had ever done involving a sandwich was put his cigarette out in one of hers. That story would probably shock Wade to his very core. It was kind of cute.

"That's okay," she answered finally. "I can pack my own, I'm just pretty busy in the mornings."

"It's not a bother or anything. She'd do it."

"No, it's really okay."

Inside, Danny screamed a high pitch cry, and she could tell he was hungry, considering the time. Wade's eyes were huge for a second, and he was looking past her at the door. The front door opened behind her and Jimmy nearly ran straight into her with Danny on one arm and his keys in his hand.

"Oh, sorry." He looked at Wade and then at Ellie. "Here take him. I gotta run to the store real quick."

Ellie took the fidgety baby as Jimmy rushed past them and into the car. During the whole incident, Wade hadn't said a word and now he wasn't really even looking at her. She watched him as he looked at Danny in her arms, and she could just see the wheels spinning in his head. She was about to go in and slam the door in his face when Wade reached out his finger and placed it in Danny's tiny hand.

"He's cute. I've got a baby brother too. Well, I guess he ain't a baby so much anymore," he said.

Once again, she found herself studying him and how he was instantly sweet on Danny. When Danny tried to pull Wade's finger into his mouth, he looked up at her with a wide smile on his face. She noticed just how blue his eyes were, and it made her think of Dally.

"I would invite you in, but things are kind of crazy around here sometimes." She looked at Danny and pried his sticky hand out of her hair as Wade pulled his finger free.

"It's okay. I'm already late getting home as it is," he said, putting his hands in his back pockets.

Ellie tried to cock an eyebrow like Two-Bit and said, "You? Late?"

He laughed. "Yeah, but I called my mom earlier and told her I might be."

If there was ever a doubt that Wade was from the other side of the tracks, it was certainly gone now.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," he said, backing away and looking at her once more with those water blue eyes. "Good night."

"'Night," she said, watching him go and then heading inside.

_I'll be fine, You'll be fine,  
This moment seems so long_


	56. We Might Change

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders. Matchbox Twenty owns _Push._**

**_

* * *

_**_I'm a little bit rusty and I think my head is caving in,  
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved  
By a hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's gonna give,  
And I'm a little bit angry_

**November 1967**

The phone had been ringing since Darry shut his truck door, so he hurried up the porch and dropped his tool belt in his chair as he picked it up off the hook. He thought it might be Allison calling to tell him she had to stay late at the hospital and would miss their date.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Ponyboy there?"

Darry was a little surprised to find a man on the other end. "Hold on just a second." He covered the receiver and yelled Pony's name. It looked like the house was empty, though. "Sorry, I don't think he's here right now. Can I tell him who called?"

"Oh, of course. This is Mr. Syme. I was Ponyboy's English teacher last year."

"Sure," Darry said. He remembered how much his brother liked the class and the teacher, too. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is just fine. I was just sent information for a writing contest, and I wanted to pass it along to Pony if he was interested in submitting portions of his theme."

"His theme … the one he wrote last year?" Pony had never told Darry what his theme ended up being about, just that it was taking him a long time to write.

"Yes. It was an incredible piece of writing."

"I'm sure it was."

"He hasn't shared it with you, has he?"

Darry felt a little embarrassed because he hadn't even asked Pony about it. "No."

"Is this Darry?"

Something about that simple question made him feel uncomfortable, mostly because he didn't know Mr. Syme yet he seemed to know him.

"Yes, sir, it is."

"You might want to ask Pony if you can read it, if you're interested. I think you'll be very proud of him."

"I already am," Darry replied.

"Good. Just let him know I called. I would have talked to him at school about this, but the deadline for this contest is coming up quickly, and I wanted to give him time to think about it."

"Sure. I'll let him know."

He scribbled down a note relaying Mr. Syme's message and got ready for his date with Allison, but he couldn't stop wondering what Pony's theme was about and why he hadn't asked Darry to read it.

XXX

Pony knew he was going to have to leave his room eventually, but he had waited until after Soda and Darry were both at work that Saturday morning.

When he had gotten home the night before, he found Darry's note telling him about Mr. Syme's message. The thought of entering a writing contest was exciting, and he returned the call immediately. It was even more exciting to find out it was for the Reader's Digest, but Mr. Syme was more interested in talking about something else.

"Your brother says you haven't let him read it yet," he had said.

"He never really asked, and I don't think it would be something he would wanna read," Pony said quickly, trying to suppress the panic that filled him at the thought of Darry reading what he wrote.

"I don't think you ever asked him. Did you?"

"No, I guess I didn't."

"Then I think you should. He sounded like he would be interested in reading it when I spoke to him."

"Really?" Pony asked weakly. "I don't know. I said some pretty rotten things about him."

"You said some really nice things about him, too," Mr. Syme reminded him. "Let him read it."

"Don't you want me to bring it by so it can be sent off?" he asked, desperate to keep Darry from reading it for just a little while longer.

"You've got some time before the deadline. Let your brother read it over the weekend."

That had been exactly what Pony thought he would say, so he lay in bed Saturday morning, listening for both Soda and Darry to be gone. If nothing else, he could avoid Darry for a little while longer without him asking about the theme.

It didn't do anything to keep the panic at bay, though; it only made it worse. By the time his brothers were home from work, Pony had chewed his nails down until his fingertips hurt, all the while staring at his theme on the coffee table.

Luckily, Soda was the first one home.

"What's with you?" he asked after he had cleaned up a little.

"What do you mean?"

"You look pale as a ghost."

"I'm okay," Pony lied as Darry's truck roared up outside.

"Me and Steve are cruising the Ribbon tonight. You wanna go?"

Pony shook his head as Darry walked in.

"Can I borrow the truck tonight?" Soda called as he headed to his room.

"If you fill up the tank," Darry replied as he dropped the keys on the coffee table. "Pony, did you get my note last night? You were already in bed when I got home."

"Yeah, I got it," he said.

"You think you're gonna do it? Send in your story?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to, but before I send it in, I need to, uh … "

Darry was studying him, and Pony felt sick. He picked up his composition book and fiddled with the worn pages.

"Is that it?" Darry asked, gesturing to the book.

"Yeah. I don't know if you'd want to or anything, but …"

"Do you mind if I read it before you send it off to win some big prize?"

"You don't have to read it if you don't want to. It's really okay."

"Well, if it's okay with you, I'd really like to."

Pony nodded and took a deep breath before he handed it over. He stood up and pulled on his jacket. He couldn't get out of there fast enough.

"I'm going to meet Ellie, and we're going to hang out on the Ribbon for a while. I won't be home too late."

Darry was studying the cover of the book. "Okay. Have fun."

"Don't be mad when you read it, okay?" he said quickly, standing in the doorway. "It was all a long time ago, you know? Everything's different now."

Darry looked a little confused, but he would figure it out soon enough, he decided. He had also decided that both Mr. Syme and Ellie were wrong. Darry was going to hate him.

On his walk over to Ellie's, Pony felt like the weight that had previously been on his shoulders was replaced with a more crushing weight. Before, he always had the choice of showing or not showing his theme to Darry, but now, there was no turning back.

It was a chilly night in Tulsa, but he had to wick away the thin film of sweat gathering on the back of his neck. Showing Darry that story could undo all the progress they had made in the past year, and it would be all Pony's fault.

XXX

The Dingo was so busy that Ellie and Pony grabbed the only table left in the place while Wade waited at the counter for their food. Pony dragged an empty chair over to tiny table that was really only made for two.

"What's the matter with you tonight?" Ellie finally asked. He had been moping all through their game at the bowling alley. She knew it was bad when she actually beat him once. They only stayed long enough for Wade to finish his shift, and she was happy to be somewhere loud. She hoped that would get Pony to stop acting so down in the dumps.

"Nothing."

"You sure don't act like it's nothing. You're all jumpy. What's going on?"

He sighed. "I gave Darry my theme to read."

She raised her eyebrows in shock. "When?"

"He's probably reading it now. I gave it to him when I left."

"No kidding? What made you do it tonight?"

"Mr. Syme wants me to submit it for some kind of writing contest," he said. "You think he'll hate me?"

"No way."

Pony slumped in his seat. "I think he will."

"He's your brother. I know he won't."

They both dropped the conversation when Wade walked over with a tray overflowing with their food.

"Man, is this place always so crowded?"

"Every weekend just about," Ellie said.

They started eating, and Pony seemed to finally relax halfway through their meal. Wade was talking to him nonstop about something, and while Ellie couldn't focus on what he was saying because of all the other conversation going on around them, she was glad Pony at least had the distraction.

XXX

Darry sat on the couch, running a hand through his hair. He had called Allison after he read Pony's theme because he wanted to talk to somebody, but now that he had her on the line, he couldn't think of a damn thing to say.

"I take it that the story was good," she said.

He didn't know how long it had been since he had said anything, and he cleared his throat.

"Yeah." He felt like he was in a daze. "I always knew the kid could write, but this was something else."

"What was it about?"

"Everything from last year. You know him and Johnny running away, Dallas. Everything." He swallowed hard before he finally said what he had been thinking the whole time he had been reading it. "He thought I hated him."

There was a sting of tears behind his eyes, and he was glad he wasn't talking to Allison in person.

"I didn't know that's how he felt about me. Not like that at least."

"Maybe at one point, but siblings always go through that," she said. "You've told me how much better everything is between the three of you, especially you and Pony."

"Yeah, but it just makes me think. How many times have I been short with him in the last year because he forgot to do the dishes or take out the trash? Maybe now he just thinks that he needs to bite his tongue if I do that, or else …" He couldn't bring himself to finish that thought.

"Darry, if things weren't different between you two, he wouldn't have shown you the story at all."

"I guess not. But if things were fine, why did it take him this long to show me?"

"Okay, so things aren't perfect. You two are always going to clash over something. That's just what people do. It doesn't have to be like it was a year ago, though."

Darry sighed. "I know. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

They said their goodbyes, and he hung up the phone, focusing his attention on the book still sitting on his lap.

It was hard to read what Pony had thought of him. He thought Darry was hard as a rock and about as human. He thought Darry wanted to throw him in a boys' home. He rubbed at his forehead, trying to convince himself that this was over a year ago. All of this was behind them, and they had come such a long way since.

He just didn't know if anyone would ever understand how badly he wanted to do right by his little brothers, and a year of getting along okay wasn't going to be enough to erase those rock-hard images of his older brother in Pony's memory. A year certainly wasn't going to be long enough to erase the words he wrote from Darry's.

XXX

Wade was tossing bits of french fry into the air and catching them in his mouth without his hat falling off when Ellie spotted trouble across the way. That bit of trouble caught sight of their table, and she walked over. It wasn't until Angela Shepard was halfway in Pony's lap did Ellie realize that the girl was drunk.

"Hey there, handsome."

The bubbly cheerfulness in her voice was incredibly strange from the screechy girl Ellie had known from the few times she'd hung out at Tim's house.

"Hi," Pony said. His hands were up at his shoulders looking as if he was doing anything to not touch her. His face was turning all kinds of shades of red.

Even Wade seemed embarrassed by Angela, and he scooted his chair further away until he was almost touching Ellie's chair.

"Angel, you okay?" Ellie asked as the girl made herself more comfortable on Pony's lap.

"Who is she?" Wade whispered.

"Angela Shepard," Ellie said. "Remember the one that Mark said you were lucky not to know?"

Wade nodded, his eyes a little wide as he glanced back at Angel.

It was amusing really, watching Angel throw herself all over Pony who was literally too nice or too scared to knock her off his lap. He was offering to get her a chair, and Wade even got up and found one, but Angel was having none of it. Instead, she tossed back her curly head of black hair and laughed at him and then pressing her nose against Pony's cheek. Ellie heard rumors that she had her sights set on Pony, but she hadn't really believed it until she saw it with her own eyes. It was a little funny even though it was embarrassing to have half the place looking in their direction.

"She's drunk, ain't she?" Wade asked.

"Very," Ellie said. She sat a little straighter and looked around the Dingo, hoping to spot one of Tim's friends to get Angel away. She saw Mitch on a payphone near the bathrooms, talking and watching Angel, and she knew Tim would be there before long. "Angel, you sure you don't want a seat?"

Pony seemed to finally get up a little bit of nerve, and he gently pushed her onto the chair that Wade was holding in place. Angel reluctantly settled in and seemed to notice Ellie sitting there for the first time.

"Oh, you," she said, disgust tinging her words.

Apparently, Ellie had never made much an impression on Angel.

"You here by yourself?" Ellie asked.

"Ain't none of your business," Angel said, staring down Ellie while attempting to lean into Pony who had scooted his chair away. He caught her before she could tumble out of her seat.

Ellie was happy when she saw Curly walk in and Mitch meet him and point over toward them. He walked quickly to the table and stopped behind Angel's chair and glared down at her.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" he asked, hooking his arms under hers. "Come on!"

"Need some help?" Ellie asked.

"Nah, I got her," he said. In one rough motion, he had Angel to her feet, but she turned to retaliate, her long nails coming close to his face. Curly seemed prepared, though, and instantly grabbed both of her wrists. "Quit it. If you don't hurry up and get your ass outta here, Tim's gonna be the one dragging you out of here. Probably by your hair if I don't first."

"Fuck him! I hate him!" Angel cried out. The whole place seemed to go quiet when she started yelling. Mitch hurried over and Curly gave Angel a little shove in his direction.

"Shit, sorry guys," he said, picking up her purse as she stumbled out the door with Mitch. "She's kinda lost it since Tim … well, you know."

"What?" Pony asked.

Curly leaned in real close. "Tim made her get hitched 'cause she thought she was knocked up. She ain't, but it don't cancel out what happened."

"Shit," Ellie said, swallowing hard. She tried not to imagine what would have happened had Tim gotten her knocked up.

"Yeah, it's rough, but I guess it was right at the time." He looked out the window. "Shit, there he is now. I'll see you guys later."

"Wow," Wade said after Curly walked out to meet Tim in the parking lot. "Her brother made her get _married_? How old is she?"

Ellie ignored him. It was too much to think about. Instead, she looked at Pony and tried really hard to not start laughing at him.

"It's not funny," he said, brushing his shirt off as if Angel left some of herself behind.

"I think it's pretty funny," Ellie said. "Did she ask you to go to Homecoming while she was getting comfortable on your lap?"

His face got redder, and he grabbed his Pepsi off the table and took a drink. "It's not funny."

But he was starting to lighten up a little, a small smile tugging at his lips. Ellie's disappeared quickly when Tim walked in and headed straight for their table. She hadn't seem him since the night he had gotten in the middle of Ellie's fight with Rick, and that had been fine by her.

"Hey," he said, stopping at their table. He didn't sit down.

"Hey, Tim," Pony said.

Quietly, Tim looked from her to Wade, and she was aware suddenly of how close Wade had moved his chair to her. She tried to subtly distance herself, but Tim didn't give her any sort of reaction.

"Sorry about Angel. Curly told me she crash-landed over here."

"Crashed is hardly the word," Pony said, but under his breath. She could tell Tim heard it but chose to ignore it.

"Hope she didn't do too much damage," he said.

"No harm done."

Wade was gawking at Tim, his mouth even open a little. She pinched his arm to make him stop, which he did by turning and looking at her with surprise in his eyes.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something," Tim said, and Ellie was surprised that he was talking to her. "I've been keeping on the straight and narrow, as far as the fuzz is concerned, and I ain't been in for a while. You ever hear from Dally?"

Hearing Dally's name shocked her so much, it took her a few seconds to be able to formulate words. It was the first time someone had spoken his name to her in months.

"No," Ellie said, the word barely getting past her lips. She looked at Tim, meeting his dark blue eyes and finding some sort of sympathy there. He held her gaze for a long moment and then broke it suddenly.

"Just wondering if the bastard's even alive. Tough break," he said. He looked down at his hands where they rested on Angel's vacant chair and then back at her. "See you around, kid."

She noticed that he took one last look at Wade and then headed out the door. For a long moment, no one said anything. All Ellie could think about right then was Dally and the fact that Tim had been the only one to ask about him.

"Who's Dally?" Wade finally asked.

Carefully, Ellie considered an answer that would keep Wade from asking dozens of questions, but Pony spoke up before she could.

"He's no one."

For a second, she thought her heart hit the floor and for the second time that night, she couldn't make herself speak. Pony just sat there, staring at the food left on his tray.

"I think I've had enough fun for one night," Pony said. "Can we go now?"

Wade slowly got up and collected their trash, seeming to sense the sudden tension. When he walked to the trashcan, Ellie said, "He's no one, huh?"

Pony got up without looking at her.

XXX

Despite how mad she was with Pony right then, she knew she had to say something encouraging to him when Wade dropped him off first.

"Hey," she said, stopping him from getting out of the car. "He won't be mad. I promise."

He just gave her a slow nod and got out, walking like a dead man up the front steps.

"What was that about?" Wade asked, putting the car into gear.

"Nothing. He just thinks he's in trouble when he's not."

"Ah."

If there was one thing she could count on nowadays, it was Wade's mouth. There was no such thing as silence when he was in the picture.

"So, that was interesting back there," he said as he drove slowly toward her house.

"You wanted to know what greasers are, right? Curly and Tim are the greasiest hoods I've ever met," she said.

"How do you know them?"

Why couldn't he just stop talking for once? It was hard enough to field his questions when she felt like answering them; it was another thing completely when he asked about things she didn't want to talk about on a good day.

"Curly and I are – " She caught herself before she finished the sentence. " – were in the same grade and Tim and I ... dated."

It was easier to just tell him that instead of trying to bury it. His eyes went all big like they did when he was shocked about something.

"He seems … nice."

"Don't lie. You're bad at it."

"Sorry, I guess I don't know what to think about him, what with making his sister get married like that," Wade said. "Seems kinda mean."

He hit the nail on the head with that, but she didn't let him know it. Instead, she just kept quiet in the hopes that he would too. The quiet lasted until he pulled into her empty driveway.

"I was wondering something." He stopped to clear his throat. "Would you go to Homecoming with me?"

He finished the question in a rush, the words smashing together as he blurted them out. They hit Ellie like a ton of bricks.

"Next weekend?" she asked.

His cheeks were burning bright red, and he kept looking from her to the radio.

"I know it's kind of late to ask. It wouldn't have to be all fancy or anything, if you're worried about finding a dress. I think you look nice all the time," he said.

"Wade, I …" She trailed off thinking of something to say through the clouds in her mind. In her entire dating life, no one had ever asked her to a dance. Hell, no one had really even formally asked her on a date. Dally and Tim more or less just picked her up and took her places.

Wade had obviously never asked anyone out, either. She could tell by the way the hope was slowly fading from his eyes.

"It's not that I don't want to," she said. "It's just that I'm not really dating right now," she said, leaving no room for discussion.

"Well, we could just go as friends," he offered.

"I don't think so," she told him. "It's not a good time."

She could see the disappointment in his eyes, but he gave her a smile. "Okay. Sorry, I didn't know."

"No, I'm sorry," she said, touching his hand gently and pulling it away just as quick.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have waited so late to ask anyway."

It amazed her how easily he was giving up, but she was glad for it.

"We can still be friends, right?" he asked hopefully.

She laughed. "I doubt I could get rid of you so easily."

XXX

Pony sat on the front porch for a long time after he got home from the bowling alley. He wasn't sure what time it was, and he knew he would likely get in trouble for being late. That was still better than going inside to face Darry. Pony hoped if he waited long enough, he would be asleep.

He sighed, knowing that putting off anything else concerning Darry was just going to make it worse. He was about to get up when the door opened.

"Hey, kiddo," Darry said, walking outside. "What're you doing sitting out here?"

"Nothing. Just thinking, I guess."

"About what?"

Pony was surprised when Darry sat down next to him.

"Nothing much," he lied.

Darry seemed to see through that lie. "Yeah, me too."

"Do you hate me?"

Pony wasn't sure what he expected, but he was surprised when Darry didn't say anything and pulled him into a giant bear hug instead.

"I'm really sorry about what I said in that theme," Pony said, fighting back tears and doing a pretty awful job at it.

"I'm sorry you thought I wanted to get rid of you."

Darry sounded like he was fighting back his own tears, but his voice was muffled by their hug and it was hard to tell.

"It ain't your fault," Pony said. "I guess I do some dumb things sometimes."

"So do I," he said, finally letting go and sitting back. He swiped at his face, and Pony looked away because seeing Darry cry made him want to cry harder.

They sat in silence for a while, each of them collecting themselves in the darkness.

"I love you, Darry," he said, he finally said.

"I love you too, kid."

XXX

Ellie had come over uninvited in the middle of the week, which was strange for her. The second he saw her, though, Steve could tell she was itching to talk about something. It was in the way she couldn't look him in the eye, the way she shifted her weight and the way she was avoiding talking about anything in particular. He was getting irritated with her, and he knew she could tell because she shut up about how she was doing in her classes and asking about him and Evie and looked at the refrigerator instead.

"Want me to make you and your dad dinner?"

"Uh, sure, if you want. Dad's going to get off real late tonight, though."

"I'll fix something he can just heat up, then," she said, moving toward the fridge and looking inside.

When she had a bunch of stuff spread out on the counter, Steve finally said, "Would you cut the crap already? What's going on?"

Usually she would beat around the bush, but she turned around and leaned against the counter.

"Did you notice that no one has said a word about Dally in months?"

Honestly, Steve hadn't noticed, and he wasn't really sure that he cared that much. As far as he was concerned, Dally had gone out of his way to get shot up in front of them all. He obviously didn't give a shit about any of them because what kind of a friend would do something like that? Steve kind of felt like it had all been set up, as if Dally wanted them to witness him going down in some blaze of glory.

But the look on Ellie's face was pitiful, and he knew she didn't feel the same way.

"I thought it was me," she said. "I thought everyone was afraid to bring him up because they were afraid I'd go to pieces or something."

That was kind of true.

"Look, it's not that I don't think about him and all," he said, "it's just that he chose to do what he did, and he did it right in front of us." When she looked up at him. he added, "In front of you."

"You didn't see him before all that. I've never seem him so upset, Steve. I don't think he meant for it all to happen like it did," she said.

"Doesn't change that it did."

She looked away again, this time focusing on her fingernails. There was something bothering her, and it wasn't all about Dally.

"I know you didn't come over here to cook dinner or to talk about him. Would you just tell me what's really going on with you?"

"I guess since no one else is talking about Dally, I shouldn't either," she said, her words leaving a bite in the space between them

Steve let her have her hissy fit and then waited on her to get on with it.

"You know Pony's friend Wade? The kid with the cowboy hat?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah, I've met him a couple of times."

"I think he likes me."

The words tumbled out of her in a rush, and her cheeks turned red with them. She stood there waiting on him to say something, but he didn't know what to say so he just shrugged.

"We have a few classes together, and he always walks with me and wants to carry my books and stuff like that … and he asked me to Homecoming last weekend."

"You obviously didn't go." He was trying really hard to follow along, but he realized that she was expecting him to read between the lines. "Do _you_ like _him_?"

A shrug and then nothing. As noncommittal an answer as she could give, and Steve started to realize something.

"You know, he seems like a nice guy," he said.. "I know you of all people don't know anything about dating a nice guy, which is why I need to point it out."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Maybe you should give him a try."

"What about Dally?"

It was starting to dawn on him that she was asking his permission to let go of Dally and move on with Wade.

"What about him?"

She clutched at her chest as if there was something there to hold on to, and when she found nothing she promptly dropped her hand at her side. There was a slight quiver in her lip, and he pulled a chair out for her.

"Tell me something," he said. "When was the last time you actually spoke to Dally?"

"When I saw him in the hospital before he took off. Kind of anyway."

"Over a year ago?"

A couple of tears spilled down her cheeks, and she wiped them away quickly.

"You haven't heard from him since?"

She shook her head. "I've written him letters, but I haven't heard back."

Steve hated Dally a little more right then because the result of his selfishness sat crying in front of him. Somehow, Dally had trapped her without even being there.

"You don't owe him anything, especially if he won't even talk to you," Steve said. "You don't have to wait around for him. Look, you're 17. You'll be 20 before he's even out of jail. Hell, you know he's just feeling sorry for himself. He'll be twice the asshole he was going in by the time he gets out. Don't wait on somebody like that."

He had never understood what she saw in Dally, but he had come to terms with them. As a few more tears slid down her cheeks, he knew it wasn't his place to try and change how she felt about him, but he could try and make her realize that all Dally would ever do was break her heart.

Ellie nodded as she wiped at her face.

"Hey," he said, trying to get her to look at him. "You know what I think? I think you like Wade. If you didn't, you wouldn't have a problem telling him off."

She had a sad smile on her face.

"I just don't know if I can forget Dally like that."

"Do what makes you happy. Right now, you ain't happy. If you wait around for him, he'll just ruin your life," Steve said.

XXX

Locked up in her room, Ellie couldn't stop crying. She had gone to Steve expecting him to tell her not to get mixed up with another boy, but he had done the opposite. He got her thinking and the more she thought, the more she knew he was right. It had been over a year since Dally had thrown his lunch tray at her in the hospital and a full year since he turned himself in.

Deep down, she still believed that what Dally needed was time and a friend, but even Two-Bit couldn't crack him from what she gathered from his letters. Dally was probably as cold as ever and maybe even a lost cause. What if Steve was right and Dally didn't want anything to do with her when he got out? What if he already felt that way?

Ellie grabbed a notebook and a pen from her desk. She wrote a letter to him with furious strokes of her pen, crying the whole time she did. She wrote out everything she was feeling, everything she was coming to realize she'd wanted to tell him since they had their screaming match on the street so long ago. Everything she'd held inside and everything she'd been able to push under the rug just so he would be with her again. The letter was the good cry she didn't know she needed, the release she'd been holding back.

Without second thoughts, she sealed it in an envelope, stamped it and ran it to the nearest mailbox. Once she dropped it in, she turned around and walked home, trying like hell to forget him.

_Just wait a minute, well it kinda fell apart,  
Things get so crazy, crazy,  
Don't rush this baby_

_

* * *

Only two more chapters!  
_


	57. The War That's Never Won

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders. The Last Goodnight owns "Pictures of You."**

**

* * *

**_This is the clock upon the wall,  
This is the story of us all_

**December 1967  
**

Two-Bit sat on his bunk, the news still weighing on his shoulders. He had his meeting with the parole board and, as hard as it still was for him to believe, he was getting out early. He wanted to whoop and holler and sit and think all at the same time. He knew eventually his year-long stay in the pen would be over, but it still seemed unreal to him. He was going home.

He rubbed at his face, feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes as he thought about how exactly he was going to break the news to his mama that she was going to have to put up with him again. He smiled to himself, thinking about how happy she and Lucy were going to be. No matter how happy he was about it, though, his thoughts kept going back to Dally.

Dallas Winston was well on his way to having absolutely no one in his life, and Two-Bit didn't want to be the last one jumping ship on him. He knew he didn't have a whole hell of a lot in his life, but he also knew that without his friends and his family, he didn't have a goddamn thing. Dally certainly didn't have family, and Two-Bit worried that he might not have any friends left after he got out when that was exactly what he needed. Sure, it was Dal's own fault if that ended up happening, but he wasn't in the right frame of mind. Try as he might, Two-Bit couldn't put all the blame on Dally after everything he had gone through. Every single one of them had been messed up after Johnny died; they had just dealt with it in different ways.

He tried to push it to the back of his mind and think about how he would be back home before the New Year – maybe even before Christmas – but Dally had a way of bringing him down.

XXX

He shuffled out into the exercise yard, his impending release still weighing heavily on his mind. He had finally found a way to get through everyday life in prison without thinking about home constantly, but now that he knew he was going back, he couldn't stop daydreaming about what it would be like to see his mom and eat a good home-cooked meal.

The only thing that brought him back from that imaginary chicken pot pie was seeing Dally across the yard. He hesitated for a long time but finally headed in that direction.

"Hey, Dal."

Dally at least looked in his direction, which Two-Bit had sadly thought of as a general improvement in his disposition.

"Heard the good news yet?"

He shook his head slowly, staring off at nothing in particular.

"I'm gettin' out of here soon. Next week or two."

"You're right," Dally said dryly. "That is good news."

He didn't look happy for him, and Two-Bit tried not to react. Sometimes he just wanted to beat some common sense into him, though.

"You know something, Dal? You're real miserable. Whether you know it or not, you're the saddest person on the face of this earth."

Dally studied Two-Bit while he talked, a semi-interested look on his smug face.

"That a fact?"

"Yeah," Two-Bit said. "You oughta be careful about how you treat people 'cause if you keep it up, you ain't gonna have a living soul waiting for you on the outside."

Dally was suddenly in his face and out of reflex, Two-Bit stepped back a little.

"I told you it was good news that you're getting outta here, didn't I?"

"You don't mean it, though, 'cause you don't care about nobody but yourself."

"I think it's real good news that you're getting outta here because I'm sick of looking at your face. I'm sick of you on my case every fucking day, and I'm sick of you sitting there, analyzing me like you're better than me. You ain't any better than me because you're in here, same as me."

He spit out the last words, and Two-Bit could practically feel the venom.

"Well, I ain't never gonna be in here again," he said firmly. "It ain't gonna happen because I don't want to end up like you."

"Yeah?" Dally asked. "Good for you."

XXX

Dally didn't need to look out of his cell to know Two-Bit was making his way outside. He lay on his bunk, looking at the bottom of the mattress above him. He could already feel the weight lifting from his shoulders. He wasn't lying when he told Two-Bit he would be happy to see him go. He meant every word he had said. Things had just been easier when he wasn't around, and Dally could use things to be easier on him. He still had another three years under lock and key, and the last thing he needed was Two-Bit of all fucking people to be breathing down his neck, talking about home and friends and Ellie. He didn't need it, and he couldn't wait to be free of it.

So he couldn't figure out why he lay there, wishing it were him leaving. He wanted to get out of that place about as much as he wanted to stay in it, and it didn't make any sense to him. The only thing worse than having to constantly answer to someone else like the COs in the fucking joint would be to get out and have to answer to his friends in Tulsa.

He still thought of them as his friends, but he used the term loosely. Shit, Tim Shepard was even lumped into that category, and they sure as hell weren't friends. He wanted out only so he could go away. Go away from Tulsa to some place where no one knew him and where no one would want to know him. Dally just didn't know where.

He rolled over and faced the wall, cursing himself for even thinking that far ahead.

He still had three long years to get through.

XXX

Two-Bit figured, in the whole history of prison releases, he wasn't the only one to have his mother pick him up, but it sure didn't feel like it when he was standing outside, waiting on her. He was a little surprised she hadn't camped out overnight, but he knew her shift at the bar was probably what was keeping her. He tried not to be too antsy, but he just couldn't help it. At the slightest noise, he would perk up, glancing either way down the road. It had been so long, he couldn't remember which way was which.

He was practically crawling out of his skin when he heard their old hunk of junk rumbling up the road. It had hardly come to a stop when he opened the door. His mother threw it in park and was out of the car before he had a chance to climb inside.

"I know you aren't thinking of getting in this car before giving your mother a proper hug," she scolded gently, tears already in her eyes. "It's too long a drive to Tulsa to have to wait another second before I hug my son."

Normally, he would have laughed at the fuss she was making. He would have cracked a joke or at least a smile. This time, however, he was trying not to cry as she walked around the car to him.

She held him at arm's length, holding her tears back with a strength he didn't even know she had. "They kept your hair at a decent length. At least one good thing came of this."

"I'm growin' it out as soon as I can," he said, his voice cracking.

Her chin quivered. "Good."

Her hugged her tightly, having never known how lucky he was to have such a wonderful mother until that very moment. "I missed you, Mama."

"I missed you, too."

He held her another while longer; for how long, he wasn't sure, and he didn't care one bit. He finally let go, and she dabbed at her eyes.

"We missed you something awful, Two-Bit," she said. She looked past him and smiled. "I think Lucy thought she had to make up for your absence in the trouble-department."

He looked over his shoulder to see his sister leaning against the car door, looking like she had been crying too.

"You been makin' trouble for Mama, too, Luce?" he asked.

She shrugged a little but looked like she was about to burst into tears. She was at least a few inches taller than she had been the last time they visited, and her red hair was longer than he had ever seen it before.

"Come here," he said, and she practically ran him over. He hugged her tighter than he hugged his mom.

"Well, let's not stand outside this God-awful place like a bunch of crying lunatics," his mom said, walking around the car. "Let's get you back home where you belong."

Lucy reluctantly let go of him, and they both slid into the car. His mom put it in gear after having wiped her eyes and turned around toward home. Two-Bit settled back, resting his arm across the seat and behind his mother's shoulders. She kept looking over at him smiling and Lucy was jabbering on in the backseat. It was good to be back in the real world with his favorite two girls.

"Was everyone nice to you?"

He grinned. "Ma, it's prison. No one was nice to me."

She rolled her eyes in the way she did when she was embarrassed and Two-Bit patted her shoulder. He watched the scenery go by, but they were still a ways outside of Tulsa. It sure was going to be nice to get back home, even if he had no clue what he was going to do with himself.

"Did you make any new friends?" Lucy asked. She sounded dead serious but when he turned and looked back at her he could tell she was mimicking their mom and Two-Bit grinned at her.

"I made some new ones, I guess, but probably not the lifetime types. I did get to see an old one, though," he said.

"Dallas Winston's in there, isn't he?" his mom asked.

"Oh yeah," Two-Bit said. "It was nice to see a familiar face, but I don't think he thought the same."

He joked about it with them then, but he thought back to Dallas. Prison had changed him, no doubt about it. If he was cold before, he was downright heartless now. He didn't know how he was going to tell that to everyone back home, and he certainly didn't think he could tell that to Ellie. It was hard enough to lie to her in letter; he didn't think he could do it to her face.

"Well, he needs to heal on his own," she said. "Don't concern yourself with him."

All of the time he had hung around Dallas, his mother had never said anything against him. Even after all of the times they had gotten into trouble because of something Dally started, she didn't say a single bad word about him.

"Why do you say that?" he asked.

She looked at him, her eyes pleading with him.

"I don't want to lose you the same way his mother lost him," she said. She removed one hand from the steering wheel to find his.

"You won't," he said.

She smiled warily at him and let go of his hand.

XXX

There was no way he was expecting it, but as he followed Lucy inside, he knew he should have been. Inside were all of the people he cared about, all smiling and wishing him a warm welcome home.

"Gosh, all this for me?" he asked. There were even streamers and a big sign that was surely Ponyboy's doing. "Y'all are too much."

Pony and Soda were standing together with Ellie while Darry and Allison came up to him. Darry shook his hand firmly. "Good to have you back."

"Glad to be back," Two-Bit said. He thought that there was no time like the present to get back to his old self, so he reached out and hugged Allison despite hardly knowing her.

"Welcome home," she said, laughing genuinely.

He walked over to Soda, Pony and Ellie as Allison and his mom went into the kitchen.

"How's it going, guys?" he asked, hugging all three of them at once.

It was hard to not notice how much better Soda and Ellie looked. Soda with an actual smile, and Ellie with the brightness back in her eyes. And then Ponyboy who like the Soda and Ellie looked complete again. The distance in his eyes was gone, but he was not the same kid anymore. In fact, he wasn't even a kid. The "kid" had sprouted several inches since the last time he saw him and looked so much like Sodapop it was scary.

"Wow, kid. You're giving me a run for my money here," he said, patting the top of Pony's head. "Poor El here's gotta look up to everyone!"

She grinned as she hugged him again.

"I've always had to look up to you all," she said. "There ain't no hope in me ever catching up."

"Guess you'll always be a shrimp," he said, patting the top of her head.

"Where's Stevie?"

"He's coming," Soda said. "There was just something he had to take care of there. He'll be over as soon as he's done."

It was almost overwhelming standing there around so many people who wanted to talk to him all at once. He knew he was lucky to get out a few months early, but he couldn't imagine having to stay in there for another day. He was amazed at how fast he had adapted and apparently grown so used to it. In a way, he was sort of longing for this little get together to be over before long just to have a little time to take it all in. He stood back a little ways, though, and surveyed his friends and his family. For the first time in a long time, everyone looked so relaxed and so happy that it radiated off of them and into himself.

After awhile everyone filed into the kitchen where Darry had been manning the stove with Allison helping him. He flipped burgers, and his mother brought him a plate with a huge patty already on a toasted bun. In all his life, he had never smelled anything as wonderful as that. He pecked her on the cheek and sat down at the table with the others.

Two-Bit was swallowing the last bite of his burger when Steve walked through the front door, looked around the room and pointed at him with a big grin on his face. They met halfway and shook hands. Steve went to let go, and Two-Bit held on and pulled him into a bear hug.

"I missed ya, Stevie," he said, letting him go.

"Things are never quite the same without you," Steve replied with a genuine laugh.

"Yeah, they're quieter and stuff stays where it's supposed to," Pony said.

Two-Bit turned around slowly and was convinced the kid's transformation was complete. "You are a full grown smartass if I say so myself."

"You don't know the half of it!" Soda said, trying to ruffle the kid's hair, but Pony kept him at bay.

Darry carried over a plate of burgers as Allison and his mother dished them out to everyone. Two-Bit helped himself to another and settled back as everyone ate. They talked about everything and nothing, Two-Bit enjoying the company and trying to ignore the two faces absent from his party. It was dark out by the time everyone started to leave, but there was one thing he wanted to deal with before he lost the nerve.

XXX

Everyone was starting to head out and Ellie would have grabbed a ride with Steve had Two-Bit not asked her to stick around for a minute. She waited as everyone said their goodbyes, slaps on the backs, hugs and the wonderful sound of Two-Bit's laugh. Steve's car was the last to leave, and it left the two of them standing on his mother's porch alone.

With his hands in his pockets, Two-Bit turned and faced her, a wide smile on his face which made her instantly feel good. There was no one else in the world quite like Two-Bit, and it hit all over again how awful it had been to lose him for so long.

He studied her, no words being spoken until she asked, "What?"

"Nothing. You just look a whole lot better since I saw you last, " he said.

"Well, I feel better," she said, sitting on the step as he did. The night was chilly but clear.

"So, does that mean everything's okay? You're not going to those parties or anything no more?"

There was so much concern in his voice which made her feel instantly bad for making him worry.

"Not anymore. It's been awhile," she told him, thinking back on those hazy months of her life. "It almost ended up really bad, but I quit it."

"And Rick?"

The suggestion in his voice caused a pang of nausea she felt every time she saw Rick. It was hard to explain what had happened between them because she honestly didn't know.

"Done."

"Good."

He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a one-armed hug.

"What about you?" she asked.

He sighed heavily, putting his hands between his knees and then looking at her. There was a far away look in his eyes as he seemed to be sorting through his thoughts.

"I think I'm good. You know, I never felt as lousy as I did right before I went in. I can't even explain how awful I felt. Maybe even worse than when my dad took off. But you know something? When I got there and got over the fact that I was kind of scared, I was okay. I think I just had to get away from everything and just be on my own. I didn't know how to make it all stop here, and there it did. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how it was."

"I think it makes perfect sense."

He gave her a thankful smile.

"So what now?" she asked.

"Well, I'm going to get my GED instead of going back to Will Rogers. I doubt they'd take me back, and I'm not sure I want to go, anyway," he said. It shocked her a little because she realized Two-Bit had maybe grown up a little. "I'm supposed to get a job. You know, be a useful member of society."

He laughed a little, but she could hear the nervousness in it.

"You know that department store downtown? You could be a security guard there."

For a second, he looked at her like she was nuts, but that smile came back as did the cocked eyebrow.

"You think they'd hire a hood like me?"

"You're an expert shoplifter, and you know exactly what to look for. You'd be great at it," she said. "You'd save them so much money!"

"Shit, that's actually a good idea. I might have to look into that."

There was something not being said between them, but she didn't want to ask. Instead, she stared off across their neighborhood, trying not to think about the elephant in the room. No one was talking about Dally, and for the first time she wasn't sure she wanted to talk about him either. Not after her conversation with Steve. When Two-Bit cleared his throat, she closed her eyes.

"You want to know about him?"

She wanted to say no, but she opened her eyes and nodded because she had to know.

"I know you lied about him in your letters."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I guess I thought it would be bad to hear about in a letter," he said. "But he's not good. He's changed."

"How?"

This time, Two-Bit stared off into the distance, seeing something else entirely.

"I tried the entire time I was in to get him to talk to me, and I didn't get much. He's meaner than he was, I think at least. He's still confrontational, but it's not like it was between us. I guess what I kept seeing when I looked at him was something a lot like Tim Shepard."

Two-Bit couldn't know how awful of a comparison that was to hear. She didn't know what to say.

"I don't know," he went on. "I just couldn't find the Dally I knew. He tried like hell to stay away from me. I'm glad you're writing him letters, though."

The worst feeling came over her right then, hitting her like a cold wind.

"He needs something to remind him that it's not all as bad as he thinks it is. The only real reaction I got out of him other than when I told him I was leaving was when I told him about how you beat the shit out of Tim's car."

"Oh, God," she said, the words quiet between them. Two-Bit looked at her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"You okay?"

She wanted to scream, but she kept it contained. The words she'd written in her last letter flew through her mind. She didn't know how fast letters were delivered in prison, but if he hadn't read it yet, he would be soon enough.

"I'm okay," she said, feeling the prick of tears behind her eyes. He didn't say anything; instead he just watched her as if he was unraveling the mistake she had made.

"Walk you home?"

Ellie nodded, and he helped her to her feet. He enveloped her in a big hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Two-Bit," she said. "We need you around here."

"I missed y'all. You can't even imagine."

But she could imagine. All too well she knew what he was talking about, and she felt like she was going to know that feeling for a long time.

XXX

It was a quiet night on his block. Everyone seemed to be sleeping soundly except for him. Two-Bit was gone and Dally was left imagining the reception he was having at home. There was probably good food - real food - and all the people that cared about him. It was sickening to think about, but he couldn't turn it off because there was that small part of him that wanted out of prison.

Rolling onto his side, he pulled an envelope out from under his pillow. It was the last letter he'd gotten from Ellie, and he still hadn't read it. He thought about tossing it in the toilet like he had before, but he stopped short of balling it up. For another minute, he looked at his name and set it back under his pillow. He wasn't in the mood to hear about how much she missed him or about the mundane things she'd been doing or how everyone else was. It was easy to make himself not care.

He closed his eyes and tried to get everyone from home all out of his head.

_Pictures of you, pictures of me,  
Remind us all of what we used to be_

_

* * *

_**Just one more left!**


	58. One Headlight

**Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_. The Wallflowers own "One Headlight."**

**A/N: For those of you who read the last chapter where Dally is injured in a prison riot and wakes up to find everything just a dream ... Happy April Fools day to you! When we realized we would be posting the ending so close to April 1st, we couldn't resist and hopefully the chapter we threw together was at least enjoyable to read. We hope you don't hold it against us for pranking you, but please know that *this* chapter is the real last chapter of One Headlight. Nothing that happened in the previously posted chapter actually happened in this universe. If you would care to read it again or missed it the first time around, we have posted it up as a one-shot. Thanks for being such good sports about it. :)**

**And now, the REAL last chapter of One Headlight.**

* * *

_Come on, try a little, nothing is forever,  
There's got to be something better than in the middle._

******December 31, 1967**_  
_

_Dallas,  
_

_I can't do this anymore. If you even knew what you're doing to me, you'd think I was the biggest idiot and I just can't do it. I've tried everything to get you to talk to me and now a year's gone by and I haven't heard __one__ word from you. I know how you are and I've tried to get past it. I know you're not the type to write letters or say nice things, but I think you owe me something. You've pushed me as far as I'm going to go and I don't think you know how much you've hurt me. And it's not just me not hearing from you, but because you went behind my back with Sylvia, because of Tim, because you never keep your promises, because of everything. I'm not waiting until you get out to see if you're going to talk to me because I know you've already made up your mind. I'm smart enough to know that there's nothing me or anyone else could say to change that. You'll be the same stupid, mean, stubborn boy you always have been and probably worse._

_I'm not wasting one more minute of my life on someone who can't even take the time to write me a little note. All I ever wanted to know was whether or not you were okay. I know how upset you were when Johnny died, but you're the most selfish person in the world to think it was harder on you than anyone else. I don't know if you can ever know what it was like watching you get shot up like you did. I'll never be able to get it out of my head, and it was all because it was you. I wanted to be the one to tell you to leave me alone, but you already decided that for the both of us. Maybe you don't even care, but you better start caring about something soon._

_Have a nice life.  
_

_Ellie_

Jesus. It was like she had a fucking meeting with Two-Bit before she stuck her little hissy fit into a letter, Dally thought. The paper was wrinkled like it had been through a goddamn rainstorm, but he ignored that as he read the words over and over. He had read the others she sent him, although most of them he just skimmed. This one was different though. He read every single word, and when he was finished, he read it again, a grim smirk on his face.

That crazy broad. He could picture her planning out her little letter, writing it, then crying over the damn thing like it was all his fault she was waiting around for him. Sure, he would take some of the blame because they were supposed to be back on, but after everything that had happened, he didn't know how she could possibly think everything was going to be just fine when he got out. He thought he made that pretty clear when he launched that tray at her head. It took a lot to get anything through to her, so it wasn't all that surprising that she didn't get it.

He kept looking at the letter, a little surprised when he found himself smoothing out the wrinkled paper as he re-read it. He thought about crumpling it up – seriously considered it – but instead he tucked it back under his pillow.

Down the row, they were calling for lights out. He lay there, listening to some of the inmates protesting that it was New Year's Eve, and they should keep the lights on until midnight. Dally just stared up at the bunk above his, not caring either way. If they left the lights on or turned them off before midnight, he was still stuck inside, resting his head on a letter full of angry words. Of all people, he didn't expect Ellie to send him something like that. He only expected her to stop sending letters altogether.

He was surprised to feel guilt in the pit of his stomach and hear those words Two-Bit said to him before he left, that when he got out, he wasn't going to have a soul waiting for him. That thought alone was enough to keep him from sleeping. It shouldn't bother him, it never bothered him before. He never had anyone, not really. His parents didn't give a shit, he didn't have a any other family he was close to. There were only his friends and he was starting to understand how important they were to him. He tried to push them out of his mind and try to focus on sleeping instead, but it wasn't coming that easily. Instead, he listened to the guys on his block counting down the years they had left on the inside. That was enough to make him feel like he was going to lose his mind, and he sat up.

"Hey, Marty."

Marty was a sleeping lump in the top bunk until Dally elbowed the bottom of the mattress hard enough to wake him up.

"What the fuck?" he mumbled.

"You got any of those envelopes I gave you a while back?"

"Yeah, I got a few."

"Paper too?"

"Yeah."

"Give me some, will you?"

"Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"What the hell else is on your busy schedule right now?" Dally asked.

"Sleep. You oughta try it sometime," he replied. "The table down there. There's some blank paper and a pencil. Help yourself and leave me alone."

Dally shuffled through the things – all of Marty's – on the little table in the corner of the cell. It was hardly big enough to use for anything, but Marty sometimes used it to draw pictures for his kids. He was pretty decent at it, but Dally didn't think there was a damn thing worth drawing where they were.

He found a piece of paper and a dull pencil and sat there for a long time. It sounded like a better idea before, when he was just thinking about it. Now, he didn't have a goddamn thing to say. Before he lost his nerve, he put the pencil to the paper.

_Ellie …_

XXX

Darry stood in the kitchen as his friends packed the living room. It had been Ellie's idea to have the party there and he was glad she did. Everyone was happy and having a great time, and he felt full inside for the first time in a long time. Allison was watching Soda dance around the living room with Lizzie, a smile on her face. Darry couldn't take his eyes off her. They had been dating for about a year, and he couldn't imagine his life without her. He didn't want to.

He felt the weight of the ring in his pocket, the engagement ring their dad had given their mom, but he knew he couldn't give it to Allison. Not yet at least. He didn't know why he had taken it off the dresser earlier in the day, but he knew it was going to stay in his pocket for a little while longer.

There were responsibilities he couldn't ignore. He had to get Pony through school. He had to make sure Soda could stand on his own two feet. He still had two brothers to take care of, and he couldn't add a wife and a daughter to the mix. Just the thought of being a father was enough to scare him half to death, but it didn't change how he felt about either Allison or Lizzie. He just needed to make sure all three of them were ready for that kind of commitment.

The song on the radio had ended and Soda was still dancing with Lizzie when Darry walked into the living room. He wrapped his arms around Allison.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear.

She leaned into him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, too."

XXX

Two-Bit twirled Ellie, trying to keep from tripping her on the couch. They had pretty much cleared out the living room except for the couch, but that still didn't leave them much space for dancing. He didn't care, though. It was the most fun he had had in a long time, and he didn't want the night to end.

"You sure Wade doesn't care that I stole you out from under him?" he asked.

"You didn't steal me," she replied. "He just came to hang out."

He glanced over his shoulder where Wade was hanging out in the kitchen. He still seemed to be having a good time talking to everybody, but Two-Bit didn't miss his glances in her direction.

"Open your eyes, kid," he told her. "That cowboy is head over heels for you."

Ellie rolled her eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"Let's not start on that, okay?"

"He seems like a good kid."

"Sure. He is. He's real nice."

"So what's the problem?"

She only looked at him, and he knew what she was thinking.

"But he ain't Dally, is he?" he asked.

Ellie shrugged a little like she hated to admit it. "I know that's not what I should be thinking," she said. "It's just hard not to."

He nodded as the song ended. "Sure. I get it."

She smiled like he knew she would and stood on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks for the dance, Two-Bit. I'm so glad you're back home."

"You and me both, kiddo."

He sat on the arm of the couch and watched his friends milling around the house. It was taking some getting used to, but he would never take spending time with his friends for granted again. Anything was better than being in the big house, and nothing was worth turning into Dallas Winston.

The door opened and closed as someone else came in to join the party. Two-Bit looked up, expecting Steve and Evie, but it wasn't them. He was on his feet and walking toward the front door before he could register the girl standing in front of him.

"Kathy?" he asked. He hadn't seen her since he had been out and hadn't talked to her since well before he went in.

"Hey, Two-Bit," she said, shifting uneasily like she was nervous.

Her hair was shorter than he remembered it being, but other than that, she looked just the same. He knew he missed her, but he didn't realize how much until she was right there in front of her.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Good. I'm good. How about you? You still …" He hesitated, unsure if he should open that can of worms, but he had to know. "Are you still seeing that one guy?"

"Ross?" she asked.

He wanted to roll his eyes at the sound of such a Socy name, but he didn't.

"No," she said. "That didn't really work out."

"That's too bad," he said, not meaning it and not sounding like he meant it either.

She gave him a look. That look she always gave him when he was joking around, and she didn't think it was funny. He forgot how much he missed that look.

"No, it's not," she said. "I missed you, Two-Bit."

He tried not to let those four words affect him the way they did, but it was too hard to hold it back. He kissed her long and hard, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She seemed surprised until she finally melted against him, and as far as he was concerned, the whole world could crumble apart around him, and he would just keep on kissing her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear. "I was a jerk."

She kissed him again, the sweetest sign of forgiveness.

XXX

Soda sat in Darry's chair with Lizzie in his lap. He knew he had won the little girl over not long after he met her with the way she always wanted him to color with her or play paper dolls with her. It was to his surprise, however, that he enjoyed every minute of it.

A doll sat on her lap at the moment and she was telling him all about her, but he was finding it hard to concentrate. He looked around the room, seeing his friends so happy. Darry hadn't left Allison's side for most of the evening, and now Kathy had shown up to see Two-Bit. That had been a surprise to everyone, he thought, but it was nice to see so many things finally going right for their buddy. He figured Steve would show up before long with Evie at his side. Soda felt bad for being jealous of everyone else's happiness, but he couldn't help it. He missed Sandy every day, and when he thought it should get better, it just got worse.

He wondered where she was now. He wondered if she had kept the baby. Mostly, though, he wondered if the baby was a boy or a girl. He didn't have to wonder if it was his; he knew that for a fact, no matter what she told him.

No matter how lonely he felt without Sandy, he felt lonelier not knowing anything about their baby.

XXX

There wasn't a good excuse that Steve was late to the party, he was just late. He and Evie had been driving around for the last hour doing nothing but just talking. They had talked about everything, including graduation and what came after it. When he pulled up outside of the house, she turned in her seat, eyes bright and her smile wide.

"What if," she asked, "we just do it?"

Steve leaned back against the door, his arm over the seat and asked, "Now? We gotta go in."

She punched him in the chest. "You're a pig. I didn't mean _that. _I mean get married after graduation."

He had already asked her months ago, in the heat of the world falling apart and she had wanted to discuss it later. Apparently, it was later.

"I'm all for it," he said, taking her small hand. But he started thinking about everything that came with a wedding and without his mother around, it made him sad. "You want all the stuff that comes with it?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, the whole deal: The dress, the church, the cake. All that stuff?"

She tossed her dark hair over her shoulder, scooted closer to him and kissed him. Pressing her hands against his cheeks, she said, "I just want it to be us."

It took all of five seconds for Steve to understand what that meant.

"You want to elope?"

"I think that's okay," she said. "We can have the whole reception thing later. That's not what's important."

"My God, you are perfect," he said, giving her a long kiss. Inside, they heard cheering and she backed off. "I guess we should make an appearance."

They walked up to the door clasping hands and he stopped her just before she went in.

"Don't say nothing, okay?" he told her. "Just you and me."

She pretended to zip her lips and they went inside.

XXX

"How come you didn't bring anybody?" Wade asked as Pony poured some more punch into his cup.

He shrugged. "Wasn't anybody to bring, I guess."

"You gotta be kidding me," he replied with a laugh.

"What?"

"Are you blind? Don't tell me you don't see how girls stare at you."

Pony shrugged again. Sometimes he thought it was because they might like him. Most of the time, he figured it was just because of the mess he and Johnny had gotten into.

"There was one girl I thought about asking," he said, "but I found out she was dating somebody else. Glad I found out before I asked her."

"Who was it?"

"A girl named Cathy. We have English together. You know that guy Mark from the bowling alley?"

"Yeah."

"His friend Bryon is dating Cathy, I guess. And Bryon doesn't like me already because of the whole mess with Angela."

"Oh yeah," Wade said. "Angela. She's kind of …"

"Scary?"

Wade nodded.

"Yeah, tell me about it," he said. He felt like he couldn't go anywhere because she still had her eyes on him, arranged marriage or not.

"Thanks for inviting me," Wade said. "A couple guys from the football team invited me to their party, but I heard theirs are kind of wild."

Pony thought about the beer blasts some of the Socs would have. "Yeah, those probably aren't your style."

"This is a lot of fun."

He could only agree. It was nice seeing everybody back together and having a good time when, not so long ago, it seemed like nothing would ever be good in their lives again. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have Johnny there. He even let himself wonder what it would be like if Dallas were there. He figured Dally would drain some fun out of the night, but that didn't change the fact that Pony wished the whole gang were there.

XXX

It was awfully cold outside, but it was quiet too. It was the first bit of quiet she'd had all day, so she stuck it out. Midnight had come and gone, and it was 1968. Ellie ticked off the last few years in her mind, thinking about New Years a year ago and how it was only the beginning of her troubles. It was nice to be so far away from that. It felt like a long time ago.

Inside, everyone was happy. The music was still playing, and she could imagine Darry and Allison, Steve and Evie, and – the biggest surprise of the night – Two-Bit and Kathy, all slow dancing in the living room. It was wonderful, and she was a little jealous, but even if Dally were there, he wouldn't have danced with her. It made her tear up a little as she thought about the letter, that terrible, awful letter that she knew ended anything that might be left between them. It was impossible to go back on what she had said, and she wasn't even sure if she should try. The ball was in Dally's court, and he had to be the one to beg for her to come back. She knew how unlikely that was which made her regret sending it all over again.

The backdoor opened and she turned to see Wade step out, shutting the door behind him.

"I thought I saw you hidin' out here," he said, sitting on the step beside her.

"Yeah," she answered, trying not to look at him because she knew Two-Bit was right.

"How come?"

Ellie shrugged. "Guess I just needed some air."

Chills swept over her and Wade immediately took off his jacket and set it on her shoulders. She accepted it without a word, feeling its warmth and breathing in the smell of the laundry soap it had been washed in.

"Thanks," she finally said, daring to look at him. His water blue eyes looked back into hers, and she read the hope in them. It was innocent hope, and she felt herself getting lost there for a long moment.

"You're welcome," he said. His fingers were drumming nervously on his jeans, and he looked out at the overgrown backyard. "You know, I'm really glad I met you all. You guys seem like such a great bunch of people."

"They're something," she agreed, pulling the jacket tighter around her, the smell and feel unfamiliar but comforting.

"So are you," he said.

Maybe it was his charming ineptitude or the way he had shown up when she was at her loneliest, but something came over her right then. The warmth from his body was still inside his jacket and that warmth traveled through her. Slowly, she leaned closer and kissed him. It was innocent enough, closed and sweet, and when she parted, he tried to follow. The kiss was warm on her lips, passing through her like sparks. Meeting his eyes again, she could tell he felt it too.

He took her hand in his, dropping their intertwined fingers between them on the step. It was bold move for him, she could tell, and in that bold move, she began to panic. She had never planned to kiss him, and she had no idea why she had done it when all she had been able to think about was Dally. She sat there frozen, wishing she could take that kiss back.

"I don't know what to say," he said, giving her hand a squeeze. She let hers go limp and he squeezed again as if trying to put life back into hers. "What's this mean?"

Slowly, she pulled her hand free of his and tucked her arms inside his jacket. She had no answer for him. Instead her mind raced between the kiss and trying to remember the last kiss she had with Dally. The sparks she felt then, the fire under her skin when he touched her the night of the rumble. How could she have written that letter? It would ruin everything.

"I have to go," she said.

Without looking at him, she stood up, shrugging off his jacket. He said her name and she ignored him, unable to get away fast enough. It wasn't until she was around the front of the house that she started to cry, wondering why it was that she never got to kiss the one person she wanted to kiss the most on New Year's.

XXX

Just shy of signing his name, Dally put the pencil down. He studied the letter carefully before crumpling it in the palm of his hand and tossing it into the toilet.

Who was he kidding?

_I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else,  
Man, I ain't changed but I know I ain't the same_

* * *

**A/N: We hope you have enjoyed this story! Thank you so much to everyone who has been following along and especially to those who have taken the time to review. Your thoughts and reactions keep us driven, and we promise to finish this saga. We will keep you posted as to when you can expect the sequel. We love you all! **

**xoxo Kori and Katie**


End file.
